The twelfth thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me...singing Christmas carols!


"Quick!" Kagura exclaimed, shoving the takeout boxes into the trash bags. "We need to make it all look homemade!"

Yuki was quickly flinging takeout boxes into bags as well, a frantic mess around him as he and Kagura tried to make the kitchen look like they had been preparing dinner, and not ordering from a restaurant.

Kagura huffed, swiping her hair back before lightly dabbing flour to her nose and cheeks. "There," she exclaimed. She then grabbed Yuki and flung a bunch of flour on his face, causing the Rat to sputter.

"Wh-what are you doing?" Yuki demanded, pulling back and coughing out flour that had gotten into his mouth.

"Making you look like you actually did something," Kagura stated, running her hands through his hair and streaking it with flour.

"You're making me look like a mess," Yuki snapped, backing away and stumbling out of the kitchen.

That proved to be a mistake as he looked up at the sounds of startled gasps. His eyes widened when he saw his brother's horrified look on his face.

"Yuki!" Ayame shrieked, dropping the Christmas cards and rushing forward. "You have leprosy! How can we cure it? How did this happen? HOW LONG DO WE HAVE?" He tried to hug Yuki, only for the younger Sohma to duck out of the way. "Don't you worry!" Ayame declared, spinning around. "I do not care if you have two years or two hours! We will use whatever time you have left to strengthen our brotherly bond! I will never leave your side!"

"It's flour," Yuki snapped, avoiding his brother once more.

"What? Are you trying to look like a geisha?" Kyo asked, smirking.

Yuki scowled, glaring at the Cat.

"Oh, you would make a wonderful geisha!" Ayame crooned. "And you look so priceless in that pink apron!"

"With those feminine features of yours," Shigure commented with a smirk. "You could pull it off."

Yuki's scowl deepened and his hands curled into fists. He was stopped at that moment when Kagura burst into the room, carrying a tray of cookies. Like Yuki, she was covered with flour and her apron had stains on it, stains Yuki was sure hadn't been there before.

"Look, another geisha," Ayame commented with a laugh.

"Kyo!" she exclaimed, causing the Cat to twitch. "Not to worry my darling, dinner is almost ready!" She thrust the tray into Kyo's face. "Here! These were baked with my love!"

"I don't need your love!"

Yuki blocked out all the sounds of their bickering and the loud talk of Ayame and Shigure as he stared down at the text message on his phone. He frowned before looking up. "Were we supposed to be singing Christmas carols tonight?" he asked, catching everyone's attention.

Kyo frowned. "Carols? What idiot wants us to sing carols?"

"Miss Honda just sent me a reminder," Yuki said, holding up his phone while glaring at his orange-haired cousin for unintentionally calling Tohru an 'idiot.' "She also sent me a list of the songs we are to sing."

Ayame clapped his hands happily. "Wonderful!" he proclaimed. "I will make lovely outfits for all of you!"

"We are singing tonight," Yuki said with a sigh. "And it is not a dress rehearsal!"

"I'll scrape something together!" Ayame proclaimed as he grabbed his coat and ran out of the house. "I must get started right away!"

Kyo smirked when the door finally slammed closed. "Well, we got rid of one annoying nut."

"The Grinch who ate Santa," Ritsu muttered, rocking back and forth in a corner. "The Grinch that ate Sante!"

"Two more nuts to go," Yuki muttered.

Kagura gasped suddenly. "Nuts! We forgot to put nuts in the cookies!" She yanked the tray back from Kyo who was just getting ready to snatch one. "Do not touch them!" she exclaimed, running back into the kitchen.

"And what Christmas songs will we be singing tonight?" Shigure asked casually, a small smirk on his face. "Hopefully some of my personal favorites are on Tohru Honda's list."


Everyone soon realized that having Haru drive home was a bad idea for many reasons. One reason was because of his reckless driving, the other reason was his unique ability to get lost.

"Take a left," Momiji instructed, looking out the window.

