A/N: I'm back and I bring with me a long update! Thanks for all the supportive feedback folks. It's always appreciated!
This chapter contains dialogue from the episode Blinded. Obviously, I don't own it. :)
Chapter Twelve: Gambit
November 2007
Awkward wasn't the right word.
Uncomfortable was too mild and humiliating was too severe.
Considering her motivation for visiting the recovering Elliot Stabler, Casey decided inappropriate would do the trick.
Yes, inappropriate worked. After all, when was it suitable to manipulate your love interest's inadequacies to save the life of a schizophrenic murderer?
She frowned.
Love interest? Where did that come from?
It was probably a not so subtle attempt on her conscience's part to prevent her from making a huge mistake. Unfortunately, Casey Novak seldom listened to anyone and sadly the voice of reason was not exempt.
Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she forced herself to knock. Her knock was gentle, almost apologetic, barely a hint of her knuckles against the redwood door's stained glass.
It took longer than normal, but he answered the door, clad in a form hugging grey t-shirt and black sweats.
His eyes widened and he stood opened mouth, his bright blue eyes seemingly looking through her.
"It's Casey," she said firmly, though her tone was uneasy.
"I know. I can see you. Come on in." He flashed her a welcoming smile and waved her inside.
"Sorry," she shook her head, more than half annoyed at her faux pas.
It strange being in the home he shared with his family. A few weeks ago they were naked and meshed together in her shower and now they were going though platonic maneuvers as if they'd never been in each other's personal space.
"Expecting a seeing eye dog and a cane?" he quipped, closing the front door before following her into the living room.
She paused, darting her green eyes around the room. She avoided the family pictures peppered on the walls. She accidentally caught hold of one featuring Lizzie and Lulu lounging in the yard, both annoyed at the photographer for disturbing their solitude.
This wasn't going to be easy.
Although she wasn't naïve enough to believe that it would be.
"Maybe," she shrugged, a little surprised by the shard of honesty trying to cut through her charade.
"To tell you the truth, I was too. Sit down," he waved at the small chair before lowering himself onto the couch. He sighed and sloppily flapped his hand in front of his eyes. "It's still a little blurry, but getting better though."
She kept her expression neutral. She designed her words before she spoke them. "Better enough to drag you into court?"
A knowing smirk brightened his features. "Hmm," he nodded slowly. "Olivia said you'd be coming by."
She groaned inwardly. "She didn't think you'd be up to it."
"I'm a big boy."
She leaned forward. "And you're sure you can handle facing Picard?"
He lowered his eyes as his face took on a pensive shadow. "You know I have a child on the way, right?" he nodded, a thin smile tugging at his lips. "That's scary enough…"
She listened numbly as he expressed his terror at the thought of being unable to see his unborn child. She found herself smiling with him as he confidently dismissed the notion of being effected by the man who'd set the events in motion.
His words were so raw, his tone and body language so relaxed and open.
It was then she realized he trusted her.
Elliot Stabler trusted her.
It was all too much.
She excused herself, blaming her hasty and graceless exit on paperwork.
She made her way down the stairs and into her car, managing to get to the mouth of the Queensboro Bridge before she broke down and cried.
Dickie strolled into the library, his face brightening when he noticed Lulu hunched over a textbook at one of the long corner tables.
He plunked his thick history book down, causing her to nearly jump out of her fluorescent green sweater. He held up his hands in mock surrender, smirking as her annoyance slit her brown eyes. "Shane. You seen him around?" he asked breezily.
She rolled her eyes and pushed a stray curl out of her line of vision. Shrugging, she returned her focus back to thermodynamics. "He skipped out on the physics test which sucks major elk balls because I spent two hours tutoring his ungrateful ass so he could at least pass it," she said without looking up.
"Yeah, that does suck," he laughed, genuinely amused. He paused when her death glare indicated she was not. Much to her not so silent annoyance, he helped himself to the chair across from her and leaned forward, studying the backwards text.
"I have I ever told you how much I admire your studiousness?" he grinned as he fished around his backpack. Pushing his history book aside, he slid his algebra book up to meet her physics book.
She groaned. "Do you pride yourself on being an idiot?"
"Of course. I can't begin to describe the joy I feel when I make luscious ladies like yourself feel superior."
Having had enough, she tossed her highlighter in her book. "What do you want?"
"I'll make you a deal…"
"Oh goody," she clapped her hands sarcastically. "I love those."
"…I'll get out of that bird's nest you call hair if you answer just one simple question."
She gritted her teeth, contemplating scooping his eyes out with her pencil. Deciding she wouldn't do so well in the tombs, she shook his hand. "Fine, but make it snappy."
