Disclaimer: Guess who doesn't own Twilight? MEEE!
Happy August 2nd! Have fun reading Breaking Dawn, everyone!
Lotsofloveforedward: No, the song by Boys Like Girls wasn't the inspiration for the entire story, just Chapter Two. I kind of fell out of posting the songs that inspired me for each chapter, but if you want, I'll start it up again.
And thank you to all those reviewers who have been so understanding about viruses! They're a pain to get rid of!
Ear Candy: Realize – Colbie Caillat
Vienna – Billy Joel
Learning To Fall
A Twilight fanfic by Starfire Star
Chapter Twelve: Make Me Feel
I could say that his lips meant mine, moving ever so gently, wrapping his arms around my waist as I wrapped my own around his neck.
I could say that we went further than just kissing.
I could say that he told me he had dumped Tanya.
No, just as I had leaned in for the kill, something in Edward's expression had changed from unmistakable assuredness to afraid, vulnerable, and maybe even guilty. My mind was whirling—it was so hard to concentrate when my heart was racing.
But as I stared into his face, my heart changed from fluttering to sinking. I wanted him to want this as much as I did. And now he looked reluctant—a major turn-off. And with my heart sinking instead of racing, I could think clear. Needless to say, I started to feel guilty as well.
His hesitation seemed to come at the right moment. As we paused, staring into each other's eyes, our faces a mere inches away, the doorknob turned and Alice danced in, shopping-bag laden and looking blissfully happy.
Edward immediately dropped his hands from mine. His eyes widened and he stared from me to Alice. I blushed and looked down, panic spreading across my face as Alice let out a gasp. I looked up at her, and her mouth was formed into a perfect O.
"Oh my God," she said, staring at us. "What do we have here? Shit, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to interrupt! I mean…" Jasper, carrying more bags, stepped into the door as I heard the car beep from outside. He bumped into Alice, who was standing there, frozen, as we all stared in horror at one another.
"Jasper, code red!" Alice hissed, nudging him in the ribs. Jasper looked at us on the couch, and his expression turned weary. "We need to get out of here!" Alice continued, trying to push him out the door.
"Alice," he said, shaking his head. "Don't make this worse than it already is. Let's go upstairs, shall we?" Alice nodded, her expression somewhat dazed, as Jasper turned her around by her shoulders and tiptoed across the room to the stairs. Alice winked at me, trying to make a discreet thumbs up; while I was pretty sure Jasper was glaring at Edward. I sighed and stared back at Edward, who had now pulled away and was running a hand through his hair, clearly as embarrassed about the situation as I was.
I was pretty sure that Edward had murmured, "I'm sorry," as I swept the blanket off myself and began to fold it back up again. "It's… better this way," Edward said, slightly louder now, though I still strained my ears to hear it. "We really can't let this happen." His hands were clasped tightly together, and his knees were resting on his legs. He stared at the floor.
"I know," I whispered. "Believe me." I rose, slightly wobbly, throwing the blanket into the basket. "Good night, Edward."
Why did it have to be this way? I thought to myself as I climbed the stairs. He has Tanya… and I still have Jacob on my mind. This isn't fair for anyone. The tears started forming in my eyes, but I remember the promise I made to myself long ago, after Jacob had left—that I would never cry over a boy. Before I thought that crying over Edward was silly since he was just a friend, but after this incident, there was no denying that I liked him now.
But some part of me didn't want to like him. As I said before, I had Jacob on my mind still, and this attraction was completely different from the one I held for Jacob. There was something else, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Besides the fact that he had a girlfriend, and I was strongly opposed to any form of cheating, no matter whom it was on.
As wrong as it was, it felt so right.
-
Alice danced into my bedroom as I lay on my bed, a pillow covering my head, my radio turned down so low that only I could hear it. She moved silently across my carpet, sitting on the foot of my bed so gently and lightly that I could barely feel her weight.
"Bella," she said softly, as if testing to see if I was still awake or not. I contemplated whether I should respond; I wasn't in the mood to talk, so I tried to remain silent. But under Alice's watch, I couldn't stay quiet for long.
"Alice," I whispered into the pillow.
