April and Jane were walking along a street in Cambridge. April was very upset and Jane tried to make her buy a new dress.
"April, it isn't your fault at all…" said Jane, looking at April who was on the verge of tears seeing a pregnant woman in a shop.
"Mummy talked to me last night, but I still want to ask her something more." Said April.
"What are you going to ask to your mother?" asked Jane
"She had never wanted me" said sharply April and looking at Jane she said: "Please, take me home, I have to talk with mum."
"I want you to eat something, you haven't eaten anything in 24 hours and you have been sick too many times."
"I still have nausea, Jane and I am still dizzy."
"Come home, darling, try to talk with Alice and then rest. I don't like that you have shacking hands."
Alice was on the sofa, looking some old pictures into an album.
"Mum, I would like to talk to you" said April stepping into the sitting room.
"Yes, of course darling. Jane, honey, Lovejoy is with Alexandra and Tinker at the pub."
"Poor little girl, only 4 months old and she is at the pub" smiling Jane going to her room.
Jane didn't went to her room, but sat on a chair into the hallway, she was curious about Alice and April's past.
"Mum, I have known since Alex died that you had never wanted me, could you please explain me why, and why after your recovery you had never tried to build up a kind of relationship with me?" asked April, keeping her breath trying to not be sick again.
"I have always known that you are smart, and that you want to know." Said Alice, putting an arm around April shoulder.
April breathed in her mother scent and she managed to calm a bit her nerves.
"You know that you are only a bit younger than Alyssa."
"I know, we are only 18 months a part."
"I got pregnant with you that your sister was 10 months old. I had been breastfeeding and at that time the doctor said I couldn't get pregnant, even if I had started my period again. When a month later I started to feel ill I didn't give much case, I have three little children to take care of. I thought it was only a bout of stomach flu. But after two weeks your dad brought me to the doctor. She looked at me and said that I was almost 10 weeks pregnant, and that I had to rest, because Alyssa was born by the c-section. I remember I spent a week in bed thinking about what to do, I didn't feel ready for another child. I felt really bad, but your father was so happy. One night I went to my sister in London only to take my mind of your siblings."
"And what aunt Anna said?" asked April, with the tears in her eyes.
"She said that a child was a blessing, that I shouldn't be so desperate and that all would have been fine. But I still felt bad, I hated my body, I hated my breast growing, I hated showing my baby bump, and after three pregnancy with you I started to show at 12 weeks."
"And dad?"
"He was so happy, he spent hours talking to my belly, he wanted to feel every movements, while I was almost ignoring them, he talked to you, he kept saying that I was beautiful, I felt like a beached whale. The night we had the accident we were arguing about you, really I was having really bad mood swings and Alex and Amelia were impossible to manage, I didn't get any sleep, I was always so tired and so fed up. And you were a very active baby. I wanted to give you in adoption. But when I was on the examination table into the emergency room I changed my mind; I remember that I shouted to the doctor to save the baby instead of me, I passed out three times I think and I remember that they took me to the recovery room and your dad was beside me with a sheet of paper. He chose your name, he said that you were our spring miracle so you are April Spring Benedetta Felsham. I have been depressed for so many years. Do you remember?"
"Yes, I remember, but why have you never talked to anybody about it?"
"Because in the 60's if you were depressed they thought that you were mad."
April looked at Alice and said: "Mum, you were very brave, but only one thing, why you had never tried to build up a relationship with me when I was at high school?"
Alice looked at her feet, she felt a bit ashamed.
"I am sorry April, so sorry."
"Don't be mum, now you have time to build up a nice relationship, maybe it is the last present from Alexander and dad to us."
"It is really a good present. I love you sweetheart."
"I love you too mum"
That talk made Jane thought about her mother, she hadn't phoned her in months, even in years, she didn't tell her that she was pregnant, and when Alex died she received only a little card with the condolences.
Jane's parents had divorced when Jane was only a young girl, her mother got married again and her father worked on the oil tankers, so he had never been a proper family man.
"May I talk to Meg, please?" asked Jane at the phone
"Surely, hang on a minute." Replied the feminine voice on the other side of the phone.
Jane breathed deeply, one hand against her chest, her heart was pounding under her breastbone.
"Hello"
"Mum"
"Jane, how are you?"
"Do you like to come here tomorrow for the tea? There are few people I want you to meet."
Jane was nervous that afternoon. She was nervous about meeting her mother. Mrs Wilson prepared tea and something nice to eat.
Alexandra was sleeping into her crib and ready to meet her other grandmother.
Lovejoy, Tinker and Eric weren't at home, they would arrive just in time to meet Meg.
"Mum" said Jane opening the door to her mother.
"Jane, how are you? You are awfully tiny, as usual and you are also tired, are you well? And what's happened to your boobs?"
"I am well mum, I am really well, and my boobs are the results of…" Jane stepped into the living room and took Alexandra out of her crib "Alexandra, she is your granddaughter, she was born on the 3rd of September."
Alexandra looked at the older woman with wide eyes.
"Jane, she is so beautiful, she is only Alexandra?"
"No, she is Alexandra Love Joy" said Alice coming to greet Jane's mother.
"And I am April, nice to meet Meg." Said April coming into the living room with a tray in her hands "I am Alexander's sister."
"And I am Lovejoy, he is Tinker and he is Eric" said Lovejoy stepping inside through the main door.
Meg was a bit confused by all those people around her daughter, she knew how looked like Felsham Hall at the time of Jane's wedding, a full staff of servants, Lord and Lady Felsham, their children.
Now it was very different. But her daughter looked very happy and that baby was absolutely beautiful.
"Mum, do you want to join us for dinner?" asked Jane
"Yes, I would like to." Replied Meg with Alexandra in her arms.
At dinner they were chatting when Lovejoy stood up and said: "Jane and I have an announcement…"
Jane went beside him.
"We are going to be married this summer." Said Jane with a glass of wine in her hand.
"Really?" asked Alice, with happy tears in her eyes
"Yes…."
Alice looked at the ceiling of the room and mouthed: "My boys, you have done an excellent job"
