"Hello" Quinn said, answering her phone and trying to order coffee at the same time.
She was still in New York, crashing in Tanya's guest room and trying to muster up some courage to back to Kennings to get her job back.
"Hello" a voice said, tiny and high and so, so familiar.
"Beth?"
"Hi."
Quinn paid the cashier for her latte and found a table at the crowded Starbuck's near Union Square. She switched hands for the coffee and the phone and dropped her purse onto the floor.
"How are you?" she asked.
"Fine."
"School started again, right?"
"Yeah, two weeks ago."
"How was it?"
"Like last year, but Kennedy moved to Hawaii."
"Hawaii? Wow."
This was the first time that Beth had called her. Ever. It might even be the first time that they spoke on the phone. Her daughter's voice, reaching her in a faraway city. Quinn almost felt teary just thinking about it.
"I talked to mom" Beth said. "About what you said."
Mom. Shelby was mom again. Quinn had to admit it stung, just a little bit. For a few months they had been equal, she and Shelby, neither of them a mom or mother. But of course, this was for the best. One of them was actually a parent.
"Really? How did it go?" Quinn asked evenly.
"Fine."
"I'm glad to hear it."
Beth breathed. Quinn breathed. She didn't have much experience with kids, but she knew that they weren't social geniuses. She would have to be the one to make conversation, even though Beth had been the one to call. The problem was that she couldn't come up with anything to talk about. Nothing. Her mind was blank. The things she thought of all day, Puck and how to convince Miranda Kennings to hire her back, weren't really things that would interest an eight year old.
"Are you coming back?" Beth asked finally, after too much time. "To Lima."
"Yes, I still have to get my stuff before my mother moves out."
"Can we swim in your pool again?"
"Sure, if the weather is nice."
"Puck left."
"Did he?"
"Yes. He took me out for ice cream. I had two scoops of strawberry."
"That sounds nice."
"It was."
Quinn thought of them, having ice cream and talking and him tickling her. She smiled at the thought.
"Can I call you again?" Beth asked. "When you move away for good?"
"Sure, as long as your mom says it's okay."
"She does. She bought me a phone book. Right now I only have yours and Puck's and Moira's numbers, though."
Quinn smiled.
"You can call me anytime."
"Okay."
"Say hello to Shelby for me."
"Okay. Bye."
She hung up as suddenly as she had called. Quinn sighed heavily and happily and wanted to call someone to tell them about it. About Beth calling her, on her own, because she wanted to. It felt like a miracle.
…
They all treated her like she might explode any minute. Everyone except Santana of course. Kurt and Rachel made her tea and breakfast and never complained about the crying. Kurt dragged her along to MoMa in an attempt to cheer her up. Rachel sang all the songs from the new musical she was in, even though Quinn was pretty sure that was for Rachel's own benefit more than Quinn's. In the end, she was driven nuts by the kindness she didn't deserve. She took her purse and went down the street to the local diner. It was closed and she kept walking a few blocks until she reached Al's. She stepped inside and walked up to the counter.
"Sit wherever you like" a woman said, not even looking up from the register.
"I want to apply for a job."
The woman looked up. She was young and gorgeous and thick eyeliner around her eyes. She looked Quinn up and down.
"Al?" she shouted with her head slightly turned against the kitchen.
A middle aged man emerged, wearing a yellow t-shirt with his own name on it. The owner, she gathered.
"What?" he grunted.
"She wants to apply for a job. We need someone to cover the nightshifts now that Ben left."
Al took inspected Quinn closely. Not her face or her clothes, mostly her chest. He shrugged.
"What's your name?" he asked.
"Quinn Fabray."
"How old are you?"
"Twenty-three."
"Do you wanna be on Broadway like Jessie?"
"No."
"Really? Good. She can't work nights because she has to be able to fill in at a show if like eight people die."
Jessie scowled at him and left the counter with her notepad in her hand, ready to take orders.
