Chapter 11: Jar of Hearts

The Warblers were upset about losing regionals, but Blaine overall had never felt better. Maybe it was the lack of pressure of having to live up to expectations now they don't have to perform, but Blaine was sure it came from gaining Kurt. Their relationship didn't change much, they had already become close as friends; the only additions were just hand holding and fleeting kisses. Blaine was so happy to have Kurt as his boyfriend, to be able to see him in class and even after school. There were less practises and now Blaine had another distraction to prevent the voice winning. But then, Kurt invited him to McKinley's Night of Neglect and Blaine saw that Kurt wasn't entirely happy.

They had moved through the school side by side and Blaine noted the longing expression on Kurt's face. He saw Kurt's eyes glance to a locker as they passed it and he noticed how Kurt walked so confidently down the halls, the layout still imprinted on his mind. Kurt led him to the choir room where they met with Kurt's old glee friends to wish them luck. Blaine kept a smile on his face but it broke his heart to see how much Kurt needed this group. The Warblers all liked Kurt but the chemistry was different here, the group was founded on people who weren't accepted anywhere else and there was a link that couldn't be broken. He bit his lip as they left to take their seats, not sure how to bring it up… if he wanted to bring it up. He wasn't sure how well he could be if Kurt returned to McKinley. He wouldn't have Kurt to distract him whilst he ate so he didn't focus on the calories he was digesting. He wouldn't have Kurt's soothing words when he felt on the verge of purging when something slipped. It was selfish, he knew that, but that didn't stop him from thinking it.

What made matters worse were the jeering of some of the other audience members. Those comments he had heard himself, that feeling of being publicly humiliated and he just sat there, unable to find the words he wanted to shout out. He shifted slightly in his chair and during a brief pause, he led Kurt out towards the choir room, but walked slowly. "You miss it… don't you?" he asked, the words coming out shaky and without warning. Kurt nodded slowly,
"I miss them… sure I like being safe at Dalton… but I miss my friends." he said, quietly. Blaine bit his lip. He hadn't had friends until Dalton, so the idea was foreign to him. He nodded,
"That's… understandable," Blaine said, his words sounding hollow because he knew it was understandable but he didn't understand it himself. Kurt looked to him and took his hand,
"Blaine… what's bothering you?" he whispered, squeezing his hand. Blaine always felt like he was see through, Kurt always just knew. Kurt's eyes were concerned, the look almost intense and Blaine tore his eyes away as he tried to find the words,
"I just… I don't want to lose you." Blaine felt the tears build up and he cursed himself inwardly. Why did he always have to sound so dramatic? And so hopeless. Kurt gave him a small smile and kissed his lips softly,
"You won't lose me," Kurt whispered, his tone light but his face serious, "Whatever happens." Blaine nodded, letting some tears fall before he wiped them away furiously.
"I'm sorry for being stupid," Blaine murmured, "It's a bit pathetic." Kurt sighed,
"No, Blaine… it's not. I want you to be able to talk to me… whether you think its stupid or pathetic… I'm here to listen and help you feel better." he kissed his cheek, "It's what boyfriends do."

There was still a problem, Blaine didn't want Kurt back in a place where he could get hurt. After McKinley's Night of Neglect, Blaine suffered several nightmares. His nights were plagued with images of his own Sadie Hawkins night, but it was Kurt in his place and Karofsky in the place of the bullies. One night he had a dream of the hospital, of a graveyard and he just couldn't let Kurt go – not until he knew it was safe. He made sure to let Mercedes and Tina know so when the four met for coffee. "I'd be okay with him joining you again… if it weren't for Karofsky." He knew the lack of sleep was probably evident in his face but he kept his expression relaxed and nonchalant as he spoke. Kurt quickly tried to change the subject, Blaine knew Kurt understood – but that didn't mean he was happy about it. Blaine stroked his knee gently to assure him, kissing his cheek. He wanted things to be better for Kurt, so he was going to try.

