Chapter 13: Father Daughter time!
"I had a daddy, didn't I? He wasn't perfect and he certainly wasn't the one I'd dreamed he would have been, but I had one all the same. And I'd love him as much as I'd hated him, hadn't I? All that distance, all that time wasted, but the fact that he'd inspired such passion in me meant something in itself. I can honestly say now that I think that's special. Screwed up and turned inside out, we were special him and me, and I am so thankful that I can say that I had a daddy and that he mattered. All his faults and failures mean nothing to me now."
― Melodie Ramone, After Forever Ends
When I got there Charlie was waiting for me.
"Hey, Dad" I said.
Charlie smiled. "Hey, Bella" he said.
He got the fishing gear out of his cruiser and handed me my stuff. Then he led me to a boat.
"Is this yours?" I asked.
Charlie nodded.
"Bella meet Isabella" he said gesturing to the red and blue boat.
I gasped. "You named your boat after me?" I asked.
Charlie looked proud of himself.
"Yeah, you and this boat are the best things that ever happened to me." He said.
His eyes widened and he quickly added.
"Not counting Billy or your mother," he said.
I gave him a pat on his shoulder then got on the boat. We sailed out to the middle of the lake and fished in comfortable silence. Eventually, to my surprise, it was Charlie who took the plunge and spoke up.
"So what have you been up to lately?" he asked.
I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. He looked slightly nervous. I guess talking about sports and work was easier than talking about personal stuff.
"Nothing special, I joined a book club and I've hung out with Leah" I said.
Charlie stared at me expectantly. I guess that was a little vague. I cleared my throat and tried again. I started talking about how things have gone in school, Jacob, Leah, what books I had read, some of the songs I had listened to, etc. Charlie asked questions and made subtle comments here and there but mostly he just listened. It was more than Renée usually did.
Charlie chuckled after I finished.
"I still can't believe how much you've grown. I remember the day you were born" he said. "That was the best day of my life. I was so nervous but as soon as the nurse placed you in my arms you stopped crying and opened up your eyes and stared at me with those gorgeous brown eyes" Charlie sighed.
I stared at him surprised. He had never told me that. Renée told me some stuff but I never got to here Charlie's side. I thought about Jessica and the baby.
"What was it like?" I asked.
Charlie looked confused.
"What was what like?" he asked.
"Living with Renée after I was born" I said.
Charlie got quiet, the smile that had been on his face vanished and I felt bad for asking.
"The first couple months were hard. Your mother was depressed but I don't understand how you could be sad while holding such a precious gift but she was. The doctors said it was postpartum depression and it wasn't uncommon. But I wasn't so sure." Charlie stopped talking a sad, faraway look in his eye.
I wanted to know but part of me didn't. I was still a little scarred from Renée's side of the story.
"Why not?" I asked after a while.
Charlie sighed. "The way you acted when Edward left is the same way your mom acted after she had you." He said.
I flinched. Those months weren't what I'd consider my greatest moments. They were still a little fuzzy now.
"I was the one who really took care of you. I took some time off work to stay home but my presence didn't seem to make a difference on Renée. In fact it seemed to make her withdraw more. I was the one that got up in the middle of the night to feed you, to change you. Renée spent most of the time in bed crying." Charlie stated.
"Finally, Renée finally started getting better. She seemed to snap out of it overnight. I thought it was because of my love and support but I guess she just got sick of being depressed. You were three at the time and you were so smart and amazing. It was a few weeks after that when I came home and Renée told me she was leaving. She said she'd always love me, but she couldn't stay in Forks. She said Forks was too small."
"'I can't do this anymore. I hate it- I can't stay here another minute' she said. I begged her not to leave but she wouldn't listen. 'Just let me go Charlie! It didn't work out okay? I love you but I really hate forks!' that was the last thing she said to me before she left. I tried to chase her but it was raining and I couldn't find you guys. I don't understand how she could say she loved me, but still up and leave. And another thing if she loved me she could have asked me to go with her, but she didn't. She just left me and she took you with her." His voice broke.
A tear fell out of his eye and I stood there watching unable to remember a time when I had seen my father cry. Renée side went much the same way.
