Chapter Twelve
..
O Mary, permit me this grace,
this crossing over,
although I am ugly,
submerged in my own past
and my own madness.
Although there are chairs
I lie on the floor.
[...]
O Mary, open your eyelids.
I am in the domain of silence,
the kingdom of the crazy and the sleeper.
There is blood here.
and I haven't eaten it.
O mother of the womb,
did I come for blood alone?
O little mother,
I am in my own mind.
I am locked in the wrong house.
-From "For The Year Of The Insane" by Anne Sexton
..
Edward listened to the phone ring on the other end of the line impatiently. He lit a cigarette and sucked the smoke deep into his lungs and blew it out through his nose, and wished the nicotine could do something for him.
"Hello, Edward," Dr. Carlisle said.
"I've got a problem," Edward told him, without preamble.
"That's usually the reason why you call me." The bastard sounded slightly amused.
"It's not me this time, Carlisle. It's Alice."
"Alice?" Dr. Carlisle's voice was sharper. "What do you mean?"
"She's ... she's fucked up, Carlisle. Seriously fucked up." Edward told him everything, from the beginning, how he'd asked Alice to try to erase his memories and how he'd begun to get over Bella while falling in love with Alice. He told Carlisle what he'd seen in Alice's head, the trauma she'd endured, the hallucinations, her confusion, her catatonia, and how he had blackmailed her into becoming his wife. All of it.
Dr. Carlisle was silent on the other end of the line, and Edward could hear his pen scratching. "Well?" Edward demanded.
"Well, what, Edward? Do you want me to make a reliable diagnosis over the phone without even having spoken to her?"
"She won't talk to you," Edward said. "Of that much, I am certain."
"All I can say is that it seems he's using these delusions as a way of protecting herself from reality."
"Yeah, no shit. Now, how do I fix it?"
"I don't know."
"What the fuck do you mean, 'you don't know'? Haven't you gone to shrink school, like, twenty times?"
"The first thing I would do, if she were my patient, is look for an organic cause," Dr. Carlisle said, as if Edward hadn't spoken. "As an example, are you sure you removed all of the bone chips when you cleaned her wound?"
Edward was silent for a long moment. "I thought I did. I tried, but Christ, we were in a bathroom and I was using tweezers. Rose was trying to hold her still and I was hurrying because I knew I was hurting her ... But she hasn't complained about headaches. Wouldn't any chips be trying to force their way out of her skull?"
"Not always. If the body thinks it can co-exist, it won't expend the energy in trying to expel it. I had a patient once who lived with a MiniƩ ball in the back of his skull, a souvenir from the American Civil War."
Edward started considering ways he could get Alice to agree to be x-rayed when Carlisle interrupted his stream of thought. "But we can't rule out psychological causes, either. She's been through two severe traumas, one right after the other. Frankly, I'm surprised she's still with us."
"I had to do it," Edward said, grinding his teeth.
"I'm not condemning you, Edward. I'm just stating facts. Vampires are surprisingly fragile creatures when it comes to emotional trauma, and losing one's mate is the worst trauma we can face."
Edward knew that. Every supernatural being he'd ever encountered had the same Achilles heel. Physically, they were incredibly strong, but they could be swiftly felled by grief. "I need to know what I can do to fix this," he said.
"I can't say-"
Edward growled in frustration. "The hell you can't. I'm sure you have some idea."
Dr. Carlisle sighed. "All right. Mind you, I'm just tossing out ideas, since I haven't examined-"
"Fuck the disclaimers, just spit it out."
"You need to draw her gently out of her fantasy world. Make her reality more attractive than the alternative she's built in her own mind. Most importantly, make sure she feels secure. She's going to have severe abandonment and trust issues."
"I'm marrying her, for God's sake. Isn't that secure enough?"
"Edward, you can't do this," Dr. Carlisle said bluntly. "You can't give her what she needs, You don't understand emotions because of your lack of experience with them. To answer your question no, simply marrying her isn't going to make her feel secure. She grew up in an age of prenuptial agreements and a 50% divorce rate."
"Vampires don't divorce," Edward said.
"Oh? So you lied to her already with your promise to let her go in five years?"
Edward laid his forehead against the wall. "I thought I could win her over before the time limit and it wouldn't matter."
"And if you can't?"
"No, I won't let her go. She's mine. My mate. And she needs me, whether she'll admit it or not."
"Edward, forcing her like this isn't going to help. It's going to cause her to retreat more."
