It felt like it had all happened so suddenly. One minute she'd been trying to deal with the absolute desolation of finding her husband in bed with another woman for the first time, and the next thing she knew she was trying to cope with a miscarriage, her life being forever altered.
And now she was pregnant again.
What if she let herself accept she was carrying Damon's child, and the same thing happened? She didn't know if she could run the risk of facing another loss. Yet every time she'd had a free second over the last couple of days, her mind had wondered what it would be like, to give life to something that was part of her and Damon. They hadn't talked since the bitter argument they'd had in his bedroom three days ago, and she lay awake at night wondering if he was coping, because she sure as hell wasn't. And the things that had been left unsaid and undecided between them needed to be addressed desperately before everything completely crumbled to dust in her hands.
Realizing she had been staring at the soapy water in the kitchen sink for the last five minutes, Elena sighed and stuck her hand in to take out the plug. She checked the clock on the wall and mentally calculated the time, understanding it would be too late to call Chicago. She'd been meaning to get in contact with the lawyer that had been handling Stefan's will. On top of Damon and the pregnancy she knew she had to plan a trip back to Illinois in the near future. She had their house to sort out, all of his things to deal with, needed to tie the loose ends of the life she had left behind.
"Hey, Elena?" Bonnie called softly, appearing in the doorway and restlessly pulling her loose sweater tighter around her. "There's someone in the living room who wants to see you."
Not even attempting to guess who was visiting, Elena dried her hands on the dish towel and scraped her hair back into a ponytail, following Bonnie out into the hallway and through the door. She froze as she took in the sight of the figure sitting awkwardly on the vinyl couch. "Jeremy?" she uttered in disbelief, blinking as if expecting him to disappear, the brother she hadn't talked to in years.
Jeremy rose, and paused when Elena took a step back. "In the flesh," he grinned sheepishly, still having a hint of boyishness around the eyes.
"I don't-" Elena started, bewildered from shock. She looked at Bonnie who only shrugged while slipping back out the door and closing it, leaving the siblings to their privacy. "What are you doing here?" Elena eventually settled on asking.
Waiting for Elena to sit opposite him, Jeremy sat back down, his hair flopping in front of his eyes just like it had always done when they were growing up. "Damon called me," he replied, tapping his fingers on his cellphone. "Thought I might be needed."
Elena waited for the shockwaves to dissipate from finding out that Damon had contacted her brother for her. "I don't know why he would think that," she finally coldly replied, confused on how to act. "I can only apologize for a wasted trip."
To her surprise, Jeremy's mouth widened into a smile. "Even as a kid you were stubborn as hell, good to see not much has changed." His eyes, which exactly matched hers in color and shape, softened "Damon told me about Stefan."
"And what precisely did Damon tell you about Stefan?"
"Just that he had passed away in a car accident. That's all he mentioned. And that you would probably want some family around you. I'm so sorry for your loss, Elena."
Shaking her head wryly, Elena wasn't sure if Damon was trying to palm her off on a lost relative or had genuinely contacted Jeremy in her best interests.
"I'm married," Jeremy spoke with forced cheer after Elena remained quiet, trying to fill in the awkward silence. "You have a niece and a nephew, twins." He fumbled in his back jean pocket and pulled out a worn brown leather wallet. "Do you want to see pictures?"
Stunned that she was only finding this information out now, Elena reached out a hand to accept the passport sized photos he was offering. He moved to sit next to her, ignoring the way she tensed as he got close.
"That's Anna, my wife" Jeremy pointed out a pretty girl in her mid-twenties, with black hair and almond eyes, who was grinning into the camera. "And these are Sarah and Ryan, my babies."
Elena ran her thumb over the faces of the young children, a small smile on her face, even as her heart constricted "God, they're the spitting image of mom. How old are they?"
"Three. Complete monsters at that age." Jeremy halted, looking confused "Although you may already know that, or did you and Stefan not have any children?"
