CHAPTER 12:

"They're finding me out,
I'm having my doubts,
I'm losing the best of me.
Dressed up as myself, to live in the shadow,
Of who I'm supposed to be.

We're all part of the same, sick little games,
And I need a get-away (get away)
I'm wasting my days, I throw them away,
Losing it all on these sick little games..."
-Sick Little Games by All Time Low


Adam slammed the door of the tour bus, looking wildly around. No one was there. He was alone. Tears streaming down his face, he ran straight to the bathroom. His head started spinning again. The words were pounding in his head.

"Gay boy."

"Disgusting animal."

Maybe he was. But really...could he help it? Was it his fault he was the way he was? No. Things were just different for him. Girls just didn't turn him on the way some guys did. Did that mean he was "against God?"

He was just different. He always had been. No one understood him. They never had. Always different. Always an outsider. Always being mocked and ridiculed for the way he did things. Whatever he did. And he would play it off as if he didn't care. But those words but him. They cut him deep. Just as his razor did. His razor. He glanced down at his wrist, then opened the cabinet. He pulled out the razor, examining it with his fingers. Still so sharp. Still stained with blood.


"
You're reaching out,
And no one hears your cry.
You're freaking out again
'Cause all your fears remind you
Another dream has come undone.
You feel so small and lost
Like you're the only one.
You wanna scream,
'Cause you're desperate.

You want somebody, just anybody
To lay their hands on your soul tonight.
You want a reason to keep believin'
That some day you're gonna see the light...

You're in the dark;
There's no one left to call.
And sleep's you're only friend,
But even sleep can't hide you
From all those tears and all the pain
And all the days you waste pushin' them away.
It's your life; it's time you face it..."
-Desperate by David Archuleta


Adam gripped it tightly with his hand and brought the cold metal down on his wrist, over a previous scar and brought it back to life. The blood began to flow out. The hurt began to come back. The pain. The agony. All began to come out through his agonizing sobs. No one liked him. No one cared. He dug the blade further into his wrist. The pain shot throughout his body.

He slowly slid the blade across his wrist, taking in the hurt. Taking in the pain. He was worthless. Just another pitiful soul in this great wide world. One life. Only one life among billions. No one knew him. No one cared. It was just one life. He was just one person. Useless.

Adam picked up the razor and dug it deep into his wrist, dragging it across slowly to cause more pain. Then again. And again. And again.


"

Sometimes tears say all there is to say
Sometime your first scars wont ever fade, away.
Tried to break my heart,
Well it's broke.
Tried to hang me high,
Well I'm choked.
Wanted rain on me,
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin.

It's the end where I begin
It's the end where I begin.

Sometimes we don't learn from our mistakes
Sometimes we've no choice but to walk away, away..."
-The End Where I Begin by the Script


After the finale, Allison made her way off the stage and past the other Idols. Most of them were peeved about Adam not showing up and were grumbling to themselves. They didn't know though. They didn't know.

Allison walked up to Adam's trailer and stood nervously outside the door. What was she doing? What was she even going to say? That Kris told her everything? That she knew how he felt? And, that she felt the same? Well, that was a start. How was she supposed to say that though? Whatever, it didn't matter. As long as they were finally together.

She smiled and knocked on the door. No answer. Adam had the music blasting it sounded like. He probably couldn't hear her. Thankfully, he had given her a spare key a while back. Allison dug the key out of her coat pocket and put it in the keyhole, slowly turning it until she head a soft 'click.' Grinning, she threw open the door. As soon as she spotted Adam, she let out a gasp. His arm was covered with blood. As he was holding a razor in his hand. Right up against his wrist.