It turned out that he didn't have to. He was sat in home room just doing some last minute alterations to his homework when Kurt moved into the room. "Hey, you… you look happy," Blaine said with a smile. It had been a while since he had seen that smile on Kurt's face and Kurt chuckled, moving into the seat next to him and he kissed his cheek,
"I went to a meeting at McKinley… Karofsky has started this anti-bullying club with Santana…" he said, softly. Blaine frowned,
"He… what?" Kurt shrugged,
"I think Santana has made some deal with him so I can go back and feel safe." Kurt explained softly. Blaine watched him, aware that Kurt looked hesitant,
"So…" Blaine started, already knowing what was going to come out of his mouth. Kurt sighed,
"I want to go back… I just need to know… if you're okay…" he started but Blaine put a finger over his lips,
"Kurt… it's okay. You can go." Blaine smiled softly, trying to assure him. Kurt nodded and smiled,
"Thank you."

Keeping the rehearsal from Kurt was hard, it was during a free period. Blaine had told Kurt he had a lot of homework to catch up on but instead the Warblers rehearsed Somewhere Only We Know. It was hard, they cycled through it again and again. Blaine felt each run through was a reminder of what was going to happen. It was ridiculous, they would hang out every day after school and during the weekends anyway… but the thought of saying goodbye to Kurt terrified him. He powered through, and when Kurt's transfer was set, they were ready.

Wes drove the Warblers down during their lunch hour, all of the warblers practising their scales on the way as Blaine looked out the window. Kurt had been so excited when he saw him the evening before, noon marking when his transfer was official. Mercedes knew to expect them, and sure enough, he heard their cue as they walked into the school grounds. Blaine had been there several times, but it seemed a lot harder this time. All those people, so like the people he had gone to school with before Dalton… and knowing why he was here wasn't easy either. He could see Kurt, looking fabulous and just happier in himself. He took a deep breath as he moved down the stairs towards him,
"Kurt… Dalton is really going to miss you. You were an amazing addition to the Warblers but… we understand this is something you need to and want to do… I will get to see you after school and at weekends but these guys wont… and they wanted to say goodbye…" he took another breath, hearing the rest of the warblers begin before he began to sing. The words tugged at his heart strings, and it was hard for him not to break down into tears. He focussed, though, on making Kurt smile, making Kurt see that he was welcome and appreciated. He went as far as to play the piano whilst he sang, pouring his emotions into each key as everyone took turns in hugging his boyfriend. His time was coming close.

When he finally got to hold Kurt, Kurt held just as tightly back. Blaine took some comfort in that Kurt was as upset as he was. Maybe he wasn't being pathetic, it was only natural to be upset. And then Kurt whispered something in his ear that made the tears fall. "I'll never say goodbye to you." Blaine squeezed him tighter before he pulled away and walked back with the other Warblers. He barely left the stands when he glanced back and he saw all those people around Kurt and he just smiled. He knew he had down the right thing… no matter how hard it was going to be to get through the day without his support.

The first day without Kurt at school dragged by, between each class he found himself looking for his boyfriend in the crowded hallways. He wished for him to be there at lunch but he found himself sat alone to the side. The Warblers had already sat down, but Blaine didn't feel like joining them, his eyes down as he slowly ate his food. Just as the voices were starting to creep up -
"He left because he couldn't stand you. You have been gaining, getting annoying and clingy. Who could ever love you?" - his phone had started to ring. Blaine took the phone out of his pocket, seeing Kurt's name flash up and he smiled, answering it,
"Hey stranger…" he said, softly, "How's your first day?" he asked. Kurt chuckled,
"Oh it's going great… this week the Glee Club are doing about acceptance and we're going to sing Born this Way!" his voice seemed so carefree, so excited. Blaine found it hard not to smile to himself,
"That sounds great, Kurt." He said, his voice warm. Kurt seemed to hesitate,
"How's lunch?" Kurt asked, gently, "Got anything exciting?" Blaine checked his food,
"Just a sandwich and a chocolate bar. Cooper forgot to go shopping this week." He said, "It's okay… I've almost finished the sandwich." He scrunched his nose up as he realised how stupid that sounded.
"That's good… I was thinking of taking you to Breadstix for dinner tonight." Kurt suggested and Blaine couldn't help but release a chuckle,
"You know how to treat a man." He said and Kurt laughed gently,
"I know how to treat you, anyway." That phone call got Blaine through the day, and then the dinner afterwards really helped him.

