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Picture Perfect

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She's winning. She's not playing fair, but she's winning. But it's like everything I try doesn't even make it up on the score board. I used to be the queen at this, so, so good at breaking anything and everything I want. But now I feel something breaking every time I'm with her. God, I almost fucking cried when I saw them tongue wrestling at school.

I almost—…but I didn't, just walked away unnoticed and sulked in my car for about thirty minutes until;

Fuck her.

She wants to play? Well, I'm playing now.

And I'm going to hurt her.

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When I get to Beck's, he looks surprised to see me. Pretty understandable since we've been so distant lately. Even as I kiss him, he tenses, knowing something's wrong.

"What are you doing?"

As soon as the door to his R.V. closes, I'm whipping off my shirt, then my lips are on his again. I'm pulling at his wife beater, feeling familiar hard muscles underneath.

"I thought we were fighting." And he's trying to fight, hold me still, get me to look at him. But I don't need that now. Not any of that, so I just start nipping my way up to his ear.

"We're making up."

I pull his shirt off, with a little resistance, but there's something I know about Beck—

"Jade…" Is his warning tone, as I trail my nails down his chest.

Beck wants me. Behind that cool guy exterior is someone whose never been able to resist me, like, ever since he first saw me, he's wanted me, and he's never stopped. I don't really know why, but when I drop to my knees and look up at him with wide eyes, he's gone. Just glazed over and willing.

My fingers start to loosen the belt from his buckle, "You want me to stop?" I yank the belt off him in one strong swoop, and he's shaking his head.

His jeans are coming undone, and I used to love how hard he'd get just for me, how easy it was to get him like this. I used to love him—

No. Stop. Don't think about that. Think about Cat and how she's probably fucking Tori right now.

Because now it's just Cat swimming in my head, over and over again. And it's not fair to him, how good he's been to me when he was something I wanted, but now it's like a switch in my head that flipped, and suddenly it's shining a light on her. Even if she was always there, lingering in the dark, but there's light now and everything I'm doing is because of her. I'm here because of her, moving away from him even as we lie in bed, closer than any two people can get. I'm done with him though, the harsh realization settling in the back of my mind.

Stop.

But I don't. I tell him to go harder, faster, deeper, and it's not enough. He bites and scraps his way down my body, and even though it's not enough, it's still pain and I need it. From him. I deserve it.

By the time we're done, it's not even about Cat anymore. I don't know what it's about. I just know that I hate myself.

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I wake up cold and sweaty in the middle of the night, my hair clinging to Becks skin, and sheets clinging to my hips. After I sit up a little, I feel sore and dirty, and I want to leave. But whatever I was feeling while me and Beck were having sex, is mostly gone, making me determined to do one last thing before I leave. Beck starts to stir as I reach across him to get my phone, and scooting closer to him.

"Hey babe." He's half asleep when he mumbles to me.

"I have to go." I whisper gently.

"Stay." His arm wraps around my shoulder as I scan the apps in my phone, the light from it glowing up the little space of his bed.

"I can't. My Dad's coming back at like five a.m., and if I'm not home he'll snap." Beck starts kissing behind my ear, and I stretch out my arm and put the phone above us.

"What are you doing?" He asks, pulling away from me.

"Taking our picture."

"But, we're naked."

I roll my eyes, "I'm not going to put it in the yearbook." I shoot a smile at him. "It's just for me…now, I think you were kissing my neck?"

I push a button and an artificial shutter sound makes it official.

Once I get dressed, and get out to my car, I pull my phone back out. It shines at me for a minute with the picture of Beck half buried in my hair, and me smirking into the lens.

I send the picture to Cat, with a text; fair's fair.

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