True Love Way
Chapter 11
I practically took Rosalie off her feet when I rushed off the elevator in ICU that evening. She laughed, accepting my apology, and gave me a big hug.
"Scrubs?" I inquired, eyebrows raised. "Out of clean clothes for your third day off in a row? You need to train Emmett better."
"Funny. Actually, I just got out of surgery. I came in to see Bella and Charlie when we got home, and I had to do an emergency procedure. Can't even visit old friends." Rosalie gripped my arm when she saw my reaction. "No, no, no! It wasn't Bella! It was another patient. Oh god, I'm sorry!"
I took several deep breaths. She had scared the life out of me.
"My god, Edward, you're positively grey! Sit down for a minute. You look like shit. If Bella's awake, you'll scare the hell out of her." She led me to the small lounge, and we sat side by side.
"Do you think she'll wake up soon?" I trusted Rosalie more than any of the doctors here to tell us straight.
"Hard to say. I haven't seen her or her chart yet. Have you been sleeping at all? I'm worried about you."
"Nothing but sleeping today." Lauren's plans for comfort may have differed from what my body actually craved – the moment I'd hit her bed, I was sound asleep. I hadn't woken up until she had dinner on the table for us. "I'll feel better once you have a look at her. I want the truth."
Rosalie nodded at me reassuringly. "Ready to go see her?"
Another few deep breaths and I was more than ready. I'd missed her.
Charlie stood the moment I poked my head in the door. He waved us in, greeting Rosalie with a hug. "It's great to see you. Thank you for coming."
I grasped my sister's waist as tears filled her eyes. She had felt the sting of Bella's rejection of us as well. It wasn't to the extent I'd experienced, but I knew this had to be difficult for her too. She put on a brave face, clearing away her tears.
"Let's have a look."
"Should we leave?" I asked, accustomed to the routine of her frequent examinations.
"You can stay for now. I'm just going to go over her chart. But first things first…" She approached the head of Bella's bed. "Hey there, sweetie," she whispered, bending over our old friend in a deep sleep. "I've missed you so much." She placed a light kiss on her forehead – something I'd been tempted to do many, many times but hadn't had the guts.
Charlie and I watched as Rosalie went over Bella's chart. She mumbled along and nodded as she read. I understood most of what she was saying, but Charlie looked utterly lost. I nudged him with my elbow. "She'll speak in our language once she's done."
I had hoped to put him at ease, but the frown on Rosalie's face was countering my efforts.
"Okay… sorry, guys. I will have to ask you to step out for a few minutes. I want to have a look at her myself. Go grab something to eat or whatever. I'll call you when I'm done." She was putting fresh gloves on even as she spoke. We exited in silence and stayed that way until my phone rang.
Rosalie came down to the small cafeteria on the main level where we had gone. She poured herself a coffee and didn't even flinch at the bitter taste of it. She must be used to it.
"I wanted to talk to you here, rather than in the room. There's no proof that she can hear us, but I don't want to take any chances."
"It's bad then," Charlie stated. "My girl's really bad off, isn't she?"
"I'm not going to lie, Charlie… she's stable for now, but not nearly out of the woods. Her kidneys are at risk of failing. There was minimal damage to them from the crash, so that tells me there's something else going on. Combined with the fact that she's still comatose, I'm led to believe it's neurological. There's obviously cerebral swelling. With her kidneys shutting down, it would indicate a possible hemorrhage."
I felt sick to my stomach. Charlie looked like he was going to return the burger he'd just eaten as well. He couldn't even muster his cop face. "Hemorrhage… a brain hemorrhage. I'm not medically inclined, but I know that's never good."
"We can stop it," Rosalie stated swiftly. "I'm not even positive that's the problem. We've ordered an MRI, and we'll examine our course of action once that's done. The bigger problem right now is the baby. She'd fare much better if the fetus wasn't taking some of her resources."
I choked on my coffee. Bella's pregnant? Why the fuck hadn't Charlie mentioned that little nugget of information?
"Excuse me?" Charlie blurted. "Did you say 'baby'?"
Ah. He didn't know either.
"Oh, shit. Charlie, I'm sorry! I assumed you knew! Otherwise, I would have put it more delicately. I am so sorry."
Apparently Charlie was as stunned into silence as I was. Both of us sat there with blank, dumbfounded looks.