"Do you think you can handle working nights?" he asked Quinn.
"Yes."
It wasn't like she could sleep anyway. Better to do something productive rather than lie in bed and listen to Santana's heavy breathing.
"Nights are tough. A lot of drunken guys come in and they might make a move on you" Al said, still looking at her breasts through the fabric of her blouse.
"I don't care" Quinn said honestly.
He was quiet for a while. She thought how she couldn't have made a worse first impression. She hadn't washed her hair or written a CV or even made an effort to be nice. Despite all that, Al nodded and held out his hand.
"You have the job. I'm Al" he said happily and then stood on tiptoe so he could see above Quinn's head. "Jessie! Show Quinn the job."
"I can't" Jessie shouted back. "I'm just waiting for Shona to get here then I'm leaving for an audition."
Al shrugged at Quinn again.
"Welcome aboard" he said.
She merely nodded and wondered if this was how her life was going to be now.
…
Quinn looked at her own reflection in the window of the huge building. She still only owned one suit, the same one she had worn the first time she had come to this place. It felt roomier now, she had lost weight in a year, even if she was gaining some if it back now. She had pinned her hair back on the train from New York and she hoped it looked okay. It was hard to see in the reflection.
"Quinn?"
She felt someone grab her arm and yank it. She flinched before she turned her head and stared into Betty's eyes.
"Hi" Quinn said, feeling rather embarrassed.
"You coming back? I didn't hear! Oh, I'm so pleased."
Quinn's former colleague pulled her into hug and kissed her cheek in a sudden rush of emotion.
"No" Quinn said. "Well, not really. I'm here to beg, frankly."
"For your job back?"
"Yes."
She dropped her gaze to the pavement; didn't want to see the pity in Betty's eyes.
"That's great!"
"You think?"
"Yes! You got an appointment?"
"Mary scheduled me for ten o'clock with Mrs. Kennings."
"It's only nine fifteen" Betty laughed.
"I didn't want to be late."
"Good plan. Come on, let's go up to the office. We have a new coffee maker. It almost works half of the time."
Quinn hesitated.
"I don't know. Maybe I should wait."
"Come on, we're your friends. Clarke isn't here today but I bet Sam is and she misses you so much. We were just talking about you the other day."
Quinn sighed and nodded. Betty's smile broadened. She punched in her code and held her keycard in front of the reader. A familiar beep sounded and they stepped in. They had the elevator to themselves. Quinn checked her reflection in the mirror. Her hair, thankfully, looked fine.
"How did your project work out?" she asked Betty. "The garden thing?"
The thing she herself had done research and booked interviews for before getting kicked out.
"It aired" Betty replied. "My first airing on national TV. I know for a fact that at least three people watched it, including me."
"What are you working on now?"
"Me and Sam have teamed up to do a follow-up thing on that oil spill in the Mexican gulf a few years ago. We're flying down in a few weeks to do some scouting."
"Wow. That sounds great."
They stepped into the office reception. Mary sat at her desk and looked up as they approached.
"Ms. Fabray, you're early" she said, smiling.
"I dragged her in with me" Betty said. "Don't worry, I'll bring her back in time for her meeting."
They walked further into the office space. All the smells and sounds were familiar, just like they had been at Al's; tapping of fingers against keyboards and sighs of relief and sighs of disappointment. The sound of heels against the wooden floor and scraping when someone moved a chair, and god, she had missed it all.
"What are you doing tonight?" Betty asked. "We could go out!"
Quinn smiled.
"Let's see how I feel after the meeting first."
…
"He's alive" Santana said, dumping her bag on the floor and throwing herself onto the couch next to Quinn. "Barely, but yeah."
She had been to Boston for the weekend to see Puck. Quinn had worked a double shift to distract herself from the thought of him, of them, of them talking about her. Her mind was exhausted but her heart raised as Santana spoke.
"No signs of Alisha still, though."
"Nothing?"
"No. Sorry, Q."
"Okay."
