A/N: Holy crap, I'm alive! Uh... Yeah. I make no excuses. Just...thank you to everyone who reminded me that, yes, there are people waiting for this to be updated. You will not have to wait that long again. Unless I die. Then you'll wait forever.

Ahem. Anyway! I finally did it. *Throws confetti* ...I'm sorry. I'll just leave the chapter here and go now.


~ Part 12 ~

What's Left of Me

~.~.~


Shadows moved. Whispers echoed. Katy felt cold and heavy, and she knew she was waking up. But when did she fall asleep?

She fought to stay under, willed herself to sink into the dark subconscious where images of flowers and fields and woods and creek beds glittered all around her like marine snow in the deepest waters. She wanted to stay with those dreams. But her body rebelliously rose, floated to the surface and pushed her into the cold air of wakefulness.

Painful remembrances of tubing and oxygen masks and ventilators slashed her on all sides. The medical cot she laid upon dredged up reminders of those things which she had suffered through for... How long? How long had she been captive in that lightless place?

I need to get out of here! I need to go home! Once started, her entire being seemed to scream that one word: Home!

Everything hurt. Cold, like tiny scalpels, sliced into soft skin, dug deeper through muscle and scraped down to bone. Katy wretched herself up anyway, inwardly chanting home, home, home, heedless of anything else.

"Let go, let go!" she shrieked when someone came rushing and held her down against the bed by her shoulders.

"Settle down," came a gruff voice from above her. She might have recognized him, might have done as told, if he were wearing the usual face paint or even the black hood. But as he was, naked face and unruly brown hair, she did not know him. Gelel roared in her veins, it sang a haunting song that cried out to the blood in the other body. He flew backwards, away from Katy, as she willed the life fluid in him to do so.

She heard a woman's voice then, a woman who had blonde hair and a broken arm. Katy did recognize her. She was Temari, Gaara's sister. But it was too late. The panic and the rage had already taken hold with its blinders and its shrieking drowned out all reason. She could not stop now. And after the water had risen up and ice had encased her in the belly of a beast that was both deer and dragon, she rammed through to the outside. Heedless of Temari's shock and fright as she rolled out of the way of claws and hooves, careless of Kankuro's shouts or the shinobi who gathered and moved to action.

Wires of chakra were hoisted around her beast's legs, its antlers, its fanged snout. All were disregarded by her. The anger and fear that was piled high in her heart chanted, beating like drums in her ears so loud she could hear or know nothing else. Katy urged the beast forward, and it pulled against all restraints, dragged enemy shinobi and plowed through anything that stood in its path.

There may have been fire jutsu, or shadow manipulation, or vines creeping and shriveling at the ice, or kunai—she wouldn't know. Katy charged blindly, hidden in the cold waters of an ice beast's womb, strands of luminous gelel gently flowing, giving strength, through all its parts. Calypso, or Gelel the Spirit, held back nothing from her, its adopted child. If she wanted home, if she wanted to stampede there with all impatience and fury, then it would not stop her. It merely watched from within her, looking on with the pitying eyes of a parent for a suffering child, with a softness that could not scold.

Katy thought she heard Mae's voice, screaming. Or it could have been a dream, a far off illusion of distant times. It almost stopped her, made the beast quiver and stumble like a precarious stack of children's building blocks, but it surged with the water rushing around it and kept moving onward. She was like the raging river that stole her so long ago, and she would not stop until she reached the ocean.

The ground trembled and the soil beneath the cloven hooves gave way as columns of sand arched up and wrapped around her more like the embrace of a lover than the strangle of a foe. She struggled, pushed water into the shifting grains only for more to rise up and take hold. She pulled against it, but it would not give way, and it would not be dragged like the hapless shinobi, still wounded and shaken from the war they recently escaped.

Sunlight streamed through the ice, danced in wavering patterns in the water. Katy was not afraid of the sand, not until it enshrouded her fully, when it would not fall away even when wet, and all the light was blocked out just like that place—that lightless place. Her eyes were opened wide, she uncurled from the womb.

She screamed.

The gelel beast opened its maw and screamed with her, a dragon's monstrous shriek garbling the cry of the frightened woman-child within. It thrashed against its holds, expelled all water into the sand that was more like stone. Katy grasped out wildly for icy bones to hold onto, for all the fluid she floated in was gone.

She did not stop screaming. Her throat felt as if it bled. She still did not stop.