"Okay, I'll start this over." Rosalie inched her chair in closer, bending her head over the table so we could hear her soft voice. "Bella's about twenty weeks along. If the fetus were younger, it would have spontaneously aborted by now. Unfortunately, it's strong enough to have survived the trauma so far, but not strong enough to survive outside of the womb."
"I don't give a shit about the fetus!" Charlie's recovery from stunned silence was harsh. "I don't mean to be so blunt, but dammit! I want to know how my baby is going to come out of this. Are you saying that she'd have a better chance without the… if she wasn't pregnant?"
Rosalie nodded sadly. "I'm sorry, but yes. That's true."
"Get rid of it then," he stated firmly, without hesitation. I was a little shocked by his firmness. I was still adapting to the thought of Bella carrying a baby inside her damaged body. I felt stupid for not even noticing the second heart monitor. Now that I knew, I realized I'd been listening to her baby's steady heartbeat all along, interspersed with the beeps of the machines.
"I'm not sure you can make that decision, Charlie," I spoke up for the first time. Sure, I wanted Bella to have the best chance of recovery possible, but she was pregnant. Babies weren't made on their own. That meant there was a father out there somewhere – a father who had the right to weigh in on that decision. Bella hadn't been as isolated as Charlie had thought.
~ 0 ~
Once Charlie calmed down, he agreed that we needed the father's input. We made it our jobs to locate him. Emmett and Rosalie contributed to the search as well. Once again, I had to shut Lauren out when she offered to come over and help. It felt invasive enough that the four of us who knew and loved Bella were digging into her personal life – I couldn't involve a stranger. The fact that I kept thinking of my girlfriend as a stranger didn't escape me, but I buried my guilt to help Bella. She had to come first right now.
"Okay! Guys, guys! I think I found something!" Emmett flew out of the chair he'd been perched on, scouring the internet all morning. Charlie was on the phone in the bedroom, but Rosalie and I rushed to see what Emmett was so excited about. "Charlie said Bella spent a lot of time at school, so I looked up ASU and bam! We've ID'd the other two passengers on the plane. There's a write-up about the loss of a 'beloved Professor V and his wife'. It also states that 'noted alumnus, Isabella Swan' was injured and encourages prayers for her recovery."
"That must be the professor who mentored her. Charlie mentioned she spent a lot of time at the school, working for him. Obviously, she travelled with him, too." I bit back the jealousy I felt. Bella was living a life that none of us knew about. Not only was she romantically involved with someone, but she clearly had a very close relationship with her mentor and his wife.
"How does that help us, Em?" Rose asked softly. "We're looking for the baby's father, not Bella's mentor or fellow crash victims."
He quirked an eyebrow in her direction.
"Oh, Emmett!" Slapping his shoulder, she huffed her way past him and into my kitchen. "Get your mind out of the gutter! He's married!"
"So…?"
"Bella wouldn't do that," I stated in blind faith. "She wouldn't. And besides, what guy would travel with his wife and pregnant lover? Nice find, but it's still not what we're after."
Emmett shrugged and accepted the pastry Rosalie deposited into his hand. She offered me one as well, but I declined. They'd looked appetizing in the bakery when I'd purchased them, but now… not so much.
Charlie emerged from the bedroom looking ornery and extremely worn out. He seemed to have aged ten years in the past few days. Mostly, overnight. He took a pastry from the box and bit into it, flaky crumbs attaching themselves to his moustache.
"Any luck with Kate?" I asked.
"I hope not. I mean, I hope to hell she's wrong."
I watched the familiar exchange between my brother-in-law and sister. He waggled his eyebrows at her – his cocky way of displaying he was right. She stared him down icily until he dropped the cockiness and seemed to cower into his chair.
"Kate insists that the only male Bella spent time with was this professor fella. She moved in with him a few months ago."
"Professor Vultur-ica-caca?" Excitement renewed, Emmett attempted to pronounce the name of the deceased man.
"Professor V, as he's known," Charlie acknowledged. "She's wrong. She's got to be wrong! He's married…"
"We know," Rosalie and I said in unison. The realization that knew little of the woman Bella was today hit us hard. It looked more and more like she'd had an affair with her married professor, and was carrying his baby – a baby that was killing her.
