Hey guys! How's it going? Don't answer that. lawlz.

This chapter had me laughing pretty hard when I wrote it so hopefully I'll get the same reaction from you.

Warning: I'll go ahead and tell you that the boys get drunk. So Jazz and Eddie may be OOC. Also, seeing as I've never been drunk, I don't know how you act. I've seen movies, but really. Don't dwell on that too much. Also, I'm switching POV's for the first time. So, let's see how well I do with that!


Jasper and Emmett started to hum the death march. I hummed along with them.

For Carlisle!

Ring! Ring! Ring!

The noise seemed to be getting louder.

Ring! Ring! Ring!

It echoed in my ears.

Ring! Ring! Ring!

"Guys! I can't take it anymore!" I yelled reaching for the phone. "Hello?" My perfect voice worried me.

"Bella? Is that you?"

Everyone was staring at me. "Hm-huh."

"Why haven't you answered your phone? I was getting worried."

"Getting worried, Dad? It sounds like you're already there." Alice gave me a stern look. I ran through the excuse she gave me. "I'm sorry, Dad. I dropped my phone in a fountain. I just got it back today."

"Is something wrong with your voice?"

I cringed. "Not that I know of."

He mumbled to himself before continuing. "So you'll be coming home tomorrow, right?"

I felt panic rising in me. "Yeah Dad. I should be home...by dinner. I love you." I felt close to tears that would never come.

"I love you too, Bells." I quickly hung up as Edward pulled me into his arms.

"I'm so sorry you have to do this. I wish there was another way." I sobbed into his chest. Rose patted my back trying to comfort me.

"I'm still looking for a less harmful way, but I can't see anything that won't hurt him. I'm sorry, Bella." Alice said, frustrated.

I pulled away after I got my emotions under control. "C'mon. Let's go shopping for my wedding." I tried to sound cheery. I didn't fool Jasper...or anyone else for that matter. "Please, I need to take my mind off of it."

They reluctantly agree. Emmett and Jasper dragged Edward off to go do "manly" things.

Jasper's POV

I felt bad for Bella--no pun intended--because of what she had to do. Alice, Edward, Esme, and I didn't have this problem, but Rosalie and Emmett did. I wasn't with them when they joined this family, but I felt their pain whenever they thought about it. My precious Alice was trying everything she could to help, unfortunately there was only so much one can do. Bella, being the selfless person that she is, tried to not bring the rest of us down by suggesting a shopping trip. I could feel the depression and hopelessness radiating from her despite her poor attempts to sound happy; the others saw through her as much as I did.

We decided to play it her way so Emmett and I are taking Edward out to party--a sort of pre-bachelor party--while the girls shopped.

"Hey guys, have you ever tried getting drunk?" Emmett asked with a mischeivious grin.

Edward rolled his eyes. "I don't think vampires can get drunk."

Emmett snapped his fingers. "Ah-ha! So you've never tried!"

Edwrad laughed. "No. No I haven't. Considering I'm forever under-aged." He smiled triumphantly.

I couldn't help myself. "Sorry Edward, we're in France. Drinking age here is 16." Emmett high-fived me while Edward glared.

"Come on! There's a pub right around the corner!" Emmett grabbed Edward's arm and literally dragged him. I thought about helping Edward loosen up, but I'd leave that to the alcohol. Edward snarled at me; I smiled back innocently.

"One bottle of your strongest stuff and three shot glasses, please." Emmett asked the bartender. The guy looked at the three of us, then handed us a bottle of Everclear.

We grabbed a booth in the very back, away from the people in case we lost it. Edward sighed loudly as Emmett poured the alcohol.

"Okay, now don't think of this as immaturity or stupidity. Think of this as...testing a theory for Carlisle." Emmett said in a serious manner. Probably the most seriousness we'd see throughout the rest of tonight!

"For Carlisle!" I exclaimed, throwing the liquid into my mouth.

"For Carlisle." Edward mumbled unenthusiastically.

Emmett poured the second glass. "Hey Jasper? Do you think if we get Edward drunk, he'll stop acting so melodramatic and serious all the time?"

I laughed. "Probably not! I don't even think the strongest of alcohol could change that!"

"Wanna place a bet?" He challenged. I reached across the table and shook on it. Edward continued to mumble about our stupidity.

5 shots later

"Oh come on! You mean you've never kissed a girl before Bella?" Emmett bellowed.

Edward shook his head one too many times. I laughed pouring more of the Everclear.

12 shots later

"Favorite movie?" Edward asked him.

Emmett thought about it before answering. "Definitely Breakfast at Tiffany's."

I choked. "What?! Are you joking?!"

Emmett frowned. "I would never joke about Audrey Hepburn."

"Holly, I love you." Edward said suddenly.

"So what?"

Edward looked angry. "So what? So plenty! You belong to me!"

I held back my laughter as they continued. "No...people don't belong to people. I'm not gonna let anyone put me in a cage."

"I don't want to put you in a cage! I want to love you!" He yelled.

Emmett stood up. "It's the same thing!"

I sent a wave of calm over them before we attracted an audience. Emmett sat back down.

"I promised Bella I'd watch that with her." Edward murmured looking into his empty glass.

"Maybe you can watch it on your honeymoon!" Emmett guffawed.

"Maybe I will!" Edward shot back.

It was quiet for a long time then Edward blurted out, "Favorite song?"; forgetting all that just happened.

34 shots later

"Do you know how many times Rose and I have done it?" Emmett slurred.

Edward and I shook our heads. "No! Don't tell us! You'll regret it in the morning!" I yelled covering my ears childishly.

Emmett looked confused. "Oh, I don't know. I was hoping you did..."

58 shots later

"I'm a, I'm a, a diva, hey I'm a, I'm a, a diva I'm a, I'm a, a diva, hey I'm a, I'm a diva Na, na, na, diva is a female version of a hustla Of a hustla, of a, of a hustla Na, na, na, diva is a female version of a hustla Of a hustla, of a, of a hustla," Edward sang loudly as he threw another glass into his mouth.

71 shots or 5 very large bottles later

"Show me the way to go home. I'm tired and I want to go to bed. I had a little drink about an hour ago and its gone right to my head." Emmett sang.

I chimed in. "Everywhere I roam over land or sea or foam you can always hear me singing this song."

"Show me the way to go home. Indicate the way to my abode. I'm fatigued and I want to retire I had a spot of beverage sixty minutes ago. And it went right to my cerebellum. Where ever I may perambulate. On land or sea or atmospheric vapor. You can always hear me crooning this melody. Indicate the way to my abode." Edward finished for us.

We were in a silent stupor. Emmett was the first to speak. "Yeah, leave it to you to use big words when you're drunk."

We laughed loudly as we emptied another bottle...

105 shots later

My phone vibrated in my pocket.

"Hullo? You've reached Jasper's cell phone. Please leave a message after the beep...BEEP!"

"Jasper?" Alice asked on the other end.

"Yup! That's my name! Feel free to wear it out. I'll just get a new one in a couple years."

Emmett laughed. "Ooh! Ooh! I want a new one, too! From now on you will call me...Bob!"

"I want to be called Mr. Darcy." Edward added.

"Jasper, listen to me. Stop. Drinking. You guys have had enough...and don't come home till you're sober." She hung up.


Did you like it? Hate it? Love it? REVIEW! See what happens when the boys wake-up with a hang over. Wake-up might not be the right word...become conscious again! That's it!

Tell me what you think!

I have been getting a lot of reviews asking for Andre's death. I was prepared to give you a long explanation, but my beta Mango insists on this way. *cough cough* When I kill him...you'll be the first to know. Thank you.

Snapple out!