ikilled iCarly

Ham

Sam's p o v

"For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return. Leonardo da Vinci

Beep..Beep..Beep...What was that noise? Damn it was annoying somebody make it stop please. Didn't they know I had a huge headache . Why was it so dark in here? Not to mention cold as heck. This felt different then normal I am a expert at sleeping I do it all the time. Why did this feel so different?

Everything was so fuzzy so cold where was I? Damn it .. Carly Where was Carly? I needed to see my cupcake.

Something was pulling me back and as hard as I fought against whatever it was it did no good my body felt paralyzed trapped and held down by a invisible force field.

Sam ..Sam wake up...

Sam sweetie...

Come on open your eyes...

It's Dr. Lexi

Doctor? Why was a doctor telling me to wake up damn didn't they know how much I loved my sleep?

Stupid idiots just let me rest. Damn didn't they know how much work it took to be awake? Too much if you ask me that's why I love to sleep it didn't take any energy to lay there with closed eyes . Darkness seemed to be enclosing on me again my head was growing fuzzy but I couldn't go to sleep just yet I still had to find Carly. I just felt like she needed me .Where was she? She never left me alone so where was she? Why wasn't she lecturing me on the importance of school and staying awake. I missed that I would never let on but it was kind of cool that she cared about me enough to take the time to do that no one else ever has.

Spencer's voice was calling to me but I was just so tired why wouldn't everyone just let me sleep? My body felt heavy like it was being weighed down nothing seemed to take that feeling away. Finally I mange to open my eyes taking a deep breath I get the courage to look around. Where am I? Where's mom? Where's Carly and that nubby kid who clings to Carly everyday what's his name? Nedley? Seddie? Creddie? Debbie? Uh who knows but where was he? It was dark and cold wherever I was and I wasn't liking it at all. This didn't look like my street..slowly I got up my legs felt light not like they usually do when I wake from a deep sleep. Strange but hey I wasn't knocking it, I started calling out wondering where Carly was? I missed her so bad I needed to feel her arms around me ..I was starting to panic She never left me..my voice grew frantic as I started to run the streets which felt soft I breezed through easily it was dark and quite unlike my streets at home. Which made me ask myself again where the heck was I? My feet should be hurting I hated running even though I was use to running from the cops..the scenery changed it wasn't so dark now but everything was going by so fast it was like I had the speed of a cheetah. I didn't even feel winded Wow I loved this I pumped my fist as I danced around everything was so light here a little thump and I was air born. A wind cut through as I took flight...Wait what the heck? I stated to spin what was on my back? A bug? Oh god get it off NOW Sam Puckett does not do bugs!

Mommy!

Mommy!

Stop Mommy it's okay..

A little girls voice broke through she was giggling her laugh was soft totally girly she stopped me dead in my tracks as she stared at me her Honey Brown eyes staring into mine so intently it was eerie..her soft curly dark brown hair fell to her shoulders ..the little girl couldn't be any older then 7 who was she?

She looked so familiar...

Mommy take my hand..

Mommy? Who's your mommy sweetie?

Where is she?

I stared at her as I slowly turned to look around no one was around..I was confused she giggled..

I know this game Mommy I'm seven now

I'm not a little girl anymore you can't trick me

Trick you what do you mean?

We play this game all the time Mom

She sounded like a teenager who's exasperated at her parents she even rolled her eyes cute kid I grinned . She placed a closed fist on her hip tapping her foot..

You Pretend I was from a different planet and that I ran away and came here

You tell me I wasn't your kid cause I'm too sweet and too Pretty so you make me search all over

You always sneak up on me and scare me after you eat all my bacon and Canadian Ham

Bad Mommy!

She giggled waving her pudgy fingers at me as I stared at her beyond confused.

Then you tickle me till I almost cry and you tell me to go find my real Mommy

You take my hand and we search high and low until Mommy finds us and covers me in hugs and kisses and scolds you at night.

Who What?

I'm scolded?

Yes Mommy don't pretend I don't know Mommy I hear you moaning as she spanks your butt for being a bad girl I know you tell me not to listen but the walls are thin mommy it's okay though Mom I know even grownups get punished to.

We do?

Huh?

Mommy stop or Mommy will get mad she's having a bad day

Huh? I'm so lost right now

That's nothing new Mommy no worries I know what will help

What's that?

Take my hand mommy I will show you

Her hands were soft like baby lotion smooth and unwrinkled she smelled pretty good like strawberries and coconuts. She lead me through a door of golden rings it chimed when we entered I looked around it was so bright so blue, so white all around us were people young people like me they glided on what seemed to be air ..everyone smiled at me and waved ...kids played on their hands and knees their laughter shrieked in the air ..the whole place had a peaceful vibe no hate , no fear, no tears..where was I?

We passed through another entrance my eyes went wide..Ham upon Ham it was like a room of pure heaven. I ran and threw myself through the air landing on top of the ham stack as I rolled around in it squealing all mine! All mine no one was taking this from me!

I could smell it on me taste the sweet salty juicy flavor. I loved it..looking around to make sure no one was watching I bite into as many as I could at one time the salt made my mouth water and the juice made it happy and wet as I started to devour them two at a time four , five...

A few hundred later I looked around she sat down on a big white pillow playing with some kind of watery substance that was like glass it shined and sparkled as she picked it up and dropped it and it bounced. She didn't giggle this time... I didn't know what to say at first but I felt something for this kid something strong and so fierce like I would do anything for her . Swallowing I wiped my mouth with my hand..