"Man you're touchy today," he cleared his throat. "What do you think of Shane?"
"I don't."
"Oh come on, Lunatic, as bitchy and judgmental as you are, I know you've at least thought of something..."
"Gee, that'll inspire me to confess my deepest and darkest..."
"So your thoughts of Shane are dark and deep, eh? Is he dressed as Fabio and you're the sexually repressed maiden locked in the castle or are you the warrior woman and he's the sweaty, lowly slave...?"
"Do you want some lotion and a towel?"
"Okay, let's be serious here. I'm looking out for a friend here."
"I tutor the guy, that's all. So why don't you click your heels and take your bow and arrow elsewhere?"
"Your lips say no, but your eyes say yes."
Before she could respond, Lizzie appeared in front of their table, out of breath and blue eyes practically spilling from her face.
Dickie gave his sister a once over "The hell's wrong with you?"
"Gee, your concern touches me, Dick-wad," she rolled her eyes. "I would waste time by telling you to go fuck yourself with a rusty rake, but I have dire news."
Lulu's eyes flashed with concern. "You okay?"
"Oh, moi? I'm fine. It's Brogan that's not. I came out of psychology to be greeted with the lovely sight of our father's brothers in arms shoving Brogan against the wall and cuffing him. Apparently the charge is possession with intent to sell."
Dickie kept silent, considering the news. His face remained unreadable through out the process. Both girls exchanged worried glances when his expression hardened into fear.
He ran his fingers through his messy brown hair. "Shane's not here today."
Lulu didn't understand. "And…?"
"And, Shane skips school on the day of the physics test he's been freaking out over for weeks," Dickie said.
"Not mention his dealer gets popped in front of the entire school," Lizzie added.
"He snitched and now he's laying low."
"Not so loud, Lulu," he shushed, looking around the room. "He would've told me…"
"Maybe he didn't want you in the middle."
"Yeah," he huffed. "Maybe."
She'd actually gone through with it.
As the courtroom erupted with commotion, as Saul Picard frantically pleaded with his sister to ease the heavy burden on his conscience, as the judge gaveled for order, ADA Casey Novak stood in the middle of the circus, brows knitted together, red lips quivering remorsefully, green eyes filled with unshed tears, as she listened to the judge offer what she'd wanted all along—a mistrial.
She caught sight of Elliot dismounting from the witness stand.
She couldn't do it.
She wouldn't do it.
Sure, she'd imagined the look of anger and the disgust on his face. She'd resigned herself to it, but she hardened herself because she knew it was for the greater good.
Unfortunately, she failed to anticipate the unadulterated hurt nestled between the realization in his eyes.
Suddenly she felt sickeningly vulnerable. She sniffled as smoke snaked into her nose.
Oh, so that was the bridge Olivia was talking about.
In case of emergency, break left and don't look back. He caught her before she could extinguish the conversation before it started.
"What was that?"
"I don't know that you're talking about?" she replied woodenly.
She felt his hand on her arm before he touched her. "You know exactly what I'm talking about. You never wanted to try that guy."
"I tried this case to the best of my abilities."
"Cut the crap! You wanted Picard in the loony bin and you used me to put him there."
He stepped back, tripping on his own footing. Thankfully, Olivia was there to catch him as he fell. He bitterly shrugged away her touch. "I'm fine," he mumbled. Swallowing, he turned to face the ADA. "I thought I meant something to you?"
When she said nothing, he nodded and moved to leave. Stopping short of the door, he me her eyes. "Message received."
Casey knew immediately he was gone and the slamming of the courtroom doors had nothing to do with that knowledge. There was a sudden void in the room and the knowledge that she'd gotten what she wanted couldn't fill it.
Why he came to her, he'd never know.
She was judgmental, mordacious and brutally candid—and that was when she was in a good mood!
Shane Newsome watched as Lulu Abbot wore a hole in her living room carpet, pacing back and forth like a lookout.
It was, after all, his life that was at stake. Why was this girl, whom he barely knew outside of her knack for all things scientific, stalking around and yelling obscenities like it was the end of her world?
"I can't believe you had the nerve to get me in the middle of your crap!"
Oh, that was why.
He leapt up from her couch and joined her. Left and right, like the Marine he wanted to be.
Lulu had come home from school to a frantic Shane Newsome leaned against her apartment door as though he belonged there. She surprised them both when she let him in, begrudgingly offering him soda and a listening ear.
Not that she had much to listen to.
She'd spent the entire time cursing him out, threatening him with bodily harm and various other forms of physical torture.
"Why'd you come here?"
He paused, allowing himself enough time the swallow the Pepsi he'd barely gotten into his mouth. He tilted his head. "Oh, so now it's my turn to talk?"
