As soon as she was sure they were all gone, Mara pulled off her clothes- tearing off the band-aid- and stretched her back, groaning. She noticed Duke staring at her with wide eyes. "Sorry, I've been waiting for them to leave so I could get the seams and waistband off my skin."

"Never, ever be sorry for taking your clothes off. In fact, you should be apologizing for covering that body up. It's criminal." He approached and walked around her, trailing his fingers over her skin.

"You're sweet. Your poor chest is bruised where I almost crushed you and you're flattering me."

"You're nowhere near heavy enough to crush me. But I want to make sure I understand something."

"What's that?"

"If I touch you through clothes, it hurts you?"

"Not as much as other things, but yes, some. Why?"

He pulled off his shirt and pants, swooping to pick Mara up. She laughed as he carried her to bed, pulling as much of her skin against his as possible. When they were cuddled up, Duke kissed her hair.

"You know, Mara, something occurred to me."

"What's that?"

"I didn't thank you for bringing me back."

"You don't need to. I did it for selfish reasons. I refused to go on without you. If I hadn't been able to bring you back, I was going to stay there in the Void with you."

"You were?"

"Duke... I've been waiting for you my whole life. Everything I've done since I first met you when you were a kid, everything had something to do with you."

His voice sounded like he was afraid to believe. "Like what?"

"Besides the time I spent with you when I was Lucy? I used to come to your dreams, in the Barn time between Lucy and Audrey."

"That's going to be hard to narrow down. I dreamed about you a lot."

Mara blushed crimson, but tried to play it off. "I came to your dreams a lot."

He cocked his head against the pillow to look at her. "How often?"

"Duke, I don't think you want to know specifics. You expect your dreams to be private and I had no right to intrude."

"Mara..."

She groaned at his warning tone. "Every time I could. At least once a week."

"How do I know which ones were real?"

"You can ask and I'll tell you, if you like."

"Wow, this has the potential to be really embarrassing."

"For me too, Duke. I watched you grow up and I never aged. Now you're here on equal footing with me and it feels like I've been waiting forever."

"Will you tell me a dream?"

She smiled against his skin. "Fine. In one, we were on the beach with a small bonfire. You were... 17, I think it was the night before your birthday. I came for all your birthdays. We were drawing pictures with sticks in the sand. You were drawing these lovely flowers, and I wrote exactly what the tattoo on the inside of your arm says."

Duke's eyes went wide. "That was real? I got the tattoo that next day, right on the 18th birthday. I drew it and wrote it down the second I woke up and got it inked that night."

"Yes, that was real."

He paused, thinking. "Was the... whole dream real?"

She swallowed, knowing what he was really asking.

"For a long time, I was always very careful to look like Lucy when I would check in. It had been several years, and I got sloppy. When I came to see you that night I forgot to hide my appearance, or I wasn't focused- I didn't look like Audrey, I looked like I do now. You asked me why I looked different and I knew changing to look like Lucy would just make you ask more questions, so I just told you that dreams were strange and that your eyes wouldn't tell you the whole truth about people."

Duke seemed to be having trouble articulating himself. "Um... that dream, I remember it really vividly and, uh..."

"Yes Duke, that was me too. It was past midnight, you were officially 18. Maybe it was wrong, I don't know. But I had been watching you for so long, you'd given me so much."

"What do you mean? I didn't give you anything."

There was a lump in Mara's throat and she stretched her neck before she tried to answer.

"You're wrong, Duke. Barn times were always hard. You gave me an escape, a reason to keep going. When things got bad, as long as I could focus I could go see you instead of fully experiencing what was happening. When you were a kid I could see your life and watch you grow. When you were grown you made me feel hopeful.

"I was already so in love with you. I probably had been for longer than I'd care to admit, but after you turned 18, I could admit how I felt about you. To myself, at least. When I went into your dreams to see you, it was like coming home."

Duke's arm tightened around her and Mara's eyes slipped closed as she hugged him.