"Okay, folks, let's take a positive spin on this." Emmett took charge when we all fell silent. "If this V dude is the father, he's dead." He took a moment to consider that and crossed himself in prayer. "May he rest in peace. Mrs V, too. But this would be good news. If the baby's father is no longer with us, then he has no say. It's entirely up to the mother, and since she can't speak for herself…"
"It goes to the next of kin." Rosalie nodded with a smile.
"That's you, Charlie," I pointed out.
He brushed the crumbs from his face, swallowed down the remainder of his coffee and cleared his throat. "Get rid of it."
~ 0 ~
We had all agreed that we were doing Bella more good by leaving her alone to work on a solution. Now that we seemed to have located the father, and determined he wasn't able to make the decision, there was a strong need to return to her side. We all went, much to the chagrin of the duty nurses.
"You all know the rules," she grumbled when we refused to cooperate and take turns in the room. "Just don't make me call security… Doctor Cullen-McCarty." She gave Rosalie a teasing smirk with her show of respect.
Rose smiled at her. "I promise, Natalie… no loud music. No outside food. No toying with the equipment. We'll be little church mice in here. You won't even know the room is occupied. Thank you for your diligence."
Once she was out of the room, my sister turned her smile on us. "Gotta show her who's boss. But she's right. There are too many people in here. Edward, why don't you come chill with me for a little while, then we'll switch up."
I followed along obediently. We decided to take a walk around the block since the rain had stopped briefly.
"You okay?" Rose tucked her arm in mine as we strolled. "This must be so hard on you. It doesn't help that I threw the news of the baby out that way. I'm such an idiot! If you'd known, you would have told me, right?"
I nodded. "It's not your fault, Rose. I'm already recovering from the shock. I'll be fine. It's Bella we need to worry about. And Charlie. He's not taking this well."
"Ya think?" Rosalie snickered. "What gave it away? His refusal to call her unborn child a baby?"
"I know! It's either 'it' or a 'fetus'. My guess is he's trying to objectify it… make it less real. Or human. If the baby's an 'it', I guess it's not such a tough choice to make. I wouldn't want to be the one choosing."
Rose was quiet for a moment. "If you were, what you do? I can't be objective, Edward. I'd do anything for a baby."
"Oh, Rose… I'm so sorry!" I stopped her on the sidewalk to embrace her. Rosalie was unable to have children herself, and she was still weepy about it from time to time. "I didn't even consider how this would affect you. I'm sorry."
Bravely, she wiped away her tears and smiled at me as we continued our walk. "You're a guy. And as far as I know, you don't have the desperation for a child that I do, so… I hope this doesn't come out wrong. I don't want you to think I've forgotten how you felt about her." She gave me a tentative look, and I nodded at her to continue with her question. "If this was your baby, what would you do?"
"Report a miracle," I quipped, getting an eye roll. "Seriously…" I blew out a breath and tried to think of an honest answer.
"Don't overthink it. Just tell me what your gut reaction would be."
"I'd save Bella," I responded quietly. Bella had once meant everything in the world to me. I couldn't see how a brand new person – a little person who hadn't even been brought into the world yet – would change that.
"I notice that we've passed by Lauren's restaurant twice and you haven't even looked up, let alone stopped in to see her. Everything all right?"
I groaned. "This is me being an asshole. Appreciate the man you got, Rose. Em would never walk by you without stopping or even thinking of you. I'm really distracted by all of this stuff with Bella. I'm completely blowing it."
Rose draped her arm around my waist. "Wanna know what I think, big bro?"
"Always." My arm went to her waist, drawing her tightly against my side.
"Maybe you're kind of hoping you do blow it."
"What the fuck, Rose? You think I'm sabotaging my future happiness?" I wasn't angry with her for speaking her mind. It was more that she had spoken my mind.
"I'm just saying that –" She was cut off with her pager going off. "Shit. We've got to go back… it's Bella."
~ 0 ~
The MRI had finally been performed, showing a massive hemorrhage. Rosalie was in surgery with Bella, while Charlie, Emmett and I waited in her room. Charlie sat like a stone – a solid, unmovable mass. I paced frantically, tugging at my hair, drumming my fingers on my legs, rubbing my neck… I needed to keep moving. Emmett was his usual calm self.
