A/N: So thanks to all of your helpful guidance and suggestions (for example, the fabulous JackieStarSister correctly noted that I omitted having anyone ask about Iroh in the previous chapter, which I will correct within the next few days), it seems like this fanfic has been initiated into the "Save the Fandom: Avatar Fics that are actually GOOD" community (yay!). I'd like to also thank/credit the amazing flutflutflyer for his suggestion about Iroh getting captured by the sandbenders—he and I discussed that part of the story before I wrote it, so all praise goes to him for that awesome plot twist. Per your suggestions in the review section, expect to see more of Zuko's friendship with other members of the team (some Zuko/Toph is coming in the next chapter) and a little more Kataang in this second part. We're also going to see more characters from the canon coming into play fairly soon, including the fabulous trio of Ozai's Angels and a young woman who will capture our favorite firebender's heart for many chapters.
This update was delayed by my need to write eight from-scratch drafts of my personal statement for medical school until I finally settled on a good one. Please note that this is going to be a short chapter and that beginning next chapter is when the pace will really pick and we'll get some action, I promise (and the next longer update will be on June 6 or June 7). I just can't do more right now because I still have my work/activities section to fill out for my med school app (I'm super excited to be applying on June 5—wish me luck, please!). Also: I'm always looking for well-written Zutara one-shots and longer stories to read. If you have suggestions of quality fanfics, please PM me story and author names so I can check them out (I've already gotten good suggestions from a few of you which I will check out after June 5—thank you!). Two stories I would personally like to endorse are Boogum's "The Undying Fire" and flutflutflyer's "Scarf," both true masterpieces. If you haven't read them yet, go do it now. Otherwise you're missing out on life.
Oh, and one last thing: Would you guys prefer shorter, more frequent updates like this one or longer, less frequent updates where more happens per chapter?
Earlier in the afternoon the sandbenders left us at a canyon not far from the edge of the desert. Three hours ago we found a shallow pool and the waterfall feeding into it, and on the shore a few large smooth stones. Zuko sat down on one of the stones and peered into the water as if trying to see through the ripples falling across the surface to some answer or meaning beneath. Then he crossed his legs into a meditation position and rested his palms on his knees. Three hours later, he has yet to stir.
"Would it help if I went over there and poked him?" Sokka asks, taking out his boomerang. The remaining members of the team, including me, are sitting on the opposite side of the pool.
"Leave him alone," Toph says, elbowing my brother in the ribs.
"All right, all right! I'm just saying." Sokka stashes his weapon away. "He was our star map through the desert, and now he's got our map to Ba-Sing-Se." He's referring to the map of the Earth Kingdom we got from the sandbenders, which Zuko safely tucked away into the sash around his waist.
"I think he needs some time to cool off," I say.
Toph kicks off her shoes. "I think we all need some time to cool off. Who's up for a splash-off?"
My brother jumps up and strips down to the waist. "Me me me! Water bomb!" he yells, taking a running leap at the pool. Toph laughs as the water breaks across all of us in a wave. A drenched Zuko's hands tighten to fists, but he doesn't move from his vigil by the water.
Beside me, Aang laughs as Sokka splashes water over both our faces. It's one of the first genuine smiles I've seen from him since we lost Appa and Iroh. "Katara, are you coming?" he calls, dipping his toes into the pool.
"Later," I tell him, getting up. "I'm going to take a walk."
He glances at Toph and Sokka slapping water at each other in the shallows. "Can I come with you?" he asks, falling into step beside me.
I nod, the only response I can muster. We're thinking the same thing but neither of us will say it, each waiting for the other to bring it up first. His hand brushes mine and I think he's asking for permission to hold it. Shy, sweet Aang with the faintest touch of a blush on his cheeks. We keep walking, stepping over some stones in our path, wandering through the canyon without speaking. Evening isn't far off and some insects have already started to fill up the air with their singing.
"You okay?" he asks.
"Mostly fine. A little worried, to be honest."
He nods, knowing exactly which part of life I'm not so fine with. "Me, too."
I don't know when he finally gathered the courage to take my hand, but our two hands are linked together now. His fingers tighten around mine. I squeeze back. "I know we're going to find them, but in Iroh's case . . . I'm just thinking about Zuko. How he's going to be okay in the meantime, you know?"
We make a u-turn around a boulder to start the return trip, both thinking back to the sandbenders and the journey here to the canyon. Our team traveled on one of the sand-sailers along with Gashuin and his father, who introduced himself as Sha-Mo.
Where's my uncle? Zuko asked.
Gashuin squinted. Your . . . uncle? Ah, the old man.
What happened to him?
On behalf of my people, accept my apology. Sha-Mo tried to rest a hand on Zuko's shoulder, the firebender broke away from the touch. We didn't realize he was a friend of the Avatar. We . . .
My stomach turned over. His hesitation and Gashuin's gaze fixed down on the floor let me know we'd come to the place in the story we all would probably prefer to make up our own lies about rather than hear what really happened. This is the funny thing about truth: often you think there is something you want to know, but the minute it comes out in the open all you can think about is clearing it out of memory. Truth can be a curse on your life, but you don't know if truth is the thing that will save or kill you and so you have to pick it up in place of the lies you'd like to believe. Like the lie Zuko held in his heart that his uncle was safe with the sandbenders, right up until Sha-Mo sighed and gently pinched the bridge of his nose. His sigh floated down to the floor and broke silently against it.