"I just wanted to make sure I had her," Edward said. "And I wanted everyone to know she was mine. Now that I have her, I can work on winning her back."
"Edward, I tell you this not only as your doctor, but as your friend. You can't do this. Not now. You haven't learned yet how to process and control your emotions. Let her go, and maybe after you've learned how to-"
Edward disconnected the call.
"Oh, Alice, you look so beautiful," Bella sighed. She fussed for a moment with Alice's veil and stepped back to examine her handiwork. Alice stared at her reflection, hardly recognizing herself.
Her gown was white silk with a simple A-line skirt that fanned out into a long train when she walked with a simple, embroidered bodice. "Anything fluffy and you'll look like a child playing dress-up," Bella had declared, and when she couldn't find the gown she wanted, she had designed one herself with the help of an Italian bridal shop. With Edward's time restraints, the gown had only been finished a few days ago and Bella had been nearly pulling her hair out with anxiety. Alice didn't give a damn if she walked down the aisle wearing old sweat pants, but Bella was as determined to make Alice's wedding magical and beautiful as she had been with her own.
Alice knew Bella had been frustrated by her lack of input, but Alice simply couldn't take the strain. She began avoiding Bella's calls just a couple of weeks into the process because Bella was constantly calling her with questions such as whether she preferred organza or tulle and since Alice had no idea what either were, she couldn't have contributed a meaningful opinion even if she had cared. Edward hadn't been much help, either, Bella complained. He simply told Bella to choose and he was sure whatever she selected would be fine.
The venue Bella had selected was a ancient palace in Rome, a painted and gilded monstrosity with marble floors and sweeping staircases. Bella had stuffed Alice into the bridal gown and dragged her to the palace for pictures last night. Alice had posed in front of every picturesque spot, and in a place this size, there were many. The photographer didn't ask her to smile after the first time, when the grimace Alice had presented him with had actually frightened him a little. Instead he posed her in "pensive" and "romantic" poses which had Alice staring off into the distance, at the floor, at the ceiling. In one photo, Alice's eyes were full of love and longing, when FantasyEdward made an appearance, leaning against a door frame with that wicked smile of his.
"Thank you, Bella," Alice said. "Really, thank you for all of this. I know how hard you tried and I wasn't very helpful."
Bella moved as if to give her a hug and then remembered Alice's aversion to being touched. "It's all right, Alice. I know you've been going through a lot lately."
"Don't laugh, Doc," FantasyEdward cautioned.
Alice looked back into the mirror. Her hair had been sleekly styled under the veil, with a real diamond comb holding the veil in place. It was part of the set that graced her ears, her neck and her wrists. Alice thought it looked like someone had tied a chandelier around her neck and her ears already hurt from the weight of the earrings.
"My guilt-gifts seem to get gaudier every time," FantasyEdward agreed.
Every evening since she had fled from the villa, a delivery man had arrived at the door with another package for Alice. She had stopped opening them the third day and had simply tossed the boxes into the hall closet. Why the hell would he buy her jewelry? Alice had wondered. He had to know she didn't wear it. Even her old self, who had liked fashion and glitter, hadn't worn things like this. A fun, colorful plastic necklace she found at the thrift store was more to her taste.
Alice stepped away from the mirror. "C'mere, Doc," Fantasy Edward coaxed, and she laid her head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around her. Comfort that she needed if she was going to get through the next few hours.
"Alice?" Bella said.
Oh, shit. She'd forgotten Bella was still in the room. She straightened and tried to look normal, whatever that was.
"Don't worry," FantasyEdward said softly. "I'll be with you, Doc, every step of the way."
"It's time," Bella told her.
What? How was that possible? She thought they had an hour or so ... She blinked and tried to seem like she was expecting it. She followed Bella from the room, down the hall to a set of double doors. She stopped and Bella spread out her train neatly, fluffing the veil one last time. She ducked in and gave Alice a quick kiss on the cheek. "Be happy," Bella said. She handed her the small white rose bouquet.
Alice nodded. The double doors opened and she was faced with a huge room of people seated in rows. The audience stood when she entered and a sigh rippled through the crowd. Alice kept her eyes cast down. There was too much color in this room. The walls and ceilings were painted with mythological scenes and Alice had to pull her eyes away from them because out of the corner of her eye, they seemed to move. She focused on putting one foot in front of the other. She dropped her bouquet but didn't notice until she reached the front of the room and had nothing to do with her hands. She crossed her arms over her waist, hugging herself. "I'm here, Doc," Edward said softly and she wasn't sure which one he was, Real or not. Emmett stood over beside him, as best man, and he was watching Alice with an odd expression.
