Chapter 12: The Gala

"It is love, not faith, that removes mountains." - George Sand


"Would you like to dance?"

Emily turned around to face the source of the question, and found herself face to face with Dr. Spencer Reid. Her heart stopped for a minute. He's here. She realized she hadn't answered his question. She didn't know what to do.

One part of her was resolute, push him away. He's better off without me causing pain in his life. Another part yearned for him, yearned to just say yes. Both parts were equally strong right now, so she didn't know what to do.

"Emily, would you like to dance?"

"Dance?" She was in disbelief. What was he doing here? How did he get here?

"I see people dancing. I'm not the greatest dancer, but I think I can manage."

She still said nothing.

"You know what the great thing about dancing is? It doesn't require a big commitment. You decide one dance at a time if you want to keep going. We could dance for one song, and then you could decide if you want to keep dancing. What do you say? Just one dance?"

"Yes." The answer whispered out of her, without her two warring sides issuing it. It came from somewhere else.

Reid guided her to the dance floor. She looked at him, he looked back with those chocolate brown eyes she loved. It seemed forever since she had looked deeply into them. "I wasn't expecting you tonight. Why are you here?"

"To dance with you."

"Reid, I ..." She searched for the words, but didn't know what to say.

"It's OK, you don't need to say anything. I'm here because I want to be here. I think you might want me to be here too. I'm not asking for anything. I just want to be here with you. I love you Emily. And like I said before, I haven't given up on us yet."

"Reid, isn't it possible that we're doomed? Us being together just causes us pain. You deserve so much more."

"But what I want is you. I want a life with you, and I've never wanted anything so badly. Life brings both pain and joy. I would never trade my mother for anything, but my life with her had some of each."

"Reid, I don't know... I've missed you. But I'm just not sure."

"You don't have to be. Right here, us dancing, that's all I'm asking for at this moment. When the song's over, I'll ask if you want another dance. I'll dance with you for as long as you'll let me."

"What if I say I don't want anymore dances tonight?"

"Then I'll stay here as long as you let me."

"What if I tell you to leave?"

"Then I'll leave."

"What if I said I don't want you to ever to come back?"

"I respectfully refuse."

"Come again?"

"If you ask me to leave, I'll leave. For now. But I'll call. I'll visit. I will send you gifts. I'll ask you out. I know you think it should be over, but I think the problem is that you're afraid. That's OK, I was afraid too. You didn't give up on us then, I'm not giving up on us now."

"Why not? What makes you so sure?"

"I have faith."

"When did you become a man of faith?"

"I'm not certain. Sometime between the time you became pregnant and now, I guess."

"Guess? Since when did you start guessing?"

"We're always guessing. You and me. Everyone. We all guess. As we go along we find ways to make better and better guesses. Mathematical models, statistical analysis, computer models of weather patterns, even profiling - all just different ways of guessing. But sometimes, when we guess we realize it isn't just a guess. We know. I know I love you and that I will always love you. Sometimes it feels like I've always loved you. That's the feeling I have faith in." He wrapped his arms around her, and she tucked herself into him.

She forgot how much she missed this, the Reid rambles. Sometimes they were tangents that lead nowhere, but sometimes ... And then how it felt when he held her. There was still that part of her that told her this was a mistake. It would be kinder if she sent him away. He didn't really understand, the good times would be far and few in between. She knew that.

The music stopped. "Shall we dance some more?" Spencer asked.

"Yes." She didn't know why she said that. There was a part of her that told her this was helping no one, it was hurting them both. That voice was loud and strong in her head, she was ignoring it right now. There was another voice, it was quieter but somehow more intense. It told her this is what was right.

Dance after dance, they held onto each other.

From across the room, Ambassador Prentiss and her husband watched the couple. "I told you," she said, "we just need to let them work it out."

"Maybe."

"George," she said in a warning tone.

"I'm not doing anything."

She put a reassuring arm on his shoulder, "You're worrying about them. That's very loving."

"Not them. Just my little girl."

After a few songs, Emily looked at Spencer and said in a soft voice, "I don't want to be here anymore Spencer."

"Where do you want to be?"

"Home."

"Do you want me to take you home?"

"I want to go home with you. Just for the night."

"Okay. Let's go."

A little while later, the two of them were at Spencer's apartment.

"Are you sleeping on the bed or the couch?" Emily asked.

"If you want to sleep alone, I'll stay on the couch."

