CHAPTER 12 The Burden that is Ilena
Obi gave his report the following morning, then requested a reprieve for half a day to rest. Zen allowed it. Obi looked terrible. When he'd arrived from being outside the castle, he'd looked almost refreshed, and strong. One night with Ilena and he was washed out. He wanted to be able to tell Obi to just accept Ilena as Wellesley and be done with it, but he couldn't. It was something Obi had to work out for himself. Ilena was buried too deeply in Obi for it to be simple for him. Even Ilena seemed to understand that. But, there was another reason why he couldn't tell him: Ilena's answer to his question. Zen stood looking out over the balcony banister for a while after Obi left, then he called Mitsuhide to him. "Send a messenger to my mother. We're going to pay a visit. Tell her I require a private audience."
Mitsuhide looked at Zen in surprise. In all the months they had been here, he'd only seen his Queen Mother at the time she came to greet him and turn the Regency over to him. He appeared more timid of her than he was of King Izana. "When shall I say you'll arrive?"
Zen was quiet a moment longer. It would't do to appear to be in a panic. "In the hour after lunch is past."
"Yes, Zen," Mitsuhide bowed and went to do his Liege's bidding.
Zen spent the time in between reviewing the facts and comparing them to the story that Ilena had told Obi. When he was reasonably sure he understood it well, he set it aside and continued to work on his daily work until his aides said it was time to go.
He took Mitsuhide and Kiki as usual, but when they arrived at the Queen Mother's receiving room, he left them outside the door, and removed from within any other than himself and her. It was true, he was very nervous to be in her presence, but he was here as Regent and she was a subject today. And...the topic was of utmost importance for all of Clarines.
"What may I do for you, Zen?" Haruto asked both kindly and curiously. He wasn't fooling her. She was also wondering what had brought her second son to face her. She played the game better than Izana, and she was a worse tease. That was why he hated facing her.
He stood ramrod straight, but relaxed. "Mother, if a person should come before me claiming to be cousin, how should I test that person to know if they're telling the truth?"
Even though she played the game consummately, even this question gave her pause. When she was asked things that shook her, she became dangerous, like a snake waiting to strike. Her answer was cold. "None live." Underneath the words were: How dare you bring up the dead in my presence. Since his father had died she hadn't ever been able to face death. She'd been left alone in the world, only two young sons and an entire kingdom to carry. She'd broken under that burden and Izana had carried it from the time he was a 14 year old prince.
Nonetheless, this matter must be faced. And I must have the answer. "But how should I know it, if it was claimed?"
"..Mmmm…" Queen Mother Haruto's eyes narrowed. Very well. I'll tell you. Then go, and leave me to mourn in peace. "Zen, what is the most striking characteristic of the family of Wisteria?"
"White hair and blue eyes."
"Yes. If a 'cousin' should come to you and have these characteristics, believe them not."
Zen raised an eyebrow. Really? She looked fierce. Doubt me not! He nodded. Yes, ma'am.
She continued, "Zen, a birthmark can be claimed, but the birthmarks of infants fade with time, and distort if they remain so that they can't be compared by description. Believe no birthmark claim. ...However, a mark carved with dye into the skin of an infant always remains. Not as the original, for as the child grows larger, it distorts to become nearly unrecognizable, only in form." Do you understand? Do you remember?
Zen's eyes widened. By his right hip, on his back, there was a strange mark on his back. It was mostly unrecognizable, but appeared as stretched and fuzzy lines. He was taught to call it a birthmark when asked about it. "Ah. Is there any part of it that remains recognizable at all?" I remember. How should I recognize such a thing in someone who has grown from the time it was done?
"If you had a living cousin, it would be similar to what you bear, but at the bottom would be three vertical lines, rather than two." Look to your own. "...However, even this wouldn't be sufficient. Upon any cousin you would have there would be a second proof. And, this person would be able to tell you the story of how that person's father commanded that to be, though that child was the only child to ever carry two."
Like mine, three vertical lines below rather than two, and a second carved mark with a story that can only be said by the right person, the clue being that the father required it. Zen repeated it to himself so he'd remember it.
Haruto paused and looked at him in the calculating Wisteria way that told him he was being tested. "What would you do with such a one?"
"... Whatever I chose to do," and he didn't look away from her piercing look. That's for me to decide, and I claim the right to decide it.
She finally said, "The original mark was an eagle, carrying a scroll." Have it your way. I'll see what you will do and judge then.
"And mine?" Tell me all so I may understand.
"An eagle, carrying a sheaf of grain"
"...And brother's?" May I know it?
"...A crowned eagle, carrying a sword."
Zen repeated each mark to himself so that he would remember them, then bowed slightly. "Thank you, Mother. I'll see myself out." Thank you for doing as I required. I'll leave as you requested.
When he reached the door, she finally put living words to the silent words underneath. "Zen. Such words bring painful memories." Please do not speak words of death to me.
He stopped and answered briefly. "I won't speak of it again, if you wish it, Mother." I wish to respect that desire of yours, but there may come a day where it will be impossible for you to not face it. He let himself out, closing the door behind him. He left with his aides, giving silent permission for the Queen Mother's ladies and aides to return to her side.
