Disclaimer: I don't own Ben 10.
Chapter 12 - His Diary
BEN
"Hey, dweeb," I said feebly, sitting up against my pillows, raising a hand in greeting. My left arm, the one with my Omnitrix, was still screaming with anguish. Curse that stupid Vilgax.
My cousin simply smiled and sat herself next to my bed. "Hey, Ben. Good to know that you're back to yourself."
"Huh? Since when was I not myself?"
Gwen rolled her eyes as if it was the most obvious thing in the whole world. "Since the start of ice age, you little doofus."
So she noticed me being upset. I guessed it had been rather apparent, me ignoring everybody and all that. I scolded myself for forcing people to put up with my moods.
"Um…" I started, looking around. Man, I hated being back in the hospital. "So where's Grandpa?"
"Don't worry, he's okay," Gwen reassured me, patting my shoulder lightly. "He got shot by Vilgax's sonic cannon, but now he's fine. He's extremely strong for something his age, just like the doctor said the last time when Rojo attacked him. Nothing broken, just a little bit shocked by all the sound waves."
I shot up from my leaning position. "Vilgax attacked Grandpa?"
"Yes, but he's okay now."
My family got hurt again, because of me. If only I wasn't here, then –
"Well?" Gwen said, snapping me out of my thoughts. Her expression expectant, she placed her hands on her lap and sat straight as if waiting for me to tell her a bedtime story. "Are you going to tell me?"
I frowned, confused. "Tell you what?"
She pointed at my injured arm, and I couldn't help but flinch a little. "That," she said, looking sadly at the bandages. "When the doctors saw the deep cut, they actually asked if you had tried to kill yourself." Gwen gave me a bright smile. "I said no, of course. I told them you're not suicidal."
I winced, shifting uncomfortably.
"That's nothing," I said hastily, glancing at the Omnitrix. "Like you said, it's just a cut. I gave that to myself."
Gwen narrowed her eyes. "Really?" she said incredulously, folding her arms. "Are you going to tell me the truth, Ben, or am I going to have to hack into your brain and find the answers by myself?"
I have heard of Gwen's newfound powers to control winds, but breaking into minds? "You can do that now?"
"I have a spell in my book that can serve the purpose," she replied, smugly. Then she continued in a softer tone, placing her hand on mine. "Come on, Ben, you know you're a terrible liar. Just spill the beans, will you?"
I sighed. Why was Gwen suddenly so persuasive?
"After Vilgax got me, he tried to cut off my arm, you know, so that he'd get the watch. Only he couldn't, for some reason. Either his blade was too blunt, or my bones have suddenly grown super strong." I shuddered at the memory, feeling Gwen's hand tightening around mine. "The sword pierced through my flesh though. He was squeezing all the air out of me. And then I blacked out."
I trailed off, looking away. Recalling horrific memories wasn't the on the top of my hobbies list.
"I'm so sorry, Ben." I looked up in surprise. Gwen was staring at her shoes, looking very dejected. "You should never have suffered through that. Nobody deserved the torment Vilgax gave you."
That coming from Gwen, I was stunned. "It's okay," I mumbled, getting her to look at me. She shouldn't seem so depressed. It wasn't her fault. "Vilgax didn't manage to get the Omnitrix, remember? He couldn't cut my wrist off. The world is saved."
"Yeah, but the whole thing nearly killed you!" Gwen's voice rose heatedly, startling me. "Do you know how scared I was? You just lying there, not moving, bleeding all over yourself, at the mercy of Vilgax? Do you have an idea how I felt?"
I watched, lost for words, as tears started to cascade from Gwen's green eyes. Gwen – the girl so tough, so strong…
"I'm sorry, Gwen," I whispered, my insides aching for her. So I was the reason for her tears. "I'm sorry I made you worry so much, I –"
"It's not your fault!" Gwen said immediately, her voice an octave higher. "It's just…I've lost you once before…I don't want to lose you again…"
I opened my mouth, but I couldn't find the right words to say. "Well, I…" I tried, looking uncertainly at my cousin. What could I do to comfort her? I was never good at consoling people. "About the leap-off-the-cliff-thing…I'm sorry, too…"
"Oh, that's fine," Gwen replied, grinning softly through her tears. "You were just playing a trick on all of us, I should have known…it's a pity it didn't work, but anyway, it's the thought that counts, and you were so kind, trying to protect us all…"
"Actually," I said, wondering why I wanted to be honest all of a sudden, "that wasn't really it."
I told my cousin my true thoughts when I was by those cliffs, staring into the sea below, wishing with all my heart that my plan would go right. I explained to Gwen that I really tried to leave all my troubles on earth by escaping to death's door, but it was fate joking with me that kept me alive. I told her how I met Tetrax, and how he convinced me to go back. She listened to the end, without interrupting once, which I was grateful of.
The uncomfortable silence that followed was pure agony to me. Gwen stared into my eyes, her own wide and bright with tears, looking terribly hurt. She wiped them away with her hands, then glared at me fiercely.