"No, we didn't." Elena replied stonily, quickly handing him back the photographs. "Look, Jeremy, I appreciate you have this whole life now I know nothing about, but I'm not sure why you suddenly decided this was a good time to get back in contact, even if you did feel pressured by Damon."
Jeremy shook his head "I didn't feel pressured by him. In fact, I've been wanting to make that first step for years now, but I wasn't sure how you'd take it."
"Going by the kind of person I was just a few months ago, probably not well," Elena answered drolly. She shifted to look her brother in the eyes "Years ago I sent you a wedding invitation that went unanswered, Jeremy. Before that you could barely stay on the phone with me for more than a few minutes. I don't know what I did to make you not want to know your sister anymore, but I accepted it a while back, and you don't have to feel guilty about it now."
Nodding, Jeremy ran a hand through his hair and chewed on his lip "Whatever I have to say is going to sound a lot like excuses, but believe me it was all on my side, you never did anything wrong." He sighed "When Mom and Dad died and I fell into the drug spiral, you were the only one who realized I had to get out of town to survive. So even though you were barely dealing with your own grief, you did everything in your power to make sure I was in the best place I could be. At first I was really angry at everything, at myself, at the world. And while I got sober, the shame started to grow. I was too embarrassed with myself to talk to you, to hear in your voice how I had left you to deal with everything on your own because I was weak."
Interrupting, Elena disagreed vehemently "You weren't weak, Jeremy. We just handled it in different ways. You know I never held it against you that you needed to move away."
"Maybe I see that now, but back then, as the months went by, it got harder and harder to try and reconnect, until I just let you slip away. And I regret that I didn't fight that, I really do."
Tired of holding more animosity and negativity in her after years of that with Stefan, Elena relaxed, her heart opening up a little. "What about now?," she inquired. "Are you still clean, are you happy?"
"Haven't touched anything since before I met Anna," Jeremy promised proudly. "Having a family has made me happier than I'd ever imagined."
"I'm glad," Elena smiled bittersweetly at all that she'd missed out on with her last remaining family member, at all that she hadn't had in her own life. "Really I am."
Jeremy's eyes darted around the room, obviously trying to work out how broach a subject. "So I feel like there's something going on here that I'm in the dark about. With you, Damon, and how Stefan died."
Studying Jeremy carefully, Elena withdrew "There's a lot you don't know. A lot most people don't know." She acquiesced "I'd like to get to know you again, Jer. But we can't just jump into the deep end. Are you- I mean, how long are you out here for?"
"As long as you want," Jeremy replied, happy to finally have a positive answer to give. "Anna and the kids know how important this is. I can take as much time off work as I need."
Elena briefly wondered if she was doing the right thing giving another person the potential to get close to her, before remembering she was done shutting everyone out. "Okay," she agreed quietly "we can try taking it day by day." Checking her watch, she felt the heavy weight of fatigue fall on her. She stood, collected a throw and pillow from the armchair to hand to him "It's late, we should get some sleep. Bonnie won't care if you stay on the couch tonight."
In the end, Jeremy remained for the next week, and in that time he and Elena kept the dialogue flowing. They recalled their childhood, and discussed the long stretch of time spent apart that had come after that. And eventually, inescapably, the truth about her past with Stefan, and consequently the association with his brother all spilled out in bits and pieces. It was all just as healing as it was painful.
Elena had to give it to her brother, he took the whole chronicle, complete with every climax and pitfall, in stride without batting an eyelash. The only thing she kept to herself was the pregnancy. Until she had figured out what she wanted to do in her own mind and with Damon, she didn't need anyone else's input.
"Don't forget to call me when you get home, okay?" Elena requested, raising an eyebrow and tapping Jeremy's freshly printed-out plane ticket onto her palm.
"You're having no trouble at all falling back into the bossy big sister attitude, are you?" Jeremy grinned, grabbing the ticket from her when she paused to answer.
Returning his smile, she punched him playfully on the arm. "It's just like riding a bike," Elena quipped.
