Only the Curious Have Something to Find

Chapter 12

Note: Hey guys! I'm back! Sorry I left you for a while, but Arizona was fun! And I know you've all forgiven me for my evil-ness, right? –ducks flying objects–

Enjoy!

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Shawn was pretty sure he'd never felt this bad in his life. He'd slept maybe the equivalent of an hour, maybe. He'd been plagued all night with horrifying dreams. Each one was him, he couldn't hear, he couldn't speak, he couldn't breathe. His father sat over him, looking more terrified than Shawn had ever imagined he could be. The feeling around them filled with the stench of blood, lost hope, regret, death.

The lack of sleep wasn't even the worst part, but the residue the dreams left behind. At least, that's what he and Gus had begun to call it. It was when Shawn felt the emotions from his dreams for a while afterwards. That was what was terrifying him. Residue usually only happened with visions. But there was no way that could be a vision. There was no way he had visions of himself dying in his father's arms…

Right?

"You've got to be kidding me!" Came a loud cry from downstairs, pulling Shawn from his thoughts. Pineapple stopped scurrying around in her cage at the call. She seemed to glance at Shawn.

"Its ok, Pine. Dad's probably just on the phone with work or something." The small rabbit seemed to accept that explanation, as she went back to munching on some hay.

Shawn stood, his whole body aching from residue and lack of sleep. His head was pounding and he was sure he looked like crap. He looked down at the clothes he'd haphazardly thrown on at four in the morning when he'd given up on sleeping altogether. They were rumpled, but acceptable. He slowly made his way down the stairs, his father's angry voice floating through the house.

As his father spoke the image of his grandfather entered Shawn's head. Not his Grandpa Lowell, his father's father who loved Shawn very much, as any grandparent would their grandchild. No, the image of his Grandpa Clarence filled his head. His grandparents on his mother's side didn't exactly like Shawn. When he had come out to his family he'd been welcomed by his parents with open arms, as well as Grandpa Lowell. But his ever-religious grandparents from his mother's side had been, well, less than thrilled. They'd even asked his parents if they'd 'Taken care of it yet? I know a nice camp in Illinois where they cure boys like him.' After his parents had been all but disgusted with their reaction both sides of the family hadn't interacted that much since.

Why was Grandpa Clarence in his head?

"Oh, for Christ sakes!" There was a pause as Shawn hit the bottom of the stairs. "I'll say whatever I damn well please! Oh, don't you try to change the subject!" Shawn slipped on his shoes and placed his backpack by the door. "It's his birthday, damnit! Can't you just—no? Well fuck it then! Oh, don't give me that shit…you know what? Forget it! Forget I even called!" Shawn doubted the person on the other end got the chance to respond as his father slammed the phone hard into its cradle. He would have to check if it was broken later.

Shawn tried to piece together what he'd heard. His birthday was in two weeks, was his father possibly talking to someone about him? He didn't get the chance to think about it anymore as his father came stepping into the living room, jumping when he saw Shawn.

"Ah, Shawn. Shit, you scared me."

"Is everything OK?"

Henry ran his hand over his head, looking a little unsure. "Yea, son, everything's fine."

"Was that Grandpa Clarence?" Shawn didn't even comprehend the question until after he'd asked it. Why'd he ask that?

Henry shook his head, laughing humorlessly. "Sometimes I wish you didn't know all the things you know." Shawn just shrugged, waiting for his father to answer his previous question. "Yea…yea, that was your grandpa."

"Were you talking about-"

"You ok? You look like crap." Henry cut off Shawn's question, not wanting to have to say 'Yes, son, we were talking about you. And yes, they still hate you so much that they won't come to visit you on your birthday or even send a fucking card.'

Shawn shook his head, he himself knowing the answer to his question anyway. "Uh, yea, I just didn't get much sleep last night."

"Bad dreams?" Henry asked, concerned. Shawn just nodded. "Visions?"

"No. No, they weren't visions." Shawn said, really trying to convince himself more than his father. Even so, he could never tell his father about what he'd seen all night long, his father would be on panic-mode for months and lock Shawn away in a cell. It wasn't even a vision, he kept telling himself.

"You worried about seeing that girl today?" Shawn was tempted to ask 'What girl?' his mind still on his dreams, when he remembered all the terrible things that had happened the previous day.

"No…no. I don't have any classes with her today. I can probably avoid her."

Henry tilted his head to the side, looking his son over. "You sure you're OK? You really look like crap."

Shawn nodded, about to answer when a car horn sounded in the driveway. "There's Gus. I'll see you later dad." Henry bit his lip but nodded, watching his son leave.

--

"You're not even sure if they're visions or not?" Gus asked, as they hit a stop light, panic on his face. Shawn needed to talk to someone about his dreams, and Gus seemed like the best candidate.

"They couldn't have been visions. There's no…no way…"

Shawn knew what Gus was thinking, he could all but hear him in his head. But you had them all night long, you're feeling the residue…doesn't that mean it has to be a vision? But what Gus actually said was "Yea…yea, you're probably right. There's no way they could have been visions…" Gus bit his lip and glanced at Shawn as he hit the gas.

"I'm sorry, Gus." Shawn said, shaking his head.

"Why?"

"I shouldn't have told you. Now all you're gonna do is worry."