She was silent for a moment, before beginning. "Tell me what happened." She said it as if she wasn't expecting anything—she was neither happy nor upset. She was neutral.
"It was completely ridiculous, Alice. There's not much to say," I said, moving the pillow slightly so she could hear me better. More silence.
"Did you kiss?" she asked, again in the same neutral tone.
"No."
"I'm glad," Alice said, and I moved the pillow fully now to see her face. She was smiling ever so slightly, almost pleased. I just looked at her. "Glad? I thought you were so persistent I liked him."
Alice raised her eyebrows. "Just because you like him doesn't mean that it's right to be with him," she said simply, shaking her head.
"I know," I said, a hint of misery in my voice. "But you told me to hold on tight and never let go. Remember?" Alice was shaking her head again. "Not when he's not completely yours." The tears started forming in my eyes again.
"A part of me feels so guilty, Alice. I can't believe I could just give myself over like that, so easily. Jacob's still there, inside my heart and my mind. I can't help but feel that on some level, I'm betraying him. Not to mention, Tanya as well," I choked. "She's never done anything to me."
"I can understand how being with Edward goes against everything you believe in," Alice soothed, reaching over to smooth out a few locks of hair. "But I wish you wouldn't feel that you're betraying Jacob. I guess it'll take some time to learn that."
"How I feel about Edward… it's so strange, Alice. And it hurts," I whimpered, covering my face with the pillow again. "Oh, Bella," Alice said softly, her voice helpless. "Let's put it this way. Just think about how Edward feels."
Completely different, I could imagine. It seemed like he had the easy way out. He could just forget about me and continue to go out with Tanya. Or he could acknowledge that maybe, just maybe, from the look in his eyes and his simple gestures, that he wanted me as much as I wanted him.
I wiped away a stray tear. I hated to go to sleep upset, and I needed something to distract me. Luckily, Alice was there. "Hey, Alice?"
"Yes, Bella?"
"What did you buy today? Anything that fits me?" I let out a small laugh. Alice's face lit up. "You know, I think I have something that's perfect for you. Very simple, yet still chic…" as Alice launched into detail, I knew I would protest. I found myself drifting back into myself again—the girl who had boundaries, the girl who never took chances. I wanted to be my familiar self, where I liked it or not.
-
I rode with Emmett to work the next morning. When I finished getting ready, Emmett was waiting for me downstairs, wearing wrinkled clothing, his usually neat curly hair unkempt, looking tired.
I stared at him, eyebrows raised. "This is unusual."
"Please, don't ask questions," Emmett said, sounding fidgety.
"Rough night?" I asked. He nodded, looking away. "Me too," I sighed, pouring some tea into a cup. "Where is everyone? I thought we were going to ride with Edward and Rosalie?" To tell you the truth, I was relieved that we weren't going to ride with Edward. I still didn't know how to approach him, if I should, about last night's incident. Surely it would be awkward today.
"They already left," Emmett said, sounding as relieved as I was. "We better get going, too, if we're going to be on time." The idea of riding in Emmett's jeep did not appeal to me. I was already nervous about its size—it was big enough to crush those tiny hybrids that were on the market nowadays. I had a sudden longing for my truck, but I remembered it was at the new house of the father I did not want to see nor talk to.
Emmett's mind seemed to be on other things. He wasn't his usual talkative self—I had to be the one asking the questions, and his answers were abnormally short. His distraction was partly a good thing though, because his driving was actually acceptable. No fear in being pulled over by a cop today.
The morning was, thankfully, as slow as the day before. I had time to take a breather from the customers. "Is Rosalie okay?" I asked, concerned, hoping that I would at least get an adequate answer from this question. Emmett was suddenly preoccupied with wiping the counter. "I think she'll be alright," he muttered.
The crowd got busier in the afternoon—though the reason why was beyond me. People usually needed their cup of coffee first thing in the morning. I was on my toes all afternoon, Emmett barely saying a single word to me as he fixed everyone's orders.
Unfortunately, his distraction was terrible for work. He spilled two coffees and had to do them over again, leaving some customers quite steamed. He handed me an empty cup of coffee, and gave me three rocky road brownies when I asked for three lattes. I pulled him over to the side during our break.
