Disclaimer: No Copyright Infringement Intended
Chapter Twelve
"Bella, get up," Maggie yelled through the door. I groaned and rolled over, pulling my pillow over the top of my head to block out the sound of her voice.
"Come on, Bella, don't make me come in there and get you," she yelled again, an edge creeping into her voice. I sighed, fuck, can we have one morning where she doesn't have to play Dr. Phil and listen to how fucking pathetic my life is?
"I'm still sleepy," I argued weakly. My entire body felt like lead; maybe I was coming down with something.
"It's after two in the afternoon, you need to get your ass out of that bed now," she said, quieter this time. "You have five minutes then I'm coming in," she added before I heard her walk away from the door and back towards the living room. I peeked over at the clock, not believing it was already two in the afternoon. The red lights glowed back at me mockingly, displaying two fifteen on the screen.
I pushed myself into a sitting position, my entire body felt stiff, sore. I knew it was from thrashing around all night because of the horrible fucking dreams that plagued my sleep. I dragged my feet across the floor and into the bathroom, the sight that met me in the mirror was not unfamiliar, but didn't make the stabbing pain in my chest hurt any less. Thick, dark circles ringed puffy, swollen eyes. My face ashen, my hair matted.
The image needed to change, my face, my eyes, my hair, everything, anything. I braced myself against the sink, so fucking sick of everything. I spotted a pair of scissors on the counter top and clutched them in my hand, the cold metal biting into my skin, my face pulsing with pain from the rigid set of my jaw.
I ran my hand roughly through my hair, clumps pulling out from the knots, stinging pain shooting across my scalp.
"I love your hair," Garrett sighed, running his hands through it from scalp to the tip. I smiled against his chest, my eyes heavy with sleep and the soft repetitive motion of his fingers.
"Never cut it, okay?" he asked with a smile, giving me a soft kiss on my temple.
"Never?" I questioned with a sleepy smile, exhausted from finishing up our first semester of finals.
"I love you just the way you are, Iz. Never change baby," he whispered.
Fucking liar. Such a fucking liar. Always in my fucking head, always pulling me up, just to push me down. Always there, harsh words licking my ear, searing my mind, my heart, my soul. Without another thought I opened the scissors with one hand and clutched a handful of hair with the other. Fuck you Garrett.
"You're pathetic."
Cut.
"You're nothing without me."
Cut.
"No one will ever love you."
Cut.
My hair fell to the floor in waves, dropping in long winding twirls. I felt liberated, I felt lightened, I felt like I was taking fucking control for once.
"Bella!" Maggie screamed from behind me. "Fucking stop!" she begged, ripping the scissors from my hand.
"What have you done?" she asked hysterically, her hands frantically grasping my hair which now barely reached my shoulders. I tried to speak but realized that I was crying so hard all I could do was make a choking noise in the back of my throat. I sank to the floor, hair that once reached my waist clinging to my bare skin and blanketing the floor like a rug. I shook my head at her, my face cradled in my hands as I worked to regulate my breathing.
"I had to," I said, "I can't keep seeing the same image that he did. I needed to change something," I stressed, hoping she understood what I was doing. I didn't want to be sad anymore, I didn't want to see Garrett in my sleep, and I never wanted to feel like someone's fucking do over.
"Well," she sniffed, a sad smile on her face, "you can't leave it like this. You look like a butcher hacked off your hair." She laughed weakly, causing me to laugh as well. I had no doubt that I looked like a fucking nightmare right now.
"Okay, can you maybe cut it for me?" I asked not wanting to have to explain to some stranger that I chopped off all of my hair while in the middle of a fucking nervous breakdown.
"Bella," she began carefully, "you really fucked your hair up. I can't fix this." She grimaced, running her fingers through one side. I really shouldn't have been surprised, I'm nothing if not thorough in fucking things up. I sighed, knowing I was going to have to get this fixed, the sooner the better.
"I have an idea," Maggie started tentatively, "how about we take a break from all the bullshit and just go hang out today, you and me?" she asked, a smile stretching across her face. Maybe that's exactly what I needed, to get out of the house and go have some fun, just forget about everything and have a good day. I smiled at her, lifting the back of my hand to my face to wipe under my nose and in the process spreading loose hairs across my face. I grimaced, tugging the hairs off my face.
"I think I'm going to shower first," I said, my face wrinkled from the gross feeling of cut, wet hair on my face. Maggie laughed and stood from the floor, pulling me up with her.
