Chapter 12: On the Road Again


"Yong Qi! Wake up!" Xiao Yan Zi cried, early in the morning that they were due to set off for the inspection trip. She was bouncing on the bed, tugging the covers away from her husband.

Yong Qi blearily opened one eye and saw that the room was still dark. "Xiao Yan Zi, it's not even light yet. Go back to sleep."

"It is too light! Come on, wake up! Can't you hear the birds singing? Come on, come on!"

"Bird? The only bird I can hear right now is a swallow who is up at an insane hour. Let me go back to sleep, you can get up if you're so excited but don't wake the whole house up."

"Come on, Yong Qi! We're setting out early, aren't we? Wake up or everyone will leave without us!" Xiao Yan Zi said persistently, pushing him.

Yong Qi groaned, yanked the covers back from her and pulled it over his head. "We're setting out early but not at the crack of dawn, Xiao Yan Zi. And I doubt everyone will go without us," came his muffled voice.

Xiao Yan Zi was still for a moment, just long enough for Yong Qi to start to drift back to sleep, feeling relieved that she had taken his advice and calmed down. Then she shook him again, "Yong Qi!"

So it went on, and it was safe to conclude that, in the end, poor Yong Qi didn't get much more sleep after that.

The start of the journey was surprisingly uneventful. They were taking three carriages, one for Qian Long and the two Niang Niang, one for Zi Wei and Qing Er, and the last one for Xiao Yan Zi, Mei Ru and Mian Yi, as well as the little boy's wet-nurse, his Nai Niang. The men were all riding on horseback. However, most of the time saw the occupants of the last two carriages crowded into one.

Overall, the trip was a leisurely one, slow paced with everyone just enjoying a vacation away from the palace. It was spring and the whole country was blooming beautifully with new life. The comfortable carriages meant ensured their journey didn't bring any of them any tiredness. They would take long stops at small towns and major cities alike, as it was Qian Long's intention to inspect the country and inspections couldn't be limited to just the major cities. If anything, the little weedy problems happened more often in small towns where the officials ruled supreme and thought no one would waste time bothering checking up on their performance in such isolated, insignificant places. Throughout their journey, Xiao Jian was careful to keep tab of Du An's journey as well and made sure that he was keeping up with their own progress.

Their longest stop so far was at Jinan. The stay at Jinan was an emotional one. It was the first time that Zi Wei set foot back to the place where she was born since she left it all those years ago. They visited Xia Yu He's grave, which, needless to say, was a teary encounter for Zi Wei. Qian Long himself left Jinan with mixed feelings. The visit had stirred up all his guilt and sadness for Yu He stronger than ever. However, he also felt comforted that he at least, did make his apology and peace with her at her last resting place, even if the visit came so late.


Soon it was their last stop before they arrive in Hangzhou the next day. Xiao Jian discretely pulled Xiao Yan Zi into one of the carriages after dinner.

"How are you feeling? You seem very jumpy today."

She smiled weakly. "I'm…just nervous. We reach Hangzhou tomorrow."

"I know," Xiao Jian said softly.

"I've always known I want to come here; it is where I was born and our parents are laid to rest here…but now…I…I don't know how I'm going to be able to…"

Xiao Jian squeezed her shoulder. "I know, I understand. I haven't been back here since I set out to find you, either. I actually…I actually promised myself when I set out to find you that the next time I come back I'd bring you back with me. But then I found you, and so many things happened. I haven't been to Hangzhou that many times, really. I grew up in Dali, you know. My foster parents took me here when I was a child a few times, but other than that…I've only been here on my own once."

"What happened to them? Your foster parents?"

"They both passed away about three years ago. They didn't have any natural children so their whole estate was left to me, but I sold it all since I knew my life was with Qing Er in Beijing."

Xiao Yan Zi sighed. "I don't know what I'm going to have to expect. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. I wonder…but then Zi Wei at least knew her mother. I've never…"

"It's all right, I hardly know what I feel now either. Is Huang Shang going to come with us?"

"I don't know."

"Because I was thinking…I want to take just you, Yong Qi and Qing Er to their graves, first, anyway. And Mian Yi as well, obviously. No guards, no escorts, just the five of us."

"That would be nice…I'm not sure I'm going to be able to cope to see their graves for the first time and have Huang Ah Ma there."

For a moment, there was no noise but the rustling leaves outside and the sound of their soft breathing.