Shirayuki should still be with Miss Ilena. This is a good time. Zen walked directly and with purpose to Ilena's guarded room.
-o-o-o-
At his back, Mitsuhide and Kiki looked at each other. What could Zen have needed to talk to his mother about? And now he goes directly to the two women at the top of his anxiety list? Which one did he discuss with her? Was it the answer to the question he set Obi to that has set this off? Kiki had done the research and written the report. Zen had told her, 'Obi says there is a family connection between him and Miss Ilena. Find all the possibilities.' There were several, but there was one possibility that would have definitely been a worry to Zen, and so he would likely act quickly to rule it out. It wasn't something they should think about just yet. Wait and see what Zen did. He was still in research mode.
They arrived at Miss Ilena's room. "Please call Miss Shirayuki out," Zen ordered the guards. The guards knocked and announced the Regent, and Shirayuki came to the door, a look of surprised curiosity, mixed with a little concern, on her face. "I'm sorry for my sudden arrival and brevity, Shirayuki." She waved it off. "Shirayuki, Mitsuhide, Kiki, please wait out here. I must speak with Miss Ilena in private." Mitsuhide and Kiki looked at each other. Zen was going to test to see who Miss Ilena was. The Queen Mother had held the key to the answer and the answer wasn't a thing he could tell them if Miss Ilena passed the test, or he would have taken them in. He entered alone, closing the door behind him.
-o-o-o-
Zen, in full regal mode, walked up to the side of Ilena's bed and looked down at her. She looked back up at him, her face serene, a hint of a sad smile about her eyes. She already met the initial criteria. She looked nothing like a Wisteria. Long black hair, very dark golden brown eyes, lightly darkened skin rather than fair. "Who are you?"
"What is it you wish to know, Zen?" Again the informal. He didn't mind it from close friends, but she wasn't that. She was going to answer for that now.
"What is your real name? Who were your parents?"
"Do you already have the proof in hand? Even if I say it, will you be able to say you know for a surety?"
"Yes." Her eyebrow raised that he'd been that thorough. She already knew he knew by research and investigation. Obi's questions always told her what Zen wanted to know.
"Very well. Then listen, and I'll tell you a story - a memory - and we'll see if they coincide."
"My birth name was Thailena Wisteria Polov. My father was Third Prince Raoul Polov of Selicia, my mother was Second Princess Tatiana Wisteria of Clarines, your mother's younger sister." Zen's world rocked. He'd only learned of his mother's sister when he'd read Kiki's research. His mother and brother had never talked of it before, nor had anyone, likely due to his mother's inability to face death in any way. To have another person confirm it... He tried to steady himself by listening closely to her words. He had to see if she passed all the tests.
"Shortly after I was born, I was marked with an eagle carrying a sheaf of wheat, under which were placed two vertical marks. This mark was made on my back near my right hip. It was done when my mother's mother came to visit Selicia, bringing with her the only person trusted to know what the mark looked like and had the art to make it, and it was done in secret. For five years I was the second heir to Clarines. Then you were born, Zen, and I was glad, for I had no desire to rule Clarines, nor do I. My parents and I came for your birth celebration at the capital. During that time, the three of us children were brought together. There were only us and our parents, no servants, save the one Grandmother had brought to our home in Selicia when I was born who was there to give you your mark. I was taken first to a side room and made to lie on a bed and told to hold very still. The pain wouldn't last long, they said. Then they remade the mark to be an eagle carrying a scroll, and added a vertical mark. I was very glad to have that third mark when it was done, as if I'd been released. Because I'd been still and quiet, my father hadn't remarked anything happening. Then they took you, still yet a young infant into that room, and placed the mark on you they'd removed from me. ... It's very painful, and an infant can only cry when exposed to pain." Her face was pained at the memory.
"My father demanded to know what they were doing and it couldn't be hidden from him. They showed him what had been done to me, and he demanded that if I were to be marked by the house of Wisteria as a child of Clarines, then I must also be marked as a child of Selicia with his mark. He drew it out for them, simply, and when your turn was done, I was sent back in a second time. This took longer and the pain was hard to bear. Though I didn't cry out, I couldn't hold back the tears. The second mark was placed on my back near the left hip and is a lioness rampant, three roses placed before her vertically, because he was the third son and I was his heir. When it was completed, it was beautiful. When in the palace at Selicia, I often would admire them both in private after bathing. I was sad when they were no longer recognizable, though I only saw that once since that chance opportunity occurred while I was already at the Earl's manor. When the marking time was done and I was allowed to return to be with you my cousins, you had been cajoled and were no longer crying. In order to distract me from my pain, they allowed me to hold you and see your mark." Ilena smiled, remembering.
"You looked at my dark hair, so different from the white which you had surrounding you, save your father, and smiled. I looked just as much at your own white hair, as my mother was the only one in all of Selicia to have that color of hair. But most of all, I vividly remember your lively blue eyes, and I felt that, you who had allowed me freedom from the weight of Clarines, were one I wanted to love and would be willing to give all my support to, even as I knew you would wish to give your support and love to your brother. I held you close to me and promised that I would always be your support and shield, to protect you in your position," she paused and looked at him, a smile in her eyes, determination also.