A camel was giving birth on the TV. Santana exhaled loudly and changed the channel. Quinn was too tired to protest. Santana liked E! rather than Animal Planet.
"All your stuff is still there" Santana said. "You need to go and get it, for the both of you."
"I will."
"You have worn those clothes every day for a month."
"I know."
"He's better at pretending to be fine than you are."
"San-"
"Still, you share those dark circles under your eyes. Equally charming on the both of you."
"San, I don't really want to hear this."
"Of course you do, It's all you ever think about."
"A clean break-"
"There is no such thing as a clean break. Not when you were supposed to be together forever. Don't try to lie to yourself."
Quinn felt tears in her throat. She was sick of crying. She wanted to laugh and dance and no, she didn't really want to do that either, she just wanted to feel nothing for a change.
"I can't go back there" she said. "Not even to get my clothes."
"Get there when he's at work."
"You mean sneak in and grab my things and run?"
"You don't need to sneak in. It's your apartment too."
"When will this feel easier?"
"Probably never" Santana replied tersely.
She grabbed the remote control and turned the sound back on. Someone had worn something ugly at some premiere. Santana sniggered.
"What else did he say?" Quinn asked, giving in at last.
"A lot of things."
"Is he mad at me?"
"Yes, very."
"Right."
"And sad. And hurt."
"Right."
Santana shook her head.
"Sometimes I just don't get it. It's just so pointless. You being here and him being there, both so fucking miserable. Why can't you just be together?"
"You know why" Quinn whispered.
"No, I don't. And I don't think you really know either."
…
"It's nice to see you again" Mrs. Kennings said, shaking Quinn's clammy hand.
They sat down in the same office as two years ago. Quinn couldn't remember how she had felt then. Nervous? Excited? Now all she felt was a need to things to change. This was step one. If step one didn't work out, her plan would fail. There was no back-up.
"You too" she said.
"Mary told me that you needed to talk to me."
"Yes" Quinn said, breathing in and leaping off the edge. "I want my job back."
Mrs. Kennings considered her words as Quinn's pulse raced.
"I see."
"Maybe I was naïve when I started here. I thought it would lead to something, my internship. Maybe I was naïve, but I felt like I was doing a good job, like what I did was helpful and good and-"
She ran out of words and stared helplessly at her former boss. She was a woman who scowled at pleading and scuffed at begging. Quinn needed another approach.
"I was going to hire you" Mrs. Kennings said. "But when I came back after the summer, you were gone."
Quinn opened her mouth in shock.
"What?"
"Yes. Betty and the others were so pleased with you, and with Jonathan going to Bali, we needed someone to take his place."
"Why did Lisa tell me to pack my things?" Quinn asked, her voice an octave higher than usual.
Miranda frowned. She picked up the receiver of her office phone and pressed two buttons. Quinn almost held her breath.
"Yes, Lisa. It's Miranda. Can you come in here please? I need to speak to you."
She hung up and they waited silently for Lisa to arrive. Quinn had spotted her in the office when Betty had brought her around to hug everyone, but neither of them had made an effort greet one another.
"Hello again, Quinn" Lisa said coolly.
"Sit down, please" Miranda ordered.
Lisa sat on the chair next to Quinn. She seemed calm and collected, only the way she kept drying her hands off against her skirt whispered of her nerves. The room felt smaller somehow, almost crowded. Tension running high.
"I believe there has been some kind of misunderstanding" Miranda Kennings said. "Quinn here says she wanted to be hired, full time, as I had in mind last summer. But I have a clear memory of you telling me that she quit."
Lisa sighed, as if it was all just an inconvenience for her, one more that Quinn had been the source of.
"We had a discussion and she told me that she had no interest of remaining with us."
Quinn snorted. Yes, she actually snorted in front of her boss in the fancy office.
"That's a lie" she said, like a child.
"Calm down" Mrs. Kennings told her.
"There was never a discussion. She told me to leave and I did."
