Author's Note:
As always I'm am amazed and honored by your reviews! Thank you so, so very much!!!
So, here is part two of Bella's night. I hope this answers some of your questions.
I know I haven't responded to reviews like I did at the beginning, but I am reading every one and keeping a list of your questions so I can make sure I try to answer them as the story goes on. I've officially had enough of working in safe mode!!! The computer is going into the shop today. I will log on occasionally through borrowed computers, but more importantly for you, I will write by hand as I wait for it to come back.
Please leave reviews so I can know what you think when I log in on borrowed computers! I'm curious to hear your responses for this chapter.
Bella stepped away from my embrace, running her fingers down my arm, and setting her hand to rest in mine. "Come on," she tugged and I moved willingly.
"So what happened next?" I asked as we walked slowly in the direction of the house. Normally I would have hated moving at a human's pace and we were walking even slower now, but surprisingly it didn't bother me. Our fingers were laced together keeping us connected as we walked.
"Everything was just so different after the battle. I was so relieved and so guilty all at the same time."
"Typical Bella, always taking the world on her shoulders."
"I do seem to have that affliction, don't I?" She flashed a smile at me. "No one was injured that night, but everything seemed to change."
"Like what?"
"I kissed Jake that night before the fight broke out."
I couldn't help the grimace from forming on my face as my lips curled up. "You do realize that is disgusting, don't you?"
"Like I have haven't kissed a vampire before? They are both mythical and dangerous creatures."
"Yes, but seriously Bella, a dog? Did you really have to sample the doggy breath?"
"Hush!" She snarled and I actually laughed.
"Sorry, sorry. I'll be good. Go ahead."
"Anyways," she continued, stressing the word out of irritation to me. "I knew Jake was into me, and there was a part of me that desired the lightness and honesty he brought into my life. But, I loved Edward. I loved his world, his presence. I loved the family. I couldn't choose between the two of them easily and that should have been a warning for me that things weren't meant to be. Love shouldn't be hard."
"No, it shouldn't." I flashed back to the years I had with Alice. I loved her deeply but constantly fought my nature to keep her happy.
"But I chose that night, I chose Edward. It killed Jake and he was absolutely furious."
"Fury and a new wolf don't exactly make a good mix."
"Not really. And Edward being Edward, he forbids me to see Jacob again. I knew if I could just see Jake, talk to him, and persuade him that I was happy, he would relax. But, the more Edward kept me from him, the angrier he became. And Alice with her damn visions! I hate those things."
"It's not like she gets them when they matter," I mumbled and Bella smirked. "What did the pixie do?" I asked.
"You remember I told you Alice's visions got fuzzy when the wolves were involved?" I nodded my head and she continued. "Every time I would decide to see Jake, I disappeared from Alice's visions; Edward would always find out and we would argue. One night, I was at home and Jake and I had an argument on the phone because, once again, Edward had forbidden me to go to La Push. Jake was furious when he hung up on me."
She stole a glance at me but I remained silent, letting her tell her story at her own pace. "He phased and took off to come and see me. He just wanted to talk. Of course, I didn't know that at the time. All I knew was that one moment I was sitting in my room, ready for bed, and the next moment, I was on Edward's back and we were flying through the night. I asked him why he was there and he said he missed me and wanted to see me. I didn't know how much a lie that was at the time.
"Jake burst into the house and tore up to my room," her voice quickly got quieter, and I could hear the emotion laced in every word. As had become normal over the past two day, I ached to sample her emotions and see what she was really feeling. I knew she was being honest with her story but I just felt a need to feel what she was feeling. But, as had also been the norm for the past five years, I refused. "He just wanted to talk to me," she kept going, "but Edward wouldn't give him that chance."
"He loved you."
"Loving someone doesn't give you the right to control them!"
"You won't find me disagreeing with that, Bella."
"Everything would have turned out so different if Alice simply wouldn't have meddled in my life with her damn visions."
"What happened?"
She stopped talking and leaned against a tree, her head down. "I don't know the details," she whispered, "but it was horrific. I don't think I've ever actually seen that much blood."
In that moment, the light went out in her eyes. "Charlie," I quickly surmised.
"Mm hm," she replied, not looking at me, her eyes focused on the ground. "Jacob never meant to hurt him; he never meant to hurt anyone. All he wanted to do was see me, talk to me, but your damned, arrogant ass of a brother wouldn't give him the chance."
"You realize that could have been you, right?"