"When you were taken away from me, I looked to your brother. In his eyes he revealed for me, another child, his jealousy that you had been able to free me but he would never be free. Understanding his burden, I went to him and wrapped my arms around him and whispered in his ear, 'It's okay to be jealous, Izana, for you are a boy as well as a prince and it's a heavy burden to bear, but it's one only you can carry. When you are king, remember that it's okay at times to just be a man. Then, when you've rested a bit, you can pick up the burden again. Zen and I will always be with you, to support you, when you need to be just a boy or a man, and always as you are prince and king.' He stood there stunned for a moment. I think perhaps he hadn't even had human contact for a while. Then slowly he put his arms around me and held me in return. When he let go, his eyes were clear and I was glad. While I'm sure he never shows to anyone that he is a man, I hope that he has learned to pause and set the burden down long enough to breathe. I hope he has found a few people who allow him to rest because they understand that a prince and king is still a man and don't condemn him for it, even as you've found such people."
"And you know that I"ve found such people?"
"Yes. Obi and Shirayuki, and even Ryuu. And they speak of the others, Miss Kiki and Mister Mitsuhide. They all love you very much, and take delight in allowing you to be yourself. I'm glad you've found such a place to be." Her smile was genuine.
Zen paused for a moment, then asked, "Miss Ilena, you say you were only a little older than five. How is it you could have said such a thing to Elder Brother at that age?"
Ilena blinked, "Well, I was often being told I was old for one so young, but it was because I had many cousins in Selicia older than I. There was one in particular who would come to me and speak with me. I learned such a thing from him." Cousins, the children of the then King of Selicia, including the heir.
"Do you know of the mark on Izana?"
"...I do...but you must promise to never tell your mother."
"My mother? Why?"
"I wasn't supposed to know. Later that night, after dinner, Izana pulled me away and we snuck to a quiet place, just the two of us, and he showed it to me. Already it was losing it's shape, so he had to tell me what it was so I could make it out."
Zen stared at her for a moment. *Pfft!* "Izana did such a thing as to get in trouble?"
Ilena grinned, "Yes. With me, he was finally able to have someone to relax with. We got into trouble several times before my family left. He'd been so serious and stuffy before that, but after, he became the friend I'd wished for, and I hope he felt the same. At least, he seemed to. ...His mark is a crowned eagle carrying a sword."
"... As a final proof, Miss Ilena, may I see your marks?"
"Of course, Zen, but you'll have to do the work to see them as I can't move myself yet. But, before that, I should say: you should let Izana know you've seen the proof. He's been watching over me, and perhaps several other possibilities, for many years now. I know because I recognize the man he sends. He'll wish to know you've seen confirmation."
Zen was still. That would complicate matters, that his brother already knew this one could be who she was saying she was. But if Izana already thought that it was very likely as well, it would drive a wedge between them if he didn't say as soon as he found out. He would have to carefully word his report, if he didn't wish to lose Ilena to Izana's board. Then he remembered his mother, and he was glad he'd warned her she might not get her wish. Yet, she would be content to not know until she was required to know. He could wait to tell her. If Ilena was to be recognized as who she was, all of the family of Wisteria would have to acknowledge it together. Zen nodded.
"Zen, let me tell you a thing." He nodded again. "I haven't told you who I am until now not because I don't wish to be recognized as a princess. I am and always have been one and acted as best I could in that way. ...For all that I also love him dearly, and desire to be a support to him, it's because I didn't want Izana to know."
"...Why not?" She'd just told him to remain an ally to the King. Now she was saying she didn't want to be the ally of the King herself?
"Do you remember what I said I wanted? I want to stand at the back of Zen, standing beside Obi. I want Obi. From your birth, I promised to shield you. It's here that I wish to support Izana from. ...But I also know that I am a far more significant piece on his board than a pawn or even a knight. I am the First Princess of Clarines. As Second Prince, you understand." Zen did, with frightening depth. This was why he wanted to word his report to his brother carefully.
With great care in what she said, Ilena continued, "I've worked very hard for many years to create a space for myself. A space that, when it was time for me to be placed upon the boards of Wisteria, would be one that would require me to be placed upon the board of my choosing, in the place of my choosing. Yet, I understand that even though I've done this, if my efforts can't, or won't, be recognized, I'll be placed in a space not of my choosing, but of the choosing of the King. ...I'll fight to remain in the place of my choosing, but in the end, I'll submit to the will of the King. I've also promised to support him, as a man and as a king." She waited for him to understand, then continued. "To complicate the matter further, though I regret having to do so, I'm also the heir to the throne of Selicia, unless another one should be found to still be living. ...I am a princess to two kingdoms. If I'm recognized by Wisteria, Selicia will come."
