Disclaimer: As strange as it may seem, I don't own anything.
Soul Meets Body
It was dark and raining when we arrived in Bakersfield. I have been thinking about it for a while when Alice caught me.
"Go for it" she had told me when I told her I was thinking about telling Edward how I feel.
So…..for once I'm going to be brave, and take her advice.
"Hey, Edward, can we walk in the park?" I asked after we put our stuff in our rooms. I purposely made sure to get my own room. Edward had shot me a weird look but I just smiled and turned away.
I walked far enough ahead of him to where he couldn't put his arm over my shoulders or try to grab my hand.
"Bella, what's going on?" He asked and ran up to catch up with me. I felt the tears build as fear ran through me. What if he rejects me? No, don't think like that Bella!
I walked around the park nervously. The rain was pouring down, causing my vision to become blurry.
"I love you" I whimpered, sounding weaker than I intended. He stood where he was and watched me, his face emotionless.
"I know." My breath caught. He knew, but didn't feel the same way. The tears caused my vision of Edward to become even more dreamlike. But in what dream would he tell me he doesn't feel the same way? My knees felt wet as the rain soaked through my jeans. I didn't bother trying to get back up.
As far as I was concerned, I couldn't care less if I got sick. What would it matter?
I felt his hands under my arms to lift me up and I struggled.
"No, let go of me!" I shouted. I ripped myself out of his grasp and fell into a large puddle, successfully managing to get the rest of my body wet. I brushed my wet hair out of my eyes and dared to look at the beautiful man before me.
I want to remember the first guy I've ever loved, even if it brings heartbreak.
"Just go away" I pleaded. I closed my eyes and let my head rest on the sidewalk. Thank goodness it was too late for anybody to be taking a walk.
"Bella please, at least let me get you inside" He pleaded, his voice sounding hoarse. Of course he would still want to act like my big brother. I shook my head and closed my eyes. I couldn't even feel the rain anymore. Before I could react, I felt myself being thrown over his shoulder.
"Put me down!" I screamed, my voice faltering at the end. "Leave me here! I don't need you!" Lie. How many times have I lied in the past few days? To him? To myself?
"Just leave me here!" I pounded on his back and kicked my legs, but to no avail.
"I hate you! God, I hate you Edward!" I screamed again. Was it really him I hated or myself? The tears were starting to affect my voice so I just let the sobs take over.
"I hate that I love you" I whimpered. I closed my eyes and stopped fighting.
"I know." He said and I fell asleep.
A/N: I was going to stop here but I felt bad, so here is what the next chapter would've started with.
When I awoke I found myself in a warm bed with warm clothes on. I uncovered my body to see myself wearing a large t-shirt. I sniffed the collar and sighed. Edward. As I scanned the room I noticed that I was in his room as well.
Music sheets were strewn across the table and his guitar was leaning against one of the chairs. I should probably leave. I had gotten my own room for a reason.
Yet, a part of me doesn't want to let go yet. My love for Edward has cost me his friendship. I'll be damned if I'm going to just walk away. For once in my life, I'm going be bold.
But what can I do? I can't make him fall in love with me.
I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. Another thing to blame on Edward. I was shifting through the sheet music when I heard the door open. I immediately felt the butterflies in my stomach as well as the pain in my heart.
I took a deep breath before turning to face him. I tried to keep my emotions off my face as I turned to look at him but my heart broke a little more when his was expressionless as well.
"Your clothing is drying" He spoke, his voice monotone. I hid the hurt and went with pissed off.
"Yeah, I figured" I snapped. His mask slipped and he flinched slightly before putting it back on. We stared at each other, motionless. I finally broke.
"Edward" I cried. I hate myself for being weak. Why can't I be like those strong and independent women in the movies and just tell him to go to hell? My tears once again blurred my vision so I took a seat on the bed.
I flinched when I first felt his hand on my arm, but soon relaxed. I looked over and saw him sitting next to me.
I quickly threw my arms around his neck, not caring anymore if he loved me or not. I put my nose to his neck.
"What's wrong with me?" I mumbled. He slowly placed his hands on my hips. I pulled myself closer to him and kissed his neck softly. I heard him inhale and start to push me away.
I pulled away for a second to look at him.
"Am I not desirable enough?" I whispered. His eyebrows furrowed and he frowned.
"No, Bella. You—you're beautiful" I shook my head. If I was beautiful then he would want me.
"Plenty of—" He cleared his throat. "Plenty of guys want you" He added. Except you.
"I just want you to want me" I replied. I might as well throw all of my pride out the window since I already look like a lovesick little girl to him.
"You don't want me" He said, trying to convince me. He looked off to the side. "You deserve someone so much better" I shook my head and pulled him even closer so our chests were touching.
"I've ruined your life enough as it is" He added, trying once again to distance himself. But this time I wouldn't let go. I know what I want now.
"Will you pretend to love me, Edward? Just for now?" I pleaded. His eyes shot back to mine, confusion evident in the lovely emeralds. I quickly kissed him on the lips and crawled into his lap. His lips remained motionless.
"Please?" I tried again. His lips started moving tentatively against mine. Once again, I could feel my heart expanding. My naïve little heart was becoming hopeful once more and I could do nothing to stop it. I slowly pushed him backwards on the bed. Maybe now I could be bold.
"Bella, this isn't what you want" He said quickly, pulling his lips away from me. Rejection immediately swept through me.
"It is what I want" I mumbled. He sighed and stared into my eyes. I tried to determine what he was thinking but he kept his face expressionless.
He slowly lifted his head and kissed me once more. I ran my fingers through his hair and moaned. He flipped us over so that he was lying above me.
"It's going to hurt" He warned, still trying to get me to change my mind.
"I know" I replied and started lifting his shirt. He pulled it off and kissed me again.
"And you will be sore in the morning" He added.
"I know" I lifted my arms as he pulled his large shirt off of me.
"And you will—"
"Edward, I know" I sighed and dragged his face back down to mine. He bit my lip softly and pulled away again.
"God, you are so stupid" He said and kissed my jaw, moving down my neck.
"I know"
A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews!!
Please let me know if you're disappointed with this one. It may seem rushed, but all will be revealed later.
