Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter
They walked back to the castle without saying a word. Draco's heart was hammering as they entered the large stone building. He didn't know what was happening to him, what had compelled him to do that.
He had kissed her. Hermione Granger. He had pulled her lips to his and kissed her at New Years, as snowflakes fluttered down around them.
It had been electrifying. How had a simple kiss done that to him? Reduced his bones to jelly, and sent his heart on a marathon.
He glanced to his side briefly, where she was walking. They hadn't said anything afterwards. What did she think about it? Did it to the same thing to her as it had to him?
It couldn't have. There was no way she had felt something.
But he had.
Merlin, he was confused.
This was Hermione Granger. He had hated her until mere weeks before this, every single day before the Gryffindor/Slytherin Quidditch game. Mocking her had been his favourite pastime.
And there was the small detail of him being part of an organization that vowed to kill all of her kind.
Who could forget that?
When they got to the entrance hall, they turned and looked at each other.
"Well, er.. Happy new year, Granger," he said awkwardly. He had never been awkward in his life.
She nodded. "You too, Malfoy."
They then went their separate ways; she went up, and he went down.
When he got to the dungeons, he walked quickly into the Slytherin Common room and up into his bed.
Then, he laid there and thought.
It had to be a spur of the moment thing, he reasoned with himself. Nothing more. He was lonely, he hadn't seen Pansy in a while, and it was New Years. It didn't matter that he had felt the kiss in every part of his body. It didn't matter that Granger's face had shone with beauty as the moonlight illuminated it.
It didn't matter that he had never had better conversations than theirs.
It didn't matter that spending time with her had become his most enjoyable past time.
It didn't matter that kissing her had made him feel.
It didn't matter.
At the end of the day, he was Draco Malfoy, death eater and tasked to kill Dumbledore. She was Hermione Granger, muggleborn and best friend to Harry Potter.
There was nothing more to be said.
Draco closed his eyes, and turned on his side. He fell into a restless sleep, dreams of beauty twisting into nightmares.
When he woke up the next day, he was shaking.
He didn't see Granger for the rest of the holidays. He chose to stay in the Common room, far away from everyone else. He spent his time doing homework for the first time in months. He wanted to be numb, a machine, working solely on Transfiguration and Charms habits.
That way, he wouldn't think about a Gryffindor muggleborn, or a cabinet on the seventh floor.
A few days after New Year's, everyone else returned.
Draco was sitting on a couch in the Common room, reading through the Transfiguration textbook that she had given him. He was on chapter nine Elemental Transfiguration, when the common room door open.
Blaise bounded in, looking very chilled from the outside.
"Hey mate!" He said, spotting Draco. "How were the holidays?"
Confusing. Mind-blowing. Complicated. "Mediocre," he shrugged, thanking Merlin for his ability to lie through his teeth. "The food was good."
Blaise nodded solemnly. "So much can be said about this castle, but you can't trade the food for anything."
He looked over at the book Draco had opened. His eyes widened.
"What is this?" Blaise said mockingly. "Is the great Draco Malfoy studying?"
"Bugger off, you tosser," Draco muttered.
Blaise laughed and flopped onto the couch next to him. "You up for a game of exploding snap?"
Draco glanced over. "Is that all you do?"
Blaise wagged his eyebrows. "Mate, I can't even list everything I do."
Draco rolled his eyes. "I'll play one game."
Blaise took out the cards, and set them up. A few rounds in, the two Slytherins were tied.
"Merlin, you've improved," Draco chuckled. He used to be able to beat Blaise in a matter of minutes.
"I've had time to practice," Blaise responded cheerfully. "Unlike you, apparently."
Draco tilted his head, questioning. "Meaning?"
Blaise groaned slightly. "Well, come on mate! You're always gone, and we never know where you go. Did you spend a single night in the common room last term? We thought you were dating a Ravenclaw."
Draco guffawed. "Who would I be dating in Ravenclaw? Patil?"
Blaise shrugged. "It was driving Pansy nuts. But we figured it probably wasn't that after a while. You started failing your courses, you lost a ton of weight, and you never sleep. Even a girl can't cause that kind of reaction. We couldn't decide what it was."