She shook her head no. "He wouldn't have hurt me. If I had been there, if Edward hadn't taken me away, I would have been able to talk to him. He was so angry when he realized he missed me by just a few moments. All I know is that Charlie came up the stairs to see what the commotion was," she paused.
"And, he killed him," I finished for her, positive she was headed in that direction.
"No. Jake didn't kill Charlie." I looked at her surprised. "He mauled him, and Charlie ended up in the hospital, but he didn't kill him."
"Did you walk in on them?"
"No. I found out later, much later."
"But if Edward hadn't gotten that far, surely he would have heard Charlie screaming." I knew Bella may not have heard everything, but Edward certainly would have. It didn't make any sense to me as to why he wouldn't go back.
"He heard him."
"And the son of a bitch was so insecure that he wouldn't go back?"
"Couldn't, Jasper. We couldn't go back. We were detained by an old acquaintance of yours."
Fuck. So, this was how she truly met Maria. I couldn't help but want to shoulder my responsibility in all of this. Surely Maria had known I was in Forks, close to the Cullens. "What did she do?" I asked.
Bella sighed and picked up a branch off the ground, slowly tearing pieces of the leaves off and watching them as they fell to the ground. "Nothing at first. She confronted us, Edward and I. Before long, Alice was there as well. Maria admitted to her part in working with Victoria and said she came to Forks to find out what happened to her and to see you. Alice informed her you were gone for the moment but she said she already realized that. Maria was actually headed away from Forks when she caught my scent mixed with Edwards."
"The unattainable, Maria always did desire that."
"So I gathered. But with both Alice and Edward there to protect me, and with the knowledge that the rest of the family was on its way, she chose to leave. She said she had no quarrel with the Cullens, or with me, and she left."
"Just like that?"
"Just like that. She didn't really want to be there in Forks. Once Alice convinced her you were gone, she wanted to leave. She didn't get far though."
"What do you mean?"
"Jake's pack came after him. I'm not sure if you know this, but when they are in wolf form, their thoughts flow between each other."
"They can read each others' minds?" That had to be fucking irritating. I lived with one mind reader and could not imagine living with a whole pack of them.
"Only when they are phased. That's how they knew about Charlie. Jake's mind was screaming at them as he realized what he'd done and they were trying to get to both of them. But, as they got closer to the house, they caught our scent."
"And Maria's."
"Yes. She's actually the one that drew them in. The pack split and the stronger ones went to the house, assuming they would have a harder time with Jake and Charlie. Even now, I wish I could make them go back and change that decision."
Silence spanned the distance between us. I knew she wasn't finished just as I knew there was no need to ask any questions. I knew she would finish when she was ready and after a few moments she took a breath and I saw her decision to continue before she spoke. "She killed Quil."
"Who?"
"Quil was one of the newest wolves in the pack. He was so young Jasper, still naïve enough to be excited about becoming a wolf. And, he was such a good friend to me through everything with Edward and Jacob."
"Did he attack her?"
"No. He knew enough to go cautiously. But, she realized he was there and didn't give him a chance. Edward and I got to their location in time for me to watch the bitch destroy him.
"I was devastated, Jasper. He didn't ask to be a wolf; all he did was try and protect me. God Jasper! She didn't just kill him, she completely mutilated him; it was as if she enjoyed every moment."
I didn't have to be there to know the answer to that rhetorical statement. Maria loved killing, the more violent, the better. "She did," I replied simply.
"I know that now."
"What happened to Charlie, Bella?" At my mention of his name she resumed her shredding of the leaves on the branch. In the only way I knew how to calm her, I closed the distance between us, taking the branch from her and tossed it to the ground. I wound my fingers around hers to still her hands. As she looked into my eyes I could see the devastation and grief swirling in the pools of unshed tears.
Before I could even stop her, she slid down the tree, ignoring the pain I knew her side was still in as she drew her knees up and rested her chin on the top of them. "He lost so much blood. By the time he arrived at the emergency room, they knew they would have to give him a blood transfusion. No one could have predicted what happened to him. "
"What was that?" I knelt down in front of her, trying desperately to keep myself from grabbing onto her and holding her in my arms. For the first time since I had returned to Houston, she looked tired and fragile.
"He had an allergic reaction. A fucking allergic reaction to blood. Isn't that just fucking ironic?" She spat the words, but I saw no anger in her eyes, only loneliness. "The idea was so preposterous I was sure the doctors were making it up to cover a mistake. But when I saw the swelling around his blue lips, I knew they weren't."
