Chapter 12 - The Mother
Sarah leaned against the cold stone, feeling too tired to sleep. It was insane. She was tired, she was so tired, and she should've fallen asleep as soon as she curled up under her blanket. But she couldn't sleep. She'd finally given up and sat up, wrapping the blanket around her and staring at the small campfire that could barely even be called a fire. they were close to the place the messenger had told them about and had only dared to camp after finding a small hidden nook that couldn't be seen from anywhere around them. Once in a while she would glance at Nathaniel, who was keeping watch and sitting on a large rock, his bow resting on his knees.
Sarah closed her eyes and thought about the last time they'd been together, after they'd won the final battle against the darkspawn in Amaranthine and secured the city. It had been insane, completely inappropriate, and it still made her feel all hot and lightheaded. The battle had been won, they'd decided to rest a few hours before leaving for the place where the darkspawn messenger had claimed the Mother lived in. They should've rested, but Nathaniel had kissed her, desperately, hungrily, and she'd taken his hand and dragged him into the nearest room in the Chantry, a small room full of boxes of candles and other trivial stuff.
They'd kissed, like never before, gasping for breath, but too desperate to take it any slower. Weapons fell to the floor, followed by parts of their armour, but taking off everything would've taken too long. It had been strictly 'take off only what's necessary' and then Nathaniel had had her pinned against the wall, lips devouring hers and one of his thighs pressing between her legs, spreading them apart, like she needed any encouragement.
She'd tried to stay quiet, but it had been impossible; the desperate thrusts, Nathaniel's hot kisses on her neck and throat and the low grows he'd been making had driven her crazy. She'd screamed as she came, her head hitting the wall and her body melting against Nathaniel's, who'd made a couple of more fast thrusts and then collapsed against her, burying his face against her neck, in her hair. They'd sagged to the floor, breathing heavily and pulling on enough clothes to look at least a bit decent in case someone came in, and then fallen asleep in each other's arms.
Sarah glanced up at Nathaniel, who was staring at her, and she felt heat spread through her body. She couldn't help thinking if he was thinking what she was thinking, and she knew she should be embarrassed. Maybe it was a trick of light, a flicker from the dying fire, but it looked like Nathaniel winked at her before turning away. She smiled as she settled down on the ground, and finally fell to a troubled and not very refreshing sleep.
…
Nathaniel watched Sarah as she slept, tossing and turning. He wished he could make the nightmares go away, but he couldn't even protect himself from them. He wondered once again how it must've been during the Blight, how bad the nightmares had been, when even sensing and dreaming about ordinary darkspawn was so bad.
Before she'd fallen asleep, she'd been watching him with a strange look on her face. Maybe she'd been thinking about what Nathaniel had been thinking about – way too much – ever since they left Amaranthine. He kept thinking he should feel ashamed, but he couldn't. It had been perfect. If the Maker disapproved – if he even existed – he'd done nothing to stop them. And Nathaniel was quite certain that even an intervention from a god might not have been enough to stop them.
In order to think about something else, something that didn't make him feel like so excited, Nathaniel slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out the ring, watching it in the dim light of the dying campfire. Somehow it felt wrong to ask her to marry him before the battle, like he was unsure they'd make it through, like he was rushing things because of a possible death. He wanted to wait. He wanted it to be perfect, like in one of those ridiculous romance novels Del had read when she was young. Nathaniel had tried to read them, since Del had been going on and on about them, but page after page of a woman wondering whether her love was thinking about her or not were not very interesting to a teenage boy. But he remembered the proposal scenes that Del had read out loud, every new scene more and more ridiculous than the previous one.
Right now he needed something ridiculous in his life. They'd defeat the darkspawn, they'd return to the Vigil – Nathaniel had to keep believing that the walls had been able to stand the darkspawn attack – and he'd plan the most ridiculously romantic night that would end with him kneeling down and asking her to be his wife.
They would live. They would live for a long time, together. That thought helped Nathaniel keep his spirits up, keep the darkest thoughts away. The future, the perfect future from a silly romance novel. Even though getting there felt like a long way away.
...