Zen went white. She was right. Even if the new government wouldn't recognize her as a true heir, they could demand that she be used upon their board. For example, requiring a forced marriage to the son and heir of the current king in order to prove their claim. Or any of the opposition to the current regime could use her living existence to begin revolution in Selicia again 'on her behalf', even if she didn't instigate it. "I believe," said Ilena, "this is why Izana has only watched me, to see what I would do. To have claimed me too early would have likely removed me from either of your boards, leaving no possibilities for me to be of use to Clarines." She lifted her chin and almost glared at him. Again he was reminded of a falcon who wouldn't submit. "I've spent every moment of my life since you were born proving to Izana that I will stand where I will stand and I will make my own space. I can no longer do that alone, because you've picked me up. You now must decide where you'll place me. And from that place, I will do all I can, until the board shifts again."
She'd had her say. He'd received all the proof but the final visual proof, and it hardly seemed necessary. He'd reached a level of overload he'd never had before in his life. Ilena looked at him with the sad smile that he'd seen in her eyes when he walked in. She held out her hand to him, "Will you come here, Zen?" He stared at the hand and it beckoned again. He took a breath, then took the hand.
She pulled him to her, then reached up and gently took the back of his head and pulled him down to her shoulder. "You, Zen, are a Prince. You've spent all of your effort through all of your life to be the Prince you want to be. Even a Prince needs to lay his burdens down, either all at once for a very brief time, or one here, a little there, until it can be taken back up. In this moment, just for a breath of time, there will be no judgement. There is only Zen, and only his cousin to say, 'I love you, Zen. I have always loved you. You are a wonderful person who loves well, and who is well loved'."
Zen's knees buckled, and he went down onto them beside the bed, his head on her shoulder, her arm holding him, comforting him. Her warmth flowed into him, and the spaces that he'd kept strong for too long melted.
Zen's body shuddered, regular tremors that went through him from toe to head. He didn't shed tears. He wasn't grieving. He was releasing the great burdens that had been upon him for very long, and the equally great burden that had just been explained to him. The tremors finally slowed and he was able to breathe deeper breaths and release the remainder in that manner. When he was ready he resisted Ilena and she gently released his head, caressing it lightly as her hand slipped past it on his rising. He remained on his knees, his hands going to rest on them. He took one last cleansing breath, and they looked at each other.
"That's good. You're eyes are clearer, your face calmer," Ilena smiled. He looked at her, feeling the peace within himself. "Carry that peace with you. Claim it as your right to maintain. It will shield you. A thing that comes to you to disturb that peace should be given to someone else to deal with. It's not in it's rightful place. A thing that you must deal with will enter that peace and not disturb it, but will show itself to you as a thing that you can deal with. In this way you'll learn the proper balance. If it's a thing you don't know where to place, reach for your supports and ask. If it still resonates in a way you don't understand, ask the question, 'who must deal with this?' Then you'll know. Sometimes you'll take up a thing simply because you wish to. Beware of those and don't take up more than one, or at most two, at a time."
She let him ponder, merely keeping him company with his thoughts. Then he rose to his feet, dusting off his pant legs. "I'll get Shirayuki to come and help."
Ilena nodded and Zen went to the door and opened it. "Shirayuki, please come in." When she entered, he closed the door behind them again. "Shirayuki, there's a thing I need to see. Will you please help me lift Ilena so I may see her back? If you could stay in front of her, to protect her modesty, I'll stay behind her."
Shirayuki was mystified, but agreed to help. She straddled Ilena and reached under her arms and around her. Ilena smiled gently at Shirayuki then wrapped her arms around her as Zen lifted Ilena's shoulders from behind. In the end, it looked like Shirayuki and Ilena were hugging, and Ilena didn't mind at all.
Ilena was wearing a wrapped top that tied on the left side so that her wounds could be easily seen and cleaned. Zen carefully untied the ties, then pulled the top away from her back. When Shirayuki became uncomfortable, Ilena tightened her hug slightly. "It's okay," she whispered in Shirayuki's ear. "It's a thing the King needs to know, and only Zen can do it." Shirayuki hugged her and buried her face in Ilena's neck so she wouldn't have to see Zen's face.
Ilena was just as glad, for Zen decided at that moment that he needed to touch the marks to verify them with his hands, not just his eyes. She shuddered and almost swooned, biting off the moan that threatened to escape. It felt like deep grief mixed with deep desire, and she could feel the tears trying to rise up from her heart and through her throat to reach her eyes. With this, she was caught. As bound tightly as if she were a newly caught falcon, trussed with tight bonds so that it couldn't wound itself fighting for freedom, being placed in the cage and readied for transport to the mews. (1)
Ilena shuddered again. Zen, noticing, relaced the ties of her top gently, then he carefully knelt on the bed behind her and wrapped his arms around both Ilena and Shirayuki, holding them both close to him, sandwiching Ilena. Shirayuki looked up at him in surprise to see the saddest expression she'd ever seen on his face. Ilena's sobs finally broke through. Because Zen was behind Ilena to support her, Shirayuki moved her hand to hold Ilena's head close to her, unknowingly imitating the very hold that Ilena used to comfort all those who she'd ever comforted, thus winning for herself the heart of Ilena.
