AN: Paramore Monster was definitely inspiration for this. Big thanks to ShadowsEdge96.
Chapter 12 – I let my heart go, it's somewhere down at the bottom.
She lay in his arms watching the sun rise. This would be the last time. She'd been telling herself that every morning for the past week. The others would be back in a few days. She shuddered to think what would happen if they were found like this. Aido and Yuki seemed to be turning a blind eye at least. They'd managed to both largely avoid the outside world for a week but that had to end. Now. She'd let this drag on for far too long. Who was she really hurting by doing this? She could've ended things before things got complicated. Before she knew how good it felt to wake up in his arms, how good it felt to feel their bodies move together in the dark, how good it felt to love and be loved. But she hadn't. She'd started this and she could finish it. She'd said she didn't mind messy. Now things were messed up beyond all recognition and it was her duty to clean up.
"Zero." She whispered ruffling his hair lightly.
She blinked the tears away as she memorised every line of his beautiful face and the exact way he felt in her arms. He mumbled in his sleep and pulled her closer. She smiled sadly. She hadn't thought Zero would be so affectionate like that. But he was. She swallowed the lump in her throat. Zero was the one person she'd ever met that understood her and now she had to let him go.
"All right then. Just a little longer." She whispered laying her head against his chest and listening to the perfect lullaby of his heartbeat beneath her ear.
Zero watched Rei's eyebrows knit together in her sleep. She was dreaming. He hoped it was a good dream. She was in his arms. She felt so right in them that he never wanted to let her out of them. She'd rarely left them since they'd come here on that first snowy night a week ago. The snow storms had intensified. They'd watched them together from the safety and warmth of the other's embrace. They were safe here. But not for long. You have to let her go Zero. He held her tighter. It was almost dusk again. The days and the nights slipped by in bouts of passionate love making and peaceful sleep. A knock sounded on the door and Zero's heart leapt in to his mouth. Rei jumped awake instantly her eyes wide and panicked. They looked at each other fear in their eyes.
"It's Aido. There's some people coming here…Rei I think you'd better talk to them."
Rei frowned. Aido sounded worried. People? She unwillingly left Zero's arms and pulled on the jumper and jeans that were crumpled on the floor. Zero began to pull back the bed sheet but Rei folded it back shaking her head.
"No. Stay here."
Zero sighed and looked her stubbornly in the eye.
"I'm a hunter and just as capable as you are."
Rei smiled sadly.
"I know that. You really are infuriatingly stubborn. Is it so wrong of me to want to protect you?" She said sighing and blushing slightly as she watched him pull his trousers and shirt on.
They'd seen each other naked so many times but he still made her breath catch and made butterflies flutter in her stomach.
Zero's eyes widened. She was so protective and caring. He'd shut himself away alone for so long that he'd forgotten how good it felt to let someone in.
Her fingers hesitated on the doorknob and her stomach clenched apprehensively. Something bad was coming she could feel it she glanced back at Zero his eyes told her he felt it too.
Aido blushed lightly as he looked between them.
"Do you really think bringing him is a good idea?" Asked Aido raising an eyebrow.
She heard Zero growl beside her but she squeezed his hand warningly. They couldn't afford to make enemies amongst themselves…for now at least.
"Zero is with me." She said firmly.
Aido bristled.
"B-but Lord Ka-"
"Isn't here. So in his absence I'm in charge. Who are these people did you see how many?" She asked whilst they walked swiftly down the stairs.
Her heart was hammering in her chest. It felt strange speaking to Aido like that but as Kaname's fiancée she did have power now. Zero gazed at her strangely and she knew it was because he had no idea she had so much power. If only you knew the reason behind this newly acquired power Zero. She felt sick at the thought of her fingers were still threaded through his. Traitor's fingers.
Zero felt his heart swell in his chest at her words. 'Zero is with me.' The way she'd said it so protectively and possessively made him feel so happy he thought he might burst. She wasn't embarrassed to call him hers. Zero was slowly noticing his self loathing crumble away piece by piece. Rei was to thank for that. He'd had no idea how powerful she was. He wondered how high in the aristocracy she truly was. To only be below Kaname she must be very high indeed. She never spoke about that part of herself and he never asked because it was a part she seemed to want to forget like his vampirism. Somehow when they were together those parts seemed to become insignificant details. She was sacrificing her entire future to be with him. That meant a lot.
"Not sure. A fair few I saw them coming from the tree line."
Rei nodded. They stepped outside the snow had stopped but they could smell it still in the air. They made their way towards the tree line in silence their boots cracking the icy skin on the old snow. Rei let her fingers slip guiltily from Zero's as a group of Vampires approached them. Rei tensed. This wasn't good. They stopped. Each group staring at o ne another. The group of Vampires all had sharp suits. Vampire Assosciation. Not good at all. Her heart was going so fast she thought she must surely die.
"May we help you?" She asked stepping forwards.
Her voice sounded surprisingly strong even though she was trembling. The Vampire at the front a tall man with perfectly straight brown hair smiled at her and extended his hand with an official document enclosed inside.
