Chapter 12
"So, just call him?" Robin asked, looking nervously down at the cell phone in her hand.
"Yes. Ask him if he wants to meet up at the bar tonight."
"Okay." With a deep, bracing breath Robin dialed the familiar number. It rang four times before someone finally answered on the other end.
"Hello," came the hesitant voice.
"Hey!" Robin said brightly, overcompensating wildly for her nerves.
"Hi," he replied.
Well, that part was done. Now what? Robin looked urgently over at Marshall who was mouthing something and honestly, eventually they were going to get this whole telepathic thing down.
"So, what's up?" she tried weakly.
"Not much. Just working. Look, Robin, is this important?"
Crap. He sounded pissed at her. Which was understandable given that she had sprinted out of his apartment that morning without any explanation, but still.
Marshall was still mouthing something she couldn't understand and she was on her own and improvising had never been her strong suit…
"Swarley!"
There was a long pause.
"Huh?" chorused Marshall and Barney.
"The bear! I want the bear. I think I left it over there this morning. So, I need it back. Could you give it back tonight? At the bar? Where I'll be…" Alright, not perfect, but it would get the job done. Hopefully.
"Oh, I don't know. I think I might have an international business meeting tonight and I don't-ow! Quit it, Lily! Yeah, fine, I'll bring the stupid bear," Barney said, clearly annoyed now.
"Uh, Lily's over there?" Robin asked, confused.
"Where's Lily?" asked Marshall from behind her.
"Uh, no. She's not. I have to go." On that strange note, Barney hung up abruptly.
"So, that went okay," she said, turning back to face a bemused Marshall.
"Whatever happened to 'meet me at the bar'?"
"Oh. Well I couldn't just say that, could I?"
"Robin? You're going to have to learn how to say what you mean. And you're going to have to learn how in approximately six hours."
Robin glared at him. But he was kind of right, wasn't he? Crap.
"Okay. So what do I have to say?"
"Good. Alright, so you guys are going to be sitting at the bar, gazing lovingly into each other's eyes-"
"Marshall, I swear to God."
"Fine, fine. You need to tell him that you're sorry for leaving so quickly this morning, and you think you guys should talk about what happened last night."
"There isn't much to talk about. It was just sex. I mean, really, really good sex, but still, just sex."
"Robin! New rule. When you and Barney get together you are never allowed to share any details about your sex life. Got it?"
"Yeah, fine."
"Anyway. Tell him that you felt something last night-" Robin mimed sticking her finger down her throat and Marshall ignored her, "and that you want to see where this thing goes. And then say that you've fallen in love with him and you hope he feels the same way."
"Hope? I thought this was for sure!"
"Relax. It's just what you say. It'd be weird if you said 'and I know you feel the same way.' Get it?"
"So, why can't I just wait for him to say it and then agree?"
"Because he's not going to say it."
"But why not?" she whined, sounding suspiciously like Ted.
"Because he's Barney. And because you practically gave him whiplash running out of his place this morning. He thinks you don't want anything to do with him, so you have to make the first move."
Robin considered this for a moment.
"Hey, Marshall? Remember when you first came up with this master plan?"
"My incredibly intelligent, fool-proof plan? Why yes I do," he answered proudly.
"Do you remember what I said was the point of the plan?"
"Uh, to get Barney to fall in love with you."
"And?"
"That was it."
"And to get him to make the first move! That was the entire point of this plan! God, I knew this plan would never work," she huffed moodily.
"Whoa! Don't blame the plan. If you hadn't jumped the gun and slept with him the plan would've worked awesomely. It's all your fault."
"No it's not. If the plan doesn't include sex then it's a dumb plan."
"Stop dissing the plan! And besides, you already know he likes you, so what does it matter if you make the first move?"
Robin didn't seem to have an answer for that and Marshall grinned triumphantly.
"So you've got it? You know what you have to say tonight?"
"Yeah, I guess. You promise this is going to work?"
"Promise. Now go home, I actually have to do some work. I'll meet you at the bar around eight?"
"Yeah. Sounds good." Robin headed towards the door, but paused slightly. Marshall looked at her expectantly. "Hey Marshall?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you really think he's in love with me?" she asked, her face as vulnerable as a young child's.
"Yeah. I really do." Marshall smiled encouragingly and Robin pulled her tough mask back up.
"Well, duh. Who wouldn't be?" And she walked out, the spring back in her step.
Shit. This had really better work.
xxxXXXxxx
"Okay, so are you ready?" Marshall asked from across the booth, looking into Robin's slightly nervous eyes.
"Yup. I'm good."
"Good. Just don't forget to set up parameters of the relationship."
"Whoa. What did we say about that word?"
"Right. Parameters of the 'thing'. Exclusive or non-exclusive." The bar door opened and Barney and Lily entered. "Good luck!" he said excitedly and then left the booth, nodding at Barney as they passed each other, and went to join his wife at the bar. And spy shamelessly.
What exactly did he mean by 'luck' Robin wondered as Barney came towards her.
"I brought Swarley," he said, his voice low and his eyes not meeting hers.
"Huh?"
"The bear. Swarley. Remember?"
"Oh, right. Cool. Can I have her?"
"Yeah." Barney didn't let go of the bear, clutching it close to his chest. Robin tried to hide her smile; she was pretty sure he had grown a little attached.