Don't do that Mommy doesn't like that

Shh our secret

Her eyes went big

Mommy there are no secrets here...

He knows everything we do and say...

Who?

Where am I ?

What are you looking at?

Mommy ..

Yea I get it you think I'm your mom

No..I mean you are My Mom

But I'm looking at Mommy your wife silly..

My What?

Huh?

I'm only 16 I can't be married..

Not yet Mom but you will be one day..if you chose right...

Huh?

See this...

She threw down the watery substance and it rippled against the white pillow...

Imagines appeared fire smoke dust ..then she was there my cupcake looking so lost and alone she was kneeling ..where was she? It was hard to see but there was a lot of gold and light bright lights flickering lights...I head her voice she sounded scared desperate Carly was never scared or desperate she always controlled things.

Who's she talking to?

Our Father of course..

Huh? If your my kid and I'm your mommy we can't have the same father

My dad left years ago ..

She rolled her eyes..

Not our earthly Fathers..

Huh? ?

Shh we never say his name here …

Who what where why how? Wt..

Mommy!

Let me explain maybe you need to listen to Mom and get more rest

We all have the same father Mommy his name is God

And he loves us all

We are in his kingdom and we answer to him

Huh excuse me I answer to no one expect me..

No mommy behave ..

Mommy is praying to god..

Why is she praying?

She threw more water type gel down and I gasped I saw me laying in a bed...hooked to machines and wires …

You were hurt mommy and you might not make it and that is making Mommy really scared so she's asking for help..

I was..wh...hu...

How? Was I …

You were shot Mommy when some bad kids came into school and hurt a lot of kids

You tackled the gunman and saved Mommy your a hero Mommy!

She threw her arms around me and hugged me she felt just like Cary when we were younger..

So what...

Am I ..I mean..

Your not dead yet mom you have time but you need to change and make different choices

Please mommy for me...I promise if you do I will be the best little girl you and mommy ever had

But you need to live long enough to have me...

I was in shock what the heck? I had the feeling she was the best little girl I could ask for but I was too shocked to speak.

I stared at her open mouthed as I watched the doctors and Rn's trying to save my life they were frantic calling out orders and grabbing instruments machines it was a scene out of a horror move expect it was real life..my life which was maybe about to end...I looked at the scene in disbelief so much blood so much pain so pointless , so senseless so innocent. Carly's face filled my mind I couldn't leave could I? she needed me everyone always thought that she as the strong one the sensible one the one who's future was set. People didn't understand though that even though Carls was strong on the outside inside she could crumble very easily no one saw much Carly hurt inside she was left devastated by her mom's passing and she never really got over that. Sure she put on a smile and laughed and appeared fine on the inside there was a part of her that was left sacred and angry over her passing she didn't like to worry Spencer or cause her Grandad to think she was better off in Yakima so she kept it inside. I knew though cause she couldn't hide anything from me ever sure she tried but I knew my cupcake way to well. What would she do if I died?

Could I really leave this place though? There was no pain no sadness I was free to sleep all day to run without getting tired and there was so much food! It was so pretty to the air was soft and had a melody permanently attached to it. I closed my eyes and felt it take over my soul so free. Then I saw Carly again and heard her voice sounding so broken so helpless.

I swallowed and looked around ..

What's your name Sweetie?

I should know this shouldn't I? I mean she was my daughter in the future if my future planned out right.

I was blank as I stared at her memorizing her …

She smiled sweetly as she giggled her mother's sweet giggle...which made me smile

I'm Cam silly you named me remember

Cam as in Cameron Faye Cosgrove Puckett Shay You said it would be a beautiful name because I was made out of love by you and mommy and it was a combination of both your names Carly and Sam..so you called me Cam and Mommy calls me Cami ..

Cami..Cam..it does sound pretty..just like you baby girl...

I touched her gorgeous locks as they cascaded down her back and kissed her soft checks I was feeling tired all of a sudden what was wrong with me? My chest felt tight everything was becoming dizzy …

Cam...

Cam..

I called out to her but everything was fading..fast...blackness enclosed me..

Wake up Sam please wake up...

I need you Sami please wake...

Oh my god!

I couldn't breathe what was wrong with me where was I? Why was everything so tight inside my chest? Why were the lights so bright? They blinded me giving me a instant headache. I tried to get up but pain overtook me I heard Carly yelling at me to calm down . I felt her hands pushing me as my chest felt lie it was being ripped open. My head and chest exploded in fiery waves as everything went black again. Carly's hands were cool against my face.

Surrounded by your glory
What will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus,
Or in awe of you be still?
Will I stand in your presence,
Or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing Hallelujah,
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

I can only imagine when that day comes
And I find myself standing in the Son
I can only imagine when all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

Surrounded by your glory,
What will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus,
Or in awe of you be still?
Will I stand in your presence,
Or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing Hallelujah,
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine, yeah
I can only imagine
I can only imagine, yeah, yeah, yeah

Surrounded by your glory,
What will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus,
Or in awe of you be still?
Will I stand in your presence,
Or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing Hallelujah,
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine, yeah

I can only imagine, yeah, yeah
I can only imagine, Yeah
I can only imagine
I can only imagine, Ohh yeah
I can only imagine

I can only imagine when all I will do
is forever, forever worship you
I can only imagine

Lyrics by Mercy Me