"I had this dream- two dreams really. One the night before I got married and one the night after the wedding." Mara didn't say anything, barely even breathing. This line of questioning had the possibility of turning very bad.

"The night before the wedding, you- I'd gotten used to the difference in the way 'Lucy' looked by then- you said I shouldn't go through with it. That she was wrong for me. I remember getting mad, saying something about how at least she was actually there for me. That she wasn't off hiding somewhere."

Mara didn't move, but her jaw clenched and she swallowed hard.

"Your face... it looked like I'd hit you. You hardly ever cried, I could count the times you cried on one hand, but there were tears on your face." Duke closed his eyes, trying to remember every detail. "You did that thing where your back goes all straight and tight and you agreed with me. You apologized and then you were gone. Even though you were gone, it was like I could still feel how bad I'd hurt you, like your pain was broadcasting. I almost backed out of the wedding.

"The next night after I fell asleep, you were back but you were so distant and formal. You congratulated me and said you hoped I was happy. I picked a fight. Asked why my happiness was suddenly so important to you when you'd just tried to tell me not to marry her. You slapped me." His hand went to his face, touching his cheek. "You'd never, ever hit me before and I was so shocked. Then you just screamed at me.

"A lot of what you said didn't make sense, but you were talking about choices and freedom and how I had no idea what the hell you'd suffered to protect me. When I asked what you meant your appearance changed. You were- it looked like you were beat half to death, and you looked like Lucy again- well, I guess not like Lucy but like you did when you were split from Audrey. You said I could say whatever I wanted about you or call you any name in the world, but to never, ever say you didn't care about me. You moved your hand like you were gonna slap me again, but I grabbed your wrist and I kissed you."

Mara stared intently at a spot on the wall, silent though she was breathing too hard.

"I don't remember every detail, but we were naked and I was on top of you, still holding your wrist. You just said, 'It's okay, Duke' and when I let go of your wrist you wrapped your arms around me and let me make love to you."

His fingers stroked her side and his other hand moved to twine his fingers with the hand she had on his chest. He chuckled low in his chest, but there was no humor in it.

"When I woke up and saw Evi next to me- she was going through my wallet- it felt like my stomach had dropped right out of my body. I had a picture of you and me from way back, tucked in behind some cards. When she found it, she pulled it out and said that I shouldn't have pictures of other women in my wallet. She tore the picture up before I could even move and all I could think was, 'She warned me. She warned me and I hurt her'. I think I had that thought every single day of my marriage."

She was still silent. What could she say? It had all been said already.

"Were those dreams real, Mara?"

Her voice was a whisper. "Yes."

"Why were you all beat up?"

"Failure to comply. Failure to submit. The usual." She shrugged, uncomfortable.

Duke pressed his face to her hair. "I should have listened. I'm sorry I hurt you."

"Don't be. You were right. I didn't have the right to interfere in your life. I wasn't there. Not in a way that you could see me, at least. I let you down after I swore I wouldn't. You didn't know where I was or why I was gone. You're not responsible for any of my hurts."

"Don't lie, Mara. I was mean and it hurt you."

"It hurt my feelings, not my body. And like I said, you were right. I had no right to be possessive. And you still came when I asked you to."

He craned his head to look down at her. "What do you mean?"

"You'd been away from Haven for awhile when I realized that the cycle was about to start. I came to you and begged you to come home and you said you didn't want to. But I told you I was coming back and I needed help. Did you never question why you came back to this place you swore you hated right before Audrey showed up? You didn't come because Simon told you you had to."

Duke squinted, obviously thinking very hard. "You asked for help. Said you needed my help, that you weren't sure how much longer you could do it. I assumed you meant stay in the dream."

Her voice came out rough and scratchy and she had to stop and clear her throat. "No. I meant I wasn't sure how much longer I could fight. I was afraid I'd either give up or die. Almost did, clearly. I was a fool. Momma said she could make me better. Make me someone you could love. That's really what tipped it for me. The idea of being someone you could love. So I let her touch me, and I paid for my folly.