She narrowed her eyes. "Or you could do us both a favor and get the hell out…"
Shane sighed. "I had nowhere else to go?"
"Uh…what about your best friend? Tall, brown hair, blue eyes…"
"…son of a cop who'd love to turn me over to the boys in blue? Yeah, right. Besides," he slouched and stretched his long legs under the coffee table. "I didn't want him caught in the middle."
She rolled her eyes. "So you take my life hostage instead?"
He had the decency to appear remorseful. "I'm sorry. I came because I knew this would be the last place they'd look. Look, I turned Brogan over to the cops. If he or his friends find out I set him up, they'll knock me off."
"Seriously, Shane, what do you expect me to do?"
"I don't know, help me?"
"How?" she couldn't keep the exasperation from her tone. "My sister's an ADA, the ADA assigned to Mr. Stabler's unit. If Casey finds you here..."
"How long until she comes home?"
"I don't know," she sighed. "It varies."
"They offered me rehab in exchange for my testimony against Brogan," his voice was calm and thoughtful. "I need that program, Lulu."
"I know…"
"You don't know anything! I steal from my own mother!" he shouted abruptly.
She jumped backward, almost tripping over the armchair she was standing in front of.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have yelled," he swallowed, removing his beanie and stuffing it in his pocket. "It's just…man, you should see the way she looks at me. Guilt…disgust…pain…the sadness. I mean, dude, I pawned her VCR. I would've pawned her wedding ring if she weren't wearing it. She has to sleep with her wallet in her bra so I won't raid it. Once…once she offered to buy me needles so at least I'd be safe. Do you have any idea what it was like hear your mother have to make that type of decision…?"
"That's why you rolled over on Brogan."
"Yeah," he affirmed. "I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror, knowing what I've done, what I continue to do. I don't even recognize myself. Do you know what that's like? To look yourself in the eye and not even know the person staring back at you?"
Lulu stared at him, opened her mouth to say something, but closed it and turned away.
Of course she knew.
She couldn't even turn off the light or close her eyes without reliving that night.
She looked up and met Shane's understanding blue eyes. "I didn't mean to open up old wounds."
She tried to smile, but failed miserably. "You didn't."
He nodded, deciding not to push. "It's not instantaneous."
"What?"
"Forgiveness. It starts with you," he smiled a crooked smile. "Narcotics Anonymous."
She nodded. "You can't run from it forever."
"Neither can you."
Shane's response died on his tongue when Lulu's cell phone howled from her bedroom loudly announcing the incoming call. Lulu frowned as Tate's number flashed across the caller ID.
"Hello Tallulah."
"I already told you, we shouldn't be talking. Casey said…"
"I'm aware of that, but my instincts suggest you'll disregard your sister's wishes when you hear what I have to say."
"I'm not in the mood for games."
"And neither am I. The last time we were in one another's company, you expressed interest in the past. I too am intrigued by the events of yesteryear. Especially the circumstances surrounding your hasty exit from Munich."
Lulu paled. "What…how'd you know…"
"Yes," Tate chuckled. "It seems you have a secret of your own. Perhaps we ought to discuss my knowledge of the matter and more importantly: what I plan to do with it."
She was already going for her keys. "Where do you wanna meet?"
"I'm downstairs. Do come quick. It's rather chilly out."
"I umm…I have to go…and…and so do you."
Shane watched her toss her phone and keys into her purse, frowning as she opened the front door and shoved him out of it.
"Are you okay?"
"Not in the slightest."
He touched her shoulder. "Anything I can do?"
"Yeah, go out the back way."
He nodded and trudged away.
Biting her lip, she called out to him before she stepped into the elevator and into the beginning of her worst nightmare. "Shane?"
"Yeah?"
"No more running."
He flashed her a dismal smile before stepping into the elevator.
Casey Novak stepped into the dimly lit squad room to be greeted by Olivia Benson's back.
Their spat in Casey's office had been one of epic proportions ending with an interesting conversation between Casey Novak and a livid Jack McCoy.
"Why'd you rat me out to the DA?" she tried to keep the anger out of her voice. It wasn't like she was surprised. Olivia wasn't one to go quietly.
Olivia turned around, mouth unfastened, brown eyes wide with bemusement. She remained silent for a beat, seemingly pondering an answer to the other woman's question. She made her way over to where Casey was standing, coffee in hand. "Because you threw the case."
"I had no choice after you sold Picard out to the Feds."
Olivia waved away the potential argument. "Casey…look, I'm as guilty as you are. You were right," she paused. "I…I wanted revenge."
The anger and betrayal slowly melted away at the other woman's avowal. "For Elliot," she nodded. "Is he okay?"