"The first few months you too were gone was hell. I think I lost a lot of weight. I didn't eat. I didn't sleep. I worked as much as my boss would let me then I'd come home and drink until I passed out, then I woke up the next day, clean up the bottles and do the same thing over again. That was my life. I called Renée's cell phone constantly trying to find out where you were and what you were doing but she changed her number. Your grandparents hadn't heard from her either. It was a nightmare." He said with a shudder.
I wondered what he would think if he knew what mom and I really did those after she left. I closed my eyes and forced those memories away. That had been a really dark time.
"Then one day Billy stepped in. He came in, took the beer out of my hands, grabbed me by my collar, punched me in the face, yelled at me to pull myself together then forced me out of the house and made me go fishing with him. We argued the ride over but once we got there and I got on that boat things changed. The fishing was fun and it made Billy and me closer. We started fishing every weekend. I still missed you and Renée like crazy but fishing numbed the sting." He smiled and I smiled too.
I never knew that's why Charlie started fishing. It's something he had done as long as I can remember.
"It was a few months later that Renée called on Christmas and let me talk to you on the phone. The conversation was only a couple of minutes at the most but I was so happy to hear your voice. Then, after she moved in with your grandmother, she started sending me pictures of you: Your First day of preschool, First visit to the dentist, and a lot of first moments that I wasn't there to witness. I was heartbroken knowing I was missing out on time with you. It was then that I knew I would have to get the courts involved. Billy and Sarah helped me find a good lawyer and together I managed to get joint custody of you. I thought everything would be great after that. You got to spend a whole month with me." He smiled as though he were reliving that month.
"You and I went fishing with Billy and Jacob. You two were inseparable even then. I remember one time Jacob stole the cookie Sarah gave you and you chased him across the beach. When you caught him you yelled at him and he shoved the cookie into your mouth. Or that other time when we went camping and Billy thought it would be funny to hide outside the tent and scare you guys, it was funny until you started crying. Then Jacob kicked Billy in the knee and growled at him. I laughed my butt off." Charlie chuckled.
I smiled. "That's Jacob, always trying to protect me." I said.
Charlie nodded. "You kissed him on the cheek afterwards. That kid wore a smile for the rest of your visit. That kid was always walking with you, watching you, and protecting you. You two were glued to each other. I remember Jacob used to cry when you and I would go home." He said.
I thought about it. Some of those memories were a little fuzzy. I couldn't remember Jacob ever crying when we were younger. Even when we were little he was always running around with a big bright smile on his face.
"We'd eat supper at Billy's most nights, Sarah would cook of course. Billy didn't know how to even boil water back then. Then we'd come home, sit on the couch and either watch an old black and white movie or I'd read 'Charlotte's Web' to you. You used to love when I did that." He said with a chuckle.
I smiled. Things were so much simpler then, before vampires and teenage issues. Sometimes I wish I was still a child.
"The days I had to take you home almost killed me." Charlie said with a frown.
"Renée always picked us up at the airport with one of her new boyfriends. I admit it hurt a little seeing her with other men. I always wondered what made them different from me. Why would she give them a chance and abandon me? Then you always seemed to know them. That hurt like hell. That another man was with my wife…um ex-wife…and watching my child, taking my place, was something I had never prepared myself for." He looked away from me.
I didn't know what to say to him. Those men he saw hadn't stuck around long anyway and there were many men in between them. All a part of René quest for love.
"Don't worry, no man could take your place." I comforted.
Charlie gave me a look. "Edward did," he said.
I gasped at the unexpected shock of his name then forced myself to relax.
"That was different." I said.
"It didn't look that way to me." He said.
I shook my head. "Edward was my boyfriend. You are my father." I said.
Charlie looked like he wanted to say something but decided against it.
"I worked as much as possible, and we only spoke once a week, I visited you for a few days the week before Christmas, and you spent a month with me every summer. It wasn't enough for me but Renée said that it was enough and if I pressed for more she would demand full custody. I wasn't ready to give up what little time I had with you so I kept my mouth shut. But when you started to turn introverted and stopped talking to me I felt worse. When you came down to visit the conversations were strained and awkward. You shut me out and that hurt. I tried my best but I wasn't surprised when you decided you didn't want to visit anymore. I had waited for the other shoe to drop ever since the first time you locked yourself in your room during your visit." He said.