Zen leaned his head forward and touched Shirayuki's forehead with with his own, then he kissed her. He raised the hand opposite where Ilena's head was resting on Shirayuki's shoulder and gently brushed Shirayuki's beautiful red hair back from her face. He still was sad of face, and her eyes searched it for understanding. "I can't tell you yet, nor any of the others, until my brother and I speak and I know what I may do. I'm sorry. I will tell you that she's been marked. Because I know it, she is no longer free. As long as she lives from here on, she will either be mine or my brother's, unless we cast her off, and we won't do that. She is too precious. ...I want her to be mine, and she has told me that is also the desire of her heart."
He could see Shirayuki's eyes start to panic. He put his hand on her cheek and shook his head. "She claims Obi. That is, she's given her heart to Obi. I also wish to give this desire to her, but Obi must come to accept it." At Zen's words, Ilena shuddered again and a keening noise came from her, as of a falcon calling forlornly for a mate it couldn't find. Then she was still.
Shirayuki remembered that Ilena had also said the same thing to her, that she desired to stand by Obi. She remembered that she herself had laid claim to Ilena at the garrison. "At the garrison, I said to you that I desired Ilena to stand with Obi by my side. Have you finished testing her? Do you have an answer?"
Zen thought on that a moment, absently playing with a strand of Shirayuki's hair lightly. Then he looked her in the eye. "She'll stand there until I've spoken with my brother. Thereafter, what we've done up until then will decide whether she may stay or if he'll take her for himself."
"What we have done?" Shirayuki sucked in a breath of surprise, her eyes round.
Zen nodded. "All of us who wish to have her remain in that place must help her to remain, in the same way we work to make it possible for you to stand next to me."
Shirayuki understood. "I'll do my part."
Zen smiled at her. "Thank you."
"Kiss her again, idiot, or I'll do it for you," came Ilena's muffled, irritated order. They both started in surprise. "No, seriously."
Zen smiled. Shirayuki went beet red, but Zen reached across to take her head in his hand and kissed her gently and long. "Thank you, Shirayuki," he said to her, putting their foreheads together again. "Please be patient with me in this. There may be many things you can't understand because I can't tell them to you. I'll tell them to you as soon as I can."
"I know, Zen. I'll wait," Shirayuki reassured him faithfully.
He gently released her, then slid back and together they helped Ilena lie back down. She had her eyes closed and tears still occasionally slipped out from under her lids. Zen softly put his hand on her head, then took Shirayuki's hand in his. "How goes the recovery?" he asked her.
Shirayuki bit her lower lip. "It's as you just saw. She can sit up if someone else helps her up. The bone shouldn't have that done often just yet. She still has three or four more days before it can regularly bear weight, and it will have to be slowly worked. There is no function in the muscle. As of now, she won't walk again."
Zen was not happy with the news. Wheeled chairs were not unknown, and he could have one made for her, but it would be much better if she could walk again. "Isn't there anything we can do?"
"There is only one possibility I know of," Ilena answered.
They turned to look at her. She slowly turned her head and opened her reddened eyes to look at them. "Go to the old man at the gate who asks for 'the Missus'. Tell him to send for the surgical researcher, Doctor Elliot. He has the knowledge and the skill to find a way. If there is anything that will let me walk again so I may stand in the place I wish, I'll do it. Even if it means I must do this all over again." Zen looked at her seriously for a moment, then nodded.
Ilena closed her eyes again. "Zen, when you're ready to plan your strategy to capture the Earl, please bring your maps and come speak to me. He'll run to one of his holes and you need to know where they are. ...Obi's returned from gathering the circle. If you're ready for them, I'll give you the names for the triangle, though I hope you'll wait a sufficient time before sending him away again."
Zen wanted to refuse her, then he remembered Obi had said for her it was a reward, or an equal exchange. She had comforted him. They had comforted her. She had given up her freedom. He...they...had promised to do what they could to giver her her dreams. Those had been the same, but she had given first, and they had chosen how they would respond on their own. He had said he would send for the surgeon. ...She was offering more information right now, even though it was a difficult time for her. He gave up his pride.
He stepped to the desk and got out paper and a pen. "I'm ready." He wrote as she listed eight names and their corresponding locations, again two for each of the cases. He put the pen down and put the paper inside his jacket. He stopped by the side of her bed again and briefly put his hand on her head one more time. "Thank you, Ilena. Please rest now." He took Shirayuki's hand and walked with her to the door. There he turned to her and took her into an embrace. He didn't know what he wanted to say.
She held him in return. "I'll look after her."
After a time, he said, "Thank you." He released her, his hand lingering on hers, then he turned and, putting his public face back on, left the room.
-o-o-o-
Zen led Mitsuhide and Kiki away from Ilena's room, headed towards his office. He stopped suddenly, considering. He changed direction and headed for the study room where the majority of the young lords and heirs spent most of their days. This is still an interesting trip, Mitsuhide's eyes said to Kiki. When they arrived, Zen strode purposely through it to the central atrium and up the stairs to the second floor landing. Turning to face the room in general, he look around. All of his behavior was calculated to get the attention of the persons in the room, and he had it. After all, this kind of entrance by the master of the palace had only one reason - someone was being called up.
"I'm looking for the eldest son of Earl Malkin. Is he present?" Zen asked in a carrying voice.