"Emmett!" I hissed. "You're going to get fired! Is everything okay? What is going on with you?" I stared at him, my face hard. Never in my entire life did I dream of yelling at Emmett McCarty, the gigantic, funny teddy bear. But it was for his own good. He stared at me for a long moment, before pulling me into the back room and locking it.
"Look, you have to promise not to tell anyone about this, okay? Not Alice, not Edward, no one. Got it?" Emmett said in a low voice. I immediately started to feel anxious.
"Okay," I said, unsure of what I was getting myself into.
"There's a good explanation for what's been distracting me," Emmett said slowly, leaning against one of the shelves. "It's… something big. I can't believe it actually happened, actually." I folded my arms, suddenly anxious. I spoke with caution.
"What is it, Emmett?" I wasn't sure that I wanted to know the answer. Emmett stared at me nervously before he sighed. "Yesterday… with Rosalie… things took an unexpected direction." I stared at him blankly.
"Rosalie and I… slept together last night."
My eyes widened, my face immediately pulling into shock. "You can't be serious." I couldn't look at him at the moment, for some reason feeling panic. Emmett nodded gravely. "Things got a little carried away."
I raised an eyebrow at him. Emmett did take advantage of the 'poor crying girl' after all. He answered my thoughts. "You're probably thinking I was the one who initiated it," he said, biting his lip. "You're wrong, though. It was all her. She just started to kiss me, and I couldn't stop her. As wrong as it was, it felt so right." Emmett sighed. I stared at him for a moment, noting how I thought the exact same words the night before. Maybe Emmett and I had more in common than I thought.
"Emmett…" I said softly, touching his shoulder. "This isn't right." In my head, hypocrite was being chanted over and over. At least I didn't sleep with Edward, I thought to myself.
"It was nothing, anyway. She'll continue living her life, loving that sleazebag Greg or whatever his name is, knowing that all that happened between us was comfort sex," Emmett said. I could detect sadness in his voice.
"Something tells me you're not all too thrilled about that," I told him quietly. Emmett looked at me for a moment. "Want to play two lies and a truth?" he asked me. I was surprised at this sudden invitation, especially using this as a subject change. But I decided not to question him. I had a feeling it would explain the situation some. "Sure," I agreed.
"One: I'm in love with you. Two: I'm in love with Alice. And three: I'm in love with Rosalie," he said, leaning back against the shelf again. I stared at him. My eyes softened, and I realized that he looked scared. Vulnerable, just as Edward's face had shown when I looked at him last night. It was strange, especially how Emmett always seemed tough, like the protector. Now he looked like he was the one who needed to be protected.
"Oh, Emmett," I whispered, as I stepped forward to give him a hug. "I know exactly what how you feel." And I did. Because I didn't see vulnerable, scared, afraid, for the first time, on Emmett's face. No, I saw it everyday, when I looked in the mirror. The person staring back at me always looked that way.
-
We didn't discuss the sudden realizations about Rosalie any further. I think we were both grateful that we didn't have the time to. But I was ready to comfort him once more that afternoon, when Rosalie strode by Starbucks looking very sophisticated in her work clothes. She gave us a small smile as she waved through the window. I knew Emmett and Rosalie's secret was supposed to be kept a secret, so I didn't let it show on my face that I knew about it.
Emmett, however, looked torn up, raising his arm, but quickly looked away. Rosalie looked confused and maybe a little bit hurt but continued on her way without coming inside.
As I was sorting through the different brands of sugar packets, Emmett spoke suddenly. "Everyone always underestimates how I feel about certain things," he said very seriously. I glanced at him for a brief moment before quickly looking back at what I was doing, asking, "What do you mean?"
"Well, everyone always thinks I'm all about messing around. No one ever thinks that maybe I want a real relationship, too," Emmett said quietly. I stared at him for a long moment, surprised. "Do you?" I asked softly, not wanting to sound rude.
"You sound sceptical."
"You're always talking about 'scoring', and not the actual relationship. I figured that you actually believed what you said." I hoped he wouldn't take it the wrong way.
He did. "I'm not a liar," Emmett said, shaking his head. "Besides, someone needs to teach Edward and Jasper. They're clueless in that department." He laughed, and to ease the tension, I joined in.
