Bruce couldn't believe what he was doing. Bringing the Joker on a date? What the hell was wrong with him? But knowing the Joker, he'd just force the issue anyway, so it might be better to humor him. Otherwise. .. Bruce shuddered to think of what the insane man would do if Bruce didn't comply. Blow something up, kill some people, expose his secret identity? Bruce's lips turned up into a snarl. Unacceptable. He could do this.
He parked the bike in front of his favorite restaurant, Acquolina, a fancy Italian place. As he went to pull off his helmet, Bruce noticed how close Joker was and how little he had minded on the way over. He pulled his helmet off and hung it on the handlebars before muttering, "You can let go of me now." He felt oddly bereft as the Joker slowly pulled his arms from around Bruce's torso, sliding away as slowly as possible to keep as much contact as he could. Bruce closed his eyes but didn't argue.
Joker grinned at the other man's back. So... Bruce wasn't unaffected. The thought made the Joker strangely giddy. Maybe they would make progress today! He held onto Bruce's shoulders as he got off the bike, and he was mildly surprised that Bruce allowed it and without a sound.
Bruce got off the bike too and inclined his head to the Joker, indicating that he should follow, as he walked to the front door.
Before Bruce could even touch the handle, the proprietor yanked the door open, "Oh, Mr. Wayne! Buona giornata! Incantevole per rivederla, signore!"
Bruce shook the man's hand as he replied in Italian and asked for a secluded table. The overeager man nodded and took two menus from the greeting station as he beckoned for the them to follow him to a table in the back.
Bruce went into automatic date mode and held out Joker's chair without even thinking about it.
Joker giggled, "Thanks, Brucie! I didn't know you were such a gentleman." He teased.
Bruce felt his face flush, "It's habit." He muttered.
"I think it's charming." Joker said, pretending to look at the menu. He was watching Bruce's reactions out of the corner of his eyes.
Bruce's opened his mouth but stopped his angry retort. The Joker was putting off a weird vibe... could he actually mean it? He decided to let it go, to test if Joker was being truthful. Instead he asked, "Can you even read Italian?"
"Ahh...no. You caught me, doll. I was just gonna randomly say something to impress you." Joker snarked back.
It took both men by surprise when Bruce threw his head back and laughed. Joker grinned, proud of himself. That was the moment when he could visably see Bruce's guard lower a little. Joker relaxed, apparently they were going to make some progress today after all!
"So then Penguin picks up one of his umbrellas, trying to shoot Batman, and as he opens it, it explodes in a shower of glitter and bathtub duckies!"
Joker howled with laughter as Bruce finished his story.
"So when GCPD picked him up, he was still covered in glitter, spitting some out of his mouth, while yelling about how Batman was going to die for humiliating him." Bruce paused to take a breath, "I don't think he ever found out who switched out his umbrellas, either."
Joker's grin widened, "I might, uhhhh, know."
"You did?" Bruce chuckled, "Why?"
"He might have had a plan about eliminating the Batman and I couldn't have that, you know." He paused, thinking, "Something about snipers on the roof and the umbrella he was going for was an amped up version of Scarecrow's toxin. Somethin' like that."
Bruce checked his watch, eyes widening. They had been at the restaurant for two hours! He hadn't even noticed.
"Time to go?" Joker asked softly.
Bruce nodded and gestured for the waiter to bring the check. He handed his card to the waiter and dialed Lucius' number with the other hand.
"Ahhh, there you are!" Lucius answered.
"Sorry, Lucius. Took longer than expected." He said, eyeing Joker.
"No problem, son. But the Board is getting antsy."
Bruce signed the slip of paper the waiter brought back and pocketed his card. He motioned the Joker to the front door as he talked to Lucius.
Joker walked in front of Bruce, slightly disappointed that this was ending so soon. But his heart jolted as he felt Bruce's hand rest lightly on his lower back, as if leading him out. He risked a quick glance at Bruce to see if it was intentional or just another habit. Bruce met his eye and gave Joker a small half smile that could have meant anything.
Bruce, after promising Lucius he was on his way, hung up his phone. He said goodbye to the owner, who graciously opened the door once again, and steered Joker to his bike. His hand slipped more to the man's waist but Bruce pretended he hadn't noticed. It was purely habit, at least that's what Bruce told himself.
Bruce put his helmet on and sat on the bike, waiting for Joker to get situated. Bruce did notice that Joker wound himself closer than ever to him; his arms locked tightly around Bruce's torso, his head resting on Bruce's shoulder. Instead of saying anything, Bruce just let the man get comfortable and sped out into traffic back to Wayne Enterprises.
The date had gone better than anyone could have expected, even better than the Joker himself had expected. He pulled himself as close to Bruce as possible, fusing every possible part of him to the other man. Who knew if he'd ever get the chance again.
All too soon, they were back at Wayne Enterprises. Joker's mouth pulled down in dismay. Bruce pulled off his helmet and braced himself against the ground so Joker could get off the bike. Joker stood and wrapped his arms around his neck and leaned down so he could whisper into Bruce's ear.
"I had a swell time today, cupcake." He let go and got off the bike. He stared at Bruce as he got off and stood in front of Joker awkwardly.
Should he? Eh, what the hell, Joker grinned and decided to push his luck. He crowded into Bruce and put his hands on his chest, bracing himself, "Don't dates usually end with a kiss, Brucie?"
Before Bruce could respond, Joker kissed him. Bruce responded before he had thought about it. Like this whole date, his playboy persona took over, and the next thing Bruce knew, he was kissing the Joker back.
Joker let out a moan of approval into Bruce's mouth. Bruce's arms automatically went around the Joker's back and pulled the man closer. He felt Joker's arms wound around his neck. Unfortunately Bruce's mind chose to return and with it, his good sense. Bruce pulled back, panting for breath. Joker looked at Bruce and rested their foreheads together, breath mingling.
"Gonna run away again, pretty boy?" Joker whispered.
"Probably." Bruce answered just as quietly.
Joker was the first to pull away, giving Bruce a sad smile, "Thanks for the wonderful date. Go back to work." He threw over his shoulder as he walked away.
"Hey, Joker." Bruce called out before he could stop himself. He waited until Joker turned to look back at him, "I had a good time too." It was worth the slight humiliation to see the grin return to Joker's face, "I hope you know that this doesn't change anything though. I'll still catch you and bring you in."
"Oh, yeah, cupcake?" Joker's grinned had a bit of an insane edge to it again, "You're right, it's not going to change. I'm not gonna become your new sidekick. Just wait to see what else I have in store for you!" He cackled and blew a kiss at Bruce as he started walking away again.
Bruce smiled and shook his head bemused. Surprisingly he wasn't all that worried about it. He turned and headed into the building, aiming for Lucius' office.
"You'll hate yourself later, Bruce. " He muttered to himself. Strangely enough, though, he trusted Joker not to kill anyone, for now anyway.