"We the Vampire Association are here to carry out an order of execution on Zero Kiryu for the murder of the pureblood vampire Shizuka Hio."
Rei gasped and glanced back at Zero. He looked strong and perfectly calm. If only she could say the same.
"Excuse me but you are not in possession of all the facts. I witnessed the events you speak of and Zero Kiryu did not murder Shizuka Hio." She said taking another step forwards and crossing her arms.
The Vampire's eyes widened slightly but he remained calm.
"Such defiant words from one so young. We have to follow the orders we are given only a pureblood can nullify the contract."
Rei growled. This was all Kaname's fault. He'd killed Shizuka she was sure of it. And now he was gone and Zero was in trouble and she couldn't do anything about it.
"If you're here to kill me then kill me." Said Zero.
Rei's heart jumped into her throat as she watched the scene unfold. Zero freed Bloody Rose and aimed it at the vampire. The vampire smirked.
"Zero?! Nobody is killing anyone. If you need a pureblood to nullify the contract then you have to wait until Lord Kaname returns." She said her voice wavering slightly.
The vampire shook his head.
"Orders must be settled immediately."
He made to step towards Zero and Rei blocked his path.
"No."
She said angrily taking a swipe at him. He dodged and he took her wrist firmly in his hand bending it backwards. She winced and tears stung her eyes but she wouldn't cry out in front of him. He was strong he pushed her to the floor and she sat there cradling her wrist.
"If you touch her again you're dead." Said Zero venomously as he moved to stand at her side.
She gazed up at him in that moment completely awed. She'd never needed anyone before. He looked like a God so tall and strong and beautiful. And he was protecting and defending her. She didn't want to let him go.
"That's my line Zero. If you would be so kind as to avoid manhandling my fiancée in the future it would be much appreciated."
Rei froze. Kaname. She'd never been so happy and so sad to see him in her life. He would help Zero…wouldn't he? It was too late to tell him herself now. The truth in all its ugliness lay exposed before them all.
Zero tensed. Fiancée? He felt sick with rage and jealousy. He was lying. He gazed down at Rei who was gazing at him helplessly a guilty blush on her cheeks. Her eyes were filling with tears. Two words passed her lips barely a whisper in the night.
"I'm sorry."
Kaname and the rest of the night class interspersed amongst the Vampire Association. Kaname stepped forwards and extended his hand to Rei. She hesitated her eyes never leaving Zero's but she eventually took it in hers. His fingers were all wrong in hers as he pulled her up. She tried to wriggle her fingers out of his grasp but he tightened his grip. Her eyes fell from Zero's it hurt too much to look at him. She brushed the snow from her legs focusing on the patterns the melted snow had soaked into her jeans. She barely felt the cold. She couldn't feel anything.
"Pardon me Lord Kaname I was unaware."
Kaname nodded towards him.
"May I have a look at the order?"
The Vampire nodded bowing politely. Rei's anger surged. Kaname got everything he ever wanted so easily. No not everything she reminded herself. Not Yuki.
"I demand you revoke this order on the authority of the pureblood Kaname Kuran. It is understandable why Zero would want to kill Shizuka. The debt is repaid."
Rei's anger flared. He was saving Zero but not at the expense of the truth. She wanted to punch him.
The Vampire Assosciation begrudgingly tore up the order and melted into the night as quickly as they'd appeared.
The night class began to drift indoors sharing pointed glances between Rei, Zero and Kaname. They didn't need an audience. Zero looked at Rei and Kaname evenly ignoring the vile twisting sensations in his gut. They looked like a couple as they stood there hand in hand. Two aristocrats. They belonged together. Kaname hadn't been content with taking Yuki he'd taken Rei too. And Kaname was here to 'save him' again. Why didn't he just kill him already? Because he wants to make you suffer he thought. Death is easy. Death is painless. This hurt. How long had she been lying to him? Had every word out of her mouth been a lie? He'd thought he'd known her. He'd let himself get close to her. He'd made love to her, he'd given his heart to her and now he realised how much of a fool he'd been. You'll always be alone Zero. You were a fool to think otherwise. Kaname put his hand on her shoulder and Zero's blood boiled.
"I'll wait for you inside. I think you two have a lot to discuss."
Zero shook his head.
"I've got nothing I want to say to her."
It physically felt as if someone had knocked all the breath out of her lungs. The way he spoke and looked at her was as if he didn't know who she was at all. As if she meant nothing. His walls were building back up again brick by brick and she wouldn't be allowed inside them ever again. She didn't deserve to either. Kaname nodded and left them.
Zero turned from her. He couldn't look at her any more.
"Zero I-"
"Don't. Everything you've ever said has been a lie. I can't even look at you right now."
He could hear her sniffling. She had been so strong but the dam had broken. The sound made his heart ache. He wanted to hold her and comfort her. No. Let her drown in her tears. Even his head he couldn't commit to harsh thoughts about her. How do you stop loving someone?
"I wanted to tell you but I just couldn't…" She replied her voice breaking.