He quickly turned serious again. "Rosalie's the first girl I've ever actually felt a connection with, you know? But I know she'd never go for me. I'm trying to be more mature, but she'll never let that Greg guy go." I stayed quiet. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to reassure Emmett that things would turn out okay, but he might've been too trusting.
"We argue a lot, right? But that's only because I love her. I hope she knows that," Emmett continued, sounding more like he was talking to himself. I stepped to his side and put a hand on his shoulder. "She probably does. You never know."
-
It was later in the afternoon that Alice called. Emmett and I were cleaning up, ready to close up shop for the day. Our other workers had come and gone, so we were alone; free to leave the empty café.
"Hello?" I said into my cell phone.
"Bella," Alice said, sounding breathless. "Bella, did Rosalie call you already?" I swallowed, wondering what this conversation might lead to. I had a few ideas in my head already. "No," I answered.
"Well, you and Emmett need to come home, pronto," Alice said firmly. There was no doubt that I'd immediately follow her actions. I looked around, noticing that most of our work was done. It wouldn't be impossible to leave.
"What's going on?" I asked, starting to take off my green apron. Emmett looked over at me with a questioning look on his face. I shrugged at him, turning away before Alice spoke. "Rosalie has a work party. It's kind of formal. And she needs to bring guests. So we have to go," she said hurriedly. "Not that I'm complaining about a chance for all of us to look fabulous."
I sighed. I didn't want to be subjected to one of Alice's makeovers again. "Alice, I don't think that's possible. There are a ton of customers here and—"
"You know, Bella, you're a terrible liar," Alice laughed. "And don't worry about your wardrobe; I already got something for you. Just hurry home, alright?" I hung up and turned to Emmett. "We're going to a party."
"For who?"
"Well, it's Rosalie's work party." Emmett's face turned pale. I sighed. "I'm just about excited as you are."
-
I will never forget the look on his face when I entered the room, feeling anxious and embarrassed. I flushed as people turned to look at me while I made my way through the crowd to where Jasper, Rosalie, and Edward were sitting. Rosalie's mouth dropped open slightly, and Jasper raised his eyebrows.
The way Edward looked at me sent shivers down my spine. He seemed surprised for a moment, and then his lips pulled into the perfect smirk, as if he always knew I would come to the party looking this way. Alice seemed proud, pleased at their reactions. I shot a quick glance at Emmett, who looked like he wished he was anywhere but here.
"This feels so weird," Rosalie whispered to us as we took our places. "I mean, look at us! We're all dressed up at such a young age; we might as well be all grown up already." I looked around—everyone here looked like college graduates, if not older. I wondered if she actually enjoyed her work.
"What a way to spend a Friday night—I'm too young for this crap," Emmett muttered under his breath. Jasper and I, who were on either side of him, glanced at one another warily. I saw Rosalie's eyes flash, but she remained silent.
After dinner was served, Jasper whisked Alice away to dance, and Rosalie was working her way through the room, mingling with the people she knew at work. I stood off to the side, leaning against a wall, glass of lemon water dangling in my hand. Emmett came up to me, running a hand through his curly hair.
"Is this normal?" Emmett asked me as we stood, watching the people dancing, laughing, and talking. I looked at him curiously. "What is?"
"Rosalie acting like nothing happened," Emmett said in a flat voice. "I try to talk to her about it, but she always pretends to be distracted with someone from work. Or she walks away. She's been avoiding me all night."
"Maybe she really is busy with her co-workers," I said in a feeble attempt to console him. I, myself, was still trying to avoid Edward's gaze—I was still uncomfortable about the night before, but it seemed like Edward was pretending nothing happened.
"Maybe," Emmett said, staring at me for a moment. He then looked around the room. "Where's Edward?" he asked. I shrugged. "Did something go on between you two?" More shrugging on my part.
"Bella, whatever it is, stop running away from it, okay?" Something about Emmett's voice made me believe he knew everything that happened the night before. I narrowed my eyes at him, but he just laughed and walked away. On his way to the dessert table, I saw Rosalie swiftly walk over to him and grab his arm, pulling him away from the crowd.
"You look beautiful."