Draco looked at the ground, nodding slightly, trying to keep the fear off of his face. His friends were some of the biggest dolts in the world, and if they had figured out something was off, what about Potter? Granger?
Dumbledore?
Blaise eyed him. "Something has been going on, hasn't it? Something serious."
Draco opened his mouth to brush aside Blaise's worries, but he was cut off.
"Don't lie to me, Drake," Blaise said seriously. "You are one of the best liars I know, but not to me. I've known you for years."
"A lot of people have known me for years," Draco countered.
"Don't bullshit me."
Draco sighed. Blaise saw through him, and there was nothing he could do about it. He should have expected it. Not showing up in the common room, the physical reactions from the stress he'd been under, someone was bound to notice.
"It's complicated," Draco said with the smallest voice Blaise had ever heard. He coughed and continued. "There's just so much going on, and I don't want to drag you into it."
That was the truth at least.
"We want to be dragged into it, Draco!" Blaise exclaimed. "It's always been the five of us; you, me, Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle. Since day one, we've been the Slytherin Breakfast Club."
"What in Merlin's name is a Breakfast Club?"
"A muggle movie about friendship," Blaise muttered.
"Why are you watching Muggle films?" Draco asked, shocked.
"Not important," Blaise brushed him aside. "The point is we stick together. We fight for each other. There has been a lot of talk about loyalty at Hogwarts in the past few months. And everyone's been asking, who are you loyal to? Dumbledore? The Dark Lord? Not one of us four have answered, and now I know why.
"We're loyal to each other, Draco. I don't give a damn about pureblood supremacy. But I'm not about to go skipping over to Potter's room and braid his hair or whatever it is they do over there. I'm not inclined to either side. I'd rather stay neutral in the war that we all know is coming.
"But I will stand beside you on the battlefield. So will Pansy, no matter her personal feelings. Crabbe and Goyle too.
"Whatever is going on, we want to help. We want to be there for you. We've all been trying to tell you that for months, but we didn't know how. You've been putting on a face, trying to be strong about it. You've isolated yourself from all of us. But you don't need to. Sometimes it's better to be weak with friends than strong alone."
Draco was stunned silent by Blaise's speech. In Slytherin, no one ever talked about their feelings like that. They were there, obviously, but never voiced. What Blaise had just done, talking about loyalty and friendship, was against the unwritten Slytherin code.
But it had stirred something in him. The Slytherin Prince wanted to break down and tell his best friend everything, about his task, the danger his parents were in, about the fear that haunted his every moment.
How he thought he made the wrong choice.
But he couldn't. Because if he brought his friends into it, they were at risk. He thought of the image of his mother, murdered in front of him. He added his friends to the picture.
No. He couldn't do it.
He took a deep breath, and told the lie that would truly alienate him from his friends. "It's nothing. Just exhaustion. I don't like being in the common room because everyone's always whispering about Lucius. I'd rather hang out in the library anyway. There's nothing going on, trust me."
Trust me. The one thing no one should do.
Blaise pursed his lips, the doubt obvious in his eyes. But he knew he had said all he could. There was nothing more that Blaise could say to get Draco to open up to him. If Draco was closing up, there was nothing more he could do. Except wait.
And he'd be waiting for the rest of his life.
Blaise shrugged, conceding to let Draco lie to him. The Slytherin Prince nodded, forced a smirk, and retired to his bedroom. Blaise looked after him, wondering what could be so bad that Draco wouldn't even admit it was a problem.
In a few months, Blaise would understand. And he'd blame himself. For not making Draco open up to him, for not demanding to know what the problem was. For not protecting him.
It would be Hermione Granger who would convince Blaise that there was nothing he could've done.
Classes resumed a few days later.
It was one of those Monday mornings that seemed endless. Draco dragged himself downstairs and into the Great Hall. He made an effort to pretend to be alright for his friends. But now that Draco knew that they had noticed, he saw their hidden glances, and worried faces.
He hated lying to them, he really did. But he had to. Their lives depended on it.
He focused his attention on the piece of toast he was munching into. Casting his eyes to the ground, he heard the Great Hall door open.