"Bella," I whispered, but she forged on, too lost in her story to hear me.
"But I was oblivious. I was standing in a field, fighting with Edward over Jacob again, watching a friend of mine be torn to shreds by that bitch you call a maker and never even knew what was happening." She closed her eyes, trying to keep the tears from falling, but a second later there were too many. "I didn't even get to say goodbye. Charlie was dead before anyone even told me what happened." The tears spilled over leaving trails down her cheeks.
"Oh Darlin," I whispered, no longer able to keep myself from holding her. I kept telling myself I just needed her to be calm so she could finish her story and get to the part that led her here. But, the reality was, I just wanted to hold her. So I did. I sat down beside her, my arm going around her waist as she leaned into me. I don't know how long we sat there, 5 minutes, 10? All I knew was that I was calming her, actually calming her, soothing her without using any sort of power at all. It was fucking amazing.
"I'm sorry," she sniffed a while later.
"For what, darlin?"
"I haven't cried about that since the day I buried Charlie." Her answer was simple, but it cut me to the core.
"You can't grieve for someone in one day, Bella. Didn't anyone help? Jake? Edward? The family?"
"What could they do, Jasper? Jake was torn up. He still blames himself for what happened. Edward tried to get me to move in with the family but I couldn't be around him or Alice. I hated them for what happened that night. Part of me still does."
"That's understandable."
"Is it? Because Edward and Alice didn't seem to think so. They went on and on about how life happens, and how at least Charlie was spared from having to watch his daughter eventually die."
"Mother fucking selfish bastards," I muttered quietly, but once again, she caught me.
"I couldn't agree more. I was so angry at Alice for not minding her own damn business and not staying out of my future. Then, there was Edward who refused to let me make a decision for myself. Because of them, I was out of the house when Jake showed up. Because of them, a friend was viciously killed by Maria. Because of them, I was away from my father when he died. And they just sat there and tried to convince me it was for the best.
"I yelled, and ranted and raved but all I really wanted was for someone who loved me to hold me and just let me cry. No one did Jasper."
"Some would say we aren't wired that way."
"But you did. You sat here and held me allowing the tears to fall that should have been spilled years ago." She whispered, pulling herself closer against my side, her cheek resting on my chest.
I couldn't respond to that. It just seemed like the right thing to do; instead I chose to let it go. "Is that when you left?"
She nodded her head, causing friction where her cheek rubbed up and down on my chest. I trembled underneath her touch. "I couldn't stay with them anymore, not after that. There were so many promises broken, so much anger. Edward couldn't understand. He showed up as I packed the few things from my room I wanted to take. Alice had seen a vision of me leaving and he came to try and stop me. I couldn't even get him to understand that very reaction from both of them, her visions and his reaction to them, was what caused me to leave in the first place.
"He tried to follow me but I stopped him at my truck. I told him if he loved me, like he claimed he did, then he had to let me go. No more visions from Alice, no more interference from him. I reminded him he had once asked me to try to move on and forget him, live life as a human. That life is what I chose that day."
I gave her a small hug and bit back a smile. "Yeah, huh, how's that 'normal human' thing working out for you?"
She laughed at the sarcasm in my voice and pulled herself away from me, looking at me expectantly. "What can I say, Jazzy? Normal doesn't do it for me."
"Jazzy? Are you serious?" Visions of an annoying pixie filtered through my mind.
"Not really. I rank that up there with mate, but it was hysterical to watch the look on your face."
"You think you're funny, don't you?"
"You have no idea." She stood, dusting the leaves and grass from her pants and reached her hand out towards mine. "Come on Jasper. We're about halfway home and I know there is still more you want to hear."
"Are you sure?" For the first time, I wasn't sure if I was ready for her to continue. Something felt so right about us spending time together like this and I knew what would happen when I had the information I needed. But she nodded and I took her hand, letting her appear to pull me off the ground.
"I left and spent a few months with my Mom and Phil in Arizona. It was wonderful being back in the heat and sunshine. I spent almost every moment possible out in the sun. When Phil and Mom left to go back on the road, I left to and headed to Texas."
"I have to say, I can't say I ever pictured you here."
"I know, but it's wonderful isn't it? I love it here. Although, I didn't spend much time in the Houston area at first. I enrolled in college, as everyone wanted me to."
"Where at?"
"Texas A&M."