"You do that. We'll leave in an hour?" she asked, walking out of the bathroom. I nodded my head and closed the door. After cleaning up the hair off the floor and showering I got dressed and met her out in the living room. She walked up behind me, twisted my hacked up hair in her hand, and stuck a ball cap over it, effectively hiding the damage I had done.
"Thanks."
"No problem," she smiled. "And I called my salon, got you in with my girl, but we need to leave now to get there on time," she said, walking towards the front door. I followed her out thinking that maybe a makeover wasn't such a bad idea after all.
By late afternoon, I had a new haircut, a pedicure, and two glasses of wine under my belt. Maggie and I joked and laughed about everything from crazy pickup lines we'd heard at the bar to her last trip to the grocery store. It was easy and light and exactly what I needed.
When I went to sleep that night with a full belly from take out and a cheesy smile lingering on my face from the crazy movie we'd just watched I couldn't help but think about how fucking lucky I was to have Maggie in my life. And if everything else went to shit, I had her, and that was enough for now.
The next day was a disaster from the time I woke. I overslept, burned breakfast, scalded my tongue from my coffee; which ended up on my shirt, and left my homework on my desk at home. By the time I got home, changed, and ready for work the last thing I was in the mood for was slinging drinks to a bunch of drunk assholes on a Monday night.
Pushing open the front door, I spotted Seth leaning against the bar, talking up a pretty blonde. I walked around the back of the counter and punched my time card, noticing he was smirking at me. He leaned over and whispered something in the girl's ear, causing her to giggle. I rolled my eyes at him, he was so full of shit. I'd never seen a guy flirt more or get more numbers than him, but he hardly ever called any of them. He said he wasn't against hook ups, and I knew there had been more than a few, but he always said he was just waiting for the one that "made time stop". He was such a romantic fool. Didn't he know that love was complete bullshit and the only thing it brought was heartache?
"I like the hair hot stuff," Seth said, waggling his eyebrows at me. I shook my head at him, used to his antics by now. He leaned forward in front of me and ducked down to meet my eyes. "Seriously, I dig it, it's...edgy," he added with a nod.
"You had a visitor earlier," he added with a smirk and raised brow. My entire body immediately stiffened, there were only a few people who would drop by here, none of which I was interested in seeing. Seth looked at me and scowled, his face showing annoyance.
"Come on Bella, if it was one of those assholes do you really think I'd be standing here and not in jail for attempted murder?" he asked, irritation coloring his tone.
"I'm sorry," I apologized immediately, knowing that he was telling the truth. Seth had repeatedly voiced his opinion of both Garrett and Peter and how he knew people who could make them "not be around anymore".
"So, who are you talking about?" I asked, realizing I had no idea who else would have come by here.
"Just some guy, that if I'm honest, was hot enough to make me swing the other way," he said with a lascivious smile. I stared at him for a second before realization hit. I sucked in a sharp breath, my heart beginning to race as who he was referring to sank in.
"Edward," I whispered, afraid if I said it any louder it may make it different somehow.
"If you are referring to the guy that did to Garrett what I've wanted to do since the day I met you, then yes, it was Edward," he said, a smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth.
"What did he want? Did he say? What was he doing here? Did he say he was coming back? Did he say he wasn't?" I asked rapidly, unsure what to make of the nervous energy shooting through my body. Seth's eyes widened comically as he put his hands up in front of him and backed away from me with exaggerated slowness. I stepped forward and smacked his arm, I didn't have time for his dramatics right now.
"Eager much?" he laughed, dodging my next assault.
"Just tell me," I hissed, quickly losing my patience.
"Okay, calm down crazy lady," he laughed, then quickly stopped when he noticed my glare. He cleared his throat, and looked away before leveling me with his gaze.
"He just asked if you were here and I told him that your shift didn't start till later. He asked if I could give you this," he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a folded piece of paper. I snatched it from his hand, feeling my face flame when I realized how I must have looked to Seth.
"I'll just..uhh..." I trailed off, moving towards the back of the bar so I could have a little privacy. Seth shook his head at me and made a shooing motion with his hands for me to go ahead and leave the bar.
