I'd like to thank Elpheen for one lovely idea of a name of the still unborn child; you know which one I'm talking about!

Lesbians, Babies, and Blushing…Oh My!

Joanne and Maureen were sitting at the kitchen table arguing once again about baby names.

"But Pookie, Paprika is a nice name. Come on, Paprika Jefferson-Johnson; you know you like it!" The lawyer signed.

"Honeybear, paprika is a seasoning. No daughter of mine will have the name of a seasoning! How about Bailey or Robin, aren't those nice names?" Maureen too sighed in response. This sighing was turning out to be a trend in the household.

"Booooring!" Right as an argument was about to erupt, in walked the twins.

"Mommy and Momma, we had a question for you." Jessica stated.

Jaylyn finished her thought, "Yeah we wanted to know how you gots a baby in your stomach."

"'Cause John at school said that you need to have a daddy for a baby." If nothing else stopped the arguing that surely did. Slowly Maureen and Joanne turned their heads to face their daughters.

"Wha-what?" Joanne managed to stammer out. Jaylyn groaned at her mother's impudence.

"Momma, you heard us; how did you get a baby in your tummy?" Still the lawyer could only stare in amazement at her daughter. Whenever she'd thought about this as a child, she figured she'd never have to answer it—since you know she was a lesbian. Surprisingly, Maureen had it all under control.

"Ooh, I got this one Pookie. Okay girls sit down and your good old Mommy will tell you all about it…" The twins went and sat at the table ready to listen to the speech their mother had planned for them. "So, when two people love each other very much, just like me and your Momma over there," the diva jerked her thumb to Joanne, "then they take a trip to good ole Ireland. Then some leprechauns with special luck especially for people who want babies give them a gold coin that has special powers. All that happened was your momma ate it and…poof! She 'gots a baby in her tummy'" The girls sat there wide eyed and dumb-struck.

"Wow," said Jessica, "a lerprechaun? That is…wow!"

"Momma, is that true? Did you really go to Ireland?" Joanne was trying her hardest not to laugh at her daughter's question.

"Uh sweetie, Mommy stretched the truth a little I think. You know what though; I will tell you all about it tomorrow, but for now just stick to Mommy's story okay?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Cool beans. Now back to picking out a name…" Jessica and Jaylyn looked at each other before bursting out with a name.

"Big Bird!" The couple looked back and forth from each other to the girls and after that it was history for a tickle fight had begun.

The next morning Joanne woke up and called the loft.

SPEAK! Joanne hated that they would never pick up the phone over there.

"Ugh, someone pick up this damn phone!" Collins was there to hear Joanne yell at them through the answering machine and picked up the phone.

"Jo is that you? Girl it's ten-thirty in the morning, can't whatever this is wait?"

"Collins you are just the man I wanted to speak to! No this cannot wait. So…you're still gay right?" Collins almost choked on his coffee from laughing so hard.

"Hmm, well if I remember correctly, yes…yes I am. Why do you ask dearie?" Joanne let out a sigh of relief. She was just glad that Collins hadn't turned straight since Angel's death; he was handsome, he could easily get a woman.

"Okay well yesterday the girls asked where babies come from and somehow I think the normal 'when a mommy and a daddy love each other' speech will work." Collins laughed at the lawyer in her desperation.

"You know what, it probably won't. Sweetie, sometime soon you are going to have to explain to your daughters that some families have mommies and daddies and others just have daddies or mommies. Seeing as to how they asked now, I'm going to have to say sooner than later." Joanne began whining because she really hated tough conversations.

"But Collins they are only five years old! They don't need to know these kinds of things yet." On the other side of the conversation, the anarchist was grinning seeing as to how he loved these kinds of things.

"Jo you know kids grow up quicker now than back in the day. It's not 1980 anymore where when momma says something, you better believe it or else. Kids are into asking questions now a day." For what must have been the 100th time that day, the lawyer sighed.

"Well a girl can wish cant she? Alright, I'll tell the girls today but we're coming over your house…we may need reinforcements on this one."

