title: lips and a sassy bitch

rating: t

Written for the CS drabble prompt. There was another request for the same prompt (lips) filed under OQ, so I doubled up!


"How is it that Emma gets away with bossing you around, but you're a sassy bitch to the rest of us?"

Killian turns to face the sullen Prince Charming (is he pouting, he wonders incredulously) with a raised eyebrow as he nurses his glass of rum.

"Seriously, mate?"

"I know right, he's one to talk, seeing as how he's married to Snow White," Robin says, smirking at David as if he isn't in a relationship with a queen of his own.

"You're one to talk, you're dating Regina," David sasses back, turning his ire to the supposed prince of thieves.

"She's a micro-manager and a half," Killian agrees, which earns him a glare from Robin.

"I was on your side!"

"I'm on no one's side except my own."

"Oh please, you're on whatever side Emma is on," David says, and Killian wonders how the man toes the line between snarking at his daughter and protecting her fiercely in his presence.

"Ergo, my side," Killian says in triumph.

"I prefer the winning side," Robin says.

"That's still my side."

"Has anyone ever told you how arrogant you are, Jones?"

"They usually just tell me how handsome I am, Charming."

"Anyone else find it ironic the only reason she calls him Charming is because she thought he was the exact opposite?"

"What can I say Hood, the Lady Snow knows what she's on about."

"At least I wasn't so obvious as Captain Hook. With a hook for a hand. Just in case anyone didn't get it."

"I should be Robin Arrows then, and you Prince Sword."

The two of them dissolve into laughter, and Killian gives them both a look that speaks volumes of how idiotic he thinks they are.

"Oh there he goes again, with that I'm-better-than-you look!" Robin chortles, which turns into a hacking cough as he chokes on air.

David thumps him hard on the back, while Killian just smirks at the pair.

"Karma is a bitch, isn't it?"

"You're a bitch."

"Really mature, Hood; excellent use of the English language."

"Why thank you, always thought myself the dapper gentleman."

"As entertaining as this is to watch," comes a very amused voice, making all three men jump like children caught red-handed, "Emma is waiting for Killian and David in the car," Ruby says, grinning as Victor's arms encircle her waist.

Killian sees David narrowing his eyes at Victor's arms, and is comforted somewhat that the man's insanely protective persona is universal – though he knows without question that Charming always ups the ante when Killian is being overly affectionate with Emma (which of course just spurs him more, much to Emma's alternating amusement and exasperation).

"Alright then gentleman, I bid you lads adieu," Killian says, rising from his barstool steadily, as Charming rises from his, tottering like a child.

"Goddamn show-off," Charming mutters, purposely knocking into Killian as he kisses Ruby on the cheek and bids them all good night.

Killian nods at Robin, grinning. "He's such a sore loser."

"Wasn't aware this was a competition," Robin says, with an eyebrow raised.

"Life's a game, Hood, and I enjoy winning," Killian sing-songs as he sashays out of the Rabbit Hole, turning around to blow Robin a salacious kiss, which the other man catches with a wink.

He hears Ruby's loud laughter long after the door shuts.

"Hey," Emma says, as she greets him with a kiss.

"Mmm, Swan, your lips taste like chocolate," he murmurs, leaning in further to her side of the car to deepen the kiss –

Only to be met with her father's hands on his face.

"Do you mind?"

"Can't you at least wait till you send me home, Hook?"

"Oh, so we're back to Hook now, are we?"

Emma pulls away from him, throwing her father a look and pushes Killian into his seat, all with a great big sigh.

"Pretty sure this is the first time I've pitied the prince," Regina drawls from outside the car, brushing her coat as she stops by Emma's door, presumably there to pick Robin up.

"Oh please, your majesty, he's going to jump on your lips the moment he sees you," Hook drawls, ignoring the immediate glare he receives.

"I assure you Hook, where Robin places his lips is of no concern of yours," she says wickedly, all feral teeth as she continuously refuses to call him anything but his moniker – never mind that he hasn't worn the blasted hook since the final battle.

"Oh, eww, eww, eww!" Emma cries out, face twisting in disgust at the mental imagery Regina has no doubt supplied her.

"Oh grow up, Miss Swan," Regina says cheerily, before heading in to pick up her other half.

"Oh, she's all grown up Regina, I assure you!" Killian yells out after her, but is met with a slammed door far off, even though he's sure she heard him.

"Killian!"

"If you don't shut up, I'm going to punch you."

"Fiiiiine, let's go home darlings," he drawls out, sinking into the seat with a sigh, ignoring Charming's incoherent grumblings.

Emma starts the car, and then leans over to whisper in his ear, "And when we're home, maybe you can show me what else you can do with your lips."

"Ohmygod,Ididn'tjusthearthat," Charming whispers, horrified in the back, as Killian lets out a laugh, even as his mind's eye pictures all the things he's going to do.

"Aye," he says simply, voice rough as his hand finds a spot on her thigh – a promise.