What Does It All Mean?

Part II, Chapter XII: What-ifs and Could Have Beens

Author's Note: I forgot to upload this a few weeks ago… sorry, guys. Remember, this is Naru/Saku/Sasu, so hang tight. Oh, and in the first scene, with the anime Shikano is watching… first person that can name the reference, leave their e-mail and I'll send you a preview of the next chapter!


About half an hour ago, Shikamaru's wife received a call from Hatake Kakashi, informing her that he was going to drop off a guest to spend the night. Shikamaru's wife immediately set her husband out to their guest's house to pick up extra clothes and essentials. He had just returned with a small backpack, filled with their guest's belongings. "Is he here yet?" He asked his wife after locking the door behind him.

Ino nodded. "He's in Shikano's room. Put his stuff there, would you?"

"Hai, hai," he sighed, then went down the hall to his daughter's room. He opened the door and found his daughter and Akio in her bed. Shikano was sitting upright against the headboard and Akio laid with his head on her lap. Shikano heard the door open and watched her father enter. "Hey," he said to his daughter.

"Hi," Shikano said, then turned back to the TV sitting across the room, showing a late-night cartoon.

Shikamaru looked down to Akio, whose eyes were closed, breathing steadily in his sleep. The boy who was asleep in HIS daughter's lap. "Um…" he pointed to Akio.

Shikano shrugged. "It's complicated, Oyaji."

Shikamaru shook his head. "No, I know what happened." He still could not ignore the annoyed feeling swelling in his chest. He placed the small blue and red backpack down beside her bed. "Here's his things."

"Alright, thanks," she did not look at him for a while until he moved towards the door. "Hey, Oyaji?"

He turned to her.

"Can you call Mom here?"

"Yeah," Shikamaru left the room and walked down the hall. He found Ino sitting at the dining table, reading a magazine. "Oi. Shikano wants to talk to you."

Ino could not believe her ears. She had to look at Shikamaru for a few seconds, making sure she heard him correctly. Her eyes widened as she looked up to her husband. "She does?" Her husband nodded and she stood from her chair. She walked past her husband and entered her daughter's room. "Yes?"

"Kaa-san," Shikano whispered. "Can you make ramen for lunch tomorrow?" She paused before continuing. "It's his favorite," she explained, pointing to Akio.

Ino's eyes dazzled and she nodded. "Sure. That's a good idea."

"Thanks," a smile crossed Shikano's lips for a brief moment before she turned her eyes back to the television.

Ino left the room, closing the door behind her.

"Akito," the woman on the TV droned. "I love you. That's why I gave birth to you."

Shikano heard a sniffle. She looked down and saw tears falling down Akio's closed eyes. Shikano adjusted the blanket to drape over his shoulders, up to his chin. She gently laid her hands on his shoulder as she continued to watch, aware of his tears gently running down his cheeks.

--

Naruto could not sleep that night. He had escorted Sasuke back to the hospital last night, still angry and still annoyed by his former teammate. But mostly, he was concerned for Akio. That poor boy, worrying, wondering as to why his father did the things he did.

Naruto walked down the morning streets with his hands in his pockets. Damn that Sasuke… no common sense, inconsiderate turd… Naruto took a deep breath.

"Do you think Otou-chan will come home for my birthday, Naruto-nii-chan?"

"I dunno. Maybe."

"I want him to. And I hope he stays too."

Naruto walked to Sakura's apartment. He took out his key and unlocked the door. To his surprise, he found the television on and Sakura sitting on the couch, wrapped in a blanket. Worried, he closed the door behind him, kicked off his shoes and approached her. "Sakura-chan?"

She looked up at him in a glassy stare.

"Are you okay? Did you sleep?"

She shook her head and turned to the television set.

Naruto sat down right beside her. "Yeah. I didn't either."

Sakura sighed and reached for the remote control, turning the TV off. She dropped the clicker beside her. "I must be the worse mother in the world."

Immediately, Naruto shook his head. "No way! You're not a bad mother at all."

"I lied to my own son, Naruto."

"You were thinking what was best for him," he reasoned. "There is nothing wrong with that."

She adjusted the blanket tighter around her body.

"It wasn't just your mistake, Sakura-chan. We all agreed not to tell him--."

"I asked you all to do that."

Naruto fell silent. "Everyone makes mistakes," he tried to smile. "Believe me, I know."

A short breath escaped her lips, close to a giggle. "Yes, you of all people…"

Naruto leaned back against the couch, letting the silence take over. Outside, the birds were chirping as if it were any other day.

"Naruto?"

"Hm?"

"Last night… Sasuke-kun said he was leaving but I asked him why he wanted Akio-chan to know." She turned to her friend. "Do you know why?"