"You know, this is a good thing… again." His voice broke into the dense silence of the room. Without the monitors bleeping, it was morbidly quiet. "They had to operate. No choice. They didn't have time to mess around with terminating the pregnancy beforehand. There's a strong probability the baby won't make it through another surgery anyway – then no one will have to decide. It's in God's hands."
Charlie stared blankly at the empty bed as he nodded. I swallowed deeply, fighting back the tears that were threatening to fill my eyes. How would Bella feel when she woke up and found out she was no longer pregnant? She had always said she didn't want children. Obviously, she had changed her mind. But was this baby an accepted accident, or something she desperately wanted? No one knew the answer to that except Bella. It broke my heart to think of her losing a baby she loved, no matter what the circumstances of its conception or demise.
"I'm just saying… it makes it easier all around. It's out of our hands."
"It's in Rosalie's hands," Charlie commented in monotone. "I may be a cold-hearted bastard in saying that I honestly don't care what happens to the fetus, but if God is in that OR right now with Rosalie and my baby girl, that's all I care about."
"Excuse me…" I muttered as I fled the room. The heavy weight of emotion left me feeling like I was drowning. I patted down my pockets, searching for the little tablets I always kept with me in case of a panic attack. I hadn't needed to use the little gems for some time, but I kept up with the prescription repeats of whatever the latest miracle drug for anxiety was. I popped one and swallowed. I needed to keep control, no matter what. If the surgery caused the termination of Bella's pregnancy, Rose would be beside herself. If the baby survived, Charlie would utilize his rights as next of kin and possibly destroy what was left of his relationship with his daughter – in order to save her life. Would Bella see it that way? Would she be thankful? Or would she reject him, as she had me and my family? Would she completely turn into herself, feeling she had no allies? No one to turn to?
What would Bella want? God, please show us what Bella would want. Help her out. Speak for her while she's unable to.
I didn't even know how I'd gotten to the little chapel in the hospital. But there I was, praying for a voice for Bella. Tears streamed down my cheeks, and I realized that He'd heard me. He was with me for sure. I had the ultimate sense of faith that He was doing what was right. Not once had I prayed for Bella to make it out of surgery – I had complete faith that she would.
I found Emmett roaming the halls when I returned.
"Dude, I've been looking for you everywhere!"
"I just needed a few minutes," I explained. "Thank you, for saying what you did in there. It makes a difference." I wanted him to know that I appreciated everything he was bringing into this ordeal. "It can't be easy for you to think of how easily Charlie's willing to let the baby go."
He smirked at me. "Ed, I want a baby with Rose more than anything else in this world, but if you think I'm gonna cry over it, you're mistaken. It is what it is. I'm not gonna get all bitter over what I can't have when I look around at all that I do have." He slung an arm around my shoulder. "You'll never see me cry over it. Anyway, Rose sent me looking for you. Bella's in recovery. And Rose wants to talk to us."
Emmett had to trot to keep up with me. We could hear Charlie's raised voice when we neared Bella's room.
"Charlie… Charlie, stop!" We walked in as Rose raised her voice to match. "I want you to hear me. Charlie? Are you really listening now?"
Emmett and I stepped forward to support her as Charlie collected himself. "I'm sorry. You know I'm not angry with you. I'm just…" He groaned in the frustration we all felt. "I'm listening."
"Bella was not stable enough to perform that procedure at the same time. We had to relieve the pressure on her brain and stop the bleeding. That took precedence. She's stable now. She's much better off than she was two hours ago, or two days ago – that's what's important."
"I know. I know that. Thank you." Charlie took up the pacing I'd been doing. "So now what?"
"Now we wait. With the hemorrhage under control, we should see a difference."
"And if we don't?" Charlie asked what I was wondering myself.
"Then, when her body is able to handle more blood loss – more trauma – we'll perform any authorized procedure that ensures her well-being."
I took note that Rosalie didn't call it an abortion, or even termination. It was a 'procedure'. "So the baby made it through this surgery."
Rosalie turned to look at me, hearing the soft concern in my voice. She gave me a sad smile. "Yes, the baby made it. She's got a little fighter in there."
It was Charlie's turn to bolt from the room. He grumbled an apology as he stormed out.
"I don't know how to deal with Charlie on this," Rose confessed. "I don't think I can be involved in what he wants. I'm really sorry."
"Don't be," I assured her. "That isn't your field, so don't concern yourself with it."