Lisa sought her boss's eyes and rolled her own.
"You left me in charge. I did what was best."
"I had already decided" Mrs. Kennings said coldly. "I don't need you to remake decision I have already made."
"I worked with her every day for a year" Lisa argued, but Mrs. Kennings silenced her with a look.
"Please leave us. I'll talk with you later."
Lisa left the room without another word. Quinn watched her go and felt the heat of rage.
"This is tough business, Ms. Fabray" Mrs. Kennings said.
"Yes, I am aware."
"No one is just going to give things to you. If someone who doesn't have authority fires you, you make her discuss it with you. Or you contact the person in charge. You can't just give up and disappear for a year."
Quinn cowered. She was right, of course. She had behaved childishly.
"Yes, Mrs. Kennings" she mumbled.
"Jonathan is returning from Bali any day. We don't need to fill his desk anymore."
"I see."
Miranda looked at her.
"Convince me to hire you again. This is your chance."
Quinn swallowed.
"I'm good" she began carefully.
"A lot of people are good, Ms. Fabray."
"I work hard, ask anyone."
"Alright."
She opened her mouth and closed it again. This was a pathetic attempt at trying to boast about herself. She searched her mind after something to say and she found him. And all the things he had told her over the years.
"I make people understand. I'm not good at talking or explaining with words. But I'm good with video. I can educate and move and touch people just by showing them a series of clips."
Miranda nodded encouragingly.
"Yes, you can. Your college documentary was something extraordinary."
"You need someone like me" Quinn went on. "You need someone who wants to explain why we do what we do. Because if we understand, then we can accept each other."
Miranda smiled. She nodded.
"Alright, Ms. Fabray."
"Alright?"
"Samantha and Betty are doing a project about the oil spill in the gulf. They need a third person to do research and later do a lot of editing. Do you think you can do it?"
"Yes."
"Good. And on your free time, you will work on your own piece. Get more interviews, get some experts to comment, ask uncomfortable questions to some politicians about it."
"About what?"
"Adoption. I want a new and longer version, at least an hour long, ready in six months."
"Really?"
"Yes. You can use our equipment, but the work has to be done in your own time. I cannot afford to pay you two salaries. If it's good enough, I will buy it and broadcast it."
"Thank you."
"Don't thank me. I'm doing it for the good of the company. Now you need to leave. I have another meeting in ten minutes."
Quinn got up and held out her hand to shake Mrs. Kennings. Miranda smiled.
"Good luck."
Quinn promised not to in a voice that almost didn't tremble at all.
…
Judy Fabray looked around the Bushwick apartment with a look of distaste and maybe even fear. "Sit down" Quinn offered, but her mother didn't.
"This is a very special place" Judy said.
"Not really" Quinn said. "A lot of people live in these old storage places nowadays."
"It must get cold in the winter."
Quinn followed her mother's gaze and saw the surroundings with her eyes. One big room, bare walls and beds separated by empty bookshelves. It looked like homeless shelter. It was strange that Quinn hadn't noticed.
"Let's go for a walk" she suggested and grabbed her phone.
It was august now. Three months later, almost. Quinn wasn't keeping count and that scared her more than she cared to admit. It didn't matter if it was three weeks or three months or three years since she had left and they were over. It would turn into forever and she didn't need statistics of that.
"It's hot" Judy sighed as they stepped into the summer heat.
"How was your flight?"
"Fine" her mother replied. "How are you?"
"Fine."
"Why didn't you tell me that you moved? I had to find out from Elisabeth who had spoken to P-."
"I'm sorry. A lot of things were going on" Quinn interrupted.
"Clearly" her mother commented, not unkindly. "You look thin."
"Thanks."
"I didn't mean it as a compliment, honey."
"It's weird, isn't it? All I ever wanted to hear in High School was that I was skinny and now when I hear it, it's not a compliment."
"Are you eating?"
"Of course I'm eating" she lied, because honestly, she couldn't keep track of if she had eaten today or it was yesterday that Santana had made her grilled cheese sandwich.