"Do you remember them at all?" Xiao Yan Zi asked shakily.

"I was only four then. Sometimes I convince myself that I remember from the stories my foster parents used to tell me. I don't know if those are real memories or they're just what I imagine from those stories. Even if they are real memories, they're always through this veil of fog…"

"I just wish…I just wonder…Do you think…"

"What?"

"We both married into the Ai Xin Jue Luo family, Xiao Jian. And considering…" she trailed off awkwardly.

"Do you regret it?"

"No," she said firmly. "Goodness, no. I love Yong Qi and I can't imagine things ever being different…well, no, I could do without all the drama I had to go through before I married him, but I could never imagine my life without him. I don't want to imagine a life without him. And Huang Ah Ma…I could forgive him because I love him, because he'd done so much for me, because despite knowing everything about me, he still loves me as his own daughter. But it's just…can we really ask Father and Mother to accept that? The truth is still that…Huang Ah Ma did order their deaths, under false information or not…How do we reconcile that to them?"

"Are you happy?" Xiao Jian asked seriously.

Xiao Yan Zi smiled, "Yes."

"So am I, and I think for that, Father and Mother would be happy, too."

"You really think so?"

"Yes. I keep thinking back of before you knew the truth. If it were up to me, you would never know the truth of how our parents died. I never wanted to put that burden on you, having you know that the only father you've ever known was responsible for making it so. I didn't want you to feel guilty about marrying the man you love. You shouldn't be feeling guilty, Xiao Yan Zi. Yong Qi is a good man, and he loves you. After everything you two have been through, I'd be a fool if I didn't realise how good he is for you, how happy he makes you. There was a time when I wondered how I could do that, though. Before I met you, before I met Yong Qi, and Zi Wei, and Er Kang, all of you, my second biggest purpose in life, after finding you, was to avenge Father and Mother. Really, I had no idea how I'd accomplish that feat of killing the Emperor, but the driving force was there. Nothing else seemed to matter for me then, aside from those two purposes."

"Why didn't you? You could have done it before you grew close enough to us. You had the chance when we smuggled Meng Dan in to see Han Xiang."

"Yes. For me, at the moment, that seemed like a once in a life time opportunity, probably the only opportunity I'd ever have. But I didn't do it." Xiao Jian sighed. "By then, I already suspected you were my sister. And then I see you around him, the way you treated him as a father like it was the most natural thing in the world. It mesmerised me and angered me at the same time. And Huang Shang, he treated you in exactly the same natural way as a daughter. He scolded you, he reprimanded you, as father would. Before then I could never imagine seeing the Emperor as anything other than my worst enemy, someone I must kill, for Father and Mother. But that moment of seeing you and him together, it all confused me. I've never imagined my own sister could develop that kind of relationship with him, even if she didn't know the truth. And then I thought of Yong Qi, Er Kang and Zi Wei. The four of you might have been deceiving Huang Shang, but there was love and respect for him evident in your every interaction with him. You were risking your lives to help Han Xiang but you still love Huang Shang enough to do everything to ensure he was hurt as little as possible. I think it was that day that I realised the imperial family wasn't just a bunch of egomaniacs as I perceived them to be in my prejudice but there are some genuinely kind and nice people as well. Then was my only, my last opportunity to seek revenge, because after that, you all came to mean too much to me and I could never do it."

"How could you do it? How could you let go of it? I could forgive Huang Ah Ma because before I found out the truth, I already loved him, loved Zi Wei, loved Yong Qi too much. But how could you?"

"It wasn't easy and it wasn't instantaneous, you know. After I got back to Hui Bin Lou after that, I was so angry at you, angry at all of you. Why, of all the people to have adopted you, for you to love as a father, did it have to be him? How could you love him so much? Why, of all the people to touch me with their kindness, with their loyalty and chivalry, did it have to my enemy's own son and daughter? You have no idea how long and frustrating those months were for me. When I first heard that you were engaged to Yong Qi and found out who Yong Qi was…it was like Heaven was laughing at my face. I wanted so desperately to hate Yong Qi for seducing you, to hate Er Kang and Zi Wei…" Here he broke up and shook his head.

Xiao Yan Zi giggled. "Seducing me. I think a lot of people would say I seduced him."

Xiao Jian laughed as well. "Yes, well. It got more and more uncomfortable for me as I realised how sincere Yong Qi was about his feelings for you and how much he was giving up for you. As much as I hated it, it wasn't too long until I realised how much I respected him for his loyalty to you and realised how much he must love you to put up with your impossible childishness."