A little girl in a white dress with pink bows tugged on her skirt and Alice looked down. She remembered her, vaguely, the daughter of someone's dayman, selected by Bella to be the flower girl.
She held up Alice's bouquet. "You dwopped dis."
Alice took it, and said "Thank you," through numb lips. The little girl trotted away, still casting around flower petals from her basket.
The priest was also a dayman or a relative of one, Alice couldn't remember which. She saw his mouth moving but didn't hear anything he said because FantasyEdward was singing to her, standing behind her with his hands on her shoulders, his lips an inch from her ear as he crooned the lyrics to her. It was Tell Me What You See by the Beatles. Alice closed her eyes and laid a hand over his.
"Alice?"
She opened her eyes swiftly. Had she lost track of time again? Everyone was staring at her. "I do?" she offered.
The priest smoothly continued. He was an old pro at weddings and used to small gaffes or glitches in the service and knew it was best to continue as if nothing had happened. (Though this was the first time he'd ever seen the bride close her eyes and daydream during her own wedding.) He pronounced them man and wife and offered permission for Edward to kiss his bride.
Edward lifted her veil and bent toward her. Alice swiftly turned her face so that his lips landed on her cheek. The guests clapped and Edward drew back, not bothering to hide the disappointment in his eyes, but Alice wasn't looking at him. She was looking at FantasyEdward standing behind him, his eyes full of love.
Why the hell Eward had insisted on this circus, Alice did not know. After the wedding, they adjourned to a ballroom and Bella was pretty sure that the ball had more guests than the wedding had itself.
It was a scene right out of a Renaissance drama. The parquet floor, the murals painted on the walls, the gilded plaster ornaments and the three massive chandeliers in a line down the center of the room. An orchestra behind screens and potted plants played waltzes. A buffet had been laid out for the daymen and human guests and a three-tiered wedding cake stood in the center which Alice had flatly refused to cut, so it sat there untouched, relegated to the status of a centerpiece.
FantasyEdward whispered into her ear. "May I have this dance?"
"Oh, no, I don't-" she demurred.
"Come on, Doc. We have to dance first to open the floor. It's tradition."
She didn't recognize the piece the orchestra played as he spun her out onto the floor. "What is this song?" It was soft, lilting, with a haunting sweetness.
"It's called Alice Dreaming. I wrote it for you," he said.
This wasn't FantasyEdward. This was RealEdward. Alice nearly froze in place, but he swept her along. "What happened?" he asked. "You've changed back to cold and distant. Did I say something wrong?"
Alice shook her head. "Can we stop dancing now?"
He sighed. "Whatever you want, Doc."
They sat at one of the tables along the wall, watching the swirling couples on the floor. They were joined frequently by others who stopped at their table to congratulate them, a few to drop off extravagant gifts for the bride of jewelery that she would never wear. At one point, Esme Cullen slid into the chair beside Alice.
"You should be smiling," she said. "It's your wedding day!"
Alice tried to smile at her and Esme shook her head, clicking her tongue. "This will never do."
And so Esme began to sing the rap songs she loved, starting with 99 Problems, tapping her hand on the table to keep the beat. Alice couldn't help but break into laughter, hearing those lyrics come from the demure, lady-like Esme, especially when she did the "cop voice".
"That's better," Esme said in satisfaction when she had finished up a delightfully filthy old Easy-E tune sung to the tune of the Green Acres theme song. "Now you look like a bride should look, a smile on your face and a twinkle in your eye."
Alice used a napkin to wipe away tears of mirth and then remembered she was wearing makeup, which probably needed repaired now. "Excuse me," she said and rose to her feet. She took the little clutch purse filled with cosmetics that Bella had given her and headed for the ladies room.
It was only once she was in the hallway that she realized she wasn't exactly sure how to get there. The hallway was dimly lit, which should have been no challenge for Alice's vampire eyes, but the shadows seemed to twist with the figures painted on the walls and she heard a faint "Mary Aaaaaaaalice," whisper through them.
Her breath caught and she turned on her heel to run, but she couldn't remember which door she had come through. Panic rose in her and she let out a soft whimper. Which way seemed safer? Then she saw it, down the hall to the left, a door marked "Ladies" in Italian. She let out a shuddering breath of relief and headed toward it, ignoring the twisting images on the walls no matter how much they called to her.