"Later, weeks later when I was on my way back to Haven, drawing in one of my books, I finished a picture of you and when I looked at it, I saw love in your eyes. Gods, it felt like getting hit with a baseball bat in the gut. I'd lost everything because I was too blind and stupid to see you had some kind of feelings for me."

"You're not stupid. It's not like I made it obvious. I didn't want you to know."

"Still, I had the relevant information available to me. I can say I was distracted or a thousand other excuses, but at the end of the day that's all they are. Excuses. On my world, nothing, absolutely nothing is worse than being stupid."

He could feel when she wasn't going to budge on something, so he tried distraction. "Can I see the picture?"

"If you want." Mara sat up and Duke whined at the loss of contact. "Two seconds! Jeeze." She reached into her bag to put her sketch books on the bedside table, bringing the green one into bed with her while she tried to get comfortable again.

Once she was settled in Duke's arm, she flipped the book open. "This is the book I used to get Audrey close to the surface before I shattered the Paige personality. Art can be very useful, it turns out."

Duke chuckled, batting her hand away so he could look at each picture. She stopped him at the mason jar picture. "This one."

He just stared for the longest time. His voice was hushed when he spoke. "Is this how you see me?"

"They're all pulled from actual memories, Duke. It's how you are. That's exactly how you looked that evening, I can prove it."

"How?"

Mara sighed, rolling her eyes as she held her hand out, bringing up the precise memory she'd drawn from and letting it sit over her hand.

"It's not like how I see myself when I look in the mirror." His confession was quiet.

Mara snorted. "That I understand better than you think. You should see what I look like in the mirror."

"Can you show me?"

She didn't speak, but kept her hand up. A picture of her as a young girl- she looked maybe eight- appeared over her hand, and then it was like watching a flip-book. Second by second she changed, too quickly to examine each image. He caught bits- long black hair, curly blonde hair, Lucy, Sarah, Audrey and Lexie before a writhing black mass settled into a woman the same size and shape that she was now, but deformed and monstrous. Instead of burn scars, her body looked more like Frankenstein's Monster- a stitched patchwork of bits of skin that made him think of Arla. Only her face looked normal, but instead of blue, warm violet or even red, her eyes were pure black.

He stared, speechless. "That's how you see yourself?"

"Every time I look in the mirror. Eventually it settles down enough that I can do things like dress and put on makeup, but it's what I see every single time."

"Why?"

"Because I see the truth. All of those images make me up, but they're all different people. The girl I was when I came here, the way I looked just before the Barn, all the personalities and the way I look now. I'm not just one person, Duke. I had to live as each of them. They had lives and dreams and wishes. They didn't even know who they were. They never knew me, but I had to know all of them. I go by one name now, but I don't have the luxury of being just one person." She let the image go and rested her hand back on his chest.

"Why did you look so tiny at the beginning?"

Shrugging, Mara replied, "That's what I looked like when I came to Haven. When I first settled here."

Duke frowned. "You look like you're eight there."

That made Mara laugh loudly. "Not eight. If we were converting to your years, I was about twelve."

"Did your parents bring you here?"

"Not in the way you mean. My father helped me settle here when I ran away, but I was alone. Self-sufficient. I supported myself, built my house, worked."

"Do all your people leave home that young?"

Mara shifted uncomfortably. "No. Most stay with their parents at least until they complete secondary education and become a Journeyman in whatever trade they practice."

For all his virtues, Duke was still a natural hunter, and he smelled blood in the water. "Why was it different with you, Mara?"

As it often was, her first instinct was to lie. But this was Duke, and she had a list of things the length of her arm that she really did need to tell him. He'd seen her at her worst, and if he still wanted her there, she had to trust him with her weaknesses, too.