"Hey! I resent that comment!"

"Resemble it, more like. But you've gotten better," Xiao Jian grinned cheekily at her.

"Thanks," she said grudgingly. "And then?"

"And then for a short while, when we were all on the run, I could vaguely forget and ignore the fact that Yong Qi was Qian Long's son, because then we were under the impression he wanted us all dead. Then I convinced myself I would accept Yong Qi, for your sake, if he really was determined to give up his title for you. I had my doubts, you know. I knew that Yong Qi loved you, enough to give up everything for you. But back then…you two seemed to do nothing but fight and you seemed to treat his concern as a burden and annoying, and there were times when I wondered whether things would really be happy for the two of you since you come from much different backgrounds. I remember talking to Zi Wei about it. She told me…she told me if I kept myself out of your relationship, it would work out."

Xiao Yan Zi laughed. "I think there's a subtle hint in there."

"Of course. I knew…I knew my concern for you was entirely brotherly but none of you knew that. I used that…to a certain extent, to judge your feelings, Yong Qi's feelings. I could see how Yong Qi was going from being mildly annoyed at my attention for you to being jealous. That didn't really surprise me, what surprised me and, to a point, concerned me, was how blasé you were being about his jealousy, it was as if you didn't even notice."

"Were you concerned for me or for Yong Qi?"

"Both. There were times when I wondered whether you loved him as much as he loved you and if you didn't, whether this relationship was the best."

"I loved him then, as I do now…but also at the same time, I think I took him for granted. Huang Ah Ma made the engagement between us, you know, and because of that, as far as I was concerned then, nothing could change it, nothing could break that engagement between us and we'd be together eventually. That's partly what made it so bitter for me when Lao Fo Ye did and he had to marry Mei Ru…Well, anyway, I took him for granted because I thought it was a sure thing between us. I couldn't understand why he was so annoyed at my attention to you. I knew he loved me, so why couldn't he be sure that I loved him? I loved him and I liked you, but that's two different things, as far as I was concerned. All I knew then was that for me, you were like Er Kang and Liu Qing and I couldn't understand why he didn't see that. In a way I was annoyed at him because it seemed like he didn't trust my feelings enough but I think, in another way, I was angry at Huang Ah Ma and I was taking it out on him. I don't know."

"I could see why Yong Qi was jealous," Xiao Jian said with a small chuckle. "Everyone could see why Yong Qi was jealous. It seemed that you were the only who couldn't. In retrospect, I should never have gotten into that fight with him, you know, that day when I told you I was your brother. Yong Qi said something that touched a nerve but I could understand why he said that, under the circumstances, considering how rough things had been between you and him then. I should never had reacted like I did and got into a fight with him because I never planned to tell you that you were my sister. But after I did…after I did tell you, I knew I must never tell you who our family's enemy was, because I knew you might be angry at Qian Long, it didn't mean that you didn't still love him. Nan Yang…Nan Yang was the deciding point for me. If I told you the truth then…what would it had done to you and Yong Qi? I don't know. But I didn't tell you then…and I wondered how I managed not to, when I now by not telling you then, you were going back to the palace, going to marry Wu Ah Ge, not Ai Qi, going to be Qian Long's daughter in law. It was bittersweet, really. For your happiness, for your peace of mind, I knew I could give up anything, and for that, I knew I must give up the idea of revenge. Er Kang and Zi Wei pointed out a lot of things for me, things that I've thought about a thousand times over. But somehow, hearing it from them makes the points a little more valid to me, because by then, I wasn't trusting myself anymore. I didn't know what was right, what I was supposed to do that was best for you. There were a few things that Er Kang said that put things in perspective for me."

"Which were?"

"Father wrote a poem. That poem may or may not have had treasonous meanings. Father may or may not have deserved death. We won't know unless we dive into the case again. But even if he deserved death, he would only had deserved it from the Manchurian perspective. No one deserves death because of an opinion. Only other people think they deserve death because their opinion clashed with those others'. Either way, in every dynasty, countless people have been killed for writing certain things that are interpreted in a certain way. That wasn't about to change any time soon. If I do manage to kill Qian Long, then what? Father and Mother were still dead, it wouldn't change anything. It would only make you miserable, it would only hurt you, hurt Yong Qi, Er Kang, Zi Wei, hurt everyone I care about. It would hurt me. After I realised that…it was easier to accept who Yong Qi was, and that you were marrying him."