I frowned. "It wasn't your fault that I stopped visiting." I said in disbelief.
How could he think that? The reason I stopped visiting was because- I cut my thoughts off. It took everything I had to shut that box and lock it. Some things were better left forgotten.
"You don't have to lie. I know that I wasn't the best parent. I should've fought harder to get you to open up to me but I'm not good with the emotional stuff. I thought I was given a second chance when you decided to come live with me but I managed to screw up even worse somehow. I let you get involved with a boy who I had a bad feeling about and I couldn't help you during your time of need. I wasn't there for you Bella and I'm sorry." He said.
I looked in his eyes and saw his sincerity. He honestly believed that this was his fault. Well he was wrong. If anyone was at fault it was me.
"Don't blame yourself. I was the one who pulled away and I was the one who chose to date Edward. You have been really helpful to me and I'm grateful to have you in my life. You've really made a difference." I told him.
Let it go,
Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know?
The hardest part is over
Let it in,
Let your clarity define you
He smiled and since we both weren't the overly affectionate we went back to fishing. I looked down at my fishing stuff and giggled.
"Why is all my fishing stuff pink?" I asked.
Charlie shrugged. "I always thought you looked adorable with that pink rod and reel." He says like that's a good enough reason.
In the end
We will only just remember how it feels
Our lives are made
In these small hours
I decided to ignore the color and put some bait on my rod. It was barely five minutes later that I felt a persistent tugging.
"I think I got a bite!" I shouted excited. I'd never caught anything before.
"Reel it in!" he shouted.
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain
It turned out that the fish didn't want to be reeled because it fought back. I eventually managed to reel it in, with a little (a lot) of help from Charlie. It was a huge catfish. I took a picture of it with my phone then tossed Barry back into the water.
"Why did you let him go? We could have got Harry to fry him" Charlie said.
I shrugged. "It wouldn't feel right eating Barry after all that we have been through." I stated.
Charlie gave me a confused look. "Barry?" he asked.
I blushed. "The catfish," I said.
Charlie burst out laughing. "You're not supposed to name it. You're supposed to cook it" he said.
I glared. "That would just be cruel," I said, crossing my arms.
Let it slide,
Let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine
Until you feel it all around you
And I don't mind
If it's me you need to turn to
We'll get by,
It's the heart that really matters in the end
Charlie huffed but didn't comment. I took that as a small win. That's how we spent the rest of the afternoon, fishing on the riverside, throwing back what we could fry, drowning worms and killing time. (A/N: a special reward to the first person who can tell me what song I got this line from) Charlie told stories of his college days and some of the interesting things he'd arrested people for. Turns out the people of Forks aren't as boring as I thought. I wonder if Charlie still has Mrs. Newton's mug shot.
When we got home, we ordered a pizza and sat and watched Casablanca It was nice. Who knew Humphrey Bogart could be such a heart-throb? I laughed slightly at the thought.
"Do you want a beer?" I asked Charlie while I headed to the kitchen.
"No…uh…get me a coke," he said gruffly.
I smiled. This was the first time Charlie had ever rejected an offer for a beer.
"Sure, sure," I said proudly.
Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain
I went into the kitchen, grabbed the cokes and emptied a bag of chips into a bowl. I carried the snacks back to the living room and sat back down on the couch. I passed Charlie his soda and the bowl of cool ranch Doritos. He gave me a small smile and we went back to watching or movie in silence.
"We should do this more often," Charlie said suddenly.
I nodded, taking a sip of my coke.
"How about next Sunday?" he asked.
I looked at him but his eyes were glued to the television.
"Sure," I said.
Charlie nodded. "Good," he said clearing his throat.
"And maybe the Sunday after that?" he asked.
I smiled. "How about every Sunday?" I asked knowing what he wanted.