Sand moved like snakes, tore off the frigid bones, pulled apart the strings of ice that substituted for muscle tissue, ripped everything away until only the girl remained. Katy re-curled, her arms covering her head in a desperate attempt at protection. Her cries became weaker and weaker as the friction wore her larynx to bleed. She tasted the copper on her tongue.

It was dark—so dark! Her eyes stretched wide, hoping for a scrap of light, just a little, if only for a split second.

Grains of sand, wet and dry, slithered over Katy's arms, over her legs, wrapped her torso, and squeezed. For a horrifying moment she remembered those who had died by him, the ones who were crushed into masses of flesh and blood. But the sand went no further with her. Her screams died down to pitiful cries and then to nothing but panicked gasps. The sand held her, rolled over her skin in varying motions, some circular, some back and forth, like gentle caresses.

Then light came through slits and the sand fell away. She lost consciousness in his arms.


~.~.~

Floating. Familiar voices. Katy could not see, she could only hear.

"Was this the proof you needed?" came the male voice, gentle and raspy yet firm enough to denote strength.

"She belonged to the Leaf…" replied a female voice, youthful sounding, but carrying the wisdom of a person far older.

"None of that matters anymore. We came together as 'Shinobi'."

"Look, that sounds pretty but—"

"How do you intend to deal with her when this happens again? And believe me, it will happen again. I know her better than anyone. You have your hands full with Sasuke Uchiha. Leave Katherine with me."

She saw images in the marine snow, in the realm of between sleep, to match the disembodied voices. She saw red hair, pale skin, black framed eyes. She saw blonde hair for the other, the woman, with a diamond-shaped mark on her forehead.

Tsunade heaved a long-suffering sigh. "Fine. You want the responsibility? Take it. If Gelel falls into the wrong hands, it'll be on you."

Gaara's voice did not waver; it held steel in its conviction. "She will be safe."

"I'll inform the others."

Sound faded as Katy sank into sleep once more. She rose a few times, driven by thoughts of home and family. The faces of Mae and Anna flashed and she struggled to think in the depths. Not only did she have to get herself home, she had to get them home as well.

Fear prickled. Where were they now? How were they going to get out of here?

The frightened and angry beast that was her heart gave a low growl. She didn't know how she'd do it, but she would get them all home. One way or another.

It filled her dreams, the three of them walking over green fields, towards that little farm house, hand in hand.

A warm palm felt her forehead, fingers trailed down the cold lines of her throat, and spurned her awake. The scent of desert winds and open skies reached her nostrils and when she pulled up her heavy eyelids she saw seafoam irises—those eyes she knew so well shining wet with a tenderness she could not describe. It made her still instantly, not from fright, but from awe.

She tried to say his name, and all she could manage was a hollow squeak from her blistered vocal chords before he silenced her by running his thumb across her lips.

"You're all right," he whispered, back arched as he bent over her. He blinked rapidly and swallowed, the moisture swimming in his eyes receding a little. "You're all right now."

She said nothing, letting his words washed over her. His voice calmed her. So gentle, so strong. A strange combination—a contradiction even. But it was all right. It was all right because he said it was.

Katy squinted in the shadowy tent, trying to see Gaara clearly. She wanted to see him—needed to see. Was he really there and how much had he changed? He sounded different. But she could not see. Not all of him. Only those eyes, so close to her. Silhouettes and dark outlines dominated all else. She could not suppress the shiver that raked down her spine. No light. Where was the light?

She relied solely on sound during the war, relied on it for all the years she was held captive, and she would have to rely on it for a bit longer.

Katy hadn't realized Gaara was trembling until he pressed his forehead to hers, the steady vibration distracting her from her many aches and pains. The anger and desperation she felt plaguing her in every waking moment eased off, but remained as a constant humming in her chest. She let him stroke her face, thread his fingers through her hair. His breath came soft and warm over her skin. He didn't stop. It was as if he was continually checking her existence—that she was actually with him, alive.

She took his ministrations peacefully, letting his touches lull her into a sleepy daze.

Something silken brushed her lips, and the confusion caused her to crack open her eyes. Red and black. Gaara's dark lids were closed and his hair swept forward, tickling her cheeks. He filled the hazy slits of her vision. She tilted her head towards him, attempted to return the kiss.

The calm, wistful light of before dawn spilled through a small gap in the tent flap, and as Gaara laid next to her, curling in on her and encasing her with his arms and legs, Katy lost herself in the hush of the still morning air, feeling safe and warm for the first time in years.


