Author's Note: Just a reminder that the format of this fic is to fast forward and get random scenes throughout the season here and there. So... here...
This is a chapter where nothing happens. Or everything
happens really fast. This is where we skip head to the next
memorable M/J moments. So get ready as we hit...
FAST FORWARD - TAKE IT OFF
We almost watch this episode since it's the one right after
the wedding, but it's mostly just funny and we're looking
more for "fluff." The premise of this one is that Mel
refuses to take off her wedding dress for a full week after
the wedding. She has a week off from work so she basically
sits around and wallows... and gets more and more disgusting
as the week goes on. In the end, when Joe threatens to
re-grow his beard and join her pity party, she finally snaps
out of it and decides to take it off... only to discover she
needs help to get out of it. We stop fast forwarding long
enough to watch the scene where Joe unzips her because it's
actually kind of hot... until he makes a crack about how bad
she smells and runs out of the room. So we...
FAST FORWARD - PARADISE FOUND
While we love Ryder, we really don't care all that much
about how Joe hires him as a sub-contractor for his online
tutoring business or that he starts secretly seeing the girl
he's supposed to be tutoring in British literature. I mean,
it's hilarious when we find out that Joe actually set him up
to tutor this girl in order to just plain set him up and
that there is no need for the sneaking around at all, but
the best scene is when Joe and Mel talk about how secrets
can really eat away at people... which is a little
situational irony for us since we all know what Joe thinks
he knows about Mel's baby.
FAST FORWARD - MOVIN' ON IN
We also think Zander and Lennox are adorable (and we're glad
Zander is going to college locally), but they aren't Mel and
Joe so we skip on through the episode where they contemplate
getting an apartment together. Joe and Mel try desperately
to convince them to do otherwise, and, ultimately, it is Mel
and Joe's disfunction that makes them decide they need to
maintain healthy boundaries by staying in their own dorm
rooms on their own campuses. We personally love Mel and
Joe's messy, blurry boundaries throughout the episode.
FAST FORWARD - TWO-FER
The episode where Mel and Joe find out that Mel is having
twins is really, really, really good. Really. Twins! Except
we skip it on principle because, seriously? Twins? That's so
TV cliche we can't take it. Plus, we're kind of confused on
just why the hell Joe hasn't just manned up and told Mel the
truth yet. Even as we fast forward, we shout at the screen:
"Not just twins, Joe! Your twins! Your. Twins. Tell her
already, for crying out loud!"
FAST FORWARD - AND BACK
We almost stop to watch the episode where Joe designs,
paints and decorates Lennox's old room-well, with plenty of
help from the kids-into a nursery for the twins when Mel
has to go out of town, but all we really want to see is the
reveal at the end...
INT. DARK NURSERY - NIGHT
The lights are off, but a star-shaped night light glows and
partially illuminates the room. We can't see much, though.
Joe leads Mel into the room by the hand. She grips his hand
with hers and has her other arm wrapped around his, pulling
her in close to him. He covers her eyes with his free hand.
They come to a stop.
MEL
Can you please tell me what we're
doing? Why are we in Lennox' room?
JOE
Hang on. I just... I want you know
know that I worked really hard on
this, okay? And not just sweat and
time... heart and soul, too, all
right? So if you hate it-
MEL
Fake it. I got it.
Joe chuckles.
JOE
No woman's ever had to fake it with
Joe Longo, Burke. I'd really hate
for you to be the first.
MEL
(faux grossed out)
Yeah, so would I. Believe me.
JOE
Yeah, I know.
Mel sells her disgusted look a moment more as Joe smiles to
himself and shakes his head, amused.
MEL
Okay, come on, the suspense is
killing me. What's going on?
JOE
Well-
MEL
Are there people in the room?
JOE
No. Well, us-
MEL
Did Lennox finally take all those
horrible posters to her dorm room?
JOE
Actually-
MEL
Are you going to-
JOE
I don't know, Burke, are you going
to let me uncover your eyes or you
want to just keep guessing?
MEL
Guessing's-
Joe takes his hand down from Mel's eyes then reaches up to
pull on a chain. The lights come on and Mel opens her eyes.
She keeps hold of Joe's hand.
MEL
Fun. Oh my God.
The room is themed around space, as viewed from the moon.
The rug and furniture (two cribs, a changing tables, two
dressers and two rocking chairs) are all white while the
walls and ceiling are painted deep blue. At the base of the
walls, various moon rocks are paper mached into 3-D .
Looking around, the sun, the planets, stars, the earth,
satellites, meteors and other space sights are all visible
in a beautiful wall/ceiling mural. Also included is a
spaceship and American flag to complete the moon view.
The window curtains and crib bedding are covered in stars.
MEL
Oh my God. Longo...
Joe watches her as she looks around. She keeps her grip on
his hand so he has to move as she spins around.
MEL
Joe, this is...
Joe looks over at her, waiting.
MEL
I...
JOE
Well? Spit it out, Burke. You've
never been one to be at a loss for
words. Unfortunately.
MEL
It's perfect. It's like we went
from the earth...
(she gestures to the door)
... to the moon.
She gestures around the room. Joe looks at her for a moment.
JOE
Yeah, we sure did.
They hold eye contact for a long time. Mel finally drops
Joe's hand and makes her way to one of the rocking chairs.
MEL
This is exactly what I've been
wanting. I just haven't had the
time to... how'd you know?
JOE
I saw your Pinterest board.
MEL
This mural is way better than
anything I pinned.
JOE
Zander did it.
MEL
Huh. I guess that means Lennox was
okay with it? Using her room?
JOE
Who do you think sewed the
curtains?
MEL
Not Lennox.
JOE
Well, okay, fine. It was Ryder.
Those home ec classes he takes to
avoid gym finally came in handy,
but Lennox was supportive and did a
great job of bossing everyone
around in your absence.
MEL
I've trained her so well.
Joe chuckles as he takes a seat in the other chair.
MEL
Guess I've trained you pretty well,
too.
JOE
Oh, you've "trained" me, have you?
MEL
Well, sure. Look at this. What
other nanny on the planet would do
something like this for their
unborn charges?
JOE
Yeah, that, uh, that does seem a
little nuts, doesn't it?
MEL
Yeah. Definitely above and beyond
the call of duty.
Joe nods.
JOE
Hey, Mel?
MEL
Yeah, Joe?
She looks over at him. He opens his mouth to speak, but
Ryder, Lennox and Zander enter.
LENNOX
Well, does she love it?
MEL
Yes. She does.
Mel stands and goes to the kids. Joe also stands.
MEL
This place is amazing. Thanks to
all of you.
She somehow pulls them all into a tight and bunched up hug.
Joe smiles. When Mel releases them, she focuses on Lennox:
MEL
But are you sure you're okay with
giving up your space like this?
LENNOX
It has been brought to my attention
that giving up space in this house
doesn't translate to giving up my
place in this family.
Lennox shrugs.
LENNOX
So, yeah, I'm okay with it.
Mel smiles and gives Joe a glance. He shrugs nonchalantly.
RYDER
Gushy family bonding aside, how
awesome are these curtains, huh?
Ryder makes his way over to gesture at the tapestries.
ZANDER
Or this huge space mural?
Zander gestures around the whole room.
LENNOX
None of this would have been
possibly without my Aunt Mel-like
picky oversight.
The kids bicker about their own awesomeness.
MEL
(to Joe)
How are you suddenly the most
humble person in the room?
He shrugs and smiles at her as she walks up to him.
MEL
Seriously. Thanks, Joe. From the
earth to... the moon. Thanks.
JOE
You got it, Burke. You got it.
FADE OUT
END OF EPISODE