They waited for his suitcase to get checked and then walked over to where she would have to say goodbye. Sobering, Jeremy waited until he had her full attention. "I can stay longer if you want, Elena. I know this will take some time to feel like normality again."
"No, Jer. You should be back with your wife and children and I have to start standing on my own two feet." Elena smiled softly "I don't know how to thank you for staying, it was really nice to have some family around me again."
"Whatever went on between you and Stefan, it doesn't change the fact you still lost someone who pretty much has always been in your life. It's okay to need people to get through it, Elena."
"I know, I have Bonnie-"
Jeremy interrupted knowingly "And you have Damon."
"Yeah … I'm not so sure about that."
Blowing out a short burst of air through his lips, Jeremy gave her a crooked smile "That's really not what it sounded like when he called me." He rolled his eyes playfully "I'm not exactly thrilled to be taking the side of Damon Salvatore, the guy who gave me a wedgie at least once a day in third grade, but he tracked me down purely because he trusted I would be the best person to be there for you. And he lost his brother, Elena. He obviously didn't want you to lose yours forever, too."
It was good to hear an outsider's view on where Damon psyche was at right now. As his gate number was called, Elena leant forward and stood on her tiptoes to hug him around the neck. "Thanks, Jeremy." He returned the hug and heaved his backpack on, belatedly returning her punch on the arm.
"Remember phone calls every other Thursday," Elena prodded, pointing at him in warning as he moved away.
Jeremy saluted as he started walking backwards "And you're going to come out and visit as soon as you can, deal?"
"Deal," Elena agreed, waving one final time as he disappeared into the crowds and through his gate. Smile slowly falling from her lips, Elena realized now without the distraction of reacquainting with her sibling, there was one thing she couldn't keep putting off. It was time to face things head on.
On any other day Elena would have been happy to see Alaric answering Damon's door, but now, already feeling ill with what she suspected were nerves, she wished life would have thrown her a bone by at least letting her find Damon home alone.
Alaric noticeably winced as he took her in, standing on the doorstep. "Elena, hey," he checked back over his shoulder before waking further outside, almost closing the door behind him.
"Is he home?" she inquired wearily, not bothering to preface her question with a name.
"Yeah, he is, but-." Alaric switched his weight from one foot to the other uncomfortably. "But maybe now's not the best time, and you don't look so good."
Feeling a strong wave of nausea start to rise, Elena pushed her hand against her forehead and shut her eyes for a second. "Ric, I get what you're trying to do, and usually I'd back down, but this has gone on long enough. There are things that need to be out in the open one way or the other." She leveled Alaric with a look back from the days when she could reduce a cater waiter to a sniveling mess with the quirk of an eyebrow, relieved when he took a step back to let her pass.
"Elena, maybe you should have a glass of water or take a breath before you go up to see him.," Alaric advised, his voice echoing in the entrance way as he followed her back inside. "I mean for the baby, I'm sure you should stay calm."
Whirling around, Elena could see in Alaric's face he already knew he'd said the wrong thing. "The baby?," she bit out. "I wasn't aware that was common knowledge yet."
"Elena, it's not," Alaric promised, trying to soothe her. "Damon just needed to talk to someone and I'm kind of all he has right now."
Knowing she was being irrational since she herself had told Bonnie, Elena tried to restrain her feelings. Then, causing both her and Alaric to grow silent and look up, Damon appeared, pausing halfway down the stairs. His eyes were bloodshot, his hair was a mess and his face unshaved. Elena wondered when the last time was that he had taken a shower.
Vaguely aware of Damon conversing with his best friend, Elena began to feel stranger, her lips growing numb as her temperature spiked. The last thing she remembered was seeing Damon turning to look at her with concern, before her vision clouded black and she collapsed.
When she blinked back into consciousness, to her embarrassment she was laid out on Damon's floor, two EMTs hovering over her and Damon and Alaric standing in the background, their faces probably as pale as hers.