The Architect had been waiting for the Wardens to arrive. He'd felt them stop to rest at night and then continue their way already before the dawn, heading towards the Mother's lair. The Architect needed them to get there, since he couldn't enter Mother's lair. Her powers and her followers were stopping him. But the Wardens could enter. The Wardens could help him defeat her, to correct one of his many mistakes. If only they'd listen. He watched as the group entered led by Warden, for that was what he'd taken to calling the young human female, despite the fact that the rest of her group were all Wardens.
Sarah, that was her real name, turned to look at one of her companions, the dark-haired man, and he reached out to take her hand. The Architect had tried to learn to understand the human emotions, but many of them still escaped him. But the look those two exchanged, the way their hands touched... That was something he'd already learnt to recognize, even though he didn't completely understand it. He doubted he ever would, since those feelings seemed so… unnecessary and useless. But humans, as well as elves and dwarves, seemed to hold them in high regard. Strange.
Utha was impatient, maybe sensing his nervousness. He nodded at her and then stepped out in the open, hoping that the first reaction of the Wardens wasn't to send spells and arrows flying in his way. He wouldn't have been surprised if it had been, after what he'd done.
He'd planned what he'd say, but he hadn't been sure if she'd listen. But she did. So he told him what he desired. Freedom from the call of the old gods to all of his brethren. The end to the Blights that forced both his people and the Warden's people into fighting over and over. He didn't tell her of his greatest crime; she didn't need to hear it, and he couldn't risk that it would lead her to turning against him and facing Mother without his powers to aid her.
He told her of the need for blood to drown out the call of the old gods. He told her about Utha. He told her about how he'd been born different and how he'd fought to free his brethren. He told her about how he'd tried to free Mother, but how she'd reacted badly and was now building an army to continue the fight against, well, against everyone.
She listened to him, and once he'd finished, she had one question. About the elf, the sister of one of her companions, who wasn't with her at the moment. He told her it was impossible for the girl to return to normal life. That chance had been robbed from her when the darkspawn, working under his command but doing things in completely the wrong way, had taken her. She could only survive with him, since he was the only one who understood her, who could help her.
"You're saying that is all I can tell Velanna? That she will never see her sister again?"
"I'm afraid so," Architect replied. "But she still lives. Maybe that will be enough for your friend. And if it's not… Isn't it common for Grey Wardens to do what must be done, even though it means making sacrifices as well? Why care so much about one person?"
"Because she'd Velanna's sister," the Warden replied, sighing. "But I guess there's nothing to be done. So, how can you help us during the battle?"
The Architect nodded, feeling relieved. The battle against the Mother wouldn't be an easy one, but he trusted in the Warden's abilities. So he explained how she could call his powers to her aid, and then watched her walk away towards the Mother's nest.
...
She couldn't hear it anymore, the sweet music, the sound that used to echo all over her mind and make her feel safe. She couldn't hear it because Father had taken it away from her and now he'd sent his creatures after her. These humans and other things he loved so dearly, these Wardens that had killed the old god, ripped life from him like Father had ripped the music from her mind.
They walked into her home, like they'd been invited, like they were welcome. Their leader was the female who'd killed the old god. The Warden female, who'd never be a mother, who'd never know what it was like to have her children come to her defence, to be willing to die for her.
The Mother could sense it on the Warden, she was linked to one of the human males. The way Mother wished she could be linked to Father, but Father had betrayed her, had taken away the music, sought to harm her and her beautiful, beautiful children. He didn't wish to be Father to her family, he wished to destroy it so that he could rule. That's not how it worked! The Mother was the one who says what happens in a family!
Father appeared, an illusion, since his powers were useless against her, and Mother realized he hadn't told the Warden that it was he who woke up the old god, he who started the last Blight, the glorious Blight, the glorious fight to cleanse the world of the humans and elves and dwarves and other lesser creatures. So she told them, she gloated when she had this knowledge that she could throw at the Warden's face.
But the Warden didn't turn against Father. She forgave him, there and then. So Mother sent Father away, bad Father, not kind anymore, not kind ever. Father could wait and feel how his precious Warden died. Or maybe Mother would die, and at the end she'd hear the sweet song again. Or maybe the Warden's death, the death of the god-killer, would bring the song back. Whatever would happen, something would end and maybe something would begin.