"Then a right!" Tohru said helpfully.

"Avoid that pothole," Hiro said, rather unhelpfully.

"I do not need you to tell me to watch out for the pothole," Haru said, a hint of annoyance in his tone as he took a sharp right. "I may get lost easily, but I am not blind."

"Sure seems that way," Hiro commented as the car jostled a bit more.

At that moment, Hatori opened his eyes and blinked rapidly. He sat up sharply, eyes narrowed as he turned his head to regard Haru, who was calmly driving the car.

"Stop driving," Hatori ordered.

Everyone fell forward as Haru hit the brakes rather quickly. Hatori banged his head on the dashboard, letting out a pained yell as he did so. Rubbing his head and glaring at his younger cousin, he delivered his simple order. "Get out."

Haru took in the stare Hatori was giving him and compiled, switching seats with Hatori, who climbed into the driver's seat. With a tired grunt, the Dragon gripped the wheel of the car and started the vehicle back up again.

"Boy, you were really out of it, Hatori!" Momiji exclaimed unhelpfully.

"Does your head feel better?" Tohru asked kindly.

Hatori glanced back before focusing once more on the road. "Immensely," he said. "I needed to get away from the chaos at Shigure's."

Tohru clapped her hands. "Oh! Were they almost done with the decorations? I hope they didn't strain themselves. Maybe I should have stayed longer to help."

"I can assure you, Miss Honda," Hatori said, cutting her off. "That your presence would have made the events all the more worse."

Haru glanced at him. "That bad, huh?"


"How are we supposed to memorize all five of these songs in the next three hours?" Kyo demanded as he looked through the papers.

"Two hours, actually," Yuki reminded him. "And you do not memorize them. You just have to familiarize yourself with the songs. You will be holding the paper in your hand and glance at it every so often as you sing."

"But don't focus on the paper in your hands," Shigure reminded the Cat. "You need to look at the audience! Stare at the audience. Peer into their very souls!" He spun with a flourish. "Now, if you are nervous about singing in public-"

"I am not nervous!" Kyo exclaimed.

"You can always visualize the audience as something you really like and are comfortable with," Shigure continued, unfazed. "For instance," he smirked. "A gaggle of high school girls-" He yelped when Kyo threw a slipper at him. "Fine! Fine, forget the high school girls. What about a bunch of kittens?" He scrambled out of the way when the slipper's partner smacked into Shigure's face. The Dog huffed. "Fine, I try to be helpful, but I can see my expertise is not wanted!"

"No one asked for your expertise," Yuki said, sighing as he glanced back down at the paper he was holding. He cleared his throat. "Let us practice."

In the next five, painful minutes, Shigure and Ritsu both stared with open horror as both Yuki and Kyo tried in vain to pull together a merry choras. Alone, both teens would have been decent. But together, their voices clashed like fire and ice, grappling for power and domination.

Kagura had come running in, thinking the horrendous noise was her beloved being strangled to death. Yelling her declaration of love, she tackled Kyo to the ground and wrapped him in her embrace, causing the Cat to yelp.

"Thank you for that, Kagura," Shigure said with a sigh, causing Ritsu to also let out a sigh of relief and hold back his words of encouragement and constructive criticism.

Shigure clapped his hands together. "Now," he said, pointing at Yuki and Kyo, the later who had just freed himself from Kagura with minor injuries. It was the holidays after all, and she did not want to damage him.

"You two need some pointers," Shigure continued. "What you need to do is not just speak, but shout your lyrics! You want to be heard by everyone. Next, throw in some moves! Sway your hips, pump your arms. Wink a bit at the ladies! Make them blush and swoon; you'll get more tips that way."

"It's not a show, or a play," Yuki huffed. "It is just an hour of caroling!"

"You don't want to disappoint poor Tohru, do you?" Shigure asked with a slight pout. "The poor girl has been looking forward to this all year!" He smirked at Yuki's and Kyo's conflicted expressions. "I thought so!" he declared. "Now, let me show you how to properly move your hips to catch the eyes of the opposite gender!"