"A lot of good that did," Xiao Yan Zi muttered.

"It did, you know. If I wasn't able to realise that, and forgive Huang Shang through realising it, I don't know what I'd had done when you disappeared. Or when Lao Fo Ye found out and told you, for that matter."

"I suppose."

"And Xiao Ci," Xiao Jian said gently. Xiao Yan Zi's eyes widened at the change in her name. "I only was able to accept your feelings for Yong Qi, your marriage to Yong Qi, and Huang Shang, ultimately because I wanted you to be happy. Both of us have lost too much already; for me, to make sure that your life doesn't contain any more losses and pain is the most important thing. And one cannot be happy by holding a grudge and hating. I learnt that. And I think Father and Mother would appreciate that as well and be happy that both of us have managed to find the happiness that I am sure they always wanted for us. They would not blame us, least of all you. If anything, they'd be proud of you, as I am. You've been through so much but you still manage to keep your good nature, your smile, your integrity and believe in all the right things. That isn't an easy thing to do, little sister."

By then, Xiao Yan Zi's eyes were glassy with tears and she nodded quietly.


When Xiao Yan Zi returned to her and Yong Qi's room she found him still awake. He was sitting at the desk with a book and looked up as she entered the room. She made her way over to him and perched herself on the arm of his chair. Yong Qi put down his book and pulled her onto his lap. She sighed and rested her head against his shoulder.

"How was the talk with Xiao Jian?" he asked gently.

"You saw?"

"Yes, I saw him pulling you away."

"It was…emotional," she sighed.

"You all right?" he asked softly, caressing her cheek with his thumb.

"Hmm…"

Yong Qi took her hand, kissed the back of it before entwining his fingers in hers. "I love you, always."

Xiao Yan Zi straightened up so that she could look directly at him. "I know," she said softly with a small smile. "When are we going to get to Hangzhou tomorrow?"

"We should get there about mid-afternoon. Then I think after we get settled down, it might be dark already. I don't think we'd be able to go anywhere until the day after."

"That's all right, really. I just…well…I guess in a way that's good. Then I can have time to take in the fact that I am in Hangzhou before…"

Yong Qi squeezed her hand. "It's going to be all right."

"I'm all right, really. Just nervous. Anyway, Xiao Jian thinks it'd probably be best if he took us, Mian Yi and Qing Er to...to see my parents first, without everyone else, just us, you know, no guards or anything."

"Are you sure you don't want to go with just Xiao Jian first?"

She looked at him seriously. "I want you there. This isn't about just me and my brother anymore, Yong Qi. It's about us. You're part of me, part of my life, and I need you there with me."

"I'll be there, Xiao Yan Zi, I promise."

"Is Mian Yi asleep?"

"Yes, Nai Niang put him to bed already."

Xiao Yan Zi sighed. "Do you think Huang Ah Ma is going to want to come? Later, I mean. To visit my parents' graves?"

"I think so. Huang Ah Ma is far from being as perfect as people hail him to be and for that, his mistakes to tend to reap more consequences than most, but he still does accept them as mistakes when they come, which is a good thing. So I think he wants to apologise...even if it won't change the past."

"It's going to be weird to be going there with Huang Ah Ma," Xiao Yan Zi said softly. "Knowing that…it was Huang Ah Ma who ordered their deaths. I guess I've never really thought about it in this way before, but in the end…the truth is still there."

"But that truth brought you to me. If things didn't happen as they did, you'd be in Hangzhou, you'd never had come to Beijing. Then where would we be? In the end, though, I just hope I could...that I am making up for some of the pain my father inflicted on your childhood by loving you with all my heart."

"Oh, Yong Qi," she put a hand to his cheek gently, "you are, believe me, you are. You, Zi Wei, Er Kang, Qing Er, Huang Ah Ma, everyone." She snuggled into his embrace. "I just hope that my parents, wherever they are right now, will see how happy I am, how happy both Xiao Jian and I are, and forgive Huang Ah Ma too, since he ultimately was the mean to bring you and me, and Xiao Jian and Qing Er together."


As their carriages entered the gates of Hangzhou, Xiao Yan Zi noticed that she had rarely sat so still in her entire life. Usually when she was nervous, she moved around a lot. Everyone seemed to notice her tension but no one commented, though Qian Long was occasionally giving her unfathomable looks which she chose to ignore. If she did not, Xiao Yan Zi didn't how much more nervous she would work herself up to.

