Don't give up Al. Just open your mouth and speak.

Apologize.

Just man up and apologize!

"America, say something."

"... But there's so much to say England."

Well… At least you're talking.

"Then go on. I'm listening."

"Are you still angry Arthur?"

"Of course I am you twat! But that doesn't matter now."

"I think it matters… And I don't want to leave things like this."

Silence.

Followed by a heavy sigh.

"Alfred, we were both in the wrong. Tensions were high and I was confused. I apologize sincerely, alright?"

No, no, no this wasn't right. He wasn't supposed to be the one apologizing at all, and yet here I stood with my mouth agape, completely starstruck by his words.

"Wait, that's not what I meant. I was supposed to apologize to you."

"Oh what difference does it make? We both made a mistake."

"Yeah but… I am sorry. I should've thought before I spoke."

"You're forgiven. I should have done the same. I was accusing you falsely."

At least that elephant in the room was cleared. Or, one of them at least. There were many more questions that he wanted answered; I could see it clearly in his bright, gleaming eyes.

"Just forget about that, and let's move on. There are other things I want to talk to you about."

Just keep this up and you'll be fine.

Don't think about anything else; just him.

Don't think about the fact that he may leave you.

Don't think about how much you've confused him.

Just...Just…

"Fuck! This happens every goddamn time!"

"W-What?"

"I feel so confident, and then I'm reminded of everything that has made my life hell!"

"Calm down America-"

"I can't!" I screamed, gripping my face, "I can't, I can't, I can't!"

I was losing it again. All of the pent up anger and sadness were manifesting themselves into insanity, and I couldn't control it. As soon as I thought I could say I was sorry, all of these doubts would overwhelm me and I was back to square one. It was a vicious cycle that would go on for an eternity.

And then certain words hit me square in the face. Words spoken calmly by a woman with hair much like England's, who had gotten me this far along. Maybe…

I clumsily fumbled around in my pocket for a white slip of paper with letters scrawled across its surface. There it was in all of its glory. The address for the therapist's office. And what a glorious piece of paper it was. Breathing slowly, heavily, I looked towards puzzled eyes that met with mine.

"I think I have an idea."

"Oh no."

"Don't worry. I think this may actually be a good one for once."


The office was the same as it was earlier when I had visited. Soft, dimmed lighting, lovely music playing in the background, and those comfortable couches practically calling my name. But there was no time for that now. I had England by the wrist and I was dragging him down the hall, trying to find her office which, if I remembered correctly, was the last door on the right. Or, wait… Was it the left? It didn't matter anyway because suddenly I saw her staring at me through the window in her door. Her expression was a mix between shock and confusion, but I simply offered a miniscule smile and pulled England into her range of vision. "Is this your therapist?" He asked me quietly, and I nodded, starting to feel my stomach churn with nervousness.

"A-Alfred? What are you doing back? Is everything alright?"

"Not really, but, can I have an emergency session with you?"

Her eyes darted towards my lover and her gaze softened dramatically, returning to her usual soft features that glowed with health.

"Sure thing. Make yourself at home."

Arthur seemed hesitant, but he followed me inside all the same and sat down next to me with his palm on my knee.

"Arthur K-"

"Kirkland?" She finished the sentence, reaching her hand out to shake his smaller one, "It's wonderful to meet you."

"P-Pleasure…" England responded, furrowing his thick eyebrows and looking at me skeptically.

"It was Matthew." I explained, and the Brit nodded in understanding.

"So, what brings both of you here this time?"

Here we go.

"Well… I wanted some moral support. I was feeling less and less confident, and with you here I think I can-"

"Ah, I see." I would never understand how she could read my mind like that. "And maybe it would be best if he shared too."

"What's going on?" England chimed in, curiosity written across his face, "I'm extremely confused. Share what?"

His grip tightened on my jeans ever so slightly as I smoothed back my hair with my free hand, trying to take in my surroundings and calm down.

"Well, go on Alfred." She pried, leaning back on her swivel chair with her smile dancing. "You can do it."

I nodded. It wasn't a matter of if I could do it or not any more. I knew I needed to, or this problem would never be solved.

"Arthur, I need to apologize."