Ten minutes later, Ayame burst in with a flurry of furs, bells, and elaborate outfits. "Hello everyone! Do not despair because I am here to make your night fabulous!" He set the bundle he had been carrying down in a heap on the floor. "Now, I could only gather together a couple of capes, but they will make you all look so cute! Especially if I can style up some holly berries in your hair!" He paused for a moment when he realized what he had walked into. "Um, are you all training to be belly dancers?" He yelped when Kyo tried to hit him. "It was an honest question!"

"These boys don't have the figure for belly dancers," Shigure stated. "I am trying to show them how to woo the audience!"

Ayame brightened up. "How delightful! Here, put on these capes I slaved over!"


"Oh!" Tohru exclaimed in awe as she took in the bright lights and decorations outside. "It's so lovely! Kyo did a wonderful job out here! I can only imagine what the inside would look like!" She frowned thoughtfully. "I wonder if I have to help finish up with dinner. Not that I doubt that Yuki would have done a marvelous job, but…"

"Be honest with yourself, Tohru," Momiji said as he carried the bags. "Yuki burnt dinner."

At that moment, when they opened the door and witnessed both Yuki and Kyo being forced into elaborate white capes with holly berries stuck in their hair, they all froze.

"Miss Honda," Yuki said weakly as he tried to fend off his brother's beautifying attempts. "Dinner is ready."

Tohru blinked, surprised. "It is?"

"It is!" Kagura proclaimed, entering the room with her flour dusted apron. "It is piping hot and ready for our guests."

"Yuki," Haru commented, his mouth twitching as he grinned, causing Yuki to shoot his cousin a warning look. "You look festive."

"Is this for the caroling?" Momiji asked happily. "What fun!"

"We will be caroling after dinner with Arisa and Hana!" Tohru said happily as she began to put the groceries away.

Kyo blinked. "Arisa is coming?" he demanded.

"Oh, yeah," Momiji started. "What was this about the kiss between you and Arisa?"

In that moment, Kagura's expression turned thunderous. "What kiss?" she growled.

"The kiss that never happened!" Kyo said frantically. But it was no use as Kagura was charging at him with screams of rage.

"Run," was all the warning Kyo got from Yuki at that point, but it was a warning he didn't even need.

"Oh Yuki!" Tohru exclaimed happily. "This looks...amazing!" She was utterly speechless as she took in the meal that was prepared before her, the wonderful smells making her stomach growl.

Yuki smiled hesitantly. "Thank you Miss Honda. Kagura did help." He paused. "A lot." He cleared his throat, catching her attention. "I, um...Could you teach me how to properly cook...sometime?"

Tohru blinked as she took in the meal before her. "Oh, I don't think you need to take any lessons from me! I think you have it covered!"

"No, no!" Yuki said quickly, a faint blush spreading on his cheeks. If only she knew how this meal had been prepared. "I...Kagura did...most of it." Which was kind of true as she had ordered the takeout. "And...I would like to learn from you." So that I don't burn the Christmas dinner, or any other dinner, next time, he thought silently. But he didn't say that out loud.

To his relief, Tohru just smiled. "Sure," she said.

"What are you two doing in there?" Shigure called out teasingly. "There's no mistletoe in the kitchen, is there?"

Yuki growled as he glared at his cousin with a warning glare. "Get out," he said.

"It's my house!" came the indignant shout.


When Kazuma had arrived, everyone sat down to enjoy a warm meal that was, unknown to all but Yuki and Kagura, takeout food. The Rat and the Boar had simply arranged it all to look nice, and everyone believed it to be a home cooked dinner.

Kazuma had tried, and failed, to hide his disbelief when he found out that it had indeed been Yuki and Kagura that had made the treats.