"You know, we could share the bear," Robin tried.
"Like, joint custody?" Barney asked, a shadow of a smirk passing his lips.
"Totally. We can switch off weeks, fight over how to discipline her."
"Tough love. I'm pretty sure she's been making eyes at Feely the Share Bear."
"That manwhore? Please. He's been with all the stuffed animals in Lily's class."
"She could do better."
"Maybe not. He's quite cute."
"And a good listener." Robin laughed and finally Barney cracked a pleased smile.
She glanced over at Lily and Marshall watching them. He was gesturing for her to get on with it.
Robin took a deep breath. Alright. What was it that Marshall had said? Tell him how you feel, set up parameters and-
"So Lily thinks you're in love with me."
If Robin had been drinking she was sure she would have spit it up all over the table.
Huh? Lily? What the hell? Robin vowed to kill her the next time they were alone. And then bring her back to life and then kill her again.
Okay, focus Sherbatsky. No big deal. Just a minor set-back. A slight complication. Just say that it's true, that you do love him and that-
"Yeah, well, Marshall thinks you're in love with me."
Or that. Close enough. Maybe one day, in like twenty years, her brain would finally learn how to control her mouth.
Barney scoffed and took a sip of his scotch. "What a couple of girls those two are."
"Totally." This conversation was taking an unexpected turn…
"They're probably just looking for someone to do all their lame couple stuff with."
Oh, crap. That hadn't even occurred to her.
"Shit, you're right. Like playing charades."
"Opening up a Bed and Breakfast."
"Going to brunch."
"Shoot me if we ever get that lame."
"With my very own gun." Barney laughed and it was her turn to smile triumphantly. It felt good to make him laugh. And it didn't escape her notice that he had said 'we.'
Maybe Lily wasn't Satan after all.
"So, do you wanna bail?" he asked, his blue eyes filled with the same hope and excitement she could feel in her chest. "We could go play Lazer Tag."
"Only if we can have sex in the back."
"Well, duh," he answered, eyes twinkling in anticipation. Robin giggled like a little girl and wondered why she didn't feel foolish.
Barney turned away from her momentarily and seemed to be communicating something with Lily at the bar. He had a sour face and seemed to be trying to get out of something. She turned to face Marshall but he was staring bemusedly at his wife. What the hell was going on?
"Oh, fine. Uh, Robin?" he started, looking slightly more serious. Uh-oh. This couldn't be good. "Lily wanted me to ask, do you think, maybe, you could, not sleep with any other guys there?"
He was so cute when he was clueless. God, if she actually had to listen to her thoughts she would find herself completely nauseating. (And what the hell did Lily have to do with her sex life?)
"Well, most of the guys there are like, eleven, so I think you're safe," she answered playfully. He was still staring at her with nervous blue eyes so she continued slightly more serious, "Well, only if you promise not to sleep with any of the girls there."
Barney's face split into a giant grin. "Please. When you've got the best you can forget the rest."
Robin giggled and leaned across the table to seductively whisper, "Right back at you."
With a smirk he closed the gap between them and kissed her deeply. Her hands ran through his short hair and was about to grab his tie and pull him towards a bathroom when-
"Oh my God I knew it would work!" Marshall yelled, sidling up next to her in the booth and she and Barney split apart, shocked. Lily was just emanating some high pitched squeal and punching Barney repeatedly in the shoulder.
"Okay, I didn't know it would work, but I was pretty sure anyway," Marshall rambled on.
"Wait, what?" Robin asked angrily.
"Very sure?" he responded innocently.
Barney seemed to be trying to get as far away from Lily as possible in the cramped booth and failing miserably. Robin covered her giggle when he very nearly fell out of his seat, but caught him before he hit the floor.
Marshall turned his attention to his wife and confidently stated, "I did this. All my handiwork."
This finally caused Lily to turn away from a grateful looking Barney and face her husband. "What do you mean you did it? What did you do?"
"Are you kidding? I had an entire plan to get them together."
"Please, like you need a plan to get people together," Lily replied defensively.
"Plus I had to work with Robin here and get her to understand human emotions."
"Hey!"
"Sorry, Robin."
"Robin? You think you had it hard with Robin? I was stuck with Barney for the past six months! The guy thought feelings were a disease!"
Robin glanced at Barney who was observing the argument with a half-amused, half-offended expression.
"Wanna get out of here?" she asked, cocking her eyebrow mischievously.
"Lazer Tag?"
"Lusty Leopard?"
"I think we might be banned after last night."
"I told you that you weren't allowed to use the pole."
"Hey, I didn't hear you complaining."
"Well my mouth was kind of busy, wasn't it?"
"Uh, Robin?" interrupted Marshall. Lily was staring fascinated at her and Barney. "What was the one rule again?"
"Oh yeah. I think I'm going to have to break that," Robin answered, not taking her eyes off of Barney as she leaned across the table again and pulled him out of the booth by his collar.
He wrapped his arm around her waist in a fashion that would've been incredibly dorky had his hand not been doing some very intriguing things beneath her skirt. Just as they were about to leave the bar Robin was overcome with a sudden urge.
Turning back towards the booth she locked eyes with Marshall and telepathically said, 'Thank you.'
'You're welcome,' he replied with a satisfied smile.
Finally.