A murmur went through the room as the word was spread to the more distant parts of it. People looked around to see if the person in question would appear, then footsteps could be heard coming from a distant part of the upper level. People went back to work, but continued to pay attention. A well portioned young man with slightly wavy brown hair and carrying a folder appeared from behind a set of shelves, looked around, then came towards Zen. He bowed. "I am Earl Malkin's eldest son, Tairn. How may I serve?"
Zen looked at him. He looked to be in his upper twenties, near Mitsuhide's age, and had clear, honest eyes. "Who are you studying under?"
"Earl Wexley, Department of Interior."
Perfect. "Please inform Earl Wexley that you've been reassigned to Miss Kiki, in my office. You may have time to complete your current task, or to pass it on to another in your department. Please come to my office as soon as you're able, but no later than the day after tomorrow."
Tairn bowed again, "Yes, your Highness." He left immediately to carry out his new orders.
Zen turned towards his aides and pondered some more. Kiki, a little cautiously, asked, "You'll pick another landed heir?" She was concerned that Zen would have to go through what he was going through with her all over again.
Zen shook his head. "You'll train him, and when his younger brother is able to join us, you'll have Tairn train him under your supervision. Then, when you're not here, there will be the two who are necessary to fill the strength of the one Kiki. You'll train the younger to be able to do the work of two so that when Tairn must also return, he is able to stand in the position of Kiki."
Kiki blinked. It was a well considered plan. "Then what shall be left for me to do? Shall I consider myself no longer needed?"
"No, of course not." Zen wasn't going to let her go that easily.
"I have two stacks on my desk I'd be happy to pass on to Kiki," Mitsuhide said dryly.
Zen nodded, "Indeed." He considered a little longer, then came to a decision. He turned, walked down the stairs and led them back to his office. On the way, he stopped in at the office of the chatelaine, keeper of the keys for the castle, and made a brief request. "Please open the office across the hall from my office, for immediate use." As soon as the order was acknowledged, he was gone.
When they arrived at his office, he went directly to Mitsuhide's desk. Placing a hand on a stack, he asked, "Each stack is ordered by subject?" Mitsuhide nodded. Zen proceeded to pick up the top report of each stack, skim it, then replace it. One tall stack, one medium stack, and one short stack were pushed to the side. He turned to Mitsuhide again, placing his hand on top of the tallest selected stack. "Take these to Lord Nedlow. Show him an example of the sort of summary I require, see that he understands, and return."
Mitsuhide, for him meaning he only showed it slightly, was in shock. Lord Nedlow was one of the previous regent's aides, having served in her office. He had retired to a lesser office when Zen had come, as was typical with a change of leadership. "You'll bring him out of retirement?"
Zen nodded. "I can no longer afford to waste trained talent. Please also inform him he will from tomorrow be working in the Rosebud Office." This was the official name of the office across the hall from Zen's office, which was known as the Rose Office.
Mitsuhide bowed. "Yes."
Zen moved across to Kiki's desk, asking as he went, "What is your organization?"
She paused. In her case she would be training someone to think as she thinks. "You may consider it the same." The top file would be sufficient.
Zen also went through her stacks and pulled out three medium level stacks. "Have Tairn assist you with these to begin with."
She nodded, and turned to clear space for him on the desk next to hers, which she had been using as additional workspace. While she did that, Zen gave orders for his four lesser aides in the office to prepare themselves for moving to the Rosebud Office, which was larger than the Rose Office.
"Do I get to lose some of my stacks, too, Master?" Obi sounded hopeful.
Zen turned around, surprised that Obi had been in the room, as he thought he would still be on break. He must have been hidden by his own stacks. "No, I don't think so."
Obi had walked up behind Zen to come talk to him, but when Zen turned around to face him, Obi suddenly stopped and stared at him. His hand started to rise slowly, as if to reach out and touch Zen. Then he caught himself and put his hand to his mouth instead in embarrassment. Zen looked at him, wondering what was going on with his oddly sensitive sworn man. His eyes wide, Obi said in wonder, "Master has been touched by Miss Ilena!"
"How would you know such a thing?" Zen asked him, not wanting to admit it.
"Those who have been held by Mother become hers and are filled with her light. Master's own light is very bright, but her light is on you now, also." Zen smiled, thinking briefly of his visit with Ilena. "...But, Master carries the shadow, too. Master is also sad for Miss Ilena."
"What do you do to remove the shadow, Obi? Do you know?" Zen asked.
"You tell them she is alive," he said with surety, looking directly at Zen.
Zen thought about what Obi had said. Ilena is alive. She'd survived the massacre of her parents and her father's family and had walked with only one servant from Selicia to Clarines. She'd chosen exile, risen to the highest level she could in her adopted home, under the very oppressive Earl, constantly under the threat of death herself, yet still had survived. She'd even lived through the rockslide. Through it all, Ilena had lived, and lived with strength and purpose. She is still alive. As long as Ilena is alive, she will live with strength and purpose, regardless of what may come. Zen did feel better, as if he himself had been strengthened by thinking of Ilena's strength. He looked back up at Obi.