"No, I mean the last time we were separated you slept on the couch. Have you been doing that again?"

"No. I've been sleeping on the bed."

"Oh." She felt a little disappointed, for reasons she chose not to examine. "Good. The couch is bad for your back."

"And you? Have you been sleeping well?"

"No, not really. You know, I just realized, I don't have anything to change into here."

"Yes you do. You still have some clothes here. And a go bag."

"Really?"

"Yeah, wait here, and I'll get it." Spencer went into his bedroom to get her spare go bag. While he did, she looked at his desk. There was a digital picture frame that was cycling through pictures of Reid's Mom, the team, her, and then an image of an ultrasound of the baby. Then a picture of the headstone. Emily watched it, entranced almost.

"Emily?"

She turned to see Reid standing there, with her go bag. "I been there, at the grave" she said. "The headstone seems bare without a name."

"We never decided on one. I didn't feel like I could name her by myself."

"Her?"

"This week, it started to feel right thinking it's a girl. I have no reason for that. I just..."

"I'm sorry." She cast her eyes down. He's sad, she thought. I did this to him. I got him excited about this and then I lost the baby. He was going to be such a good father, and I ruined it.

She didn't realize how close he was until she felt his hand lift up her chin until her eyes met his. "It isn't your fault, Emily."

"Spencer..."

"It isn't Emily. Is isn't your fault we lost the baby. It isn't your fault, it isn't my fault. There's no unsub to blame. It's just something that happened. It's sad, but there's no one to blame. No one."

"You don't know that. It's me. Somehow, I should have ..."

Spencer held her tight and said," It isn't your fault Emily. It isn't. It just isn't." Spencer looked at her, and then he suddenly knew exactly what was happening, what had been happening. He wasn't dealing with Emily Prentiss the woman. This was the 15 year old Emily Prentiss, who just wanted to be accepted. This was the part of her that didn't think she was worthy of being loved.

"Listen to me Emily," he said," I love you. Not what you've done, not because of what you might do. I love you because you're you. You are beautiful, in mind, in body. I will always love you. I've never not loved you. You are profoundly worthy of love. I need you to understand that." He gazed into her eyes, and saw the tears start to leak out her eyes and run down her cheeks.

She grabbed him tightly, so tightly he was afraid she might start breaking his bones. He didn't say anything. If she broke bones, she broke bones. Then she slowly let go of him, looked him in the eyes and said,"I'm exhausted Spencer. I just want to get cleaned up and go to sleep, if that's OK."

"Sure, sure go ahead."

She went to the bathroom, taking her go bag with her.

Spencer sat on the couch, tired. It was going well, he thought. At least he hoped it was. It felt good to have her in his apartment again. It was good to embrace her again. As he listened to the shower run, he allowed their relationship play in his head. Not just the last several months that they were dating, but the time before that, when she had just joined the team. He was thinking about the time he accidentally hit her in the head with an empty film canister while doing his physics-magic. What made him smile was remembering how eager she was have him demonstrate it for her.

"Spencer, come in here." Emily's voice disrupted him from his memory. Her voice came from the bedroom. He went in and saw her, freshly showered and wearing a simple sleeping shirt. She was looking at his bed, particularly the full length body pillow he left on the bed. The one he bought after the break-up. "This is new." She said. She had that deadpan look that made her look almost mad.

"You said pillows helped you the last time we were separated. I just used a big one. It's really not quite the same though."

"You put a sleeping shirt on it."

"I'm sorry. It's just, it seemed like to impersonal a proxy without something of yours. I'm sorry..I didn't mean..."

Emily started laughing. "You put my shirt with Winnie the Pooh on it." She laughed some more. It wasn't mean or cruel. It was the Emily laughter he had missed, warm and musical. She hugged him. "This is first time I've laughed since..." she paused, not wanting to reference the loss of their child. "Thank you. " She kissed his cheek. "I love you Spencer. Come to bed soon. I've been snuggling a purple pillow, and it's nowhere near the same."

It was the first time in weeks that Emily went right to sleep. Sleep, however, did not bring peaceful dreams. In her dream, she was in a room she knew all too well. It was the room where Ben Cyrus beat her. Sometimes she relived that beating in her dreams. This time, it was different.

Like before, as he beat her she said, "I can take it."

"You should. You deserve this. Look at you. You hurt and destroy. You had an abortion. You started Matthew Benton on a path of destruction and despair. And Spencer... You made him want a family, and then you couldn't bring it to term. What are you doing now? Seducing him again? Setting him up to damage him further? Haven't you hurt him enough?"