"But you already-"

"No. Let me talk."

He seemed shocked about me cutting him off so abruptly, but he folded his hands, nodded, and leaned further into the couch. All while bouncing his crossed leg up and down restlessly.

"I'll start from the beginning then, and I won't leave anything out. I want you to know everything."

Yes, you're fine. Keep going. Just spill everything.

"I am so sorry I left you Arthur, all of those years ago when I was a stupid teenager. I didn't hate you. I have never hated you. I was just an idiot who was trying to prove myself to the one I loved most."

What's next? Go on you moron!

"A-And then during the Rev-... During our fight, I am so sorry I looked at you like that. I can still remember it clearly. Did you think that I hated you?"

"W..Well, in all honesty… I didn't know what to think."

"And I'm sorry. I'll tell you that it killed me to see you in tears. I had to force myself to smile, which left this horrible ache inside. Arthur, I had nightmares for years about that day. I hated myself for it. I still do."

"Alfred-"

I was starting to cry, but I didn't mind it. In fact, I welcomed the tears. I was foolishly building them up, and now they needed to be released. It felt so good to be able to tell the truth for once. Tissues were handed to me, and I took them without a second glance.

"S-so I tried to tell myself I was alright Artie. I tried t-to convince myself that I did what was right! I was such an idiot! I told myself that I was happy for hurting you, when it really pained me to see you so depressed. I h-heard all of these rumors about you spending years in agony over a bastard like me!"

"That's not true Alfred!"

"I pushed away all of the memories and tried to act l-like they never existed. Then they came back to haunt me, and I was reminded about everything I have ever done to hurt you! And I hate myself for it England! I hate every inch of myself!"

"A-America please stop…!"

"I'm a horrible person w-who doesn't deserve you! Everytime I see your face I think about how much I hurt you, and I can't stand it anymore. T-That's why I need to punish myself. I never even apologized for the horrible shit I did to you, and yet somehow you still claim that you love me. This guilt is eating me alive! How can you love me England? How?! I'm a selfish, prideful, horrible person who should just die for everything I've done!"

I was basically screaming at the top of my lungs at this point. Not out of anger, but out of pure disappointment. In myself, of course. I was sobbing uncontrollably with my nose running and heart racing, but I had to continue. I needed to let it all out and tell him how I really felt.

"I'm so s-sorry! Arthur, I'm so sorry! Please, I can't do this anymore! I'm s-so-!"

"For the love of god Alfred, shut your bloody mouth!"

Trembling and panting I looked up into his face which was much like mine. Tears were streaming down his rosy cheeks, so much that he had to constantly wipe them away, and his hands were shaking wildly as he tried to clench his fists. We were both a mess.

"I-I love you Arthur." I murmured, inhaling fiercely and trying not to choke on my own breath. I waited for his response, and soon enough his accent pierced my ears.

"This is what you were hurting yourself for?!" He demanded, his voice wavering, "All of this? You are an idiot!"

Here it comes. This is your goodbye. He hates you now.

"You fucking git, if I truly hated you that much, I wouldn't be sitting here would I?! Can't you get it through your thick head that I love you?! To hell with the past! I hate what you did, s-sure, but I understand! You wanted to be free. You wanted to see the world for yourself, and live life by your own rules. And rebellion is a part of life Alfred! God knows how many nights I spent crying, but I forgave you in a heartbeat! So please, stop this nonsense, because I forgive you for everything. I love you Alfred Jones, you bloody, fucking, twat!"

Eyes widening, lip quivering, I collapsed into his arms bawling like a child as tears soaked through his shirt. His doing the same to mine as we spent at least twenty minutes fully crying in each other's arms. Finally a sense of relief washed over me as I let it all go. Happiness began to well through my body, and the wounds I had inflicted seemed to disappear. I couldn't deny the fact that I still hated myself, but England truly did love me. And that was all that mattered. That's all that ever has, and ever will, truly matter to me.


This is not the end... Yet. I am very happy that he apologized though. I'm sure Alfie is much happier :3 He finally was able to face his fear!

Leave a review if you enjoyed it! They make me happy~

Love you all, and have a great day!

-Feli