I turned to find Edward holding a single flower, a freesia. I blushed as he stepped forward. "Thank you," I whispered, trying to control my beating heart. He smiled crookedly as he took my hand, placing the flower in my hand. "What's this?" I managed to ask, staring into his green eyes.
"What does it look like?"
"Why are you giving me flowers all of a sudden?" I asked, suddenly suspicious as he chuckled. He leaned in, putting his lips to my ear. I could feel his cool breath as he whispered, "Can't I give a beautiful woman flowers every now and then?"
My heart fluttered once, and I hurried to control my breathing. "Edward, about last night…" I said, trying to get the subject out in the open and off my chest. He pulled his head back to bore his eyes in mine. "Bella, I was completely out of line last night. Please forgive me. It's just that…" I interrupted him, shaking my head as I spoke.
"Of course I forgive you—if there were any reason to do so in the first place," I murmured. "You did nothing wrong." A smile flashed across his face for a brief moment. He then took the freesia and brushed in again my now-trembling lips. I looked at him, my face questioning, curious. He laughed lightly before taking my hand and lowering the flower. He handed to me. I breathed in its lovely scent as he spoke. "Good. So are we friends now? Can we continue to let things go on as they were before?"
He was crazy to think that things wouldn't change because of that moment, the incident which probably ensured that our relationship wouldn't quite be the same. But I wanted to believe it. It was so easy for Edward to make me believe anything as long as he had determination in his voice. He accomplished whatever he put his mind to.
So I chose to believe him. Maybe it was right for things not to have moved on from last night. Our lives were completely different—he had a new love, someone beautiful and smart and talented just as he was, to make him happy. I, on the other hand, was single by preference, only because I was trying to heal a wounded heart and forget things I didn't want to remember. I was reluctant to start anything new—I had way too much experience in getting hurt.
I glanced at his outstretched hand, that crooked smile on his insanely perfect face, those eyes that I knew wouldn't lie. And I knew I could trust him. I reached out and took his hand, holding it for a moment before his cell phone rang. Was it really crazy for me to believe that he looked reluctant to turn away from me? But nevertheless, he did. I was left standing, flower in my hand, breathless, staring at his back, no doubt knowing who was at the other end of the line.
-
He left around ten. I knew exactly why. We all agreed to follow soon after. The truth was, I wanted to leave as soon as possible. I wasn't having the time of my life, though Jasper and Alice sure did. They were a perfect pair on the dance floor, laughing as the songs played one after the other.
But across the room, it was a whole different story—for Emmett and Rosalie. They were, again, in heated argument, waving their hands animatedly. Then Rose took a look around the room, realizing it was quite the inappropriate place, and stormed outside, Emmett following after her.
They weren't far away from where I was standing. I could hear every single word they said.
"Emmett, I can't do this," Rosalie's voice was pained. "This is impossible. I can't believe you're asking me to do this."
"Do what's right, Rose. What do you call last night? A mistake? Because you were sure enjoying this 'mistake'," Emmett said back fiercely. I remembered the scared, vulnerable look on his face earlier and cringed.
"I'm sorry, Emmett," Rosalie whispered, clearly more hurt than angry in her voice now. "It's just not right. I love him."
"Hey." Another voice came into earshot, accompanied by footsteps. I took a peek outside and saw the man from the coffee shop—now confirmed as Greg. He was standing next to Rosalie now, arm around her shoulder. Emmett's back was facing me, so I couldn't see the look on his face.
"I'm sorry I'm late," Greg kissed Rosalie's cheek, but her eyes were still on Emmett—indignant. Greg looked at Emmett. "Hey, are you Emmett? I've heard a lot about you from Rose," he outstretched a hand. I heard reluctance in Emmett's voice as he shook it. "Yeah, I'm Emmett. I've heard about you too."
I sighed, turning around just in time to see Alice and Jasper laughing and stumbling toward me, clearly having the time of their lives. They stopped and stared at me curiously for a moment, no doubt questioning my troubled expression. "Bella? Is everything alright?" Jasper asked first. I felt my cheek reddening, knowing that I'd have to reveal that I was eavesdropping. They looked over my shoulder for a moment, their eyes widening by the second.
"Oh my God, who is that dashing man with his arm around Rosalie?" Alice asked. Jasper raised his eyebrows.
