"I didn't want to make it worse."
Several responses came to Fandral at once at that, but all he could really manage to do was turn around and stare at the cosmos for a few moments. After awhile he managed to get out, "Why?"
"Because eventually you'll realize you don't need me and I won't really see you after that," he replied dully, now also staring out at what lay beyond the border of Asgard, his eyes glassy.
Fandral turned to him and placed a hand on his chin, gently guiding it so Loki was looking at him, although his expression did not change. "You can't believe that."
He smiled sadly and glanced away, though he didn't move in a way that might cause Fandral to move his hand, "It's hard to believe you'd rather spend time with me than my brother unless you had to."
Part of Fandral wanted to smack Loki, it was how he was used to handling his other friends when they were being this ridiculous. He knew it was the wrong thing to do, though. He looked over Loki's face for a moment before gingerly placing a kiss on his friend's forehead. He hadn't minded when he'd done that in the healing room, Fandral hoped he wouldn't mind now. "Tell me what I have to do to make you believe that."
A slight smile crept onto Loki's face, as well as a faint blush, "I- I don't know," he looked into his friend's eyes, "Do you really?"
"I do. I still want to spend time with my other friends sometimes…" he admitted quietly before shifting his hand so it was on Loki's cheek and making sure that his friend was looking him in the eyes, "But I am happy that most of my time is spent with you. And it isn't because it has to be, I want it to be that way."
The pale boy closed his eyes and smiled, tilting his head down at that as the blush grew darker. They stayed like that for a few moments, Fandral's hand still on his cheek. After he was relatively certain Loki didn't have anything to say to that, the blond boy quietly said, "Then it was all right that I kissed you, right? You weren't upset?"
The black-haired head jolted up at this question and he frowned as he thought about it, "No, I wasn't upset. I was just caught off guard," he glanced away, "But… I don't think I felt whatever people are supposed to feel when they kiss."
"What do you mean?"
"Like I said… I've never wanted to kiss you or… anything else," he said nervously, "I didn't mind it, but I don't desire it."
Fandral sighed, the hand slipping from the boy's cheek for a moment. When he saw his friend flinch slightly at that he quickly placed it on his shoulder with a sad smile. "I guess you don't really have a crush on me, then."
"I feel like I do, though," Loki replied quietly, placing his hand over Fandral's. "If kissing makes you happy, then I would like it for that, and because you generally have to be close to kiss. I just don't want to kiss you for the sake of it…" he glanced up uncertainly, "Does that make sense?"
"It makes sense... I understand what you're saying, that is. I just haven't heard of something like that," he replied quietly, not sure how to feel. Did that happen? Could that even work? Was it really a kiss if one of the people didn't truly want it and just did it to make the other happy? And when it came to other things, what would happen then?
This string of thoughts was broken when he felt a pair of lips gently touching his cheek. Fandral looked at Loki in surprise as his friend leaned back and looked at him nervously. He touched a hand to his cheek and couldn't help but smile and blush. He looked at the other boy in confusion, "Why did you do that?"
"To see your reaction," he replied with a smile before kissing the other cheek. "That's what I want, Fandral, to see you smile like that and know it's because of me."
"When you put it that way…" he said quietly, grinning like a fool despite himself. He managed to hide it for long enough to say, "Are you certain you're okay with it?"
A verbal answer often suffices, but sometimes it just doesn't get the point across. This was one of these times. Somewhat nervously, Loki pressed his lip to Fandral's, smiling at the feel of his friend's facial hair. Fandral decided to accept this answer and closed his eyes happily for a moment before breaking away.
"I think… there will be a lot we'll have to work out," he said gently, moving his hand slightly so his thumb could caress Loki's chin.
"I know…" he looked down at that, "Are you sure you want to?"
Fandral gently tugged his friend over and pulled him into a somewhat awkward hug, it is difficult to hug someone properly when you're sitting next to each other. Loki returned it as hesitantly as always, before burying his head in the crook of Fandral's neck with a smile. The blond chuckled, "There is nothing I would like more."
After a moment of that, he decided to add, "We still need to do your training, you know."
Loki groaned into his shoulder before pulling away and nodding reluctantly, "We should probably get to that."