All days were the same. It was impossible to keep them apart in her mind.
"Elisabeth said-"
"I don't want to hear it, mom."
"Don't interrupt me. She told me to tell you that this doesn't change anything. That she still wants you to think of her and Hannah as family."
"That's nice" Quinn mumbled.
They passed Al's and Quinn chose to not tell her mother that this was the place where she spent almost every night. She saw the building with Judy's eyes, a filthy, dingy place with greasy windows. Her mother would be terrified.
"Are Santana and the others okay with you staying in their, hrm, apartment?"
"I think so. They always need help with the rent so I don't think they're complaining."
"You're not going back to Boston then?"
"No."
"And you won't come home?"
Quinn shook her head. Suddenly she was feeling light-headed. She fought the instinct to sit down on the pavement and put her head between her legs. Instead she kept walking, her mother's hasty pace.
"Honey, what happened with the two of you?" Judy asked carefully.
Quinn swallowed. She had waited for this question. Of course. And she couldn't explain; wouldn't. She heard her own ragged breathe in her ears, like she was running a marathon. She had been working all night and not slept before her mother arrived. Had she eaten anything today? She couldn't remember.
"Can we sit down?" she asked, her voice weaker than she had hoped.
Judy looked around.
"Where?"
"Anywhere."
"There's a café over there."
Quinn couldn't make out what her mother was pointing to. She was temporary blinded. Her heartbeat was loud; louder than the traffic and louder than Judy's voice. Her knees buckled and when she woke up, she was back in the apartment.
…
"It was that easy?" Santana asked, clinking her glass against Quinn's. "You should have gone back and demanded your job back the second that bitch kicked you out."
Quinn had taken Santana, Kurt and Rachel out to dinner to celebrate. They drank sparkling wine and ate duck as the sun set over the city.
"I couldn't have done it then" Quinn said. "I wouldn't have dared."
"Well, good job, Quinn" Kurt said. "You are the first of us to have a steady job."
"What about me?" Rachel and Santana said unison.
"Rachel, you are in a show, which is great, but not really a steady job, since your contract is up in two months" he began. "And San, sorry, you have job, of course, I was unclear. I meant one you actually like."
They both pulled faces at him but Quinn laughed. She thought of Puck. She wondered if he had ever done, gone back to school to get his degree. If he did, he would have the more reliable job of all of them.
"Let's never join them" Santana drawled. "Let's never grow up."
"Easy for you to say" Quinn smiled. "You have girlfriend wealthy enough to support you all through life."
"You weren't complaining when you took a dip in the Jacuzzi."
Quinn elbowed her best friend and then poured her more wine. She felt elated, almost completely happy. If only… No, she wasn't even going to think about it.
"It's too bad London didn't agree with you" Rachel told Kurt.
"Was it the rain?" Quinn asked.
"Yes, that" he replied. "And also the fact that they have carpets in the bathroom."
They laughed some more. She had bonded with them again, this year had meant more than she had previously thought. High School had been one thing, but living with people without walls changed something about how you saw each other. They were her family now. No one had seen her sink lower.
"I'm going to do it too" Rachel said. "I'm going to go to Mr. Brown and tell him to extend my contract. I am the only person who is right for this role. Trying to find someone else will be time-consuming and pointless."
Quinn smiled. Rachel would have no problem motivating why she was the best for the job.
"Good for you" she said.
"Isn't your role like peasant girl #3?" Santana asked.
Rachel stared angrily at her.
"No. It's not."
Kurt ordered them another bottle of wine. Quinn's head felt light and her legs heavy.
"Do you guys think there's a point to everything?" she asked. "That everything happens for a reason?"
Kurt smirked at her. Santana rolled her eyes. Rachel nodded happily.
"No" Santana replied. "And neither do you."
"No" Quinn agreed. "Neither do I. Sometime I wish that I did."