Their arrival at the edge of West Lake and settling into the boathouses was something of a blur to Xiao Yan Zi as it all she could to look around her. The only thoughts rushing through her head was that this place…this city…this land was where she was born, where her parents might have once trod, and that her parents had never been nearer to her than they were at that moment. It was enough to make her heart want to burst.

Her nervousness and tension was paramount throughout the whole day. That evening, when she and Yong Qi were finally alone in their room, she was still nervously pacing the length of the room until Yong Qi stopped her in her tracks, pushed her to sit down on the bed and forced a cup in her hand.

"Drink this."

"It's wine," Xiao Yan Zi exclaimed in astonishment as she recognised the liquid in the cup.

"Yes, and from what I can see it's about the only thing that's going to calm you down and let you get some sleep tonight."

"And wake up with a hangover tomorrow?"

"It's only one cup, Xiao Yan Zi, it's not enough to even give Zi Wei a hangover, let alone you. But it's enough to get you to calm down a bit."

Xiao Yan Zi sighed and raised the cup slightly, as if toasting him before downing it.

"I think I need another cup," she said breathlessly.

Yong Qi just smiled, shook his head and took the cup away from her. "Do you really want that hangover tomorrow morning?"

"No."

"Then that's all you're having."

Then he sat down next to her and took her hands in his.

"Would it help if I told you that you should calm down and that it's going to be all right?"

"No," she said flatly. "And how do you know it's going to be all right?"

He smiled and tapped his forehead. "Because I know."

Xiao Yan Zi wrinkled her nose and shot him a look. Then she sighed and said, "I don't even know why I'm like this, why I'm so nervous! It's not even as though they're alive and I'm going to have to face them and hear what they say to me and about me."

"And that's scarier, then, isn't it? You don't know what they would say and you still wonder."

Xiao Yan Zi glanced at him. "Well one thing is for sure, if my parents were actually alive and we had to meet them, I won't be the only one who would be nervous."

"You wouldn't?"

"Wouldn't you be nervous, meeting my parents as well?"

Yong Qi chuckled, "Yes, probably. But I'd be less nervous knowing that we're married and you're mine no matter what, so even if in a probably likely event your parents didn't approve of me there wouldn't be anything they'd be able to do about it."

"Probably likely? Is this the normally overly confident and proud Wu Ah Ge suddenly facing insecurity?"

"With you, I can never be sure of anything."

"Not even that I love you?"

"That, I know, but I can't be sure that despite that, one day, I will lose you, like I lost you once before."

Her expression softened and she slipped her arms around him. She just looked at him for a long time, then shaking her head slightly, placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. Then, resting her forehead against his, and whispered, "Never."

They stayed like that for a while before Xiao Yan Zi gave a small chuckle. "You were trying to distract me, weren't you?"

Yong Qi just shrugged and pulled her closer into his arms. Xiao Yan Zi chortled again before giving into his comforting arms.


The next morning, Xiao Jian, Qing Er, Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi, with Mian Yi in her arms, took a carriage to the place where the Fang house once stood. Though Qian Long knew where they were heading off to that that day, he didn't comment at breakfast and none of them particularly felt like bring it up either.

On the carriage ride, Xiao Jian explained to the other three what happened after their parents died, how the family property were seized by various ranking officials in the area. Their house was left abandoned until eventually it got turned into a temple. Xiao Yan Zi listened with an oddly calm expression on her face and was still and quiet throughout the whole ride. In fact, she spent most of the ride deep in thought, at times absent-mindedly soothing Mian Yi's cries as he stirred from his nap. However, Xiao Jian, Qing Er and Yong Qi exchanged worried glances as they all realised that her outward calm demeanour was just a cover for her actual nervousness and her own effort of not feeling too much.

As the carriage slowed to a stop near where the Fang house used to stand, Xiao Jian started speaking again.

"We're here." Then, he turned to Yong Qi and Qing Er, "You two go out ahead first, I want to say something to Xiao Yan Zi first."

They nodded and Yong Qi took Mian Yi from Xiao Yan Zi's arms before descending the carriage.

"Xiao Yan Zi," Xiao Jian began once it was just the two of them remaining in the carriage. "Remember what I told you the other day? I'm taking you here today not for us to dwell on our parents' deaths but it's because I know it's something you would want to do. This visit doesn't have to and shouldn't change anything in your life or relationship with anyone. The past cannot be changed, and what is important is that you continue to live for the present."

