A/N Thank you for the new follows this past week! I had a bit of extra time the last week so was able to get this written. A big thanks to my super fast beta K. I realize there is a lot going on in this. Things will start pulling together in the next chapters. Please let me know if there is any confusion on specific plot lines so I can clarify! This chapter picks up right where the last one left off.
Will was determined to get Alicia to talk with him. It seemed like every time they were together in the past weeks there ended up being more questions brought up than answers. He wondered if she'd been forthcoming with Peter over the past weeks, but he doubted it. He knew the relationship was strained. Even Cary had mentioned things were a bit off with Alicia. He said that when she had come back to work it had seemed like business as usual. But Cary knew her well enough to notice her distant looks in the middle of depositions, and her mild over-reactions to things that hadn't bothered her before.
Will sat on the sofa opposite of her before he continued their conversation. "I'm sorry about what happened in my office earlier. I got carried away. But you know I would never hurt you, right?"
She shifted her gaze back to him and sighed. "Yes, I over-reacted too. But you should have never grabbed onto my arm like you did."
"Because that's what he did?" He watched as she grew uncomfortable, shifting her position.
"Will, please…" She looked down briefly biting her lower lip. What Pierson had done to her was at the root of the problem. Some of the specifics of what he had done to her she swore she would never tell another soul. She knew Will would try to push this, especially after her reaction to him earlier in the day. She had to decide right then, how much she would be willing to tell him, because she was worried that if he got her talking she may end up saying to much, or more than she wanted to.
"Alicia, I'm not blind. That wasn't the first time in the past month you've looked terrified if I got too close to you."
She looked back up to him. "It isn't just you. Ask anyone who has tried to get within a few feet of me lately." She inhaled, stood and moved a few feet to stand in front of her desk. "Will, I don't know if I can talk about what he did right now."
"Don't you think it would be better to talk about it now with me? Rather than talking about it for the first time next week, surrounded by a group of people? If I know what he did, I can help guide the conversation next week. Make it easier for you."
He had a point. Although she wasn't sure how many of the details she would be willing to give the following week. "Do you really want to know? Is it really important?"
"Why would talking about something that has had such an impact on your life, not be important? And yes, I do want to know. Because I meant it when I said I still cared."
"Maybe it doesn't matter because it was only two and a half weeks of hell. Women live for years in abusive relationships. I don't understand why something that occurred over such a short period of time has had such an impact on me. I should be able to accept the fact that it happened and move on."
"Do you really believe it shouldn't have an effect on you because it was only a short period of time?"
"No, but I should be able to face confrontation without completely falling apart. Cary should be able to come up behind me to hand me a file without my entire body getting jittery. I can't control this, and I don't know why. Pierson is dead. There is no longer a chance that he will walk through that door and…" Her eyes moved to the door and she pursed her lips.
His eyes moved to the door as well. Why had he agreed to be the one to tell her that her life may not be out of danger yet? He'd bring that up later. He felt like they were on the verge of progress, and he didn't want to ruin it. "Tell me what he did, other than try to kill you. Which by the way, that alone counts as a significant traumatic event. Let's see if it warrants your feelings or not. I'm willing to bet that it does."
Her eyes moved back to his. He stood and moved a few feet closer to her. "Alicia, maybe you just need to talk about it and stop holding the trauma inside. At some point you have to rebuild your trust in someone. I may not deserve it. I may never regain your trust. But I'd like a chance to try."
Maybe it was the fact that he admitted he didn't deserve her trust that eased her conscience. Maybe it was that subconsciously she knew she could trust him. Or maybe it was simply that looking into his dark brown eyes still had an effect on her. She decided if nothing else it was safe to fill him in on some of the details.
"He came here regularly." Will nodded his head in acknowledgement. She leaned against her desk.
"My desk used to be over there." She pointed to the opposite corner of the room where there now sat some bookcases, and a small conference table.. "He'd sit in that chair." She pointed to the one that sat in front of her desk. "We'd have our discussions, as he liked to call them. If he had been in court on any given day it was easier for him to point out what he thought I'd done wrong, or right. If he hadn't been in court, he'd want me to give him a detailed rundown of events."
"How would he even know if you'd presented a good case? He wasn't a lawyer."
She chuckled. "That wouldn't have mattered to him, but he was actually a lawyer."
"What?" Will narrowed his eyes in disbelief.