"Clearly not Emmett," I mumbled under my breath. They both looked at me at the same time. "What did you say? 'Emmett'?" I shook my head quickly. "Nothing."
"If you'll excuse me for a moment," I heard Emmett say politely, and then footsteps walking quickly toward us. "Uh oh," Alice whispered, and she and Jasper pretended to be engaged in serious conversation.
"Let's get out of here," Emmett growled at us, making him seem scarier than an irritated grizzly. I had a feeling I knew why. "I can't stand being around these people any longer."
"Correction—you can't stand being around Greg," Alice chirped, not at all phased by Emmett's angry expression. He glared at her, and Jasper shifted to stand protectively in front of her. "Let's just go," I muttered, grabbing Emmett's arm and dragging all of us to the car. "What about Edward? And Rosalie?" My thoughts flew to Edward and what he was doing at that very moment.
"They can take care of themselves," Jasper assured me. Then we headed toward the parking lot, a clear, starry sky above us, and for once, I didn't like it. I wanted it to rain.
-
We were mostly silent on the way home, with the exception of the beginning of the ride, Alice jabbering much too loudly and excitedly to fit our moods. Jasper managed to quiet her down—they were engaged in whispered conversation while Emmett and I remained silent. I still held the flower Edward gave me in my hands, so tightly that I thought I would crush it.
When we got home, none of us said a word as we went to our respective places. Emmett went upstairs immediately to change, muttering something about how he wanted to rip off his itchy suit, while Alice, Jasper and I flopped down on the couch. My legs were dangling off one couch arm.
"Bella? What happened to Emmett?" Alice whispered. I shrugged. "The usual tension." Alice glanced at Jasper. "I knew this would happen sooner or later?" I raised my head. "What would happen?"
"Emmett and Rosalie will realize they are passionately in love, but one of them refuses to stop denying it," Alice sighed, as if it were painfully obvious. I stared in shock at her. "You always seem to be one step ahead of us, Alice."
A grumble from upstairs made it clear that Emmett could hear us, and wanted to stop. Alice rolled her eyes. Jasper said nothing, but stared at Alice, who met his eyes as if they could read each other's minds. I felt uncomfortable at that moment, so I excused myself.
"Edward is on the roof, by the way," Alice called lightly after me. "Go see him."
I turned with widened eyes to look at Alice for a brief moment. What was that supposed to mean? Why was I suddenly turning panicked? Nevertheless, zombie-like, I made my way to the attic.
The attic was still dark, and for a moment I thought that he had left. But I saw a motionless figure, indeed, sitting just outside of the opened window, so I moved forward. Crawling through, I plopped down to sit next to him.
"Do you still have the flower I gave you?" I turned red and showed him the crushed flower in my hands, not even realizing that I had crushed it on my way upstairs. "Sorry," I whispered.
He didn't seem to notice my response. "It looks exactly how I saw you the first time," Edward murmured, raising a hand to brush across my warmed cheek. My heart started hammering, my breath becoming uncontrollable. I didn't know exactly what he meant, but the look in his eyes made it easy for me to forget all about it.
This time, everything was becoming so real. We moved wordlessly now. He leaned in to press his lips against mine. His expression was sure now—no longer reluctant. He was determined, and I knew this was one of the many things he would be able to accomplish, to get away with.
I'd never felt so sure about anything more in a long, long time. I kissed him back, forgetting everything—Emmett and Rosalie, Jasper and Alice's connection, the fact that Jacob still haunted my dreams once in awhile. I forgot all about Jacob, and focused on what was right in front of me.
His lips suddenly became more urgent, and he wrapped his arms around me as I wrapped my own arms around his neck, pulling his head closer, becoming entangled in his hair. Like I couldn't get enough.
And then he chuckled against my lips, sounding relieved, and I laughed too, pressing my forehead against his, like I've wanted this for a long time. Maybe I did.
-
I hope some of you guys are actually going to read this fic, because I know a lot of you have been busy reading Breaking Dawn! Haha. I was supposed to pick up my copy too earlier, but my mom went out for a business meeting and I forgot my pre-order receipt was with her! So it sucks. But the good thing is, I used the time to complete the chapters for you! I love you all.