"I'm fine," Elena moaned, pushing the medical technician's hands off her. "I'm fine," she reaffirmed sternly, her surroundings becoming in-focus and clear again. She tried to sit up, felt the rush of blood to her head, and closed her eyes trying to stave the lightheadedness off.
"Ma'am you need to lay back down and we're going to take you to Mystic General."
Elena groaned and forced herself into a sitting position "No, I'm not going to the hospital. It's a waste of time. I passed out because I was stupid enough to forget to eat this morning and I had some morning sickness. Happens to people every day."
The female EMT exchanged a look with her co-worker "Yes, Mr. Salvatore informed us you were pregnant, which is why we really advise-"
"Elena, christ, will you just listen to them," Damon intervened, coming to kneel beside where she sat and really looking at her for what felt like the first time since the car accident.
Stubborn to a fault, Elena shook her head again "I have no pains, I know my body and I'm not going to wait hours in the emergency room just because I fainted."
Knowing from years of experience it was impossible to get Elena to back down when she was in this state of mind, Damon scanned her eyes intently. "I'll agree, if you let me call my doctor over to do a home visit. Take it or leave it."
"Fine, whatever," Elena conceded, realizing when she'd reached an impasse. She allowed Damon to help her to the couch in the parlor, letting herself enjoy his familiar warmth just for the short amount of time it took to walk her over, and then watched as Alaric and him saw the EMT'S back out. She heard his muted voice for a few minutes on the phone in the other room before it went silent again.
"Ric left too," Damon informed as he returned, pulling a old quilt over her and setting a glass of water down on the table with a pointed look. "He wants me to call as soon as we know for sure you're okay."
"As I said five minutes ago, I'm perfectly fine, so stop freaking out." She watched with a slight tinge of amusement as Damon sat himself down on the gap next to her and gave an outraged look.
"Why the hell are you being so irate right now?"
Elena leant her head back onto the arm of the couch, glad to feel almost completely back to full health. "Because," she replied succinctly.
"Oh, because." Damon parroted, annoyed at her flippancy, forcing the glass of water into her hand.
"Because I'm mad at myself for swooning like some old lady," Elena surrendered, pleased to see Damon manage a small smile at that.
Shaking his head, his features going hard again, Damon admitted "You fucking scared the shit out of me, Elena. You went white and just dropped. I didn't know-"
Interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell, Damon rolled his eyes to the ceiling, got up, returned with the town doctor and situated himself back down right where he had left. Elena internally cringed thinking about what he must have told or promised him to get the man here so quickly during work hours.
Dr. Roon was in and out even quicker than the EMT's. After asking her the routine questions, reaffirming what she'd known all along, it was obvious she was only suffering from the build-up of the stress from few weeks and low blood sugar. He made her promise to try and relax and to make sure she was getting the proper nutrition. The whole time he spoke, Damon nodded intently behind him, like he was the one dispensing the advice instead of the professional.
Finally when it was just the two of them again, Elena attempted to summon back the will to fight that she'd been so full of that morning "Damon-"
"I know," Damon confirmed, pinching the bridge of his nose, his fingertips white. "I know you want to have this all out now, but first you're going to get some sleep. Please, just ... don't argue with me on this."
Taking in his sunken cheek bones, Elena decided it wouldn't hurt to let their talk go for a few more hours. "Okay, just for a little while." She turned onto her side and pulled the quilt up to her shoulders, trying to fight the heaviness that was suddenly pulling her eyelids closed.
Damon took her hand in his for a second, turning it over, before furrowing his eyebrows and releasing it. "I'll call Bonnie to let her know what's going on," he said distantly. As he walked out of the room, Elena couldn't recall ever seeing his gait looking so defeated before.
When she woke up, the house was dark, heavily silent and as she checked her watch, Elena was surprised to see it was only eight instead of the middle of the night. She stared at the ceiling for a short amount of time, memorizing the crown molding, knowing she was too alert to go back to sleep now. Testing her balance, she stood and crept up the stairs, her feet making their way to Damon's room before she'd even consciously decided where she was heading.