As soon as she entered the bathroom, she locked herself in a stall and sat on one of the toilets, bunching her long skirt up on her lap so that it didn't drag on the floor. She had to calm herself before she went to the mirror where anyone could see her. She wondered how many of the guests had already figured out she was crazy. Rose certainly knew something was wrong. She'd been watching Alice all evening with worried eyes.
She heard the door open and the click of two pairs of heels on the tile. "Oh, Gawd, did he look hot tonight!" one of the women exclaimed. "I gotta see if I can pull him aside for a little, you know, private time in the garden."
"It's so funny, though, Edward Masen getting married," the other woman tittered. "Why do you think he did it?"
"Who knows. It's not as though it matters, or at least it didn't matter to him last night." The first woman snickered.
"You're still fucking him?" the other woman asked.
"Oh, yeah. I mean, you didn't expect him to slow down just because he was going through with this farce, did you?"
Alice stood and unlocked the stall door. The two women turned to her with unconvincing expressions of surprise. Alice opened her purse and surveyed herself critically. As she'd suspected, the foundation under her eyes was gone and the dark circles were apparent again. She pulled out the little bottle of foundation and compact. The two women stood there, having expected some sort of confrontation and now were at a loss when one did not materialize.
Alice used a sponge to pat the concealer under her eyes and then powdered the area. Aw, damn. Now she was going to have to re-do the mascara because the light powder had coated her lashes. She fished through the bag until she found the little black tube. Makeup was simply too much of a bother.
The women still stood there. "
What?" Alice said, glancing in their direction as she unscrewed the wand.
"You don't care that your husband is cheating on you?" the woman demanded.
Alice shrugged. "Not particularly. It's not like I expected him to be monogamous."
Their jaws dropped.
"Just don't expect that you matter to him," Alice continued. "You're one in a very long line of easy lays, and it's unlikely he'll even remember your name the next time you meet."
"You bitch!" One of the women charged at Alice and froze when a short sword rested against the side of her neck. One of the things that Alice had liked about this gown was that it nicely concealed the sword she now wore every day, strapped to her back. It made her feel safer to know she could fight off any physical threats, even though most of her torments were in her own mind.
"You sure you want to go down this road?" Alice asked. "Because I warn you, I do not fuck around pulling hair and scratching. I'll kill you."
The woman's eyes were huge. "I'm sorry," she whispered.
"Good answer." Alice re-sheathed her sword and fluffed her veil over the hilt. She picked up the mascara tube she'd dropped in the sink and went back to applying it.
The two women scrambled for the door and Alice smirked at FantasyEdward, who stood behind her, giving her a slow clap of approval. "Nicely done, Doc. You really had the badass bride vibe going."
"Thanks." She finished repairing her makeup and stuffed the supplied back into her purse. "Will you please hold me?" she asked, hating how needy her voice sounded.
"Always," he promised and she sank into his arms.
She could almost feel his warmth, though her mind couldn't replicate the scent of Edward. "If I walked out into the sun, would I be with you forever?"
He chuckled. "I'm not a ghost, Doc, and besides, you don't want to die."
No, she didn't. No matter how bitter or painful life had become, she still couldn't end it.
He tilted up her chin. "You look beautiful," he told her, and his eyes held all of the warmth and love she craved. This Edward was safe. This Edward would never leave her, would always give her what she needed, and would never let her down. This Edward would always belong just to her.
He kissed her and she moaned softly against his lips. The kiss deepened and she felt his hands slide down her back to her buttocks and then down her thighs to gather up her voluminous skirts. Her head fell back as his other hand slipped beneath her bodice.
The door opened and he disappeared like a wisp of smoke in a draft. Alice closed her eyes.
I shut my eyes and the world drops dead
(I think I made you up inside my head)
"Alice?" It was Bella and Alice had to push aside a dart of irritation.
"Just fixing my makeup, Bella," Alice said and zipped her purse.
"The ceremony was beautiful, Alice. I wish you could have enjoyed it."
"Maybe next time." Alice gave her a brief smile and Bella was shocked.
"Jeeze, Alice, it has to be bad luck to joke about your next marriage on your wedding day."
Alice rolled her eyes. "Let's get back to the reception."
She was glad of Bella's presence as they walked back to the ballroom. The figures on the walls stayed in their places and did not whisper to her as she passed. "What did you do to Marcy and Clara, by the way? They ran out of here like they were being chased by the devil himself."
And now Alice could summon up a real smile. "Nothing."