"Bella as an Aggie, huh?" She grinned as I picked up her hand. "I don't see the infamous Aggie ring though. I thought you guys never took that thing off."
She sighed and laced her fingers with mine again as we continued strolling. "I didn't get to finish. After almost a year, I left. Do you know anything about the Dixie Chicken?"
"I lived in Texas for quite some time, Bella. I'm pretty sure I know more about the Dixie Chicken then you do." She flashed me a grin.
"I forgot about that for a minute. Okay, so you know, famous College Station landmark, wonderful atmosphere, great place to play bones and have a beer."
"I don't know about the last one."
"So, no beer for you. But, definitely a place to play bones."
"Yes, but what does this have to do with why you left?"
She took a deep breath and I could feel her fingers tighten in stressful anticipation. "You know the alley beside The Chicken?"
"Bottle cap alley?"
"Mm hm. That's the second time I met Maria."
I whipped my head up to look at her in astonishment. She said it so matter of factly, with almost no emotion and that bothered me.
A small half smile graced her face a moment later though. "That was my reaction Jasper. At first I thought I was seeing things, projecting my past to the present. But a moment later my world came crashing down and I knew it was real. She recognized me of course, although I'm not sure if it was me or my scent, and she called out to me, taunting me with memories of Quil. I should have left, I knew that. But, I couldn't. Phil came to find me."
"Phil?"
"He and Renee came to visit me that weekend," she whispered again. "He thought she was a friend of mine and when he reached out to shake her hand she grabbed him. Phil was drained in under two minutes. She tried to goad me into attacking her, although I'm not sure why. I couldn't seem to move; it was as if I was frozen in fear. Renee showed up next. I tried to scream, Jasper, I swear I did. But, nothing came out."
"I know, Bella." And I did. I had seen Maria taunt humans into total submission. It was not mind-control, it was not dazzling, it was just Maria.
"When she reached for Renee I made a split second decision. I refused to watch my mother die. So, I ran."
"You saved your life Bella."
"Did I? What kind of life is this? I have no family, no one. I don't even have a world where I belong. I exist Jasper, just exist. I have no connections."
"You have me." I had no fucking idea where that came from but before I could even think of censoring the words, they were out there.
"For now," she whispered lacing her arms around my neck drawing me into a hug.
"For now," I echoed, closing my arms around her as well. Her body pressed completely against mine for the second time tonight and the sensations, fire and ice, were sublime. She didn't feel fragile in my arms, I had no fear of hurting her, and I wasn't one hundred percent sure that it had anything to do with my control. "Is this why you are so hell bent on destroying Maria?" I murmured into her hair, the scent flooding my senses.
She leaned back. "I hate her, Jasper, more than any other person, dead or undead, I've ever met. She's vicious and is the epitome of a soul-less monster. I don't know how but I will make sure she is destroyed."
"I'll help, Darlin. I promise." I drew her close to me and closed my eyes as I pressed my lips against her forehead before pulling back. "Tell me what you know, Bella."
"That night, I promised myself I'd never be that weak, frozen girl again. I had a sudden unquenchable thirst for knowledge of anything related to vampires. I watched any movie or show, read any book or article, no matter how far fetched it seemed. The one thing I learned from Edward was that most myths are ground in fact of some kind.
Phil left me everything he and Mom had which was more than I thought possible. Once I got the money, I went abroad. My research led me to Europe, Egypt, Iran, Italy, Greece, and Africa."
"Damn, Bella. And I thought I was a world traveler."
"I wasn't there to enjoy traveling, Jasper. I was there on a mission. I spent so much time meeting with anyone who would talk to me, listening to any and every story I could, poring through museums and ancient sites. Every place was so helpful but my two favorites have to be Italy and Africa."
"Why?"
"People don't shy away from the supernatural in either of those places and they are so helpful. I avoided entering Volterra altogether, knowing I was risking enough by even being near there as a human. But, I couldn't help it. That is where I got my baby. I was shopping in a market near Volterra and there were so many people around and it was easy to get jostled. For a moment, somebody grabbed my hand but by the time I got it loose and looked around, no one was there. Several minutes later I was standing at an outdoor vendor cart and The Ronin appeared."
I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion. "The Ronin?"
"The Ronin Vampiric, my weapon of choice. The cart vendor seemed surprised to see it there and could not even tell me where it came from, but I was drawn to it and felt like I had to have it. I bought it that day in Italy, but didn't learn the true meaning of it until I went to Africa. That place is surprisingly beautiful."