He felt her presence immediately.
It was the first time he'd been in a room with her since New Year's. It took all of his will power not to look over at the Gryffindor table. His head was pounding.
It didn't mean anything, he reasoned with himself, putting it out of his mind.
"I've got to go," he muttered, grabbing his bag and practically running from the hall.
When he was outside, he leaned against a wall and tried to calm himself.
Was he turning back into a fourteen year old virgin? How was a kiss affecting him this much? It was ridiculous.
He stood up straight and resolved to put New Year's from his mind. He had more important things to worry about than this.
He headed for his first class.
He had several classes with Hermione Granger. In each of them, the two of them would make eye contact for several seconds, and then look away. Their expressions were stony, not allowing the other to see any of their emotions.
The next day was Tuesday, the weekly day of their tutoring sessions. Draco wasn't sure if they were still planned, but he went anyway.
He stood in front of the library for several moments before entering. He headed back to the table that he and Granger usually used for their sessions.
Of course she was there.
With her hair in a high ponytail, and wrapped in a sweater, she was reading over her Charms textbook. She looked up as Draco walked over.
"I didn't think you would come," she said honestly, eyeing him.
He paused. "Did you not want me here?" The words came out of mouth without his permission.
She shook her head. "It wasn't that. I just….wasn't sure if you were coming."
He sat down. "I don't feel like being crucified this week, thank you very much."
She chuckled. "Then we better get started."
She started a lesson on the Elemental Transfiguration that he'd been reading about. They fell into their old pace quite easily. Neither of them mentioned the kiss. It was as if they were skirting around it, like it was on the tip of each of their tongues but neither would admit its existence. They had seemed to come to an unspoken agreement: it had meant nothing, and had been a onetime thing.
There was nothing more to be said.
But as she tutored him, Draco wondered if they was more to be said. He glanced up at her concentrated face as she explained a concept. There was a crease in between her eyes. She seemed to only get it when she was focusing on something.
And it was that minute detail that changed everything.
Draco had noticed something about Hermione Granger. He had noticed something small that she did, and he knew when she would do it. He had paid her enough attention to know why and when she had a crease in between her eyes.
And honestly, he thought it was cute.
The word popped into his head without his consent. But as soon as it was there, he couldn't get it out.
He couldn't get her out.
"Draco, do you get it?" she interrupted his reverie.
"What?" He asked, not sure if had heard her right.
"I asked if you understood the concept," she repeated, her brow furrowing further.
He shook his head. "No, did you…did you just call me Draco?"
There was a silence.
"I guess I did," she said quietly, looking down at her hands. "I didn't realize. Sorry Dr…Malfoy."
"It's fine," he responded quickly, silently wishing that she would call him Draco again.
But that would complicate things even further.
What happened on New Year's was an abnormality. It could be ignored if it was the single outlier on the graph of his life. But if something came from that, if he started caring about Granger at all, or she him, no matter the type of care, everything would change.
At the end of the day, they couldn't do it.
Whatever it is.
She took her high ponytail out and let her hair bounce around her shoulders. He watched, mesmerised, as she brushed it out with her hand.
"Well, do you understand the concept, Malfoy?" She asked again, emphasizing her use of his last name.
He nodded. If she was talking about the transfiguration, then yes, he understood perfectly.
She smiled, pleased with both herself and him. Draco opened his mouth to suggest that they move to the next chapter, but just then, he heard a noise behind them.
He turned. They were in the farthest corner of the Hogwarts library, which was huge. Holidays had just ended, so no one should be here for homework. There were only two reasons why someone would be back here.
Number one, they were getting intimate.
Number two, they were watching Draco and Granger.
And as a figure stepped out from behind a bookshelf, he knew the second one was true.
Damn it Blaise.
The Italian was standing there, grinning sheepishly, and eyeing Draco and Granger. Draco looked over at the Gryffindor's face. She looked confused more than anything.
"Is there something you wanted, Blaise?" Draco asked, trying to keep the scathing quality out of voice.
Well, at least it wasn't Potter.
Blaise took a seat at the table. Granger's face was now incredibly confused. Draco tried not to groan.