It was late before Edward finally rose and said goodnight to the guests. He had coaxed Alice into dancing once more but the est of the time had been spent at their table, Alice watching in silence as Edward chatted with their guests. He told them all a sweet little tale of how they'd met: he'd been helping her with one of her experiments and they'd just fallen head-over-heels before they could help it. Edward always punctuated that with a caress or kiss to Alice's hand that she couldn't avoid because of the guests' watching eyes. She resented him taking advantage of the situation.
"Stop touching me," she hissed when they had a moment alone.
"Newlyweds are supposed to touch, Doc," he said. "You don't want us to look strange, do you?"
"I don't care. I can't stand it."
And that's when he'd decided to call it an evening. He rose and thanked those nearby for coming. He took Alice by the hand and led her to the doorway where they paused so that Alice could toss her bouquet. She heard squeals and tussling, but didn't look back to see who'd caught it.
The car he'd chosen to drive this evening was a vintage Rolls Royce. He held the door open for her and Alice scooped in her dress, wadding it on her lap as she had in the bathroom. Bella winced at this indifferent treatment of her masterpiece but smiled and waved and tossed rice with the other guests. "JUST MARRIED" was painted across the back window, and a few pairs of old shoes had been tied to the bumper, probably by Emmett, who was just as enthusiastic about tradition as Bella, in his own way.
"Are we driving back to your house?" Alice asked. Dawn was only a couple of hours away and her instincts were urging her to find a safe place to rest.
"No, we're staying in a hotel here in Rome today," Edward replied. "It isn't far."
She wasn't surprised when they pulled up in front of another palace of a building. Edward always opted for luxury. Alice opened her own door and climbed out before Edward or the doorman could assist her. Edward gave the keys to the doorman and the bellhops opened the trunk to retrieve the luggage Alice didn't know they had. Who had packed for her? Bella? It was probably Bella, she decided.
"This way, Doc," Edward said, and offered her his arm. Alice didn't take it. She walked through the doors beside him, careful to keep her distance. She glanced around the lobby. The Italians sure loved their murals, she thought. She glanced away before the figures could move on her and refused to look at them again, though she was sure she saw movement out of the corner of her eye.
They entered a mirrored elevator with one of the bellhops who put a card in the slot and pressed the top button. The elevator rose so fast that Alice felt her stomach (or whatever it was that vampires had in there) drop. The doors opened to a magnificent suite and Alice was impressed in spite of herself. The large, paned windows gave a lovely view of the city, and the furniture was lovely period antiques that must have once graced a palace. Or maybe they had been here in this room for hundreds of years, in which case, Alice had to wonder at the stories it could tell.
Their suitcases were brought in quickly, but Edward declined to have the maids unpack for them. The bellhops exchanged a glance when he asked that the windows be covered because most people enjoyed the view, but hey pulled the drapes as they were asked. Edward checked them after they left. Heavy, embroidered things that they were, they would block out every bit of the sunlight. Edward called down to the desk and asked that they not be disturbed and requested that there should be no maid service to the suite until they had gone. He put the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door handle and threw the bolts. They were as secure as they could be, and a bit of Alice's tension eased.
But then she realized that she was locked in here with him. Alone. Vulnerable. She sat down in a chair in the corner and drew her knees up to her chin.
"Doc, stop," Edward said softly and knelt down in front of her. "You know I'd never hurt you."
Alice let out a harsh bark of laughter that made him flinch. "All you've done since I met you is hurt me."
"That's all over now," Edward insisted. "Doc, we can start fresh, you and I. Make this our new beginning. I'll court you as I should have and we can fall in love all over again."
Alice looked away. "I don't want you to court me. I want you to leave me alone."
"You said you'd give me a chance," he said.
"No, I said I'd marry you to keep you from killing poor Tyler. I can't believe you'd sink so low as to hurt an innocent man."
"I can't believe you thought I would," he retorted.
"You have no scruples, no morals. You've killed hundreds of vampires in the last few months. Why should I think that you'd draw the line at killing my boyfriend?"
"Don't call him that," Edward snapped.
"You lied to me again."
"Goddamit, Doc! I-" He raked his hands through his hair and changed his tone. "Doc, come on. Let's not argue, all right? I know you're tired. Let me help you change out of that dress, and we'll put you to bed."
Alice recoiled. "You are not undressing me."
"How else do you expect to get out of it?" Edward asked, sensibly enough. "It has about a hundred buttons up the back."
"I'll rip it off, if I have to," Alice said.