"Because he's a confused, hypocritical turd," Naruto bit, crossing his arms.

"Seriously, Naruto."

"I am serious. He says one thing but he does another. He's really, really confused."

Her eyes turned to the blank TV, watching their reflection on the screen. "Why do you think that is?"

Naruto shook his head. "I dunno." He looked to his friend, who propped her left foot onto the couch edge in front of her. Her hand came to her face, cradling her chin in thought. "Sakura-chan, what do you think?"
She sighed. "I think… I'm just imagining things. Maybe I'm hoping for too much."

"Like?"

"That he's possibly reconsidering his decision."

A pause. "Huh?"

"That maybe he doesn't want to leave as much as he says."

"Oh…" Naruto looked at her. "You really think that?"

"That's what I want to believe…" Sakura leaned back against the couch, burying her chin in the blanket. The tears started to pool in her eyes.

"Sakura-chan…"

"I'm such a fool… I want him to stay home, Naruto. After all this time… I'm such a fool…" Sakura let the tears cascade down her cheeks.

Naruto was quiet before admitting, "You're not the only one." He uncrossed his arms. "That guy was my best friend. I thought he was. And then he left." He turned to her. "But you. You love the guy."

"Akio-chan is why I want him to stay. It would be nice if he got to know his father…"

"Sakura-chan…"

She looked at him through her green, tear-coated eyes.

"You can say you love him. It's okay," Naruto swallowed.

"Naruto, I shouldn't be selfish," Sakura cried. "I have a child to worry about."

"I know but… you can't stop, can you? I mean, as much as I wanna deck him in the face for leaving, I still consider him one of my best friends," Naruto shifted to his left side, leaning against his elbow, facing Sakura. "There are a lot of times," he admitted, turning to his thumb that was stroking a bit of her blanket, "when a person can't stop their feelings."

"I shouldn't care for him. After all that's happened." Sakura let her fresh tears fall down her face. Her breath was short and she felt as if the air around her grew into a thick cloud, ready to suffocate her. She wanted to bury herself, deep, anywhere away from the stress, the pressure, the truth.

Then, she felt a gentle touch to her cheek; Naruto's hand was reaching out to her, his thumb wiping a tear away. She barely whispered his name before he leaned in and kissed her lips. Her eyes widened and her breath stopped for a moment. She had not felt his kiss in years. The last time was 10 years ago… over a bowl of ramen… fireflies… a sound punch to the face. His touches were gentle and somewhat hesitant, as if waiting for a bad reaction from her. She did not push him away or responded with equal measure. Sakura only closed her eyes, feeling his windblown lips kiss her mouth.

After a few breaths, he pulled back slowly. He did not wait long to pull her in his arms. "Dammit," he cursed, burying his face in the crook of her neck.

"Naruto…?"

"You know how I feel, right?"

New tears formed in her eyes. "I'm sorry," she apologized. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

He kept her in his arms for a few more moments. "You should never be sorry about something like that." Quickly, he stood up and stretched. "Oh geez, I should get going."

"So soon?"
"Yeah," he grinned at her, and then quickly turned away, hiding his face from her. "I have something to take care of but I wanted to drop by quickly. You'll be okay by yourself?"

She nodded, eyes darting to the floor, and then back at him. Sakura watched him head to the door and put his shoes on. "Later," he said with a wave and left through the front door.

--

This was an advantage for having your own room. Sasuke stood in the middle of the floor in a kata stance. He could not lift his legs in a kick; his body could not handle the strain. He could only move his arms, his hands tightening to fists as he punched the dead air.

"You should have married him," he said as she hung up the phone on their former teacher.

"What?" she turned to him, wiping her cheeks.

"Naruto," Sasuke clarified, still sitting on the couch. "His feelings are obvious. You should have married him a long time ago."

Sakura shook her head. "He understands me," smiling fondly as she cast her eyes on the floor, thinking of a pleasant thought.

"All more reason," Sasuke added.

Again, she shook her head. "He understands me. That's why we never did."

Sasuke punched the air harder. He could see a happy picture of Naruto and Akio. He saw the interaction between his two teammates. He saw his own son's tears. He was not quite sure what to make of it all.

His son likes ramen. He occasionally says "Ano sa," like the Kyuubi man. His birthday is today.

"Dammit," Sasuke cursed. He could not quite understand why his chest felt tight and his throat felt dry every time he thought of Akio and the boy's mother. For years, he had the occasional conscious thought of her. Haruno Sakura, the woman he lost himself into seven years ago… an old teammate, a childhood friend, a one night stand…

She had asked him more than once to stay. And even so, he did not listen to her pleas. She was a distraction… they could not follow the same path… he did not have a future.