As she cried, as she felt the guilt that every accusation was true, she heard another voice speaking. This one was kinder, gentler. It spoke softly, but she could hear it speaking clearly.

"It's okay, Emily. It's okay. I'm here. I'll always be here. It's okay."

She opened her eyes, and realized it was Spencer's voice. He was sitting up, and he was holding her and gently rocking her while he whispered those words over and over again to her.

She touched her hand to his cheek. It was wet with tears. "Spencer, are you OK?".

"Yeah. I just had a bad dream."

"What happened?"

"I lost you. I was tied to a goal post naked, and I saw Ben Cyrus beat you to death."

"Oh honey."

"Then Tobias Henkel starting shooting everyone we knew. I woke up just in time to hear you crying out. I'm guessing you had a nightmare too?"

"Yeah. Cyrus had a busy night. He was telling me how much damage I've done to people, to you."

"It's a lie. You haven't hurt me."

"I've caused you pain."

"No. Things haven't always gone smoothly for us. There's only two things that happened that caused me lasting pain. We lost our child, and I almost lost you. I can bear the loss of our child, as long as I don't lose you."

"Both of those are my fault. You didn't want kids, until we started talking about. I convinced you that you wanted a family."

"You're wrong. You didn't convince me of anything. I let go of fear. I did that because of you, because you helped me to stop being afraid. It's a good thing, maybe one the greatest things to not be afraid."

"I just feel ..."

"Responsible? Guilty? It's normal. But it isn't fault. Unless you want to also take credit for everything that's gone right."

"I'm not responsible for all the good things."

"You're also not responsible for all the bad either. And guess what? When you woke up from your nightmare, you were concerned about me. After having a nightmare, you were more concerned about me than yourself. Doesn't that tell you how good a person you are?"

"Have I ever been this passionate about you?"

"Always."

"It just doesn't feel that way to me right now."

"That doesn't make it any less true. Do you remember the first time we kissed? I tried to be distant, and you were the one that broke down the walls. You're the reason we started going to counseling. You've been passionate and me. And us."

"I want to believe that, but I'm not certain."

"That's OK. I'm not asking for certainty. All I was looking for tonight was a dance. But you gave me more, so much more. You wouldn't have come here a week ago. You are passionate about us. And I'm grateful for that."

Neither one of them spoke for a few minutes, then Emily felt something grow hard in Spencer's pelvic region. "Uh, Spencer."

"Yeah," he squeaked.

"It feels like you're more than a little aroused right now."

"That's just a physiological response to close contact with you. Just ignore it and it'll go away."

"What if I don't want it to go away?"

"Emily, I.."

"C'mon Vegas, you started this when you showed up tonight. Are you all in or what?"

"I..."

Emily kissed him, long, hard, and passionate. "C'mon, take your top off. I want to feel you."

Reid took off his shirt, and Emily immediately started kissing his chest. She ran her fingers over his bare torso. She stopped long enough to remove her sleeping shirt. No matter how often he saw them, Spencer Reid was always blown away by the sight of Emily's breasts. He reached up and began to touch, caress, and tweak them. A moan of pleasure escaped her lips. As Spencer began to kiss and suck her breasts, she reached into his pants and began to stroke his hardness. They went on for a while like this, until she couldn't take it anymore.

She pulled off his pajama bottoms and straddled him, riding his cock. She had missed this, and from the moans of pleasure he was making, he missed her too. She held on to Reid's headboard for balance as she continued to ride him, faster and faster. Just as she felt like she was on the edge, he moved in such a way that they switched positions so he was on top of her. He changed the rhythm, making it even faster than she did. He pushed into her even further. He took her from the edge to that moment of ecstasy she was looking for, and as she found it she let out a cry of pleasure. Then, she felt him achieve that same moment, that release. He collapsed on top of her, and she held him tight against her.

"Oh, Spencer," she whispered. As she did, the part of her that resisted Spencer before vanished. It would be back, she was sure, but for now it was gone. She was glad.

"So tell me Mr. Kama Sutra, is there a position for lovers who have just been reunited?"

"Actually there is, it's called Eternity. It starts with the woman on her side, here I'll show you..."


A/N:This chapter has been sitting here waiting for the last three chapters ever since the evil plot bunny came along. I'd love to know what you think. This, by the way, end Part III. We are now at the halfway point, we have about 12 more chapters to go.