I thought she was going to hit me, or at least yell into my face, to give me the telling off that I so deserved. Instead, she held my shoulders tightly, and her words travelled clearly into my ears.
"Benjamin Tennyson, I thought we were done with this. You can NEVER run away from us. You're part of the Tennyson family, and always will be. You can't escape us forever, because fate will always bring you back home. You understand?"
I smiled, and nodded.
"So…why couldn't Vilgax cut your arm off?"
It was good to be out of the hospital and back in the RV. Since both Grandpa and I were well again, we saw no reason to cancel the road trip, so I was still going around with Gramps and Gwen for the rest of the summer.
"I don't know," I shrugged, fiddling with my Sumo Slammers cards. "Maybe it's the watch."
"You mean the Omnitrix, like, made the bones on your left arm as hard as rock or something?" Gwen typed busily away on her laptop, not bothering to look up.
"I'm thinking it's the Omnitrix's alien DNA fusing with mine. You know how Four Arms can stand great impacts and Heatblast isn't afraid of explosions? Some kind of alien DNA must have made me firmer and tougher such that Vilgax wasn't able to cut my arm off. Make sense?"
"Then how'd you explain Vilgax's cut right into your flesh?"
"Urgh!" I groaned, burying my face in my arms. "Can we not talk about this, please? You're giving me nightmares worse than before!"
Gwen paused, finally pulling her gaze from the computer screen. She stared at me, open-mouthed. "You had nightmares?"
"Yeah, but they're nothing to worry about. Why?"
She slammed her laptop down, blinking at me. "It's just…I've been having bad dreams too. They've been haunting me since the last time we met Vilgax, in the Null Void, you know."
Before I knew it we were telling each other our dreams, every thought and feeling that crossed our minds in those few terrible minutes.
"That's why I went to take that walk, Ben, I wanted some fresh air. I was so scared, the nightmare was so real."
"Yeah, Gwen, my nightmares were pretty real too, but –"
"That's also my motive for learning magic, Ben," Gwen interrupted, leaving me no chance for talk. "I wanted to be useful; I didn't want to be a burden for you and Grandpa."
"You're not a bur –"
"I was always in trouble, because I didn't have powers of my own. The aliens are constantly coming, and I can't save myself; I have to rely on you and Grandpa. I feel so helpless sometimes, when you are in danger and Grandpa isn't there."
"Well, you have brains –"
"But having brains isn't everything!" Gwen shouted, pounding her hand with her fists. Taken aback, I grabbed her wrists and stopped her from hurting herself. "Did my brains help me escape Kevin back in the Null Void? NO! Did my brains prevent the Omnitrix from being ripped off your wrist, which at the same time caused you intense anguish? NO!"
"Calm down, Gwen!" I yelled. "You've got to remember, with your brains we got out safely with the Omnitrix in the end!"
"Not before you already suffered for my sake! Don't you see? You're always in trouble because of me! I get held hostage by some stupid alien, and you pay the consequences for coming to rescue me."
"Gwen," I sighed, rolling me eyes. "You're missing the most important point of all. The truth is, you won't be in any of the trouble you mentioned if not for me."
"But –"
"I found the Omnitrix the first place, right?" This time, I refused to let her break me off. "And then I start attracting trouble. That's when I start endangering all the people around me. That's why I wanted to go away. Leave this place, so that nobody would have to risk their lives because of me. I'm better off dead."
"You're talking nonsense!"
"And you weren't when you were putting all the blame on yourself?" I argued, glaring.
Gwen bit her lip, then took a deep breath. "How about this," she stated quietly, "from now on we're not going to blame ourselves for everything anymore, and nor are we going to point the finger at each other."
I grinned at the idea. "Yeah, let's not ever mention about this topic again."
Dear Diary,
It's been quite a week, but I promised Gwen so I'm not going to talk about it. Bye!
Nah, just kidding. I can't believe I actually visited the hospital twice this summer. I just hope I won't be going there any time soon.
My arm is still hurting a lot. But I guess the pain will just go away eventually. Next time I see Vilgax he's really going to get it.
Oh yeah, I think I forgot to thank Gwen for saving my life with her awesome wind powers. Guess I'll have to do that tomorrow.
Speaking of tomorrow, we're going to New Mexico to visit Grandpa's old friend, Mr. Green, and his daughter Kai. I'm not sure it'll be fun, but I guess I'll just have to tag along. I don't know why, but there's this strange feeling I have about the coming trip. Is it precaution…or something?
To tell the truth, I'm still feeling terrible for all the trouble I've caused Grandpa and Gwen. The heavy feeling just stays stuck there, unmoving. I'm not going to let my family worry about me anymore, though. I smile, I laugh, I joke around, and everyone will think I'm okay. Lucky for me that Gwen's not suspecting anything, because she's usually the sharp one.
Goodnight!
Ben