…
"Who carried me?" she asked, smiling. "I didn't think any of you were strong enough."
"Don't make this a joke, Quinn" her mother snapped.
Santana gave her a glass of orange juice. Quinn finished it to stop her mother from looking worried.
"I worked the night" she said calmly. "I forgot to eat breakfast. It's not a big deal."
"I have never in my life forgotten to eat" Santana scowled.
Quinn shot her a look. She wasn't helping. Judy bit her lip.
"It was low blood sugar, mom."
"And you're feeling better?"
"Yes, tons. Promise."
She lay on the couch with her mother, Kurt and Santana all looking at her. She hated the attention. She hated looking this weak.
"You should go see a doctor" her mother said.
"Mom-"
"No, you should. What if I hadn't been there? What if you had been alone?"
Her mother's words were drenched in dread and worry and it made it hard for Quinn feel exasperated.
"Fine. I'll go check myself out on Monday."
"I'll make sure she does" Santana said.
"I think it's better if you come with me" Judy said sternly.
"To Lima?"
"Yes."
Quinn almost laughed.
"No, mom."
"No, mom."
"You're obviously not feeling well. It's not strange or uncommon, honey. I'll take you to see Dr. Palmer."
Quinn sat up. The world swirled in front of her eyes for a fraction of a second. Her knees and elbows were bandaged in a way that made her look like a victim of war, not falling down on the pavement.
"Mom, I'm twenty-three. I don't need you to baby me."
"Obviously you do."
Quinn sighed.
"I live with three other people. In an apartment with no walls. If something happens to me, they will know."
Her mother crouched down on the floor next to the couch. She looked older, wrinkles of worry framing her hazel eyes. Quinn could never tell her what had happened with Puck. It would break her heart, the way her daughter had ruined her own life.
"I understand that you're sad, honey. It's never easy breaking up with someone you love as much as you loved Puck."
Quinn turned her face away. She didn't want to hear his name. It was all she ever thought about, but it was worse hearing someone else say it.
"Mom-"
"It will get better. I promise" Judy whispered.
"I know" Quinn lied. "I know it will."
"When I left your father, I thought that I would never be happy again. I felt like my entire world had ended. And now I know that I'm much better off."
Quinn thought of her mother's endless, empty bottles of red wine. She thought of how she never seemed to leave the house anymore. She thought of the empty rooms. She nodded and smiled and promised that she was fine one more time. Judy wanted to believe it enough to accept.
…
He looked the same. The shirt he wore was one that she bought for him on this birthday. He ordered a burger with extra bacon before the waiter had even handed them the menus. She chose a salad and wondered if she still looked the same too, despite that everything else was different.
"How are you?" he asked.
"Fine" she replied. "How are you?"
"Fine too."
"Great."
She looked at him and wondered why she had agreed to this. She should have gone to the apartment and packed up her stuff while he was a work, just like Santana had suggested. She had put it off for months and then he was the one who had called and asked her to join him for lunch. A friendly lunch. Like the friends they were now. Almost five months since the breakup. Friends.
"Kurt and Rachel driving you mad?" he asked.
"Sometimes. But it's fine."
"Right. Good."
He finished his glass of water in one swallow. She sat on her own hands to stop them from playing with the cutlery or ripping open packets of salt. She was nervous in front of him, something she hadn't been in years, if ever.
"You haven't heard anything about Alisha?" she asked, as casually as she could.
"No" he replied, his face darkening.
"She wasn't-, I mean, there weren't any life threatening injuries."
"I guess not. You can survive with a broken nose."
"She was afraid of him, her father. Maybe she's better off."
The waiter brought them their food. Puck waited to reply until they were alone again.
"I just want to make sure that she's okay" he said.
"I know."
Her body ached for him. She could feel it with every breath. It was like her limbs hadn't understood that it was over, that they had been cut off from intimacy. Watching his hands was almost unbearable.
"How are you, really?" he asked.