"Do you still hate it that much?" Fandral asked with a slight sigh. He wasn't foolish enough to expect that to change, but it would be nice if it had.
It didn't really need to, though, while Loki still made a fuss every now and then it was mostly out of habit and while he was doing what he needed to do. Fandral was actually very surprised with how compliant his friend had been, even before he'd been able to stop taking Tyr's class. The only change that had brought was that Loki was more willing to open up to Fandral, it didn't really effect his willingness to let Fandral teach him how to fight.
Loki had not answered, which was answer enough, and after a few moments the blond looked away with a frown, "Do you have any idea what your father expects you to learn in a month? You're making great progress, but there's only so much anyone can learn in that time…"
The pale boy laughed hollowly, shaking his head, "I have given up trying to figure out, much less meet, my father's expectations. He seems to always set them higher than I can manage."
"I hope that he'll let Tyr be the judge, then," he said quietly, "If he saw what you've learned already he'd probably be convinced."
"I hope that's the case as well," Loki agreed. He looked away sadly for a moment. While he didn't want to let his father down, he was more or less used to it. The thought of letting Fandral down, after he'd gone to so much trouble to arrange this, was something he did not look forward to doing.
He stood up with a sigh, "We should go, then."
Fandral simply nodded, smiling somewhat sadly at him as he stood up as well. He took hold of Loki's hand and squeezed it gently, "We can do it, I'm certain of it."
The trickster squeezed back before letting go, "I hope you're right."
That day's training session was not quite as awkward as it could have been, which isn't to say that it wasn't at all. Considering what preceded it, how could it not have been? However, their mutual desire to keep Loki from having to be put back in Tyr's class was enough to keep them more or less focused.
More than they could have been, but less than they needed to be.
As was now their habit, they both spent some time afterwards relaxing on Loki's bed. As was likely to become a habit, after about 15 minutes of them just lying there, recovering from the workout, the trickster glanced over at his friend, or whatever they were now, and cautiously snuggled up to him. With a smile, Fandral gently looped his arm around him and placed a hand on his head, nestling his fingers in the black hair.
"Loki?" the blond said gently after a few moments of this.
"Mm?"
Fandral shifted slightly so that they could see each other's faces better before he went on, "Promise me that you'll tell me if you don't want to do something- even if you don't want to kiss me at some point."
The trickster chuckled, "If you tried to do something I didn't want to you- I do have an assortment of spells that would stop you."
"I'm being serious," he said quietly.
"I know," he looked down slightly, this wasn't something he wanted to think about now. "I'll do my best…"
"I can't ask for more than that," Fandral said with a sigh, gently kissing the top of Loki's head, "I won't be upset with you if you do."
"Just disappointed."
The blond wanted to argue but he knew that Loki was right. It didn't change his stance, though. "I'd rather be disappointed."
Loki couldn't help but smile, even if he didn't fully believe it. It was easy to say now. Later, when it was actually happening, that might change. He sighed gently, "Are you certain this is what you want? You could find someone easier to be with."
Fandral rolled his eyes at the question. He couldn't help but wonder how many times they'd end up having this conversation. "If I wanted that- I would have done it by now," he said quietly, running his hand through Loki's hair, "I don't expect you to believe me right now but, yes, I am certain."
It didn't convince him fully, but it was nice to hear nonetheless. There were a few moments of comfortable silence before Loki sat up and looked away, "Ah… I don't really want to tell anyone about this. Not right now at least."
"I didn't think you would," he replied with a smirk. It really went without question, it would've been a shock if Loki had wanted to tell people. Although, in truth, Fandral was grateful for this. He wasn't sure how his friends, particularly Thor, would react. He wasn't sure if he wanted to find out.
Even though his friends' opinions mattered a great deal to him, he had not been so foolish as to agree to this if he would end it the second they disagreed with it. That wasn't a concern. Right now he just wanted to be happy about this. The only disapproval or concerns that mattered were his own and Loki's.
And, though he did not want to admit this to himself, he couldn't help but worry that Loki might change his mind about this. If that happened, he would rather have the chance to get over it privately. Telling people would make that a bit impossible.
"You don't mind?"
Fandral sat up at that and wrapped his arms around the boy. "Not a bit," he replied, punctuating the statement by placing a gentle kiss on his cheek.
