Okay so this isn't that long, I'm sorry. The next one is going to be up soon though because I basically finished writing it as well. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about this if we're being honest but I just wanted to put it up so the next one can go up. That one is going to be Alec's POV, since it's been a while since we've seen that point and I think this is a good place to switch over! Thanks to the people who have read up to this point!
I think this is the song I listened to the most
Daughter- Smother
Magnus sat up in the bed staring at Alec as he put his clothes back on. He watched his back muscles move as he moved his arms to put on his shirt. He followed his pale skin up his arms to the scars that stood boldly out in gray tinges. A curiosity he wasn't allowed to ask about and he was willing to respect that
"That was better than I expected it to be." He spoke, leaning his head against the wall. Alec let out a laugh.
"Were you expecting it to be bad? I've done it a bunch of times, I know what I'm doing." He replied still looking in the other direction. Magnus opted to ignore part of what he said and tell him that saying he had 'done it a bunch of times' was not something you should say after sleeping with someone.
"With girls though."
"You may have came over before I got to do anything with Jem earlier today, but believe it or not we made good use of his room, and the days my parents were away. You're really late if you wanted to be the first." He ran both hands through his hair, combing it out of his face.
"I sort of figured, but one guy doesn't mean you'll be good with all of them." Alec finally turned to face him.
"I guess you could say I'm a natural. This is my talent." He stood up searching his closet on the sweater end.
"Why do you do it?" Magnus decided he should be doing the same and started grabbing his clothes, slowly putting one article on at a time.
"Sleep with so many people?" He asked as he took a grey zip up hoodie off a hanger and started to put it on.
"Yes."
"Do what you're good at it." He saw that answer wasn't satisfying enough for him so he added to it. "It makes me feel better." Magnus sat on the edge of the bed, looking him over. The grey stood out against his black clothes and he wished he would wear more colors in his daily wardrobe. All this black made him look washed out and somehow paler than he already was even though every vein seemed to stick out like it was traced with a pen.
"Does it actually?" He could tell by the way his face changed that he didn't actually believe what he was saying either.
"Yes." His answer was too simple to be convincing.
"Is it possible that it could be hurting you more? That it's just another one of those self destructive tendencies you were talking about earlier?"
"Does my answer matter? I think if it did, you probably wouldn't have had sex with me just now. If it was self destructive you just helped me get lower. I think that makes it none of your business." Magnus sighed. He had to give him that one. He couldn't ask those kind of questions when he just did that. The last thing he wanted was to be part of his problem though. More than anything he wanted to help and be his solution. To help him get better.
"Well here's a better question then. How come you always wear long shirts/sweaters, constantly covering your scars so no one will see them, but then you have sex with random people at parties?" Alec's attention went down to his arms, covered by the layers of cloth.
"Because besides Cassie, Jem, and now you, I don't take my shirt off. I just remembered you already seen them so I didn't think it was worth hiding. Especially since it much nicer to take it off." Alec turned his back to him and went into his closet again. "And it's always with the light off." He mumbled as he rummaged through boxes. Magnus stood up and walked over to him.
"So I am different to you." He smiled as he approached him.
"Slow your roll. Not different enough to change me. I didn't develop any feelings for you just then." He stood up straight holding up a bag from the boxes. Noticing right away what it was Magnus grabbed him by the shoulders and kissed him roughly. "I hope you're doing this for the irony." Alec said into his lips. Magnus grinned and continued to kiss him, his hands travelling down his arms. He swore every time they kissed it got better. The stars in his eyes shone brighter than before and he would momentarily lose touch with reality. When he pulled away he was disoriented but still smiled as he backed away toward the door. When his back hit the wall, his reached for the doorknob behind him to unlock it with breaking eye contact with Alec. When he heard the click he noticed his facial expression change as he checked his hands and the floor. Smirking Magnus put his arm up and showed Alec the bag in his hand.
"I just took your drugs hostage. I require a ransom of you answering three questions truthfully. No run arounds. No half truths." Magnus' hand stayed on the door knob.
"Whatever you want. Just don't flush it please. I might have recently come into a bit of enveloped wealth, but I'm still not for you wasting that." Alec pointed at the bag. He nodded and opened the door. "Wait! Where are you going?" Magnus stuffed the bag in his pocket.
"We do this where I want. Which is not your pot smelling room." Magnus headed out to the party.
"That bag is going to make anywhere you go smell like pot, Magnus."
"Don't say that word out here. It'll make people think I do drugs." He looked around. He expected the party to be dying out, but it looked like their were even more people jammed into the rooms now.
"People can smell it on you from a mile away. You're not hiding anything by avoiding the word." Alec laughed following behind him. He wished he was walking with him just because he wanted to, but because he it was Alec he had no idea. He had a way of making him feel like he was making progress, and then taking away all hope. Magnus continued to walk without saying a word until they exited the building and walked across the parking lot to his car. He sat on the hood and looked Alec who proceeded to just lay on the ground in front of him. He noticed see him constantly looking over at the apartment.
"I'm sorry to take you away from your party to do this. I just thought it would be quieter"
"I don't know if you noticed, but I wasn't really in it anyway. I was just sort of in my room." He ran his hands downing his face, pulling the skin along with it.
"Then why did you have it? If you weren't really going to involve yourself." Magnus scooted back so he could lean against the wind shield although it meant he could no longer see Alec.
"Because I thought I didn't want to be alone. I changed my mind when they started arriving. It wasn't what I wanted." He couldn't see his face but something in his voice changed as he answered him.
"So why not just invite someone over, rather than have a huge party?" He stared up at the sky, looking over the stars and the moon overhead.
"Because one person would have just been a pity party. Might as well go big." Alec sat up to face him. "Last question."
"What?" Magnus was unaware he was counting those as the three. "I didn't know those counted! I thought we were just talking."
"Better make the last one good then." Alec stood up and pulled his sleeves down far enough that he could hold them in his hands. It felt like so much pressure knowing now he only had one question. Then he remembered one of the conversation from earlier. He looked him straight in the eye.
"Did your dad hit you? Is that what Isabelle was so afraid of when she saw Jem? She's afraid he's going to find out and do it again right? Is that why you left?"
"That was more than one question." Alec turned to walk back into the apartment building.
"You agreed on answering three questions! At least answer one." Magnus yelled at him. He turned to look at him while he replied.
"I don' talk about my dad. You can keep the weed."He continued walking. Magnus jumped off his car and chased after him, grabbing his hand and flipping him around to look at him.
"I don't want the weed. I want you. I want to know you." Alec let out out this loud breathe of air and turned his away.
"I can't do this Magnus." He took his hand away and backed up. "I've been allowing myself these times with you but I can't do it any longer. You're getting too close, and I don't like it. I hate myself more and more every time I let things go further with you. It's killing me that I caved and slept with you."
"Then why did you do it?"
"I don't know." He bit his lip hard. "I don't know." He whispered again.
"Because you want to be with me. You're just scared. I wont hurt you Alexander. Just let me get close to you." Magnus tried to move closer but he put his hands up.
"I'm such a mess. Why do want me? I don't even want me. This was all just a huge mistake."
"Alec..."
"I think it's best we don't see each other for awhile." Alec left at that. It wasn't long after he headed inside that he could no longer hear music and a crowd of people started leaving. He must of kicked everyone out. That appeared to be what he did when he had had enough. Magnus sighed and opened his car. Sitting in the front seat he put the seat back so he could go sleep, making sure he locked the door three times before even closing his eyes.