And she could tell that he really cared. Santana had told her that he was angry. He was hiding it well. All she could see across her face was concern and strain.
"Fine" she said again.
"My mom, spoke with your mom and told me-"
"It was one time. I forgot to eat" she said with too much force.
He smiled a tiny smile.
"I was only asking."
"I know."
"I'm not fine, not really" he confessed.
He clenched his fists and she mimicked him and did the same. Her nails cut into the palms of her hands and it hurt and she thought that it should hurt more.
"Me neither."
He grinned at her. She could see the struggle to look happy. She wondered how he was feeling, really. Was he burying himself in work? Did he remember to pay the utility bill? How did he live without her?
"How was your food?" he asked pointedly.
She looked down at her untouched portion. She regretted ordering it. His burger looked better by far. He held it out to her but she shook her head. He grinned wider. A tiny reminder of the real life, where they shared food and she didn't feel like throwing up because of nerves.
"I'm not really hungry" she mumbled. "Maybe we could just go back to the apartment?"
He nodded.
"Alright."
They paid, split the bill in half, and left. They walked side by side down blocks and streets that reminded her of them. And the feeling of that this was a dream. A nightmare. Any second she would wake up and life hadn't changed at all.
"Here we are" he said, unlocking the door.
Her own key burned in her pocket as she stepped inside. It was messy. She hadn't expected anything else. Despite the clutter, she felt tears in her eyes. Ridiculous tears. Pointless tears. Tears for things she had lost.
"Hey" he mumbled. "Hey, don't cry."
Because of habit or because her body really wanted to, she stepped into his arms. The safest place she knew. She cried harder, like a little child on the playground.
"It's okay" he kept whispering and she wondered if he was lying.
"This isn't what life was supposed to be like."
"No" he agreed. "No."
She stepped away from. He followed her with eyes filled with conflict and something else. Lust, she thought. Or longing.
"This isn't right" she whispered.
And she kissed him; pressed her lips against his and felt his teeth clatter against hers and his breath on her. He held her, tight and kissed her back. She turned from cold to hot in a fraction of second. He wanted her, just like wanted him. Blood pumped and her pulse quickened and the world stopped spinning. She held on tight to him as he carried her towards the bedroom; afraid that if they broke contact, it would end and she would be alone once again.
…
"What do you think about Jasper?" Frannie asked.
"Jasper?" Quinn asked.
"Clara, Lance and Jasper" her sister said, leaning back in the arm chair and folding her hands on top of her huge stomach.
She was eight months pregnant and Quinn thought to herself at least five times a day that she was never that big. This baby, perhaps Jasper, had to be the biggest baby of all time.
"Do you know it's a boy?" Quinn asked.
November was upon them and Quinn had taken the train to her sister to celebrate thanksgiving. She had been too busy with work to visit before. Judy had sold the house in Lima to "a lovely couple with a child" and bought a small condo near Frannie's. Sitting around the big table earlier that day with Frannie, Eric, Eric's parents, her own mother and the kids was the closet Quinn had felt to having a real family in a long time.
"I can feel it" Frannie said.
"Really?"
"Couldn't you tell? That was Beth was a girl?"
Eric came into the living room and handed them each a cup of hot chocolate. He asked his wife how she was feeling, kissed her forehead and sat down next to Quinn on the couch.
"I don't know. I found out pretty early and after that she didn't feel like anything else" Quinn replied.
"I find it strange that you have child that neither of us have met" Eric said.
"You think it's strange?" Franne sighed. "It's my niece."
"I know" Quinn said. "But I think it will change. I think… when she gets older, I'll get to see her more and then you will too."
"Lance and Clara's older cousin" Eric smiled, gently stroking his wife's stomach with tender fingers.
Quinn felt embarrassed by his touch and looked away. It felt like something she wasn't meant to see.
"And Jasper's" Frannie added.
"Or Barry" Eric suggested.
Quinn snorted.
"Barry?" she asked.
Frannie giggled too.