Xiao Yan Zi just nodded, but determinedly.

They spent a brief time in the temple where the house once was, but then quickly walked the short distance to where their parents were buried. As soon as the graves were in sight, Xiao Yan Zi seemed to be walking a little slower, as if holding back a bit. Yong Qi reached out and gave her hand a squeeze. She looked at him and the warm look in his eyes seem to give her a little more strength and she gave him a brave smile before turning back to following Xiao Jian to where her parents lay.

Soon they came to stand before the graves of Fang Zhi Hang and his wife. For a moment, there was no sound, no movement from any of them, except small trembles from Xiao Yan Zi. Then, Xiao Jian spoke.

"Father, Mother, it's been a long time since I visited you but I promised you the last time I came to see you that the next time I come back, I'd bring my sister with me. A lot have happened since I was last here and I can't help but think that you've been watching over us, Xiao Ci and me. Here we are now, before you, and we're both very happy, Father, Mother, and I hope you're both happy for us as well." There was a slight pause. Then, "Xiao Ci – "

Xiao Jian reached towards Xiao Yan Zi and pulled her forwards while Qing Er and Yong Qi both stayed back, giving the siblings their space.

"Father, Mother," Xiao Yan Zi began. It was the first words she'd spoken since they started out that day. And after they were out of her lips, her voice began to tremble and large, hot tears rolled uncontrollably down her cheeks. She swallowed hard before continuing shakily, "I am here. I know you must both be very angry at me. All these years and I haven't come to see you. I hope you are not very angry at me, but I know you must be. Huang Shang is supposed to be my enemy but I call him Ah Ma. I'm supposed to hate him but I see him as my own father. I'm not supposed to be in love with his son but I am. I don't know why Heaven set up things the way they are, I don't know whether it's mockery or comfort to me that things happened the way they did. But how could I have prevented things happening the way they did? And everything lead to one another, none of this would happen if the event before didn't happen first. Would I have met Xiao Jian if everything that happened before didn't happen? Now things have calmed down a lot, but can you forgive Huang Ah Ma like I have? Can you put the past aside like I did? Huang Ah Ma may have been wrong in the past but the mistake took me to where I am. And I'm happier than I've ever been right now, and Mian Yi makes everything so much better."

Then, she took the baby from Yong Qi and held him in her arms. Mian Yi had by now woken up and was gurgling and looking around wide-eyed.

"Here he is, your grandson. Mother, Father, have you been watching over me? I know you have, I hope you have, for all these years of my life. So I hope you've seen the joys Mian Yi has brought, the hope, the completion. All…all I've ever wanted, longed for most of my life, was a family. First there was Zi Wei, then Huang Ah Ma, then Yong Qi, and everyone else, as well, and Mian Yi completes that. Things are just so much…better now, for me, for everyone. And I hope you'd both be happy for me, for that."

She let out a small sigh, almost of longing before falling silent.

After a while, Yong Qi and Qing Er stepped closer to the couple, each slight behind their partner. Then, Qing Er said with a smile:

"We're not going to say anything, you know."

Xiao Jian turned slightly to face his wife and raised an eyebrow in question. It was Yong Qi who answered him, however.

"We didn't come here to talk, we came here to be with you while you could be with your parents. And if your parents are really watching over us, they'd see how much you mean to us and understand."

The fact that he is here, with me, says everything already, anyway, was the thought that passed through Xiao Yan Zi's head. She had barely finished the thought before Xiao Jian turned back to the graves and said quietly, "Everything you have done should speak more than words, at any rate." Then he turned again, to give Yong Qi a pointed nod of appreciation. Xiao Yan Zi gave a small smile. Yong Qi held Xiao Jian's gaze for a moment before nodding back.

For a long time, the five of them stood there. Qing Er quietly slipped her hand into Xiao Jian's. Mian Yi was quiet in Xiao Yan Zi's arms. Yong Qi rested his chin on top of Xiao Yan Zi's head, the two of them barely touching otherwise.

None of them mentioned it, but they all felt the gentle breeze that stirred through the graveyard in the otherwise still day, a breeze that was comforting in the silence.


That night, at the dinner table

Mei Ru turned and for the third time since the meal started, caught her father looking between her and Xiao Yan Zi. She looked away, but a gentle nudge at her foot told her that Xiao Yan Zi had noticed his searching looks as well.