After dinner, Kyo could not help but smile as Tohru happily accepted the cape Ayame dressed her up in. She stood still as Kagura helped pin the holly berry in her hair, which Tohru did the same with the other girl. Apparently, everyone but Shigure, Ayame, Hatori and Kazuma were going caroling. Even Ritsu wanted to come sing.

Kyo was surprised that there were enough capes and holly berries for everyone.

He accepted his sheet of music paper from Shigure, instantly suspicious with the smug, excited smirk that the Dog was wearing. But he did not have time to wonder why Shigure wore such an expression when the door opened up to reveal Arisa and Hana standing before them.

All Sohmas froze as Hana turned to look at them with a curious frown, yet Tohru happily greeted her friends.

"You're not wearing white capes," Hiro said rudely.

"Oh how wonderful!" Ayame exclaimed, taking in Arisa and Hana's red capes. "Red and white is very festive!"

"Yes, yes," Yuki said quickly, trying to escape his brother. "You ladies look really festive, let's go!" He quickly urged everyone off the porch so as to move them all along. As they were all strolling down the dirt path, Kyo winced when Kagura loudly proclaimed that Kyo was hers as she roughly grabbed his arm.

Arisa just smirked at the Boar. "Well, here's some chapstick for those lips of yours," she said, tossing Kyo the chapstick as he quickly caught it with ease.

Instead of blowing up like he thought she would, Kagura just frowned, interested. "What kind of a kisser is he?"

Arisa's smirk became teasing. "He needs practice," was all she said.

Kagura nodded her head firmly. "Thought so," she said simply. It was in that moment that Kyo resigned himself to a long night of caroling. He had no choice but to stay at Kagura's side, even as they approached the first house.

Yuki glanced down at his paper, and his eyes widened in horror at what he saw. Displayed on the paper in his hands was the song, Merry Frickin Christmas.

It was the same song done by Frickin A.

He was going to kill Shigure and Ayame by the time he got back! Plain and simple. He was already plotting their slow, painful deaths.

Beside him, he heard Kyo swear under his breath. "Look what that darn Dog did to my lyrics!" he exclaimed, thrusting the paper in Yuki's face as everyone got into position while Tohru knocked on the door.

Yuki frowned as he read the title, 12 Pains of Christmas. He raised an eyebrow as he glanced at Kyo. "You too?" Though he might not agree on a lot of things with Kyo, at this point, they could both agree that the Snake and Dog of the Zodiac must perish.

"Can it get any worse?" Kyo muttered as he tugged on his elaborate cape.

At that moment, the door opened to reveal a very familiar face of a man everyone thought they would never see again.

The man's eyes widened. "You!" he exclaimed, pointing a finger at them all. "You were the kids who wrecked my trees!"

"You tried to sell us a bad tree!" Arisa exclaimed, recognizing the tree seller. "How fitting that we would start, and end our day with you."

"So should we start off with O Christmas Tree first as it is appropriate for this particular individual?" Hana asked, glancing at her lyrics.


From the porch, Shigure and the others watched with mild interest as the group vanished into the night. Shigure could not help but smirk as he thought about Yuki's and Kyo's lyrics he had switched. Boy, won't they be mad! At this point, he should be thinking about preparing his funeral. But he decided at that moment that paying Akito a visit was in order. After all, he still had to give her that gift card. He might want to wrap it though, just to buy himself some time to run.

"Want to play a card game?" he asked to the others, holding out a deck of cards he had stored in his pocket.

Ayame beamed happily and dashed inside. "I'll get the wine!"

"Splendid idea!" Shigure exclaimed as he followed his cousin while shooting Hatori a knowing smirk.

Hatori sighed tiredly. "I'll stay and play a game, but I am not drinking anything." Kazuma could only frown at the Dragon's statement, but he just smiled and followed him inside.


Author's Note: This story was inspired by the song titled "12 Pains of Christmas," by Bob Rivers. Merry Christmas to all! And to all a good night! God Bless!