Reassured to see the light through the crack in his door, she knocked softly, inching it slowly open without waiting for a response,
"You should be sleeping," Damon reprimanded flatly, his back to her, while he sat on the side of his bed looking at something in his lap.
It was then, Elena pinpointed, that she just couldn't take it any longer. She missed the man in front of her, missed him more than she'd ever missed anyone before, and she was tired of being scared without him. Moving across the floor, she shuffled over the covers of his bed, remembering how it was the place where he so often had let her know with only a touch that he was there for her.
"Damon," she breathed, returning that sentiment by resting the side of her face against his back, feeling the cloth of his shirt on her cheek. Threading her arms around his middle, she waited as he stiffened and then gradually loosened in her embrace. "Talk to me."
"I don't know where to start," he finally answered lowly, collecting the photographs that he had evidently been looking at when she'd walked in. She caught a few glimpses of ones of Stefan and him as children before he stuffed the memories into a drawer in the nightstand. Damon turned and looked at her fixedly "How can I ask you to forgive me for the way I've been acting, leaving you to feel like you had to go through everything by yourself."
"No, Damon," Elena's voice cracked, she reached over and retrieved the photos Damon had just put away, fanning them in her hand. "You were grieving for your brother and on top of that trying to deal with the guilt. We both have been. We only failed when we let it come between us. We should have been going through this together."
Damon rested his head in his hands before groaning and then looking up again "You should know that I called Jeremy. I didn't want to face you after how much of an asshole I was when I found out you were pregnant, and I wanted you to know that if I couldn't be with you, then you at least had him."
Cupping his cheek softly in her palm, Elena forced Damon to look at her "I already know, he came out for a visit."
Eyes widening in surprise, Damon questioned "How'd that go?"
"I'm pretty sure you gave me the gift of my brother back, so don't ever regret what you did."
Removing her hand from his cheek, but in consolation keeping Elena's fingers wrapped in his, Damon gave a ghost of a half smile "Well it all comes down to one question, forgetting all the bullshit, do you still want to try and get through this together, with me?"
Elena let out a small laugh and looked down for a second "Damon, do you really think after everything I stuck through with Stefan, that I'd give up on us after a few rough days? I know we're both made of stronger stuff than that."
They'd gotten through hell before and they could do it again, Elena was sure now.
Damon seemed to gain some light in his eyes and reached out a hesitant hand to rest on her stomach "And the baby?"
"That's something we'll have to talk about and we need decide what we both want. But we will decide it together." Elena took his face in her hands, mirroring the gesture he'd done to her countless times in the past "We have a mountain of things to figure out, and get through, but we'll survive if we're both 100% in. Are you in?"
"When it comes to you, I've always been in," Damon exhaled, leaning forward to rest his forehead against hers. "And we can talk until we're blue in the face tomorrow, but just stay with me tonight?"
Breathing out a sigh of relief, Elena nodded "On one condition."
Looking at her with an air of confusion, Damon waited for her to to continue.
"That you take a goddamn shower, because you stink and I'm not sharing a bed with that smell." Elena grinned, lightly pushing at his shoulder
Watching Damon grumble, but move to do as she asked, Elena knew that she'd made the right decision to fight for them. Out of all the things she'd fought for before, this might prove to be the most rewarding.
"Elena?," Damon called from the door to the bathroom, looking at her on his bed, his towel slung over one shoulder. "I love you."
"I know," she replied, because she'd never believed him more.
"I love you too."
A/N- I apologize for the delay! This chapter just didn't want to come out at first. Now that Damon and Elena have started communicating they can begin working through their issues, and deal with the grief and her pregnancy. So we'll see how that goes!
Every reader this fic has, means the world. So thank you, thank you, thank you. And of course a gigantic thank you to my beta dutch_treat, who always manages to work her magic on this story!