"How long?"
Rei's tears flowed faster. His voice was so bitter and emotionless. He wasn't her Zero any more perhaps he never had been. She hesitated swallowing the lump in her throat watching as the muscles in his back tensed.
"It doesn't matter. It'll probably be another lie. Lesson Learned." He said his voice raw and angry.
"Kaname told me about the plans after the Society party." She replied quietly.
Zero's hands tensed into fists.
"You knew all that time and you still let everything that we did together after that happen? How could you do that?" He asked emotion finally breaking into his voice.
"Because I didn't know how to stop loving you! I tried. But I can't. I won't."
Zero felt his heart twinge at her words. No don't let her in there again.
"Do you love him?" He asked quietly.
"No! How could you even think that?" She asked incredulously.
"Well…have you been with him?"
He turned to her his eyes looking at the dirt beginning to show beneath the pure snow under his boot.
Rei's anger ignited but the effect was dampened by her tears.
"You know I haven't! You were my first. It's always been you. How could you even think that?"
"Honestly I don't know what to think any more. Well if not for love then why?" He asked.
Jealousy gleamed in his eyes that were dark with rage and hate.
"Because we both have a duty to fulfil. Him as a pureblood and me as an aristocrat. Matches are picked on blood not love. It's my parents wish."
Zero shook his head anger flaring in his eyes as he shook her by the shoulders roughly.
"Don't give me this 'duty' bullshit! Why now? The Rei I knew wouldn't care what everyone thought."
Rei sobbed openly she couldn't hold back any more. He made her weak. His words hurt more than anything because they were from him and because they were true. His fingers were bruising on her shoulders. His gentle, familiar touch was lost to her now.
"She's gone Zero. It's time for me to accept responsibility starting now and be who my family expects me to be. I owe them that at least."
"I don't believe you. You don't owe them anything! Fuck them they don't know you like I do! What happened to pissing off Kaname and your parents?"
Rei's eyes widened as she looked into his. He really did understand her. No Rei.
"I-I can't. You don't believe me? What the fuck do you want me to say Zero. Will lies make this easier for you? Do you want me to say that I fucked him and that I never loved you? I need to stop being a kid and accept my fate and you… You need to accept yours."
She regretted the words the instant they left her mouth. She felt his fingers slip from her shoulders numbly. Yes Rei hurt him. Hurt him so he stops fighting for you. You don't deserve him.
"I've accepted my fate. I might be a monster but at least I'm not pretending to be something I'm not anymore."
Rei winced. That hurt. She'd prided herself in her honesty once. Not now. She wanted to tell him he wasn't a monster and hold him but she wasn't entitled to those privileges anymore.
"Then we understand one another perfectly." She said refusing to tear her eyes away from his.
She had no more tears left to spill. The silence raged on.
"Does Yuki know at least?" He asked.
She nodded anger flaring in her at the mention of Yuki. He still cared about her.
Zero was looking at her in a way that made her feel sick to her stomach. Suddenly the pain and sadness transformed into anger in the pit of her stomach.
"Don't look at me like that! I never loved Kaname it was always you but you loved her before you ever loved me if you ever truly did. Look me in the eye and tell me that there isn't a part of you that still loves her." She said her eyes boring into his.
His eyes faltered beneath hers. He didn't love Yuki in that way anymore. But it didn't matter he suddenly realised with startling clarity.
"None of it matters anymore. The trust is gone between us. Even if I tell the truth you won't believe me."
Rei bit her lip. He was right. But it hurt like jagged glass splinters through her bruised heart all the same.
"So what now?" She asked.
"Nothing. We have nothing left to say to each other. Maybe we were just using each other after all." He said coldly.
She wanted to deny it. Of course they hadn't her traitor heart still pounded for him. She swallowed the lump in her throat and bared her fangs.
"You can't use something you never had Zero. I've always belonged to Kaname." Shouted Rei.
It was beginning to snow again.
Zero smiled bitterly willing away the rage and the heartache that flowed in him. Every time he'd been with her and he'd thought she'd been his, she'd been Kaname's all along. Just like Yuki. Her blood may have desired Zero but it belonged to Kaname.
"Then I hope you're happy with him."
The bitterness in Zero's voice made her feel cold not the snow.
"So that's it. You're giving up?"
Zero gave her a sad smile.
"You never gave up on me even when you should have walked away, but you gave up on yourself. They're trying to mould you into something you're not and I'm not going to stand her and watch so yeah I'm walking away. What's left here except broken promises and lies?"
He was going to leave. Rei desperately lunged forwards and gripped his arm. He paused before sighing and shaking her hand off.
"Don't." He said warningly.
She watched him disappear into the darkness rooted to the spot. The snow was falling faster now. She watched her breath mist as she exhaled shakily. Alone again. She sank into the snow her tears merging with the snowflakes. She didn't know how long she stayed there before she felt Kaname scoop her up into his arms. She was too numb and weak to fight against him so she just laid her head against his chest and let her tears soak through his coat.