"I'm really struggling with this – professionally, I want to advise Charlie to go through with it. Bella would have much more strength to recover if her body was only tending to itself. Morally… God. When I think of what this little one has been through already… this baby is so strong."
Emmett wrapped his wife in his strong, loving arms as she began to weep. "Shhh, baby, it's not your decision. Let it go."
"I'll just give you two some privacy," I mumbled, making my own escape. I was thankful a co-worker had agreed to cover my shifts for the next couple of days. With Bella just getting out of surgery and the whole pregnancy debacle, there was no way I was in any condition to take emergency calls.
Somehow, I found myself wandering towards the neo-natal ward. Something was telling me to fight for this baby – that Bella would want me to fight for her. I needed some inspiration for that, because honestly, I still saw that Bella's health was more important.
"Charlie?" I stood, dumbfounded, as I spotted him looking through the glass of the nursery. "You're the last guy I expected to find here."
"Know what I see when I look at these little ones? Bella."
As I stepped closer, I saw the tears running unabashedly down his cheeks. He wasn't moving to hide them or clear them away. I swallowed hard and took a silent place beside him.
"She was the most beautiful thing in the world, my little Bella. She wasn't planned. Hell, she caused some dandy fights before she was born. I was so young. Her mother was young – too young. We weren't ready to be married, let alone have a kid. But then she was here. My baby girl. I never loved anything or anyone more from the moment I laid eyes on her. I know she was all red and wrinkly, just like these ones, but my god… to me, she was the prettiest little thing ever. My. Baby. Girl."
I wiped at my own eyes, even though Charlie still hadn't moved to do anything about his waterworks. I'd never heard a man speak about their baby this way. I knew that my father loved me, but I had always assumed it was entirely different from the gushing sort of love mothers felt. I supposed mothers just showed it more than fathers. My only experience was with Jasper. He was a basket case, but that was more out of concern – or so I'd thought.
"I've lost her so many times. It wasn't my choice when Renee took her away. I never felt like that was my fault. It was Bella's choice to leave me the second time, and that hurt. I'm not going to lie. It's no excuse for letting her drift so far out of my life that I didn't know what's been going on with her. I'm scared, Edward. I've stared into the eyes of a cold-blooded murderer, and I wasn't as scared as I am right now. I can't lose her for good."
"A very wise man once gave me some advice; he said, 'let things play out'. I respect that man enough to pass that same advice back. Give it some time, Charlie. See what happens before you do anything rash. Can you do that?"
He hesitated briefly. "If she's in any danger at all, I'll want it taken care of immediately. Otherwise…" He bowed his head, tears splashed on his shoes. "I'll take your advice, because I respect you, too."
~ 0 ~
I thought Charlie would go back on our agreement when he saw Bella being wheeled out of recovery. The bandage on her head was intimidating. It gave me the full impact of what my sister did for a living, and put me in awe of her once again. I also saw Bella as being that much more vulnerable. How much more could she endure?
Her status didn't change – she didn't immediately awaken as they'd hoped, but there was no further deterioration of her organs either. It was a stalemate. A waiting game. An immensely fucking frustrating waiting game.
I returned to work, staggering to and from my shifts around hospital visits. I rarely saw my apartment. I saw Lauren even less frequently. She remained generous and understanding during our phone calls and brief encounters. She promised she would see this through with me. She sent enough food to feed whoever was there to Bella's room daily. She also hired a maid service to clean my apartment, knowing I had very little time to take care of things myself. On her birthday, I sacrificed my time with Bella to take Lauren out, and even spent the night with her in her apartment. It was the very minimum I could do – I wasn't feeling smug about it. I truly felt like a walking turd for making it seem like I was gracing her with my presence for one night. I owed her so much more but had nothing to give.
I went to work from Lauren's the next morning and then straight to the hospital to relieve Charlie. Rosalie came and had dinner with me in the room on her break. Afterwards, alone with Bella, I decided to tell her about Lauren. It was only fair since Lauren knew all about Bella… well, not all about her, but more than she knew of Lauren.
I was surprised when the night nurse came in to tend to Bella. I didn't realize I'd been talking so long. As was the routine, I chatted with the new nurse for a few minutes, then went for a walk to stretch my legs. I'd also gotten into the habit of making a 'good coffee' run for the staff, and I'd pick up a hot chocolate for myself. I was usually able to catch a few hours' sleep on the cot, but not if I had any more coffee. I kept myself running on coffee all day at work.