"I wasn't always what I am now. I was a child, a baby when they discovered I had gifts. I got sick when I was maybe four in your years and my father used Aether, bonded it to my cells, to cure me. That's what made me more Aether than person. From what I read in her journals, before I got sick I was about 30% Aether. Still very high for my species, but nowhere near what I am now.

"After the cure, I was my mother's pet project. She's always been obsessed with Aether because she can't use it. It rejects her completely. Only Daddy could make the medicine he used on me, and even he was only about 12%. So she was using me to try and find a way to make Aether useful for people like her. I completed primary education very early and my mother and father handled my secondary education. Daddy just wanted to teach me how to use the Aether to heal and create."

She rolled her head to stare at the ceiling. "She tried different things but eventually decided she needed to see how I would reproduce to find the secret, the gene that made the Aether accept me. She bonded me to William, but we're genetically incompatible. She tried hundreds of times to collect my eggs and fertilize them, but it never worked.

"Eventually she found another man with a fairly high Aether-level. 20%. He was someone she worked with. She asked him to help her on her project, and he agreed, with conditions."

Mara's voice was distant and detached, like she was discussing the weather.

"My world has freaks just like this world. He agreed to do what she wanted, to help her create a child, but because she was technically breaking the law by trying to force reproduction in a child my age, he could ask for whatever he wanted. So he told her he'd do it, but only if he could do it the old-fashioned way. She agreed without hesitation."

Duke's muscles went taut under her face and against her skin and his fingers tightened on her hip. "Are you telling me that woman-"

"Sold me? Whored me out? Yeah, pretty much. She had a goal, I was required to help her reach that goal. His name was Constantine. He was actually bigger than Dwight, if you can imagine. She spent the entire month doing daily blood tests and arranged for my father to be out of the house one night. I'll spare you the gory details, but I conceived. When my father found out, I honestly thought he was going to kill her, he was so angry. But he didn't, and I never knew why, unless it was to save his own skin.

"He brought me here and left me, tried to seal the place off from my world. I was smart enough to get by and I continued to study. I achieved my Mastery before I even gave birth. One of the youngest ever, if not the absolute youngest. I knew my craft well."

His breath was rasping and the muscles in his arm and shoulders were jumping. "Maybe you need a sedative if we're going to have this discussion. I don't want to set your recovery back."

"No, no. I'm fine."

"Don't lie to me, Duke." Mara repeated his earlier words back to him. "You're twitching and your pulse is too high. Sedative or change of subject. You pick. I have plenty of other things I can tell you instead."

"Mara, I need to know. I need to know what happened to you and I don't want to be drugged."

She shook her head. "You're impossible. That's why you want me, because you're a glutton for punishment."

"I want you because you're everything I always wanted. Smart and strong and beautiful and patient enough to want me. Now tell me, Mara."

He was impossible to argue with. If she didn't just get it over with he'd badger her all night.

"The piece of land I was asking about? It's where my house was. I gave birth in the middle of the night, alone. I was maybe 70 pounds soaking wet when I wasn't pregnant. The baby was 11 pounds. Broke my pelvis in three places. I couldn't walk for weeks. But I healed and I started raising my baby. Named him 'Noble'. Did you know Audrey's name means 'Noble Warrior'? I was never sure if that was a snub by Momma or some kind of sign from the universe, some warning that she'd be the personality who'd win."

"What happened to Noble?"

"William got here first. He's honestly not a bad person, though I understand why you'd have trouble believing that. He was so angry and horrified and he wanted to stay with me. He wanted to marry me and protect me. But I never loved him the way he loved me. I was incapable. He still kept the faith. Guarded me like it was his life's crusade and still offered to marry me every single Sunday. You know, I got a glimpse when I was working on Nathan's memory of him telling William I was gone. Of William walking away saying he'd always loved me more. And Nathan let him go believing that, and that part hurts.