We left him behind in the sands, he said.
I'm sorry, he said.
"Katara?"
Aang's hand waving in front of my face grounds me back in the present world. I blink like I'm seeing him for the first time. "What?" I say.
"I said, at least Zuko's got us. Aren't you always saying we'll take care of each other?"
I nod. "And we will. I'm just saying, imagine how tough it must be not knowing where his uncle is. At least with Appa, we know he'll probably be somewhere in Ba-Sing-Se." Realizing what I've just said, I quickly backtrack. "Er, I mean—"
"Katara, it's okay." We're almost back at the pool, but Aang steps in my path to stop us. "I was upset about losing Appa earlier, but right now I'm just focused on getting to the Earth King so we can tell him about the eclipse. And on finding Iroh."
"Maybe he'll be in Ba-Sing-Se, too."
We go a little further until the pool comes into view in the distance. I suddenly want the water. I want to strip down to my wrappings and dive in, to feel the wildness of the waterfall coming down across my shoulders. Turn my face up to the foam and the slap of water and for just one minute forget everything that had brought us here.
"Oh, uh . . . Katara?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks. For the desert. For calming me down and stuff."
"Hey, no problem. I'm just glad you were okay."
"No, really. You saved a lot of lives." A pause. Then: "Even mine."
Aang looks at me across the gathering redness of light from the sunset, his usual energy replaced by a very serious, thoughtful calm.
"Katara?"
We're still holding hands, had been holding hands for the past ten minutes. He fixes his eyes right on mine and doesn't look away, but neither does he make a move toward me. Like he had been intent on doing something and at the very end lost the courage.
"Yeah?"
At my prompt, his mouth takes on its usual smile and he looks at the ground like he's found something very interesting in the dirt. I don't admit to the heat that rushed into my body, though I think he feels a little of it too. I keep meaning to talk to him about something, a thing I too lose the courage to bring up every time: exactly what happened in the Cave of Two Lovers between us. Exactly what those moments in the dark might have meant for the future.
"I just . . . we'll get the map from Zuko tomorrow morning and will figure out a way to Ba-Sing-Se from there. With luck we'll find both our friends there. Uh . . . good night!" he says, despite the fact that it's not even that dark yet. I think it's mostly because he's so nervous about the thing he does next, which is jump up and press a kiss to my cheek. Just the faintest touch of his lips to skin. Then he runs off to find Toph and Sokka, who are lying out on the shore with their faces turned up to the sky.
I stand there and am suddenly conscious of everything. I'm aware of my own dog-pant quick breathing. Of how the clouds look with red light rimming them. Of the sounds of the waterfall pouring into everywhere, taking up all the space in my ears. There's the rock where Zuko was sitting. Where he was meditating.
"Hey."
I know it's the firebender's voice behind me because I see all of the others, even Momo, down by the pool. His face looks bent inward. I guess it's all that inner grief sucking him up.
"Hey," I echo, attempting a smile. I don't bother asking if he's okay because there's clear enough. Zuko's blank eyes are on me, like he's seeing something I'm not. It's a reminder that the person who thinks death in the scariest thing there is doesn't know anything about the world. If Iroh were dead his nephew could be at peace with that knowledge, knowing there's nothing more that can be done and that his uncle's in a better place. But knowing his uncle is maybe alive, probably suffering, is the thing that's gotten inside of him most. That's the way of maybe-loss, to crawl inside and rip a person to pieces with worry.
"We're going to find your uncle. I promise. You said yourself he taught you survival tricks for anywhere you go. If anyone can make it out of there alive, it's him."
Zuko takes a moment to consider that. He nods, and it looks like a little light's restored to his eyes. "And if we're going to find him anywhere, it's Ba-Sing-Se. He talked about settling in that city after the war. He even tried to convince me to stay with him there. Maybe open a tea shop together."
Suddenly I realize that the light in Zuko's eyes is actually the reflection of the dying sun off his tears. Off the tears of memory, of fear, of grief.
"When we get through this, we can all settle there. Can't you see Aang running the counter?"
Despite the tears, Zuko breaks out in a rare smile. It's probably because, like me, he imagined Aang handing out free tea to every customer who came in with thirst but no money. Not that I'd be too different.
"Or we could put my brother in charge," I add. "He'll have fun flirting with the girls who come in."
"I think"—Zuko lays a hand on my shoulder—"we should get an early night."
"Huh? It's not even dark. I was going to go for a swim."
"Tomorrow. Tonight, get to bed early."
"How come?"
He leans over as if to adjust his shoes and casually rubs the back of his hand across his eyes. It's to clear those tears off, of course, though he won't admit it. I use the moment to look up at the sad light of sunset. How it had consumed the whole sky.
"We're getting up early tomorrow. Before sunrise."
"Should I tell everyone? Have you picked a road to Ba-Sing-Se?"
"I'm going to talk to Sokka about that after breakfast. This is just for us."
"What's for us?"
Zuko walks past me towards the pool. Beyond him, the sunset light has collected in moving pockets of light on the waterfall. He turns to look at me. "I promised to show you some sword moves sometime, didn't I?" he says, quietly enough that the others probably don't hear. "Before sunrise tomorrow, I'll show you what I do before the rest of you even wake up in the morning."
He leaves me with that promise hovering between us, and I wonder what it will be like. Katara the healer, sword-training. I stand there and wonder, just my thoughts and quick breathing and the falling light.