"I was there recently." Again, the filter on my brain didn't seem to be working and things I didn't want her to know slipped out.
"In Africa? What for."
"Aro." She nodded her head in understanding and did not press for any further information. It was refreshing and a definite relief to be with someone who didn't know absolute everything but didn't seem to mind not knowing.
"I spent almost a year there, living in several small villages. There were two men who were the spiritual leaders of their tribal communities. What they know absolutely amazes me; they have seen things, done things, experienced things that most people would never dream of. Anaysinti was one who explained to me the power of the weapon I had purchased in Italy. Anay trained me how to wield it in the ways to inflict the most damage, and he taught me the power of it. He had never seen one, just heard the tales, and is still not quite sure how it came into my possession. According to him, The Ronin is not exactly something that would be lying around in a store, much less on a cart. Apparently, men and vampires alike have killed to get their hands on this mythical weapon."
"Are you telling me that you have a weapon in your house, and you have been brandishing it all over town, that people are willing to kill to get?"
"Yes." She was so calm and I had no idea why. Did she not realize how idiotically stupid that was. But I wasn't going to be the one to lecture her; if she wanted to take chances like that with her life, who was I to stop her? Bella just stared expectantly at me as if she was waiting for something. "What?" I practically growled out.
"No lecture? By now, someone is usually sermonizing to me on the stupidity of my decisions."
"I'm not Edward, Bella."
"No, you certainly are not," she murmured, looking down at our laced fingers. "I know keeping The Ronin is a risk, but it is one I'm willing to take. I'm a human in a supernatural war, Japser, a war I never asked to be in and I'm fighting it alone. I have to use any and all means necessary to stay alive. The day I lose my upper hand is the day that I die."
This entire situation was more unbelievable than I could ever imagine. I wanted to hold her, to tell her that she wasn't alone, but that would be a lie. I wasn't here for her, I was here for Aro and I would be leaving soon. But being here now, walking with her in the moonlight, seeing the vulnerability in her body, the tiredness in her eyes made me want to break. I had lived my human life so empathetic to others' situations and emotions, always wanting to solve the problems they faced. As a vampire that desire simply grew. Now I felt that need rise and battle with the order I had restored in my existence.
"Jasper?" Her voice broke through my thoughts and I looked sideways at her. "I'm not asking you to stay. I know you have a job to do and I know you will leave when it is finished. You wanted to know the truth and I wanted to give it to you. It's been a long time since I've talked to anyone about the past few years and it's so easy to talk to you."
"Yes, it is," I agreed. I had talked more to Bella in the past two days than I ever had to just about anyone else before.
"I just want to make sure you know I'm okay with you leaving. I don't expect anything from you. I'm not Alice, and I will not manipulate you into staying here."
Is it manipulation if I want to stay here? I couldn't help but wonder that. But Bella was right, we lived two different lives. "I know you won't Bella. You are nothing like Alice and you never could be." Her house came into view as we slipped through the edge of the woods. "How are you feeling?"
"Tired, sore but surprisingly calm. You still have that ability you know."
I knew I did, had sensed it earlier when she was crying in the woods, but for some reason I had to hear her confirm it. "What ability?"
"The ability to calm, at least calm me, even without playing the emotional power card."
"I don't have a power anymore, Bella."
"You do, you just choose not to use it."
"I can't," I answered back. We climbed the steps of her porch and stood at her door.
"Stay with me tonight." The loneliness in her eyes returned with more forcefulness than I thought possible.
"I need to hunt, Darlin." I needed to get away from her again, calm my own self before I did something stupid.
"Hunt and then come back. I'll be upstairs."
I turned to walk away but felt her fingers tighten around my wrist. Although she couldn't physically force me to turn, I felt compelled to do so. "Please, Jasper. I don't ask for much."
In that moment, I realized the reality of the situation. Bella was knowingly playing with fire, knowing she would likely wind up dead, but refusing to go down without a fight. And I knew in that moment that I would help her fight. I didn't know how, and I knew it wouldn't be permanent, but I would find a way to help. I brought her hand up to my mouth, letting my lips rest on her heated skin, fighting the multiple instincts that battled inside of me. "I'll come back, Darlin. And, I'll stay tonight."
After tonight, I had no idea what would happen, but at least for now I could help. I could not however let her get attached or expectant. I would be leaving, as soon as Aro gave the order. That was the only definite thing I knew.
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