"But, as it was, I failed William. He risked everything to get me out of that Barn before it killed me, tried to bring me up. And that had to tax him, because he was never that powerful. The amount of Aether he was using at any given moment must have exhausted him. But he kept trying. In the lighthouse, I was fighting so hard, trying to get loose and stop what was happening. And I couldn't until it was too late. But I guess that wasn't your question, was it?"

She carefully shifted her body so she could rest her head on Duke's shoulder and stare at the ceiling. "Momma came and William chased her off. She kept saying the was the 'rightful owner of the products of conception'. William always had that sword, it was always buckled to his side. He was amazing with it. He taught me what I know, but I'm not nearly good as good as him. When Noble turned one, William said we also needed to celebrate my 'birthing day', that I was the one who did the work alone. It was a dagger, beautiful chased silver with citrine and ruby on the hilt. What he called 'my colors'. If my land is still empty, there are things hidden that I want to get."

Duke rubbed her hip, his fingers tracing the lines of scarring that had raised ridges. "You're stalling, beautiful. I know you hate feeling vulnerable, but you're with me. I won't use it against you. Please? I can't help you if I don't understand."

"Fine, fine. She tried buying him from me, and I refused. So when I was out one day working on a case- I always brought him with me- Noble was playing with a wooden boat someone had given me. Since I was morally prohibited for taking money for healing, there were lots of people who game me presents as thanks. Momma or someone who worked for her snatched him from where he was playing.

"We had the whole town searching. Everyone liked me, I tool care of them. Delivered their babies, cured their illnesses, made their household items. After three days, they found him. He was injured, dehydrated, malnourished. She'd taken at least half his blood and it looked like she'd biopsied every organ in his body. She'd cut him wide open, the incision was still very clear even with tools from our world to close the incision. He was alive, though.

"We brought him back to my house, and I worked on him nonstop. He was so weak, and I think she infused him with some of her own blood, because suddenly Aether wouldn't help him, though it had adored him before. Even the Aether he was born with burned out. I couldn't fix it, Duke. He was dependent on the Aether. It kept him alive, just like it does me. Like it does Audrey. You remember when Audrey was sick after the split? How she just faded day by day? That's what happened to Noble."

She was still staring at the ceiling, rubbing her belly. "He held on for 18 days. I never left him for a moment." Her voice was rough and her shame and self-loathing were palpable. "I was sitting on his bed, reading to him when he said, 'Mama, look at the pretty colors. I want to play in the flowers Mama. I'll pick you something pretty. Just wait here, I'll be right back and we can have our picnic.' And he closed his eyes. He was smiling, Duke. He died smiling despite the amount of pain he had to be in. He was four years old."

Mara's tone was calm, but tears leaked back into her hair. "I should have been watching closer. I thought William had really scared her off. But William wasn't there when he was taken. He was out with the fishermen, trying to help."

"I'm so sorry, Mara." Four simple words, but the emotion behind them said everything. His anger and hate, his love and protectiveness, his sense of justice.

"Thank you. I don't know if it was better for him or not. The Barn started just a few years after that. I'd have been forced to abandon him or let him become a specimen like me. At least he died free. But you know, I still let her touch me. I let her talk me into the 'joining' because I wanted to be loved. They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. So I guess you were all right about me. I am crazy. Murderous, too. I was glad when I found out Momma was dead, I toasted with Gloria. But I wish I could have been the one to end her."

"That's not crazy or murderous. It's justice."

"Doesn't matter. I wasn't here to do it anyway."

Duke kissed Mara's head and squeezed her. "You're not alone anymore. She's dead and gone." He hesitated for a moment, wanting to ask but afraid it would sound callous.

"I can feel you stewing, Duke. Talk to me."

"Earlier when Gloria asked you how your dad got involved with everything, you said-"

"That I wanted to talk to you first. We're already having story time, do you want to know?"

"I really do, but if you don't want to..."

"No, it's fine. We can get some of the negative things out so we can just enjoy the scan. I'm not sure where to start."

"Wherever you want, if I get confused I'll ask."