"Bella would have a fit." Edward rose and began to pace back and forth in front of her, but instead of reducing his stress, it seemed to increase his agitation.
"What she doesn't know won't hurt her."
"I'll only unbutton it to your waist," Edward told her. "You can reach from there."
Alice shook her head.
"He thinks he can seduce you," FantasyEdward said. He lay across the foot of the bed, watching Edward pace in front of Alice. "Watch, if you let him, he'll try to sneak in a few touches."
RealEdward knelt in front of her again, and she had to look away from those piercing, mint green eyes. "Doc, honey, you can't think I'd do anything to hurt you."
"I don't want you to touch me," Alice said. "You promised."
"Come on, this is different. I'm just trying to help you." And he looked so sincere when he said it that she caved.
"All right, but just to the waist," she reminded him. She stood and walked forward a few feet and then froze, not wanting to get any nearer to the bed in this vulnerable moment.
He walked around behind her, and she felt his hands brush her shoulders. "Just moving your veil," he murmured.
Alice held her breath so she wouldn't inhale any of his luscious scent. His fingers brushed the back of her neck and then dipped into the neckline to unfasten the first button. She felt him tug at the second and then he froze. "What the hell?"
Oh, her sword. She'd forgotten. She reached back and withdrew it, sheath and all.
"You wore a sword to our wedding?" He seemed somewhat offended.
"Yes, and I needed it too," Alice spat, "to protect myself from a couple of your tramps who tried to attack me in the ladies' room."
"What? Who?" he demanded.
"I don't know. Bella knew who they were. Ask her if you're curious."
"What did they say to you?"
"Nothing I didn't already know."
"Alice, what did they say?" Edward insisted.
"Why does it matter?"
"It matters to me. Tell me." His eyes bored into hers and she knew he could force her if he wanted to. He could force her to do anything.
"One of them said she enjoyed your company last night and that this whole marriage thing hasn't slowed you down on your quest to fuck everything that moves." Alice tried to keep the bitterness out of her voice and failed.
"Doc, I swear to you that I haven't touched another woman since I was with you."
"Yeah, right," FantasyEdward snorted.
"Do you really expect me to believe that?" Alice asked, curious as to whether he really thought she was that naive."You're a liar, Edward. You've lied to me so many times that I can't even keep track of the truth any more, myself."
"Yes, I've lied to you," Edward admitted. "And I can't expect you to believe me now. All that I can do is prove myself to you. You'll see, Doc. I love you, and I'm going to be faithful."
"You might as well go out and enjoy yourself," Alice said. "Because I'm not ... I can't ..." She bit her lip and stared at the floor.
She felt his hands lightly brush her back as he returned to unfastening the buttons. "I can wait."
She whirled to face him. "I've tried to tell you, but you won't listen. This isn't something I'll 'get over' if you keep pressuring me. It's not going to happen. Ever."
"You slept with Tyler," he said.
"No, I didn't. AnotherAlice did." Alice clapped a hand over her mouth. She hadn't meant to say that. She never wanted him to know how deep her well of crazy really was.
But he didn't freak out. He must have seen some of it when he forced his way inside her head. "I don't want AnotherAlice," he said. "I don't want your body if you're not inside it. I want you, Alice."
"She doesn't seem to come out when you're around," Alice admitted reluctantly.
Edward stepped behind her and his fingertips brushed the flesh of her back. She felt another button pop free of its loop and his finger traced down to the next. She had to fight the urge to shiver, but she didn't know why.
"Maybe your mind doesn't feel it needs her to protect you from me," he suggested.
"I don't know why that would be. You're more dangerous than Tyler could ever be. You destroy everything you touch."
His hands stilled. "I want to be different. I want to be different for you, Doc."
"Impossible," she said. "Like the old expression about a leopard changing its spots. You are who you are, Edward. You're not going to change who you've been for nine thousand years overnight."
"No, not overnight," he agreed. "It will take some time, but you make me want to be a better man, Alice. You make me want to be worthy of you, worthy of your love. Please, just give me a chance."
"I don't have a choice, do I?" She shrugged away from his hands. "I can get the rest of it." She strode into the bathroom and shut the door, sliding the small bolt into place, and then had to laugh at the futility of it.
"You're right," FantasyEdward said. "I destroy everything I touch." He tapped a finger on the mirror and cracks fanned out across its surface. Thousands of tiny reflections of Alice. She closed her eyes and when she re-opened them, the mirror was intact once more.