On the surface, Xiao Yan Zi kept up a melancholy act of having just returned from her parents' graves that day. However, Mei Ru could sense Xiao Yan Zi was as aware of her father's piercing looks and the eyes of the servants he had following her as she did.

And she, Mei Ru, was acutely aware of the fact that she was never unobserved. No, her father seemed know that they were up to something. Always, every time Mei Ru looked over her shoulder, there would be one of her father's servants keeping tab on her. To mention it to her father would only create trouble and give him reasons to confront her, so Mei Ru could only grit her teeth and bear it. She didn't even bother to try and evade or avoid them, because again, to try would only alert to her father something was indeed up.

It wasn't only Mei Ru who felt the annoyance of Zhang Li's keeping an insufferably close tab on his daughter. They found it almost impossible to talk about anything that wasn't casual conversation, or at least, had to put up the appearance of casual conversation.

It was several day later, late at night, when Xiao Yan Zi pulled Mei Ru in the room she and Yong Qi were staying in. The boat they were staying on would be more aptly named "house boat" as it was appropriately divided into rooms.

"Why – " Mei Ru started asking before Xiao Yan Zi shushed her quietly " – is it so dark in here?" Mei Ru finished her question in a whisper. The room was only lit with a small candle pushed for back into a corner of the room so that they could barely see each other.

"To give the impression to whoever is outside that we've gone to sleep," Yong Qi explained, well aware that Zhang Li closely monitored when lights were on or off in this boat. "There won't be anyone pressed up the door listening or anything since there are guards all across the lake banks but we might still want to keep the noise level down."

"And you've dragged me in here now because…?"

"So we can tell you what Er Kang, Xiao Jian and Du An have planned without creating suspicion," Xiao Yan Zi said.

"Your father may keep an insufferably close eye on you and thus, by association, the two of us, he is not exactly following the others around. In short, Xiao Jian and Er Kang have met with Du An came up with a plan. Or The Plan as they're calling it."

"Right." Mei Ru tensed up.

"Sorry we couldn't get you in with the plan discussion but considering how closely you're being watched, it wasn't the greatest idea to pull you into any illicit meetings…"

"You all are experts at planning illegal activities here, not me," Mei Ru muttered, to which Xiao Yan Zi giggled.

"Here's the plan," Yong Qi began. "Ten days from now is the new moon. It will be a dark night then. Huang Ah Ma and the other officials, including your father, has a scheduled meeting then discuss some state matters. Huang Ah Ma had excused me, Er Kang and Xiao Jian from that meeting since it would be Xiao Jian's birthday that day. The cover-up plan is that we're going out for dinner that night and also doing a bit of exploring of town…"

"At night?" Mei Ru asked sceptically.

"At night," Yong Qi confirmed, unperturbed. "Anyway, while we're in town, we'll drop you off with Du An, who will be waiting. Xiao Jian is going to arrange for people to ensure you two get to somewhere safe. Er Kang and Xiao Jian will take care of things like money and where you'd go afterwards, and we just have to make sure you know the plan and get ready to leave and get rid of whoever is on your tail. What we are going to do is we're going to have dinner at the house of Xiao Jian's friend, where Du An is staying, and drop you off there. Then the rest of us will go on a cruise on the lake, somewhere a bit of a distant away from here. We'll be going from Xiao Jian's friend's house to the lake by the carriage so whoever may be following us won't realise that you're not with us on the way to the lake since we'll be on the carriage before we come out of the gates. Either way, the fact that it would be dark, with the addition of Xiao Jian's friend with us, who has a sister who will be coming with us, it would be rather hard for people to pick out the fact that you're not there with us. Once at the lake, we'll stage a burning of the boat, when we'll all jump off the boat. This is when you'll supposedly drown. But in reality, of course, you'll be back at Xiao Jian's friend's house, and you should stay there for a while. The most dangerous place is the safest place, to quote Xiao Jian. There will be a lot of places to hide you there, whereas you'll be easier to find if you move around, since your tracks can be traced."

Mei Ru was shocked into silence for a while, before asking in a whisper, "You're planning to jump from a burning boat into the lake?"

"Yes, but it's not as bad as it sounds, you know," Xiao Yan Zi said quickly. "It'd just be Zi Wei and Qing Er who can't swim but Er Kang and Xiao Jian will make sure they're fine. Besides, the lake is really calm so it won't be that hard to swim to shore anyway. We're going to pick a place that's easy for us to swim from. Don't worry."