"I told you that I thought Daddy was going to kill Momma for what she did. Maybe he scared her too. Maybe she just wanted more freedom to do things. Right after she put me in the Barn, Daddy got word of it. Momma convinced him Croatoan had done it, that he was keeping me trapped. It was a lie, obviously, but one he could believe. Croatoan would have found someone like me very useful.

"So Daddy did what he thought he had to. He killed the old Croatoan, which automatically gave him the job. She imprisoned Daddy just like she had me. He's powerful and dangerous, but he lost his life because he was trying to help me, to save me from the wrong person. But when she dispersed me, it set off alarms, and my father- Croatoan now- pulled Haven partway into the Void so he could find out what happened to me. He attacked the town for killing me."

She shook her head. "In his own way, he thought he was being kind to you. The people he used; Vince, Dave, you... you were all people he felt loved me. I can't ask, obviously, but I think by using you three, he though he was giving you a chance to take revenge too. To avenge me. He didn't understand that none of you saw me the way he did. Everyone here thought I was a monster, and so instead of wanting to help, you rightly fought him. Well, not Vince. He's always been a little too interested in power, and he probably loves this. That's why I say they're not going to wait a full 27 year cycle."

"What were you saying about a catalyst for my gift?"

"Yeah, sorry about that. I almost said it in front of everyone, and it's not their business. The woman you've been told is your mother- she isn't. She's just one of Simon's women. Your real mother was someone from my world who probably fell through a Thinny. She got here accidentally, and she was innocent. Sweet, from what I understand. He got her drunk and got her pregnant. She stayed to have you, and she was willing to stay with Simon just so she could raise you.

"My people, we generally view children as a miraculous gift. The way they were conceived doesn't matter, the child is innocent. I never regretted Noble just because of how he came to be, and your mother wanted you. She was even willing to stay with Simon to be with you. That lasted less than a year. As soon as you were on solid food and he didn't need her anymore, he told her to leave and never come back. When she refused to leave without you, he said that he would never let her have you. That he'd kill you first. He told her to go back to wherever she came from, that if she came back he'd kill you. She took his words literally, so she went through a Thinny."

Duke was shaking again, and Mara rolled to press her hand over his heart. "I'm sorry. I don't want to upset you. I just think you should know. She loved you."

"Do you think she's alive?"

"I wish I knew. But I can only hear what Aether tells me. But she might be. We don't age and die like humans, you know? So it's possible."

"How did that change my Trouble?"

"Being a halfling, and your mother must have been gifted, your body is capable of binding to Aether, of working with it, not just holding onto it like all the other Crockers. That's why you can cure now."

"So I'm half your species and half human?"

Mara nodded.

He blew out a hard breath. "Will I keep aging? Will I die like a normal human?"

"About that. You've died once. I had to use a massive quantity of Aether to make you live again. That did alter you. So no, you won't age anymore. You won't die of natural causes. Like me and Audrey."

Duke's brow furrowed. "What about Nate?"

Mara tilted her head a little. "I've been thinking about that. Everything is different now. With me and you and Audrey unaging, I want to ask Nathan to let me fix it so he stays the same too. It's not a hard thing for me to do, but he has to be willing, and you'll find it's hard to talk people into living potentially forever. But I'm going to try."

"That's a lot to take in for one day."

"And you're supposed to be resting. I'm sorry."

"I'm not. I wanted to know this. I want to know a lot of things. I just need to let them sink in."

"Do you want to wait til tomorrow to do the scan?"

"No! No way, I've been looking forward to this."

Easing onto her back again, Mara held out her hand. "I'm just going to put it straight up, I want us to see at the same time. Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"One of the few things I am sure of."

She took a deep breath and a 3-D hologram appeared over her hand, motion clearly visible. Mara stared in awe and Duke's breath stopped.

Mara couldn't even blink, staring at the image. "Audrey was right."

There were two perfect forms in the scan, facing each other with their hands pressed together through their sacs.

They were having twins.