After making my deliveries, I settled back in with Bella. The lights were dimmed for the night, and the only sounds other than Bella's breathing and her machines bleeping were the soft padding of rushed nurses in the hallway. I stretched out my neck and then sipped on my foamy hot chocolate. I was all talked out. I found myself mesmerized by Bella's steady breaths. I was also very aware of the baby's heartbeat mixing with it. It was musical – the aquatic sounding thumps with each breath Bella took. I made a recording on my phone, thinking I'd send it to Rosalie. I then thought better and kept it to myself.
As I pocketed my phone, a change in the sounds drew my attention. Someone's heart was beating differently. Now completely familiar with the monitors, I saw it was Bella's. I watched it for a moment, debating whether to run for a nurse, or wait it out. Coma patients sometimes dreamt. It was possible she was simply dreaming.
"Sing to me."
Was it possible I was dreaming while fully awake? I was certain I heard a soft voice mixed into the beeping. I turned in my chair to face Bella again. She looked no different.
"Sing? Can you…"
There it was again. My own heart raced faster than the ones being monitored. Standing, I leaned over Bella, examining her face closely. I had to be dreaming.
And then I saw it – her lips parting ever so slightly. A very weak sounding plea escaping her full lips. "Please? Can you sing?"
I gasped, and laughed, and sobbed all at once. My hand went to her head automatically. I had spent hours stroking her hair around the bandage, thinking it would soothe her. But now, she was awake and she may not like that. I removed my hand and whispered to her. "Bella? Can you hear me?"
Her mouth twitched. "I hear."
I swallowed heavily, dreading the next part. "Do you know who's with you?"
"Yeah," she whispered breathlessly.
"It's Edward," I stated, in case she was confused.
"Yeah."
"Bella… you're awake! I can't believe you're actually awake! We've been waiting for this… Charlie should be here. He's gonna be so upset with himself for missing this. He's been here practically every hour of the day, waiting for you to come back to us. Oh my god, Bella…"
"Dad? Here?"
"Not right now. No. I'll call him. I'm gonna call him for you, okay? Right now. I'm just going to go get the nurse."
"Edward…"
My heart rose into my throat at the sound of her voice saying my name. I leaned back in so she wouldn't exert herself. "What is it, Bella? I'm here."
"Just… sing… so… tired…"
Selfishly, I sat back down. Bella knew I was here, and she was asking me to stay. She wanted me here. And she wanted me to sing. "I can make you mine… taste your lips of wine… anytime, night or day. Only trouble is… gee whiz… I'm dreaming my life away…" It was the first thing that came to mind, and so I sang to her, softly lulling her into a normal sleep. Her heart returned to its regular pace, but her face had softened. There was the slightest smile on her lips, and she looked beautifully peaceful.
An hour later, she was awake once more. This time, she even opened her eyes. "You stopped singing."
"Sorry." I chuckled, amused that she was so demanding even in this state.
"But you're still here."
"Uh-huh. Does it hurt to talk?" Her voice was weak, and it sounded raspier than before.
"Dry. Water?"
"Let me see if that's okay. I'll go get the nurse."
"No!"
"Bella, I don't want to do the wrong thing for you. I have to get help."
"Don't leave," she pleaded.
"I won't. We're right across from the nurse's station. I'll just open the door and call over to them. I'm not going anywhere, Bella. I promise you."
Three nurses filed in after receiving my news. They were very excited to finally speak with their patient. I stood off to the side while they did their standard checks, Bella's eyes stayed fixated on me the entire time.
"I know I'll be kicked out when the doctor comes to see you," I warned her. "But otherwise, I won't leave until you tell me to."
Her face looked pained, like she was crying but there were no tears. "You'll stay with me?"
"Where else would I go?" I whispered, finally leaning in to give her forehead the kiss I'd been wanting to for weeks. "Where else would I go?" I repeated softly as she smiled.
A/N ~ I'm not going to say anything aside from thank you for your thoughts on the last chapter. I appreciate your time.
And I appreciate Shug's compulsion to beta-read for me. ;)
msj's pre-reading contributions are invaluable to me, as is her friendship. I heart you!
Until next week, thanks for reading! XX ~ SR