"I'm not worried!" Gus said, but as they hit a stop sign a car whizzed by, much faster than it should have. Gus's arm shot out in front of Shawn, as if to protect him.

Shawn glanced down at the arm pressed against his chest, then up at his friend. Gus glanced at him, quickly pulling his arm away. "Yea. You're not worried at all."

Gus said nothing in response and the two rode in silence until they hit their final turn. Shawn took a deep breath and said, "I'm gonna tell Lassie and Jules, Gus."

At that Gus skidded to a halt, "What??"

"I'm gonna tell them. Today. After school."

Gus blinked, "You told your dad, right?"

"Yea. Last night."

Gus bit his lip again, something people seemed to do a lot around Shawn, before shaking his head. "I guess if you really want to." Gus then nodded, hitting the gas again. "Yea, I think you're right. I think they're good."

Shawn smiled at his friend, "Thanks for your blessing, Gus."

"No problem." Gus grinned.

--

At lunch that day Shawn and Gus decided to sit across from each other. Shawn felt even worse now than he had when he spoke to his father that morning. He was sure he looked worse, too, because Gus kept glancing at him and asking if he was ok. Gus opened his mouth to ask again when Lassiter and Juliet got to the table.

"Hey guys." Juliet greeted brightly, Gus greeted her back as she sat beside him, and Shawn just smiled and nodded.

"You ok?" Lassiter asked as he sat beside Shawn.

He didn't even bother to respond, but instead said, "Juliet, Lassiter, I need to tell you guys something. Can we all meet after school? We could go to the pier or something."

"Sure, I'm free." Juliet smiled.

Lassiter nodded, but looked hard at him. "Is this-?" Shawn just nodded, not even bothering to listen to the rest of the question.

God his head hurt.

"Are you sure you're OK, Shawn?"

"Yea, I uh, I just…" Shawn pressed his hands to his temples, his headache kicking up to a migraine. The residue was really hitting him harder than it ever had before. He felt so terrified for no reason. Not to mention his whole body hurt like hell and he just wanted to sleep.

"Shawn?"

"Huh?" He glanced at the concerned look of all his friends, and shook his head – only to find that hurt more than sitting still. "Yea, I just didn't sleep at all last night." He put his arms on the table and rested his head on the crook of his elbow.

He felt a hand rest atop his head and begin to stroke his hair, he knew it to be Lassiter's. It was so gentle, Shawn couldn't suppress the quiet moan that escaped from him. He hurt so bad, but Lassiter's simple touch was so soothing.

So soothing that he drifted off to sleep.

He couldn't see anything. It was dark, but the room stank of blood. He cried out for help but all that escaped his lips was a pathetic sob. Someone was yelling. Who was yelling?

"Let him go! Put the knife down!"

"I can't, I'm so close. This is for his own good, can't you see that?"

"He's dying! Damnit, let him go!"

"I'm saving him. I'm his savior."

"You're a monster! Let him go! Shawn!"

Dad? Dad is that you?

He didn't get to comprehend anymore as excruciating pain exploded from his chest. There were no words to describe this kind of horrible agony. He did the only thing he could do.

He screamed.

Shawn shot up, his back slamming into the tree behind him. Gus, Lassiter and Juliet all looking at him in alarm. Shawn ran his hand over his head, "I—um, I…sorry. I just…" He shook his head, trying to come up with a coherent string of words.

"Shawn, what was that?"

Shawn bit his lip, "Bad dream. Been having them all night. About…about…" He shook his head again, "Damnit…this, uh, this has to do with what I have to tell you."

Lassiter and Juliet looked a little panicked, "Can you just tell us now?"

"I—I—what if you don't believe me? Or if you think I'm…demonic?" Shawn had no idea why he was voicing these questions. It was like he had no control over anything that came out of his mouth today. What the hell was going on with him?

"What?" Lassiter asked incredulously, "Why the hell would we think you were demonic?"

Shawn looked at Gus, his eyes saying 'I have no idea what's going on with me!' Gus got a worried look and quickly said, "You guys, it'll all make sense once he tells you."

"You know what it is?" Juliet asked. Gus just nodded, before glancing at Shawn.

"Shawn? What is it?" Lassiter prodded.

Shawn's eyes darted from Gus to Juliet to Lassiter. He looked almost like a caged animal. He had no idea what to do. He shook his head, "I have no idea what's going on." He whispered. His conscious mind was telling him continuously not to tell them, that they wouldn't believe him or they'd think he was crazy or whatever. But in the back of his mind a voice was screaming at the top of its lungs. Tell them. Tell them! TELL THEM!

He blinked and looked up at the three of them. "Ok…I—I'll tell you." He said, biting his lip.

"You don't have to if this is really something personal, Shawn. If this is too much-"

"No…no, I have to. If I really want you in my life like how Gus is in my life – a permanent part of my life – I…I have to tell you. It's the only way I'll know…" Know if you're the one, his mind finished the sentence because his voice was too afraid to. "To put it bluntly…" Shawn started, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Opening them he uttered the two words he thought he'd be too afraid to utter to anyone again:

"I'm psychic."

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Well, I don't know about this chapter. It's a little iffy, I don't know, maybe my mind is still on vacation :D Even so, I hope you all enjoyed!

Thanks for reading!

-claire