All of my regret
Will wash away some how
But I cannot forget
The way I feel right now
He smiled. "That sounds good," he said.
I held back my laughter. Something's never changed and awkward Charlie was one of them. If he wanted to have father/daughter days he should have just asked but if he had he wouldn't be Charlie.
"It's nice to be back in Forks, Dad" I said before giving his a one armed hug. He nodded.
"Good to have you back, Bells" he said.
In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away but these small hours
Then we went back to watching the movie. Once it went off instead of just going to bed like usual Charlie and I stayed up playing cards. Maybe it wasn't some big break through and maybe we weren't some sort of hallmark card family but for me this was perfect. We weren't all over emotional, hugging all the time, and needy. We were who we had always been only a bit closer.
"Well I'm tired," Charlie said standing up with a yawn and taking the card off the table.
"You're just saying that because you just lost another round," I said with a smirk.
Charlie shrugged. "I'm a sore loser," he admitted.
I smiled. "That's okay," I said standing up. "I was cheating anyway," I confessed.
These small hours, still remain,
Still remain
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
He glared at me for a minute then broke into a smile.
"That's my girl," he said patting me on the head as he made his way upstairs.
"Night dad," I said.
Time falls away
But these small hours
These little wonders still remain
Once he was gone I started cleaning up. I was washing the chip bowl out in the sink when I felt someone watching me. I looked up and thought I saw a flash of red in the porch light. I gasped and backed away. There was nothing there. A fearful image came to mind:
Victoria's eyes were black with thirst, bright with anticipation, and her lips curled back from her gleaming teeth in pleasure. Her red hair was brilliant as fire; it blew chaotically around her wild face.
I shook my head fiercely. "No," I said aloud.
I wasn't going to fear something had no proof was out there. Victoria didn't want me; Edward didn't want me which must mean that she shouldn't care about me. I closed the blinds and went back to cleaning. The phone rang and I answered it with a smile.
"Hey, Bells," Jacob's voice came through.
"Hey, Jake," I said.
"Are you busy tomorrow?" he asked.
I thought about it for a moment. I shook my head even though I knew he couldn't see it.
"No, not really," I said. "Why, what did you have in mind?" I asked.
"You want to go somewhere tomorrow?" he asked.
I smiled. "Sure, want me to come pick you up?" I questioned.
"No, I'll come get you, I have something I want to show you, anyway," he said.
"Okay, I'll pick you up from school," he said.
"Okay, night Jacob," I said.
"Goodnight Bella" he said before hanging up.
I finished cleaning up before heading upstairs. I paused to check the locks before I went to my room. It was a silly thing to do. Charlie never left the door unlocked. He was a cop for Pete's sake. I changed into my pajamas and looked out my bedroom window. I knew that I shouldn't be scared but I couldn't control the shivering.
Because if Victoria was after me how would I defend myself. Without Edward, without the Cullens, I was defenseless. I shook the thought off.
"Stop it," I told myself.
I had to get up early tomorrow for school. I couldn't afford to stay up all night scared out of my mind because I might have seen a flash of red. I trailed my fingers over the dream catcher Jacob gave me.
"Can you protect me tonight?" I asked softly.
I closed my eyes and lay down. I had faith that Jacob's dream catcher could protect me from my nightmares but what could protect me from myself. I sighed and let myself relax. Despite my fears I fell asleep almost instantly.
That night I dreamed of fishing with Jacob and Charlie.
"You caught one, Bells!" Jacob exclaimed.
I smiled happily. Charlie gave me a hug.
"That's my girl." He said.
We fished and relaxed with cold soda, and chips. It was one of the most peaceful dreams I had ever had since moving to forks.
"I told you that I would always protect you," Jacob said.
I looked at him and laughed.
"Sorry I doubted you," I said.
He grinned. "It's okay." He said before he got a serious look on his face. "You know I love you, right?" he asked.
I nodded. "Love you too," I said. then we shared a sweet kiss and watched the sunset.
Author's note: sorry it took me a while but I updated. Bella's getting closer with Charlie and what do you think Jacob wants to show Bella? Please review or Pm to let me know your thoughts. I'll be waiting.
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