Obi smiled at him. "See? It even worked for Master."
Zen considered for a moment. "If I allowed you to tell one of her people she was alive, would they betray her?"
Obi shook his head. "None would. She has protected each and all of them. They will do the same for her. Do we not fiercely protect the things we love?"
Zen understood. He was ready now to give Obi his orders. "You've learned which lesser gate the old man Ilena has asked after comes to?"
"The Pelican Gate."
How appropriate. (2) "Go and speak to him. Give him this message: 'Mother, with the permission of the Regent, sends for the surgery researcher, Doctor Elliot.' I want him here as soon as he can get here. … And, I won't be angry if you choose to remove the shadow."
As Obi headed out the French doors and lept down from the balcony, Zen turned to his own desk. There were many things that only he could do - approvals and signatures among them. There were things he wanted to do, like read reports his other aides had already read so that he would understand the workings of the region. And there were things that others asked him to do. He needed to sit down with them and sort them into stacks of level of importance and confirm which ones he really needed to touch versus things he could either get summaries of or really should be handled by others. His real goal was to raise everyone up one notch in power, giving his closest aides the full power to act in the name of the Regent and directly handle those things that didn't actually require his own complete attention. He'd brought Lord Nedlow out of retirement not just because he needed another pair of hands. He'd done it so the practiced aide could complete the training of the new office aides that he'd brought in. "Kiki, send a messenger to Lord Nedlow. When he and Mitsuhide are done, and he's prepared to move, I would like to speak with him directly."
Zen moved to the balcony and looked out over the castle grounds and out over the city, the Northern mountains rising in the distance a little to his right. But he wasn't looking at them. He was crafting a very important letter in his mind. He wished he could use Mitsuhide for this, the same as he did for the majority of his correspondence, but this would have to come from his own hand. This was something only he could do, something he must do, and must do today.
-o-o-o-
When Mitsuhide arrived back at the Rose Office, Zen was working on his fifth draft of his message to Izana, his forehead creased in frustration and concentration. Mitsuhide recognized the problem, if not the cause. Zen always looked that way when he was trying to write his own correspondence. He raised an eyebrow at Kiki. What's going on? Should I offer to help? He probably shouldn't since Zen hadn't looked up in relief when he came in, as he usually would.
Kiki said, quietly, "Mitsuhide, will you come look at this for me?" Zen still didn't look up at the mention of his aide's name. Mitsuhide's other eyebrow went up and he walked over to Kiki's desk and leaned down, 'looking' at the document Kiki had in front of her. She spoke to him very quietly. They'd gotten good at talking quiet enough privately if Zen was so tightly distracted, but he would hear if his distraction ended. "Obi said Zen's been 'touched' by Miss Ilena, that he 'carries' both his own 'light' and now her 'light'. Zen didn't deny it."
They both had seen in his back they watched so carefully and knew so well, that he'd left burdens behind when he'd come out of Miss Ilena's room. They had expected that only if she wasn't the missing princess. But his actions after that said that something else had happened in addition to proving who she was. He was acting with increased strength. Obi's words were the clue to that, they were sure. Miss Ilena had done something in that private meeting to support Zen in a very positive way. Mitsuhide gave Kiki a puzzled look. But does that mean she is or isn't the missing princess?
Kiki shrugged. "Obi was sent to tell Miss Ilena's man to fetch the surgeon. And...Zen said it was okay for him to let them know she's alive." In one fell swoop, in one private meeting, Zen trusted her, and all her people with her. He believed her. She'd told him the truth about her past, and he'd received the witness he needed to completely believe her, and her motives, whatever they were. While it didn't prove whether or not she was the princess, if she'd had the definite proof to say she was, that would be far more convincing for such a sudden change in Zen. Then it's time for me, for us, to test her, Mitsuhide's set expression said.
"Since that time, Zen has thought very hard about the message he's trying to write. Even still," Kiki told him. Which meant it was both a very important message and to a very important person. He was trying to word it right to get the best outcome for what he wanted. ...But he wouldn't, or couldn't ask for assistance. The only thing he wouldn't talk to them about right now was the matter he took to his mother, the matter he discussed with Miss Ilena herself. It therefore must be a letter about Miss Ilena and what he learned from the proof he gained and what she admitted herself.
If she were not the princess, it wouldn't be important to send a letter to anyone about it. If she were the princess, he would be constrained to inform the King immediately. If he merely wished to inform the King about her existence, the letter would have required no more effort that his usual dictation took. He was working very hard to keep something he wanted. Mitsuhide and Kiki looked at each other. The only conclusion is that Miss Ilena is the missing princess, she supports Zen, and Zen wants to keep her by his side.
Mitsuhide sighed. Another burden for Zen to worry about. And he can't ask us for support, because he can't let us know until he hears from King Izana. So we'll have to support him as best we can without requiring him to tell us. He nodded. "I think I need to talk with Shirayuki." We'll all need to support him. And I want to know what went on in that room after she was called in.
Kiki nodded, "And Obi." I'll talk to him. There are things he may know.
