Chapter 12: Nothin' Good About Goodbye

There's nothin' good about goodbye

I could swear I saw you cry

Always knew you'd wind up from fallin'

From fallin' hard

.

You're falling apart

"Remus didn't tell James," he said quietly. Lily let out a sigh of relief then looked at him.

"That's good. Why do you still sound sad?"

"Lily, we can't keep this up forever. Face it, you care about James. And he loves you. And he can give you things that I'll never be able to. You can have a real relationship with him. He can give you a future. I'm just gonna be the guy that you're hiding in your closet forever. And we knew it would come to this eventually. You and James are meant for each other. We aren't." Lily pulled her hand away from his and turned to looked at him.

"What do you mean, Sirius?"

"I think we need to break up." She gasped and her eyes filled with tears. But to give credit where credit is due, she did not let them fall.

"Are you sure?" she asked. He nodded with a frown.

"Okay. Then we're not together anymore." She stood up and straightened her skirt, slowly walking towards the door.

"Lily," Sirius said. She looked back at him.

"I'm sorry." She gave him a small smile.

"Me too, Sirius." She walked out of the room, standing tall, ready to face the world with a broken heart.

"Hey, Lils, I'm gonna make a kitchen run, you want something?" James looked in the direction of Lily's room. Her door was shut and there was no sound coming from it. He walked over there and knocked on her door.

"Lily? Are you here?" He heard a stifled sob and immediately opened the door. Lily was curled up on her bed, blankets wrapped around her shoulders, tissues covering the bed and floor around her. Her nose and cheeks were bright red and her eyes were shiny and red-rimmed.

"Lily! Are you okay?" He hurried into the room and sat down beside her.

"No," she whispered.

"What happened?" he asked. She shook her head and slowly leaned down, until she was lying with her head on her pillow.

"I…I don't want to talk about it."

"Are you sure?" She nodded and closed her eyes.

"Okay, well, I'm here, if you need to talk." She didn't answer. She had fallen asleep. James sighed and lifted the blankets up to her chin, tucking her in. He leaned over and kissed her forehead.

"I love you, Lily," he whispered.

"Lily?" He peeked into her room the next morning, unsurprised to see her still sleeping. He slowly shut her door, leaving it open just a crack.

"Agitare," he whispered, casting a spell to let him know if she woke up and started moving around.

"Anybody know what's wrong with Lily?" he asked as the other Marauders as they ate their breakfast. Beside him, Peter kept eating but across him, both Sirius and Remus visibly paled.

"You two know something I don't?" he asked. Remus glanced at Sirius. Sirius shook his head.

"Nah, mate, I just ate some of the nastiest bacon on the planet." James stared at him.

"Really? Since when have you thought bacon was nasty?" Sirius shrugged.

"Since just now. There was something wrong with that piece of bacon. Anyways, what was up with Evans?" he asked. James shrugged.

"I don't know. I went to her room last night and she looked like she'd been sobbing for hours. She wouldn't tell me why. I checked on her this morning but she was still asleep."

"Weird. Listen, I just realized…I didn't finish my Potions essay. I have to go," Sirius said, quickly standing up. James looked over at Remus.

"Didn't you do his essay? And turn it in last week?" Remus nodded and they both watched Sirius quickly retreat.

"Maybe he's gonna go see his secret girlfriend or something," Peter muttered. Remus choked on his pumpkin juice and James snorted.

"As if Sirius could have a secret girlfriend. He can't even keep a real one," James said, laughing.

"Yeah…crazy. I'm gonna go see if he needs help on his…essay," Remus said, jumping up from the table and quickly exiting the Great Hall.

"What the hell?" James said, watching him leave. Before he could continue to muse on his friends' weird behaviors, his wand started shaking.

"Dammit, Cognoscere." His wand immediately stopped shaking and he stood up.

"Lily's up," he said, hurrying away.

She slowly sat up and looked around her room, her vision blurry from sleep and dry tears. A slight knock on her door made her jump.

"Yes?" she called out, her voice scratchy. A messy, black-haired James peeked his head in and grinned. As usual, his glasses were lopsided, his hazel eyes were shining, his hair was a mess, and a smile was on his face.

"Hey, Lils, how you feeling?"

"Why do people say goodbye?" she blurted out. He glanced at her, confused, but stopped to think about it.

"Because, sometimes you know that you're not going to see that person ever again," he answered.

"But why is it 'goodbye'? Why can't it be…'bye'? There's nothing good about goodbye!" He stared at her.

"Lily, what happened?" he asked. A few tears skipped down her cheeks and he walked over to her bed, sitting down beside her.

"James, how do you know you love me?" she asked, leaning against his arm. He slid it around her shoulders and held her against his side.

"You want the truth?" She nodded. He sighed and thought for a second.

"Well, I admire you. I love your intelligence, your naivety, your brazenness, your temper, and those have nothing to do with looks, so I know it's not just a physical attraction. I love being with you, near you, in the same room as you. I can feel your absence when you're not around. I look forward to rounds every night, because it's the only time you're completely mine, and nobody else's, and I can see what you're really like. I love you in the morning, when you just wake up and your curls are everywhere and your cranky, and you're falling over things because you're still half asleep. I love you when you're sitting in the Great Hall, able to eat your body weight in food and still be beautiful. I love you when you're in class, with your head bent over your parchment and your quill scratching across it super fast. I know you're the only girl that I ever pay attention to for more than five minutes. I know that you're the only girl that I could ever be happy with. I know that I love you. I just know it." She was quiet and he looked down at her. Her eyes were closed and tears were streaming from them. James turned to her and wrapped both of his arms around her, pulling her against his chest.

"Shh…Lily, don't cry," he begged.

"Give me a while, James, I'll get there," she whispered.

"Nothin' Good About Goodbye" Hinder

A/N Well, am I not amazingly horrible? I kind of hate myself for ending them so soon. I mean, I really do. But don't worry. This isn't the end of the story. I still have quite a few chapters still floating around in my head. So no need to cry. Anyhoos….reviews? :D

~Rebecca~