Chapter 12: Numb

I felt like I was falling down...down...down...Shay was gone most likely crushed to death. A black hole seemed to be swallowing the oxygen around me, making it difficult to breathe. Suddenly, before I knew what I was doing, I was running back down the path to the beach, sprinting faster than I've ever run before. I had to save him, after all we'd been through together I couldn't just give up on him. I was vaguely aware of people shouting for me to stop but I took no notice and just carried on running. I reached the pile of rocks we'd just been running from and started scrabbling at the rocks. My hands were raw and bleeding by the time the first person reached me.

"Cherry," Charlotte said, pulling me gently away from the rocks. "Cherry, he's gone." I screamed and tried to pull away from her but she held on to me tight. I started sobbing.

"He's - not - dead," I choked out in between sobs. "He c-c-can't be. There was a c-c-cave. H-He'll still be alive."

"If he is still alive, it's the police's job to find him, not yours." Charlotte rocked me gently back and forth. "Now please come back to the house?"

"I want to be here when they find him though."

"Please Cherry," Charlotte pleaded. I looked at her then, I mean really looked at her. She was close to crying and looked rather like I felt. She thought of Shay as family and I realised I was being selfish. This had to be hard on her and the rest of the family too. So I went back to the house and decided to concede to their rules, even if just to make their lives and my own just a little easier.

I retired to my caravan early that night. I was emotionally and physically exhausted and couldn't put up with everyone else's attempted optimism. I knew they thought there was little or no chance Shay was alive but they were wrong. Shay was alive, I could feel it. I knew that he would need all the help he could get when he finally got out of that cave, and I would be there to give it to him. At about eight o' clock, there was a knock on my door.

"Cherry," Paddy called through the closed door. "The doctor's here to check you over." I blinked.

"The doctor?" I didn't need a doctor. All I needed was for Shay to be found alive and safe.

"Well yes Cherry, you've been through a lot today as well," Paddy explained.

"I don't want to be checked over," I said blankly.

"Just let us in Cherry," he sighed.

"No."

"I'm sorry doctor, can you just give my daughter and I a few minutes alone to talk?" I heard my Dad ask the doctor. He must have nodded because a second later Paddy said, "Ok Cherry, we need to talk. If you don't let me in, I'll break the door down."

"Dad," I complained.

"No arguing young lady. Let me in now." I reluctantly let him in. "Cherry, you can't give up-" He started.

"Why?" I cut in. "Why should I keep believing he's still alive when the rest of you have already given up?"

"That's not what I meant Cherry. We all know that it's very unlikely Shay is alive and I'm sure even you won't argue there, but what I mean is that you can't give up on life because there's a high possibility he's dead. When it comes down to it, he is just a boy-"

I cut him off again, suddenly furious. "Get out," I spat at my father, my voice full of malice for the first time ever. "You know what Shay means to me so don't you dare tell me he's JUST a boy." I had not shut the door when he came in and the doctor, suddenly starting to get curious at the sound of raised voices peered in from the dark doorway. As gently as I could manage, I pushed my father out of the door and shut it firmly, not just locking it behind him but also barricading it just in case any of them managed to break the lock. I was not numb anymore. If my Dad's visit had achieved one purpose, it had made me more determined than ever that I would find Shay or die trying. The beast inside of me had been awakened.