Mitsuhide straightened up. "Ah, Mitsuhide, you're back? What do you guys want to talk to Shirayuki and Obi about?" Zen had finished his letter the best he could. He always heard Shirayuki's name when it was mentioned, though.
"Your birthday present," Kiki said. Mitsuhide was proud of her. She always had the best immediate answers to distract Zen from what they were actually talking about. She could get away with it because of her straight face.
His tactic was to completely turn the conversation around to what Zen was supposed to be doing instead. "Lord Nedlow says that he'll be able to come meet with you within another hour." Mitsuhide moved away from Kiki's desk. "You were working very hard when I came in."
"It's a letter to my brother. I always have to work hard on them." Zen stretched. "We'll go to the aviary now, then, if Lord Nedlow will be here at that time." It's important enough he needs to get it sent without delay.
"Do you need both of us?" Mitsuhide asked.
"No," answered Zen. "Do you have something to do?"
"Yes," answered Mitsuhide. For once he answered a straight answer like Kiki. "I have to go pick out your birthday present." We'll give you what you need. You don't have to ask us. Kiki and Zen both raised eyebrows at him, but he was as serious as ever, not showing the open face he would have shown at a lie.
"Very well," answered a mystified Zen, and Kiki rose to follow Zen out the door.
Mitsuhide went to the castle pharmacy, looking for Shirayuki. She had a patient in the outer office and was in the laboratory working on making up a poultice. "Shirayuki? Do you have a moment? I don't want to interrupt. You can talk while working if you like, or I can wait."
"Mitsuhide! I can be with you in five minutes, if you like." He nodded his thanks, then went to take his 'turn in line'.
Shirayuki came out and finished with her current patient, then invited Mitsuhide into her office, looking up at him curiously.
"Shirayuki, since this morning Zen's been acting strange. Will you tell me what happened in Miss Ilena's room this afternoon?" It wasn't the first time he'd asked such a thing of her, so it shouldn't be a strange question to her. She understood that Mitsuhide took his responsibility of being Zen's guardian very seriously.
"Mmm… When he called me in, he asked me to hold her sitting up so he could look at her back. I don't know what he was looking for, but he told me after he'd seen it,..." she was starting to blush. Mitsuhide found that interesting, but she blushed at a lot of things. Did it mean she was feeling a bit jealous that Zen had looked at the bare back of another woman in her presence? She should be, or should have. "...that he couldn't tell me or any of us about it. Only that Ilena's been marked, and he was required to see the mark himself for King Izana's sake."
She looked concerned. "He said that because she's marked she's 'no longer free', that as long as she lives she must be either his or his brothers and that she's too precious to be cast off. This makes him very sad. I don't understand why, but he loves her. He wants to keep her by his side, and she also wants to stand at his side. But her heart is Obi's, and he would give her to him if Obi would decide to accept it. ...He's promised that he'll explain it to all of us, after he's talked to King Izana and he knows what he may do."
Shirayuki shifted. Mitsuhide felt bad for her. It was good Zen had promised he would explain himself and explained when he'd be able to. He at least seemed to be getting better at communicating such things with Shirayuki. "At the garrison, I asked for her to be assigned as Obi's partner, knowing that she loves him. Zen said that he would test her." Mitsuhide remembered and nodded. "I asked him if he'd completed testing her; if he had an answer for me. He said that she would stand with Obi beside me until he speaks with King Izana. After that time, what we've done to help her remain in that place will decide whether she may stay or if King Izana will take her for himself."
She looked at Mitsuhide. "While there are things I don't understand, I know that Zen will tell them to me when he can. I know that his love for Ilena doesn't lessen his love for me. He was very careful to let me know this." Mitsuhide was very relieved to know Zen had appropriately conveyed this. "I wish to support his desires. I've told him that I'll do my part to help her remain in the place Zen puts her."
Mitsuhide had heard more than enough to confirm his and Kiki's suspicions. He understood why Zen would love Miss Ilena, but he didn't know how to help Shirayuki to understand also. As long as her own strength could support her, it would be okay. "Thank you, Shirayuki. You've been very helpful. If Zen's decided this thing, we'll stand to support him, and we'll wait until he can tell us." Mitsuhide both was agreeing with her and setting down the law for those who loved the Prince. He bowed and left her standing there, her hand clutching her heart.
As they walked to their quarters at the end of the day, Mitsuhide told Kiki what he'd learned from Shirayuki. "The proof was a thing Miss Ilena couldn't have done herself. He's seen it with his own eyes. Zen's decided he'll do all he can to keep her by his side, and desires us to help him do it. Until he speaks with King Izana, he can't of himself confirm it to us."
Kiki looked up into her thoughts. "This is a thing we need to understand."
Mitsuhide knew she was saying, We need to know Miss Ilena for ourselves, or we can't support Zen correctly. He nodded. My thoughts exactly. "Have you spoken with Obi yet?"
"No. Not yet." It would happen as soon as there was an opportunity available.
"Perhaps together, then," Mitsuhide said. Kiki nodded.
(1) mews - The place where birds of prey are kept when they are in captivity and used for hunting.
(2) The pelican is a symbol of selfless service. He is referencing how he feels about Ilena and her role in his life until this time.