"Sure but uh, don't come over before noon. Normal bohemians are still sleeping."

"Is there really such thing as a normal bohemian?"

"Ah well that's what we educated people call an oxymoron."

Around noon Joanne woke up the rest of the household and they all went out to a little café close by to have a light brunch. After eating they started out their trek to the loft.

"Momma, where are we going?" Jaylyn asked while hopping over cracks in the sidewalk.

"We are going to visit Uncle Mark and Uncle Collins Jay," the lawyer answered.

"Oh. Why are we going to their house Momma?"

"Because." Joanne smiled to herself as she waited for the 'why' part of the question.

"Because why Momma?" The little girl tugged her mother's pant leg because she really wanted to know.

"Because we have some very important business to discuss. Like say for instance, where babies come from…right Honeybear?" Maureen, who had been daydreaming about God knows what, perked up at the sound of her name.

"Huh, what? Yeah, we're—or really Momma is—gonna tell you where babies truly come from. It's very, very fun stuff. It's maybe even better than the Ireland story." Jaylyn curiosity satisfied, the family walked the rest of the distance in semi silence. At last they got to the loft and the twins yelled at the door until Mark decided to let them in.

"Hey girls, how's it going?"

"We're okay. Hey Uncle Marky," Mark hated when Jessica called him Marky and blushed profusely, "Momma's going to tell us where babies come from." Obviously Mark blushed even more at this comment.

"Well then I'll just be heading out to do some filming then…Gotta bring in that money you know!" Maureen grabbed the filmmaker's arm to prevent him from leaving.

"Oh no you don't Marky, you just stay right here to help us explain this little miracle."

"Great." Collins had just come into the room and saw how Mark seemed to be stuck and he laughed.

"So Mr. Cohen, it seems that you'll be here to help us with our lovely little conversation. Wonderful, we could use all the help we can get," he said.

"Well why can't Roger and Mimi help? They have a kid; zoom in on my lovely invisible wife's invisible womb." Joanne shook her head and couldn't believe how much of a baby Mark could be sometimes.

"Mark first off: shut up and stop being such a baby, I'm pregnant and I'm not as shaky as you. Man up! Second: Roger and Mimi are upstate visiting the parents, remember?" Mark nodded "good, now girls sit down while we explain to you the wonders of child conception…"

Maureen smiled, "Alright, let's get this party started."

Jaylyn and Jessica chanted, "Babies, babies, babies!"

Collins grinned, "This should be very interesting."

And poor Mark groaned, "Oh no, here we go…"


Forty five awkward minutes later the twins sat wide eyed, the diva had a huge smile on her face, the lawyer was sitting in concentration with her brow furrowed, the anarchist was on the balcony smoking a joint, and the filmmaker was sweating and beet red.

"So…do you get it? Did Momma make it easy for you to get or do you have any questions?" Joanne asked her daughters.

"Wow, that was…what's that word Jaylyn?"

"Intense."

"Yeah it was intense. But you did a good job Momma. I think we got it now." Joanne finally breathed after holding her breath in anticipation.

"Oh thank God. Now we can never talk about this again, right?" Maureen wrapped her arms around Joanne before answering her.

"Well Pookie, you know Lara Croft is going to ask us the same question one of these days."

"Yeah I know, I'm just getting too—hold up, Lara Croft? Maureen no. No, no and no. It will not happen!" Collins and Mark interrupted the argument.

"Well, how about a celebration, ay Cohen?"

"Oh for sure Thomas. Let's go!" They each grabbed an arm of one of the arguing couple and they dragged him to the Life Café to eat and be merry.

"They all went out to get drunk (well except for Joanne and the twins) but not without further arguments for names. Would the madness ever stop?

Well I hope you all liked it…Now for the fun part, I need help picking a name for the baby, well actually I already have the middle name picked out but... you know. So if you have name ideas give them to me in the reviews, I'll probably add them to the arguments…and I'll credit the people who give me ideas so come on and give me some names!