"He'd been trained as one anyway, and passed the bar. The law didn't suit him. At least that's what he told me when I asked why he wasn't the one defending his partner. He liked venture capital and the tech industry better. Pierson was one of those people who needed little sleep, and had five degrees behind his name. He didn't earn those degrees from local colleges either. MIT, Princeton, and I think Dartmouth, although I'd have to look at my notes to be sure."
Will shook his head, and moved a little closer. "The meetings weren't always civil?"
She bit her lower lip and inhaled through her nose. "No, if he got upset he'd make his way to sitting on the corner of my desk. I'd move back or stand up to get him out of my personal space. As you know, I'm not exactly shy of sharing my opinion when it comes to the law."
"No," he said, with a slight chuckle. "That's part of what makes you such a good lawyer!" He noticed how she gripped onto the edge of her desk that was now supporting her full standing weight.
"He didn't appreciate my non-subtle responses to his ridiculous points."
"So he grabbed you, yelled at you, like I did earlier today?"
"Yes, if it was a good day."
"And if it wasn't?"
Her mind was spinning. Even thinking about those dark, late night encounters put her on edge. She looked down and he moved towards her again. Before he reached her she put her hand up and moved away to the other side of the room, giving herself enough time to regain control of the lump that was forming in her throat before turning to face him again.
"I never backed down to him. Maybe if I would have, or agreed to some of his strategy, things would have been different. But I didn't want him to think I could be easily persuaded. I thought he'd see that, and realize I was trying to use that in my court room strategy. But he hated the fact that I would stand up to him. So if he didn't like my attitude, or if I'd gone off on him, he knew exactly how hard he could slap me across the face to make it hurt, but not bruise. He knew how tightly he could grip my arms and push me up against the bookcase, or the wall to make me wince in pain, and cause bruising along my back, but not break anything."
"Everyday?" He shook his head again appalled, trying to process how she'd managed to hold it together without so much as a peep through that time. He could barely stand the thought of someone doing those things to her. Yet, she had stood up to him. She was definitely the strongest and bravest woman he knew.
"No not everyday, just most days. There were days he thought I'd done well, and used everything he thought I should against you…" She paused, she knew what that meant, and she hadn't meant to bring him into it specifically, but she just had.
"He found me… attractive."
Will locked eyes with her. "Attractive?" He leaned against her desk. He wanted to ask her exactly what Pierson expected her to use against him, but he was more curious about the attacks.
"When I'd done what he considered… well in court, his advances were different, because it… turned him on I guess." She sighed rolling her eyes.
"Alicia, did he,"
She cut him off. "He'd stand in from of me. Run his hand under my chin, or along my cheek bone. He'd run his hands along my torso." She turned away wrapping her arms across her chest. Her tears were to close to the surface. Why had she ever let Will get her into this discussion?
He cautiously moved towards her placing his hands on her shoulders in an effort to comfort her. She tensed briefly, but relaxed after a few moments. Part of her yearned for someone's gentle touch to comfort, and help support her. She'd allowed the kids to hug her. She'd allowed Peter to kiss the top of her head and hold her hand in the hospital, but that was all the physical contact she'd allowed anyone. It was different to have Will's gentle touch on her shoulders and to be so near she could feel his body heat. However, the part of her that wanted no physical contact at all was still stronger. After a moment, she pulled away and turned to look at him. He looked a little disappointed.
"He thought, or he wanted to think, that I had feelings for him, despite what he was doing. He wasn't completely at fault in assuming that. He was attractive. Peter and I were… are having issues. I was more than happy to meet him at his home for lunch a week before the trial. We worked, but I didn't put a stop to his flirtations when he offered to take me out on his boat. We had a good afternoon together. But nothing happened between us, I wouldn't allow it."
If this had been meant to ease his feelings about the way Pierson had treated her, it hadn't worked.
"Okay, but he still… touched you, ran his hands along your body without your consent. He still…"
She could see the regret, disgust, and pain in his eyes. "Beat me" She said the words out loud before he could.
"Yes"
She could tell he wanted to say more. Ask more questions, but she was growing increasingly uncomfortable with the whole conversation. "Will, can we just leave it at that for tonight? Now you have a better picture. You don't need to spend your evening hearing about my problems. You apologized. I accept."