Her children came to her defence, like good children had to do. For their Mother. They fought bravely but the Wardens killed them, cut down her children. She forgot the rest of the Wardens when the man, the one the Warden was linked to, got too close to her. She wrapped a tentacle around him, lifting him up, wondering how hard she'd need to squeeze to kill him instantly, or how long she could keep him alive and in pain. Long enough for the Warden to notice, long enough for her to feel the pain Mother felt when the music stopped. The man squirming in Mother's grip was the Warden's music, let her hear him end.
Mother laughed. End would come, one way or another.
...
Sarah didn't even think anymore. Anders was shouting something at her when she rushed towards Mother. Oghren and Floyd were attacking the darkspawn rushing into the cave, but Sarah's eyes were focused on the figure hanging from one of the tentacles. Another tentacle tried to slam her back, but she ducked it, sinking one of her daggers into it and rushing forward.
Nathaniel wasn't moving anymore and she couldn't know if he was even alive, but she had to believe. Mother was laughing and screaming something Sarah couldn't make out when she reached the creature. Something hit her, maybe a spell, maybe an arrow, but pain didn't matter. She pulled another, smaller dagger from her belt and looked the Mother in the face. The darkspawn was grinning, a mad, horrifying smile on her face.
Sarah focused, calling on the Architect's powers. The Mother screamed something, but Sarah ignored the sounds, concentrating only on the figure in front of her. She rushed forward, ducking yet another tentacle reaching for her, and jumped, her dagger sinking into the creature's flesh. She used it to pull herself up, a little like how she'd seen Alistair take out an ogre, once in a battlefield when his shield had been lost, his armour torn and death looming very close. She climbed up the Mother, swiping at her hands starting to push her down with her sword.
The Mother was screaming and Sarah's ears were buzzing, and she was certain that the pain she'd felt was in fact an arrow, still stuck somewhere on her side. But she sank her sword into the Mother's chest, or possibly her chest, since the anatomy of broodmothers was a little confusing, and stared into the creature's eyes. She didn't know why, but it somehow felt important to truly see her enemy. The Mother's hands grabbed her hair, pulling, but she lunged forward, the dagger sinking into the creature's left eye.
She must've been thrown down when the Mother died, the huge body thrashing around as the dagger sank into its brains, because she found herself on the cold floor, trying to catch her breath. She forced herself to her feet, falling down almost instantly, and then settling for crawling towards the limp body that had fallen from the tentacle close to her.
"Nathaniel?" her voice cracked as she reached the man, who was lying on his face. She pulled him around, pushing the dark hair from his face and leaning closer to listen for his breath, for any sign of life. "Please, please, don't…" She was aware of words flowing from her mouth, but not really what they were. She leaned closer and there it was, a ragged breath, the most beautiful thing she'd ever heard.
"Give me some space," Anders was suddenly beside them, gently pushing her aside as he knelt down. She watched him cast a spell, then another, and then he turned to her.
"Help him, not me!" she wailed, but Anders raised his hands and Sarah felt some of the pain disappear.
"He'd kill me if you were dead when he woke up," Anders smirked, the effect of the smirked slightly weakened by the gaping wound on his cheek, and then he turned back to Nathaniel. Floyd rushed to her side and she leaned against the mabari, fighting to keep her eyes open. Last night she'd had trouble getting sleep, and suddenly her entire body was demanding her to close her eyes and let go of the world for a while.
"Sarah?" Nathaniel's voice was barely audible. She took his hand, Anders moving aside to give her room, and smiled at him. "Is.. is it over?"
"Yes," she replied, squeezing his hand, then trying to fight back the tears welling in her eyes. "I thought you…"
"I'm here," he said, smiling and then wincing as he tried to sit up, but fell back down. "Not going to leave you now. Or ever."
"Why don't you two lovebirds let me heal you so we can get out of here and you can continue that somewhere where there isn't a gigantic and disgusting corpse next to you?" Anders interjected. "Just a suggestion, maybe you like it here, but I really, really don't."
"Sure," Sarah said, giving the mage some space but holding on to Nathaniel's hand. She wasn't planning on letting go for a long time.