"It still seems a bit dangerous. I still think you're going through too much trouble for this," Mei Ru protested.

There was a pause when, through the darkness, Mei Ru can see Xiao Yan Zi and Yong Qi looking at each other.

"Well…" Yong Qi said a bit hesitantly, a bit reluctantly, almost, "we've taken precautions. Don't worry, we're not going to kill ourselves over this, you know."

"What kind of precautions?" Mei Ru probed.

"Ones that would ensure this plan succeeds," Xiao Yan Zi said. "You can't back out now, you know. You want this and you know it."

"But…"

"We've done this before. That was Huang Ah Ma's favourite concubine. It's going to be fine," Yong Qi assured her.

"There's more that you're not telling me, though, isn't there?"

"Perhaps, but we've told you everything you need to know."

Mei Ru sighed, knowing she wouldn't win further argument with them.

"You should gather the things that you want to take with you so we can get them to Xiao Jian's friend's house first, though," Xiao Yan Zi continued when Mei Ru fell silent. "Give them to me and I'll make sure Xiao Jian get them and take them away safely."

"Things?" Mei Ru asked blankly, her brain still busy thinking about the plan and not yet catching up with what Xiao Yan Zi was saying.

"Some clothes may come in useful," Yong Qi said dryly.

"Just make sure what you do take isn't bulky, though," Xiao Yan Zi smiled. "Any question?"

"No. Just that…are you sure you want to risk all this danger to go through with this?"

Even in the dim light, Mei Ru could see Yong Qi looking at her seriously. "Do you want to escape, to leave this miserable life behind and find your own happiness at last?"

"Yes. But…I'm so…" she trailed off, not sure what she was going to say.

"You're so used to the pain and misery and even now you still don't allow yourself to look forward to something good," Yong Qi said for her.

"Mei Ru, this is your way to get everything you've ever wanted," Xiao Yan Zi said.

"I don't know what I want, really," Mei Ru confessed softly.

"Every one of us at some point dream of a happy ending, and this is yours coming. Embrace it, get used to it." Mei Ru could see Xiao Yan Zi's eyes shining in the dark.

It was those words from Xiao Yan Zi that kept her awake that night, after she'd left them. Yes, she did once dream of her happy ending, but when that was shattered along with her heart and her spirit. She had desperately, painfully buried that dream away because dreaming more would only tear her apart. And now…she was to dig it up again, from somewhere deep inside her, to feel it again. The joy, the anticipation, the guilt, the longing, the wonder, the hope. And, with all that, standing out most in her mind were Xiao Yan Zi's words:

Embrace it.


The night before The Plan was to take place, Yong Qi stood outside Mei Ru's door, for a fleeting moment wondered if he was insane to plan to do this. But he knew it was the only way he could make this work, the only way he could prevent it. It was ironic, really, that after all this time, it had come down to this.

Yong Qi cautiously looked around him. All was in darkness, as it was late and everyone around were asleep already. Everyone, that is, except Mei Ru. He could see the lamp still alight in her room. Yet...something told Yong Qi he was being watched.

Shrugging off the idea, he knocked gently on the door. A moment later, he was face to face with Mei Ru. Hesitating just for a moment, he grabbed her hand and pulled her away, off the boat. Yong Qi only glanced briefly at the door to the room in which Xiao Yan Zi was supposed to be asleep.

"Where are we going?" Mei Ru asked quietly as Yong Qi offered no explanation as to why he was up looking for her at such an hour.

"Shush," Yong Qi whispered. "Not here. I want to show you something."

Yong Qi could practically feel Mei Ru's bewilderment in the darkness and he really couldn't blame her. It was the dead of the night, there really shouldn't be any reason for him to find her at all. No reason, except this.

He continued to pull her into a cluster of trees on the banks of the lake, until they were far enough in that the trees hid them from the views of the boats.

"Ok, what's going on?" Mei Ru gasped as Yong Qi finally let go of her.

For a moment, Yong Qi didn't speak, he just looked her. He tried to calm his breathing but his heart seemed to race faster the more he tried. Mei Ru's puzzled face seemed to shine and glow in the darkness of the new moon.

Yong Qi took a deep breath, shaking away the slight discomfort inside him, and pushed her against the tree behind her. Then he leaned down and kissed her.