I walked towards the bathroom, remembering the last time I was here and what had happened, before shoving the door open and stepping inside. I leaned against the back of the door, the same way I had done before and unfolded the note in my hands. The moment the words came into focus I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
The first thing I noticed was your ass, not even gonna try and lie. You were bent over the bar yelling at the bartender and all I could think was 'oh my fucking god, that should be illegal.' Then you turned around, almost like you knew I was checking you out, and you smirked at me. Not smiled, or blushed, or looked embarrassed, or any other reaction that most girls have, you smirked and it fucking owned me. I had to know you, I had to. That's not changed for me. I'm not giving up.
Edward
I shook my head in disbelief, still not understanding why he was trying so hard. I knew there was some sort of connection, I'd be a liar if I said there wasn't, but was it enough? And what did the letter mean? Was he coming back? Was I supposed to do something now? I didn't have his phone number, I didn't know where he lived. I honestly didn't know anything about him other than he worked from home playing on his computer all day, may or may not still smoke a lot of pot, and had a best friend whose life is much more like my own than I am comfortable with.
I frowned at that last thought, remembering how we left things. I knew that he was just trying to be honest with me. I also understood what he was trying to tell me in the note he left, I may have a shitty self esteem, but I wasn't fucking clueless. Whatever attraction Edward felt towards me happened before he realized that my life was very similar to his ex-girlfriend slash best friend.
I didn't know what to do about this situation. Part of me just wanted to forget about him, tell him to have a nice life. I didn't need the complications, and as much as he said he was willing to be friends it was obvious by the way he was acting that he still expected more. Maybe if I just slept with him he would get me out of his system and my life could go back the way it was. But did I want things to go back the way they were? The though tof being involved with anyone for longer than one night made me feel sick. My experience with relationships had definitely made me gun shy to say the least.
I couldn't think about this right now though. I had a job to do, and hiding out in the bathroom wasn't going to make that happen. I shoved the note in my pocket and went back out to the bar, which was considerably busier than it was when I went in the bathroom.
"Sorry I took so long," I mumbled to Seth, pulling on my apron. He smiled at me over his shoulder and shrugged.
"No problem."
I decided to put Edward out of my head for the time being and try and get through the rest of the night. Working with Seth was so different from working with Maggie. For one thing he didn't have a serious bone in his body. He cracked jokes all night and flirted with anything that walked. By the time we closed up to go home my stomach burned and ached from laughing so hard.
A few days later I was standing in line at a coffee shop thinking about the new song I had stuck in my head when the person in front of me turned around, causing me to stop short. Heidi smiled as soon as she noticed me and stepped to the side. I placed my order and turned to leave when I noticed she had taken a seat at one of the corner tables and was motioning for me to join her. I took a deep breath and made my way over, sliding into the seat across from her.
"Hi," I said, settling into my seat.
"Hey, Bella. How have you been?" she asked before taking a tentative sip from her coffee. I didn't know if she had talked to Edward since the night I asked him to leave, and I hadn't seen or heard from him since the day I got his note. It bothered me more than I was willing to admit.
"Good. Fine. Busy." I answered with a nod. She hummed in response, setting her cup on the table and lacing her fingers together, propping her arms against the table.
"So..." she trailed off taking a deep breath, seemingly steeling herself before she started talking.
"I told Edward to back off," she blurted out then winced. I was taken aback by the bluntness of her words, both with the content and the delivery.
"Excuse me?" I asked, feeling my defenses rise. She sighed and scrubbed a hand over her face before letting it fall back onto the table.
"That didn't come out right," she started, biting her lip. "Look, I'm going to be honest with you, Edward and I are close, and he told me what happened. Please don't take offense to that, I practically had to torture it out of him," she added with a small smile. I kept my face impassive, hiding my inner freak-out. I didn't like that she knew things about me like that, I felt exposed and uncomfortable. She cleared her throat and shifted around in her seat.
"I have nothing against you Bella, but I love my brother, and he's been burned in the past. But, I have never, "she stressed, leaning towards me, "heard him talk about any girl the way he talked about you the day we spent together when I was here last. I mean, I honestly don't know what to make of it," she continued, almost like she was speaking to herself. "He is completely taken with you and it's making him push a little harder than you're probably comfortable with."
"Don't presume to know what I am and am not comfortable with," I cut in, annoyed with her implication that her interference was for my good. I'd had other people making decisions for me for far too long, if she was trying to appeal to me, she was doing a shitty job. She narrowed her eyes slightly before speaking.