"Well yes actually," Blaise started, glancing over at Granger. "Good evening Hermione. Anyway, Draco, you mentioned how you spent a lot of time in the library, and I had a question for you."
"Which was?" Draco's voice could cut diamond.
Blaise put his feet on the table with a loud thump. Granger flinched considerably. "I was wondering what you thought of Padma Patil?"
"I think she's the better version of her idiot twin sister. Now is that it?"
Blaise shrugged, and turned towards Granger. "What do you think about her, Hermione?"
He could see Granger steady herself before responding. "I think she's very smart, much less of a gossip than Parvarti, obviously very pretty, fairly witty, and overall a great girl. Is there a particular reason for this, or are we just stating opinions?"
Blaise smiled. "Well, Miss Granger, there is indeed a reason. I was thinking of asking her out."
Draco's mouth popped open. "Padma Patil and you? Where did this come from?"
Blaise chuckled. "Well, now that I'm sure you're not dating her, I can move in. I've been respecting the guy code, mate."
"Well, Blaise, you can't do much better than Padma Patil," Granger stated. "She's a prize."
Blaise nodded. "That is true, Granger. But I happen to think that all women are prizes." He said it with such resounding sincerity that there was no question about his intentions in that statement.
Granger looked at him curiously, and muttered something to herself.
"What was that?" Blaise asked, straining to hear what she had said.
She smiled softly. "I just said that you weren't what I expected you to be."
Blaise looked at her. "People can surprise you. Sometimes, you expect one thing and get the opposite." He looked at Draco. "And sometimes what you didn't expect can be the greatest thing of all."
There was silence for a moment as everyone processed Blaise's words.
Then Granger stood up.
"Well," she said hurriedly, as if she wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. "Nice talking to you, Blaise. Uh, I'll see you on Thursday, Malfoy."
She almost ran from the room.
Draco turned on Blaise.
"Is there something you would like to say?" he hissed.
"What are you doing with Hermione Granger?" Blaise asked seriously.
"She's tutoring me in Transfiguration," he responded. "Are you happy?"
Blaise shook his head. "Nope. That's what she's doing with you. I asked what you were doing with her."
Draco paused, unsure about how to answer him.
"She's just teaching me."
Blaise sighed. "But what is she teaching you?"
Everything.
How choices affect all of our actions. How names don't really mean anything. How he isn't that. How pureblood supremacy is nothing but the words of a madman. How you should never give up. How maybe he was someone worth caring for after all.
How the lips of a muggleborn Gryffindor could make him feel more than anything else ever had.
Blaise smirked. "You're infatuated with her."
Draco's mouth popped open. "No I am not!" He argued.
Blaise chuckled. "You are! I can see it on your face. I know when you're lying, Drake, you know that."
He shook his head. "There is no way that I have feelings for the Gryffindor Princess."
Blaise shrugged. "It's not a bad thing, Draco. It's definitely unexpected, but it's not a bad thing. It might even be good."
"No it's not," Draco responded angrily. "If I have feelings for her, I've put her in danger. She's a muggleborn, and I'm a pureblood whose father was in the Dark Lord's inner circle. It would never work, and she would probably be killed."
"You'd be killed too," Blaise pointed out.
"That doesn't matter," Draco responded honestly. "But if I feel anything for her, which I don't, she's the one that suffers."
Blaise appraised him for a moment.
"I think you're lying," he said, smirking. "You do have feelings for her."
"No I don't!" Draco argued vigorously.
"Why would you care so much if she got hurt then?"
Draco eyed him. "That's just being a good person."
Blaise rolled his eyes. "When have you ever cared about that?"
"Maybe I changed!" Draco countered.
Blaise looked at him for several moments. "I know you have feelings for her."
"How, Blaise?" Draco cried, exasperated. "How do you know something that's not true?"
Blaise stood up and made to leave, but before he did, turned back.
"You called her a muggleborn, not a mudblood."
With that sentence, he was gone.
Draco opened his mouth, but found he couldn't say anything.
She's a muggleborn, and I'm a pureblood whose father was in the Dark Lord's inner circle.
Fuck.
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