It was just a matter of a day at a time and slowly Blaine felt a bit better about everything. Kurt was a lot happier and that made Blaine feel less like chore and a hindrance. Every lunchtime he would get a call, Kurt mainly just talking to him to distract him. He didn't have to stare at his food and debate which order and how much to eat as his body took over upon instinct. His recovery was slowly gaining some kind of pace, but the therapy sessions continued, the weekly weighings and diet checks as well. Blaine wasn't gaining weight fast enough, his therapists were worried he was withholding information. He admitted to skipping breakfast some days, but it wasn't like it was before. He didn't want to be taken to any clinic, he felt better than ever but they still felt he had a lot of problems. He wasn't sure why it was so hard to put on the weight they expected for him, but once he thought about it, he was travelling a lot. He and Kurt went on walks and danced together. They decided to up his portion sizes to accommodate but it made things worse.

When he saw his new portion sizes, he could feel his stomach swelling just at the sight of it. There was no way he could eat that, no matter how much he tried to tell himself that he shouldn't question the experts… "This is far too much." Blaine announced, unable to hold it in. He was terrified at the prospect, already he felt a little uncomfortable with how much tighter his clothes seemed to be getting.
"Blaine, this is the recommended portion for a boy your age-" the dietician started,
"No… this is insane, I can't eat that." Blaine said, wishing he had brought Kurt with him to this meeting instead of tried to go it alone. The dietician sighed,
"You're still underweight, you may be feeling better now but… you still need to eat more." She insisted,
"I'm not ready and you can't make me." Blaine's voice was firm and he stood up and left the room.

That night, he met up with Kurt in Breadstix. He was happy to get out of the house and it not to be for school or his appointments. As soon as he saw Kurt, he felt a weight was being lifted from him but then he could see that this wasn't just any normal meeting. He had barely sat down when he was asked to give Kurt his hand. For one scary second then, Blaine thought Kurt was going to propose to him, especially when he started talking,
"Blaine Warbler… Will you… go to junior prom with me?" he asked. Blaine felt his stomach drop and he swallowed,
"Wow prom…" he breathed, gazing at Kurt. He blinked and he felt a flash of a punch and he swallowed thickly, "Prom…" Kurt frowned,
"What about prom?" he asked carefully. Blaine took in a sharp breath, feeling his hands tremble and he tried to relax himself,
"At… at my old school… there was a Sadie Hawkins dance…" he started, his eyes unable to look up into Kurt's eyes. Kurt squeezed his hand and waited for Blaine to talk, "I had… just come out… I asked the only other gay guy at school to come with me and… it seemed to go well but when we were waiting to get picked up…" he stopped, squeezing his eyes shut as he relived the events, "T-they… beat the living crap out of us…" Kurt shifted in his chair,
"I… I'm so sorry…" Blaine nodded,
"I was in the hospital for weeks… and… I still have…" he started but Kurt stopped him,
"Blaine. We don't have to go to prom. We could go see a movie instead…" he said and Blaine gave a small smile,
"I… I'll do it…" he whispered, "I'll go to prom with you."

Darkness. The lights had already started turning out and Blaine was stood beside Jamie, huddled for extra warmth. "I think that went well… no one poured pigs blood on us." Jamie had said with a little chuckle and Blaine nodded, relieved.
"When is your dad supposed to get here?" he asked, starting to shiver. Jamie checked his watch,
"He shouldn't be much longer." He said, giving Blaine a small smile and Blaine nodded, moving on the spot to keep himself warm.
"So… you pansies think you can ruin the dance? It's supposed to be girls asking the guys." Came an all too familiar voice. Jake, a football player known for owning the hallways of the school. "We wanted to enjoy the dance, not have to see you guys being disgusting." Neither Blaine nor Jamie got a chance to retaliate before the first punch was thrown. And the second punch… Blaine lost consciousness before they were done.

"Are you okay?" came Kurt's voice and Blaine was brought back. They were standing in the dance hall, watching all the other couples dance and Blaine took a deep breath,
"I'm fine…" he smiled and led him onto the dance floor and brought him close, "Just… some skeletons in my closet, you know?" he said, softly and Kurt nodded,
"I won't let anyone hurt us or what we have." He whispered and Blaine smiled, he didn't doubt him one bit. Even when the juniors voted for Kurt as prom queen, Blaine was shown what it was truly like to be brave. Being brave didn't mean it wasn't scary, it didn't mean they weren't able to get hurt… it meant overcoming the hurt and as he watched Kurt go onto that stage and accept his crown, he couldn't help but feel that maybe, everything was going to be okay.