"Jasper doesn't sound so bad now, does it?"
"It's an old family name" Eric said defensively.
Quinn pressed her hand against her mouth to stop herself from laughing. Frannie leaned over and kissed her husband's forehead.
"Sorry, honey, Quinn agrees with me."
"Did you get to decide your baby's name?" Eric asked.
He was open with the whole adoption thing; never seemed to feel uncomfortable by it. Perhaps it was because he hadn't lived through it, hadn't seen it destroy their family.
"Yeah" she answered.
"Beth? That's not a common name for a girl these days either."
"It was Puck's suggestion. It's a long story."
"You decided it together?"
"She didn't have to use it, though, Shelby, Beth's mother. She could have chosen any name she wanted."
"That's sweet. That she listened to you" Eric said, smiling. "A little part of Beth that you two decided together."
Quinn nodded.
"A tiny part of her that it ours" she agreed.
The fell silent for a minute. Quinn could hear Judy speaking with Eric's mother in the kitchen. They were laughing and Quinn wondered if her mother was happy now. She would ask her later.
"Do you ever speak to him?" Frannie asked carefully. "Puck, I mean."
"No, not really."
"Why not?"
"We agreed not to."
"Why?" Eric wondered.
"So that we can finally get over each other."
"Didn't you break up like two years ago?"
Quinn laughed.
"Yes, I guess so."
"And you're still not over him and he's still not over you?"
"No, well-"
"Maybe you should just give that up then" her brother-in-law suggested. "Give in to it."
…
She lay close enough to feel his skin of his against hers. And for the first time in months, she felt normal. Like she could breathe again. She could reach over and kiss him if she wanted, and she did want to. And he wanted her too. She had felt it in every kiss and every touch. Finally, it was over. Finally, the nightmare was ending.
"We shouldn't have done this."
His voice was loud in the quiet apartment. Too loud. It made her ears hurt. Or maybe that was because of he had said rather than the volume.
"Why not?" she whispered.
He pulled his arm away so they weren't touching anymore. He looked pained.
"I'm sorry" he said. "I'm sorry, this was a mistake."
A mistake. A mistake. His words knocked all the air out of her lungs. How could it be a mistake when he had kissed her like that and held her like that?
"I swear, I meant to meet you for lunch, not for this, I swear. I was going to meet you to tell you that I have a girlfriend."
She stared blankly at him. She didn't understand; didn't want to understand; wouldn't understand.
"Her name is Karen" he began because she wasn't opening her mouth. "She works at my school and-"
Quinn got up and wrapped a sheet around her. Suddenly she didn't want him to look at her anymore, being naked felt more vulnerable than ever before. She found her dress and pulled it on before finding her bra and underwear.
"Don't go" he begged. "We need to talk about this."
She found her underwear under the bed but gave up in the bra. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered.
"Quinn" he pleaded. "Quinn. I'm sorry."
He reached out for her and she stepped away.
"Don't touch me" she snapped.
"You were the one who left" he reminded her.
"Just leave me alone."
"You were the one who broke up with me."
She slammed the bedroom door behind her. It shook on its hinges. He followed her.
"Come on" he said. "Come on. It was a mistake."
"Yes" she agreed. "Yes, it was. I never should have agreed to see you again."
Hurt. She was hurt. And disgusted.
"When did you meet her?" she snarled.
"Ages ago" he replied. "I told you, she works at my school…"
"And when did you start dating?"
"Two months ago, I guess."
Three months after their breakup. Ninety days and he had already found someone new. She hadn't even been able to think about anything but him and he had moved on.
"Did Santana know?" she asked.
"What?"
"Did she?"
She couldn't stand the thought of Santana hiding it from her. Of herself crying about him while Santana knew about this Karen. That would be too humiliating.
"No. I wanted to tell you first" he said.
He reached for her again and she fled. She never wanted him to touch her again. She never wanted to see him.
"Leave me alone" she hissed again and then left.
…