"So you're saying if Edward had stopped by to see you the last couple of days, like he wanted to," she emphasized, "that you would've sat down and spoken with him?" she asked, folding her arms across her chest and leaning back in her chair.
"I don't see how that is any of your business, or your right to take that decision away from me," I said, my voice low and controlled. It didn't matter that she was absolutely fucking right, I knew that had he shown up I more than likely would have pushed him away. At least that's what I told my therapist this morning when she asked if I had seen Edward and if I had seen him what I would have done. She shook her head at me, a look akin to pity on her face.
"I didn't mean to upset you," she said quietly. "I don't want you to hate me, I have a feeling we'll be seeing each other often if my brother has any say about it. I just told him that, from a woman's point of view, after everything that happened with his friend and your ex that maybe you could use a couple of days to process everything." she finished, reaching into her purse and pulling out a piece of paper.
When she put it like that it didn't sound so bad. If she had said that in the first place, things might not feel so awkward and stiff right now. Then I realized she was probably just as nervous as I was, because I was fairly certain Edward was not expecting her to talk to me. I smiled at her, letting myself relax a little as I let her words roll around in my head.
If she was being honest with me, and I couldn't think of any reason she wouldn't be, then Edward had talked to her about me, extensively. And while it bugged me that he told her those things, I couldn't really be upset without looking like a total hypocrite. If I didn't have Maggie to confide in I would probably have went off the deep end a long time ago. We all needed a person, Heidi was his person, just like Maggie was mine. She slid a piece of paper in front of me with a number scrawled across the front.
"I know that I seem like I'm being pushy and interfering, but I just want to see my brother happy, and it seems like you could be the person to make that happen for him," she smiled, grabbed her things and stood from the table. Right before she turned and walked out the door she reached her hand out and brushed it against my shoulder.
"Please don't hurt him," she asked, her eyes soft. "His heart's too good to be broken." She turned and walked out the door, leaving me sitting with a cold cup of coffee and the phone number of the guy that seemed to be invading every aspect of my life.
I left the coffee shop and made my way home, warring with myself about what I should do. Should I give our friendship another shot? He went out on a limb and was honest with me about things that he was under no obligation to share, because he didn't want me to feel like I was being mislead. Normally I was kept in the dark about any and everything, being outright lied to at times.
I knew what Maggie would say, she would tell me to go for it. My therapist would ask me what I thought I should do, if I felt like I was ready to open myself up to someone new. But we were going to try and be friends, it wasn't like we were going to run off and get married or anything. I could do this, I wanted to do this.
I kicked off my shoes and headed to my room, falling onto my bed. I clutched my cell phone in my hand, staring at the keys like they would tell me what to do. Obviously I was losing my mind. I looked over at my night stand, noticing the letter that he had left for me at the bar, the paper worn from the number of times I had read and reread it. What was I doing? I clearly wanted to talk to him, why else would I have read that letter so many times? Why was I spending time with my therapist talking about him? Why did I dream about the way his breath felt against my skin as his lips grazed my cheek? I knew why, I was just too terrified to admit it. With a deep breath I flipped open my phone. I wasn't brave enough to call, but I could at least send a text message.
Hi, it's Bella. Can we talk?
I fidgeted nervously with my phone, checking to make sure the message sent, then checking again to make sure I didn't turn my phone off while messing with it. Less than a minute later it vibrated in my hand, causing me to jump and send it flying through the air. I scrambled to the end of the bed, snatching it up before it tumbled to the floor and opened the new message.
Edward: When? Where? I'm free now. I can come to you. Whatever you want.
I couldn't help but smile at how eager he seemed, my body flushing with nerves. Before I could respond my phone buzzed again. I looked down to see he had sent me another text.
Edward: Is this really Bella? How did you get my number? I saw you toss it...
This time I laughed, because I could almost picture him typing out his rapid fire questions much like I did with Seth at the bar earlier in the week. Feeling a little more comfortable that he really did want to talk to me I dialed his number and pressed send. It rang once before his voice floated across the line.
"Bella?" he asked, sounding anxious.
"Hi," I answered, lying back on my bed, a smile stretched across my face.
A/N Sorry this took so long, I really struggled with what I wanted to happen in this one. Thanks to Oh Werd who spent half her morning helping me fix this chapter and make it pretty. And thanks to Meg for being late going out last night to read over it and give me lots of good suggestions. Without them, y'all would egg me.