~.~.~

He hadn't stayed long. Before the sun peeked its head over the horizon, the warmth at Katy's back vanished. Though blankets swathed her, she shivered, wondering why Gaara had to go so early. Disappointment clawed its way up her throat, getting stuck and forming a lump. She scolded herself for being so, so…needy, and blinked back the tears when they came.

Katy glanced around the empty room. It was small, but private. The thick cloth walls were bare, the floor dirt. They had relocated her, it seemed, because she could have sworn there were others with her, wounded ninja lying on their own cots. Katy shrugged. Oh well, she thought. She didn't like being around ninja anyway.

Settling down into the many coverlets draped over her, one of which had Suna's symbol stitched around the seams, Katy passed the time listening to the noises outside. Shinobi working. Collaborating shouts of orders and requests given and receiving. Metal stakes being pulled up, tents collapsing with a whoosh of air. They were moving. Had they finished collecting their dead already?

The thought made Katy shrink in on herself. She didn't want to think about that. Especially not when she was by herself.

She wasn't alone for long.

A girl with timid movements came through the flap door. Her long dark hair was pulled back in a low ponytail, loose strands from the front hanging in her face, hiding the eyes that were the same color as Katy's.

Katherine's heart stilled, her breath stopped. She barely recognized her, she had grown so.

"Mae," she tried to say, but, again, only ended up croaking out a garbled squeak not even remotely close to a legitimate word.

Mae hurried forward, taking the shaking hand that reached out to her.

They stayed like that for a minute, an hour. Katy couldn't tell. They stared at each other, both with wide, shocked eyes. Katy could only imagine what she looked like to the girl. Her skeletal hand was dwarfed by the younger's hold, and Mae held gingerly, like she thought she would break Katy's bones if she gripped with anything more than a feather's exertion.

Finally Mae spoke. Katy knew the voice, the familiar mild tone coming from the face of a woman, and not the little girl she remembered. It was so strange, almost surreal.

"I—we… So glad you're back." Mae's tongue stumbled. "We thought—thought you were dead. What happened? I mean, no, you don't have to talk about it now. Just get better. Lady Tsunade had a hard time patching you up."

Katy blinked slowly, confused.

Mae waved her free hand. "I mean the gelel. Is it hurting you or helping you? Because it seems like… Never mind. Just get better, okay?"

Silence stretched out. Mae's face was flushed and scrunched into an expression of both consternation and embarrassment.

What Mae said next was spoken so quietly Katy had to strain to hear.

"They're holding a mass funeral for the fallen. After that, everyone will be going to their separate villages. And I… I heard you were going with Gaara."

Katy stared at Mae, a serene smile slowly melting the chill lingering in her hazel eyes. She nodded languidly. Yes, yes of course she was going with Gaara, and—and Mae was going…

The smile dropped from her mouth like a glacier as realization hit and Katy's eyes pierced like icicles. Mae better not say what Katy thought she was going to say.

"And I'll be going back to Konoha…"

Son of a bitch! she thought with a violent jerk of her head.

Katy's saliva gurgled in her throat as she attempted to scream in rage. Or at the least squeal indignantly. Her arms flailed and her legs kicked at the blankets.

Mae tried to placate her.

"W-wait, it's okay! As soon as everything gets settled I'll see about getting a mission to Suna. Really we're not even separated anymore—the Villages have come together and I heard the Kages are going to stay in touch. We've come a long way. We might not even have to ask permission to travel anymore—we could go from one Hidden Village to another without all the fuss. Katy?"

She wasn't listening anymore. Anger bubbled up, viscous and ensnaring. We, she kept saying. We. The shinobi. The Villages.

How dare they. How dare they brainwash her niece into thinking she was one of them.

Katy seethed, eyes glinting with a crazed light. They wouldn't have her. Not Mae.

She calmed herself, accomplished only by making a vow.

Katy was going to free Mae. She was going to free Anna. She would not let the shinobi, those assassins, keep them. No matter what it took. No matter what she had to do. She would do it. She was going to get them all to Haven where they belonged.

Even if she had to kill any that stood in the way.


~.~.~

A/N: If you're wondering why I keep randomly capitalizing Gelel and then not, it's because when I'm referring to Calypso, as a name, I capitalize Gelel. When I'm referring to the fluid gelel, it is lower case. Is that confusing? Or even grammatically correct? I don't know anymore.

I'll see you next time. Which won't be forever and a day. I'll keep working on this, even if I can only manage a few minutes a day.

Thanks for reading!