"He'll be back to work next week," she offered a polite smile. Hesitantly, she asked: "How about Picard?"
"The judge ruled him incompetent. Louisiana can't touch him now."
Olivia swallowed her anger at the news. "Do you think he'll ever get better?"
She shrugged. "I dunno. I thought Charlie would get better."
"What happened?"
Her calmness was almost mechanical, her voice an absent murmur as she told Olivia about cab that had taken her ex fiancé's life, about how she still blamed herself for his downward spiral.
"Casey," Olivia's voice vibrated with sympathy. "You had to save yourself."
A pregnant pause seeped into the room as her cell went off. She closed her eyes, the words illuminating yet another mistake.
"What?"
Casey swallowed. "Picard made a noose out of a shirt and tried to hang himself. You know…this is the third time of done this."
Olivia tiled her head. "What?"
"Chose the wrong person."
And with that she was gone.
Across town, Lulu sat in Tate's hotel room, barely touching her Chestnut soup.
Tate, on the other hand, was enjoying her filet of bison, savoring every morsel. She gingerly sipped her Pinot Grigio, luxuriating in the delight of watching Lulu squirm.
Lulu couldn't take it anymore. "How long have you known?"
"Oh, since the day we met," Tate answered cavalierly.
"Why string me along then?"
"Truthfully, Tallulah, I don't give a damn one way or another. The simple fact is: you have something I want. Unfortunately for you, this has proven to be the easiest way of getting it."
The tears stung at her eyes, but Lulu abbot refused to give the bitch the satisfaction of seeing them fall. "Who…who told you?"
"Why, me of course."
Lulu watched as her mouth languidly made her way down the penthouse stairs. She helped herself to a glass of wine and eased into the chaise across from her daughter.
"Mom…?"
Evelyn shook her head. "You didn't honestly think you'd get away with it, did you Dear?"
"Let it go, Olivia."
"Not that easy Elliot," she gratefully accepted the beer he held out to her. "The longer you delude yourself…"
He narrowed his eyes, helping himself to a glass of water. "I'm really not up for your life coach routine."
"Too bad," Olivia shrugged and took sip. "You should've left me on the porch."
"It's not to late."
"She feels guilty, Elliot."
"And?" he shouted, slamming his glass down. "I'm supposed to just go on my merry fucking away and forget that she used me to save that sick son of a bitch?"
"No, she used you to save Charlie."
He paused. "What?"
"He died, months ago. She couldn't save Charlie so she saved Picard and she sand bagged you to do it. Do I agree with her? Hell no. I do, however, understand what it's like to live your life so the loss someone else's actually means something."
"What do you expect me to do?"
"Talk to her."
He shook his head. "There's nothing there anymore. Casey and I...we made a mistake and it's over now. There's no sense in dwelling on something that wasn't there in the first place."
Richard Stabler nodded and wrenched himself out of the corner, wishing he didn't come straight home.
Casey was grateful she'd come home to an empty apartment and a fully stocked liquor cabinet.
She curled up on her couch, admiring the pity party her good buddy Jack Daniels was kind enough to throw for her.
As she staggered into her kitchen in search of another bottle, Casey realized home probably wasn't the best place to be.
Lulu was due there any minute and the last thing she needed was for Little Miss Morality to see her passed out in a pool of her own vomit and sorrow. At the end of the day, none of this would scrub her memory clean.
She'd chosen Picard over Elliot; just as she'd chosen herself over Charlie.
And look where that got her.
Alone.
Alone.
And wait…
Alone.
She should've learned the first time.
She'd chosen Talon and look where…
She didn't even want to think about that.
Thankfully whoever was knocking on her door was kind enough to rescue her.
"Who is it?" she managed, staggering toward the white mosaic she assumed was her front door.
She flung it open, too drunk to be embarrassed by the shock on her father's face.
"Daddy?"
"Talon called me," Johnny Novak frowned at his daughter's appearance. "He said you were facing dragons. I figured I'd bring you a sword."
He wasn't surprised when she launched herself into his open arms and immediately dissolved into tears.
He simply led her to the couch and held her as she cried.
Please excuse my grammatical errors. :)
Yes, this chapter was rather long, but I really needed to move the plot forward and introduce new characters and storylines.
Just some of my usual vague previews: Lulu's secret is the first to be exposed. Dickie confronts Lulu about what he overheard. Johnny Novak notices something amiss in his daughter's relationship with Lulu.
Casey, her father, and Lulu spend Thanksgiving with the Stablers at Kathleen's behest.
Elliot is none too happy with our favorite ADA, but when Tate's plan to ruin Casey's life takes a tragic turn, he's there to help pick up the pieces.