"Alicia, your problems in those weeks were apparently my problems as well, and I didn't even know it. I want to be here. If you don't want to tell me more about those encounters right now, then fine. But I want to know why there is more information in that room on me, your former enemy, than anyone else you know."
She sat back down on the sofa as the reality of what they'd both seen earlier moved to the forefront of her mind once again.
"So why did he do it? And I want to know the real reason."
"The case was the real reason, just not the whole reason."
"Then tell me the whole reason."
"No," she shook her head.
He was growing frustrated. "Why? Was this somehow my fault? If it was, I want the chance to fix it, make things right again."
"Fix it!" Her tone rose slightly. "None of this can be fixed. You were the stubborn one during the trial. That night I came to your office, why wouldn't you just call your client? You saw the bruises. Why didn't you come after me when I left, if you were so concerned?" A few tears fell from her eyes. She stood and turned away from him wiping away the tears. "He was waiting for me in your parking garage. Why did you have to be so stubborn, so bitter?"
His sense of guilt set in again. Maybe he really could have prevented some of the awful things that had happened to her. "So it was my fault? He told you to win the case, and if I would have backed down, settled the case, he would have left you alone the following day?" He went to stand next to her. She glanced over at him.
"No! He had every intention of killing me no matter the result of the trial. And it was my fault, not yours."
"Why?" He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, but remained calm. "I don't understand why he had all that information on me, or on you for that matter. He must have been obsessed with you."
"Obsessed, infatuated, jealous, possessive, you name it. The list is a mile long. He needed to know how I would argue in court, how you would argue in court. He wanted to know what buttons I could push to get you to back down, and what ones he thought you would use."
"Okay, but that doesn't explain all the personal information."
She sighed. She couldn't avoid some of this anymore. "Do you really want to know the real reason?"
"Yes"
She moved to the sofa, and motioned for him to sit as well. She pulled out her file on Pierson, and began removing some of its contents while she spoke. "He was angry. His wife cheated on him ten years ago." She spread out photos of Pierson's wife, and the other four women who he'd killed. "He killed her because of it, made it look like a suicide. The other women he killed all worked for him. But they all had something else in common." She looked at him holding eye contact. "They all cheated on their husbands, committing the worst sin in his mind." She continued to hold his gaze. "I cheated on my husband."
He broke her gaze and leant back into the cushions. The reality of what she had said sinking in. "With me."
"Yes, but it was a game for him. The women had to cheat twice. So he would flirt with them, pretend to be in love with them, and after they slept with him, cheating on their husbands a second time, he killed them."
He returned his gaze to hers with furrowed brow. "So you did sleep with him?"
"No, he couldn't push me to the other side because he realized…" She looked back down at the photos on the table.
"Realized what?"
"It doesn't matter. He had done his research on you due to the affair. And when he realized you were the attorney on Maddie's case, he figured I could use our relationship to get Mike off. And if I couldn't he had something to hold over my head."
Will sighed leaning forward placing his elbows to his knees. "It was my fault Alicia."
"No, I'm the one who cheated, the one who committed infidelity."
"Alicia"
"Will, I really can't do more of this tonight." She was holding back. There had been specific reasons Pierson needed to know some of the personal things he knew about Will, but she wasn't willing to tell him. She'd already told him more than she'd planned.
"Now you know the reason. Let's just leave it at that for tonight."
He didn't respond at first. There was too much spinning around in his mind. "Okay, but there is something else I have to tell you."
He filled her in on the possible threat to her life that was still out there, and the precautions that were being taken. And then he'd left without saying much more.
She sat back against the soft cushions and closed her eyes. It made her nervous to think someone had been helping Pierson. She was made even more uncomfortable by Will's mannerisms after the last part of their conversation on Pierson. He became distant, something he hadn't been since she was found, and she didn't like it. A dose of her own medicine she supposed. She'd spent the last month being distant, avoiding him, avoiding everyone. But deep down she'd begun to value his presence in her life again. She was still angry, she was still keeping things from him, from everyone. But she hoped she hadn't just ruined any chance of actual reconciliation between them. Because once the questioning began the following week, she knew it had the potential to turn ugly. For them to go into that on shakier ground than they would have a few hours prior, could be a recipe for disaster. She sighed heavily thinking this was like the aftermath of a personal war, picking up all the pieces and trying to make a life out of it again. The problem was that the real bomb hadn't even gone off yet, and she hoped to keep it that way.