An image of Akio's drawings flashed through his mind. His son's drawings… his son…

Sasuke took a few steps backwards before sitting at the foot of the bed. No, he had important things to deal with. Itachi was still alive. He was out there, somewhere… His priorities were clear: kill Itachi, and then restore his clan.

An image of Akio flashed through his mind.

An heir… Sasuke had already begun restoring his clan without even knowing it. He was supposed to kill Itachi first.

Itachi… his brother…

Naruto fought him. What happened in that fight? He could vaguely remember the day in the forest when he attacked Itachi. Sasuke was bleeding from the stomach and mouth. His vision was hazy. Then a figure dressed in orange attacked the Akatsuki member with full force. Sasuke could not stand anymore so he fell back. Two strangers with Konoha hitai-ates and green vests came to his side. And right before he passed out, he saw a swirling wind surround the combatants.

Did Naruto really…?

Something about the picture did not sit well with Sasuke. He could not have possibly defeated his brother. Not Naruto, the drop-out, the half-witted idiot, the screw-up… no way was he strong enough to hold his own against the Mangekyou master.

Sasuke took a firm grip on his sheets.

And his gut felt like dropping every time he saw Akio talk to Naruto. The child was young and too naïve to know he should not look up to Naruto. But it made his insides flip every time he watched his son's eyes sparkle in admiration for the blond. Why him of all men in Konoha? Why not that lazy genius, or that strong Hyuuga or for god sakes, even that taijutsu master! Why was it Naruto taking Akio and Sakura's attention?

And Sakura… that was a puzzle all by itself. He knew very well of her infatuation in their youth. But he could not return such adolescent feelings in the beginning. He could only accept friendship; that was all he would accept.

But what if he actually did take more than that? What if, for example, he actually tried to develop a relationship with a girl, any woman… it did not have to be Sakura.

But who else would it have been? He was never one to make friends, even in his youth, before his brother's destruction… Sakura was the closest girl he had ever known. And perhaps he did care for her to a certain extent, at least when he was young. He valued her skill, he called her friend, and she was part of his new "family" which consisted of Kakashi-sensei and that other idiot Naruto. A family that he abandoned along with other sorts of happiness… just for power.

He was never one for regret and he would not start how.

But a part of him did wonder what it would have been like to stay in Konoha. To live the normal ninja life… to get paid mission by mission, take the exams to go up in rank… only to test his strength and to get more money, not because the title "Chuunin" or "Jounin" held any importance. To maybe teach a 3-man team, like Kakashi-sensei, or be an examiner, like that senbon-sucker… But only a small part of him wondered…

Maybe that small part was what drove him to make love to his pink-haired ex-teammate. His outlet, his means of exploring the what-ifs and could have beens. Sasuke found an opportunity and jumped for it… in a certain sense of the word.

Perhaps that part was not as small as he thought… or at least, it was a lot stronger than he first assumed.

Years later, everything seemed to be upside down in his life. This was not what he wanted. He still had not obtained the Mangekyou. Sasuke was still not up to Itachi's level. And Naruto, who was once society's taboo, had become one of the most admirable men in Konoha, next to the Hokage and the other men from their graduating class. Uzumaki Naruto, damn perfect jounin Naruto, who won the adoration of his son and lover!

Sakura… she was just an outlet, right?

What the hell did Naruto do to get where he was today? His strength, the love of the Harunos… he just could not understand it… to have the strength to at least fend off the Uchiha genius, to have a family…

Naruto had everything Sasuke was supposed to have. And that thought made Sasuke sick.

So, if Naruto was gone…?

A swift knock came to the door. Sasuke watched from the corner of his eye as the door swiftly swung open and his face twisted into an angry frown.

Naruto stepped in and immediately felt the heavy vibes from the Uchiha. "Hm…" the Kyuubi man narrowed his eyes at him. "What's with the face? It's uglier than usual," Naruto frowned, closing the door behind him.

Sasuke said nothing and faced forward, hands in tight fists. He let Naruto approach.

"Hey, Dumbass, we gotta--," Naruto cut himself short as he stopped at arm's length in front of Sasuke… because Sasuke swung a fist at him. Naruto stepped back. "Wh--?"

"Fight me," Sasuke demanded in a hoarse tone.

Naruto could not believe what he heard. "What?"

"Fight me. Are you deaf?" Sasuke mocked.

"You have got to be the stupidest person ever," Naruto said. "You can barely walk."

"I can easily beat you, with just my arms alone."

"I could wipe the floor with you, even if you were at full health."

"I sincerely doubt that."

"I'll sincerely kick your ass!"

Sasuke stood from his seat. "Prove it."

Naruto narrowed his eyes and watched as Sasuke headed to the door. "You're making another mistake," he said but nonetheless followed.