I guess I was being dramatic, but it was ridiculous how...impertinent the guy was. If that was even the correct term for it. Shameless? Insolent? Either way, I was fed up. I barely knew him, and here he was, proclaiming his love for me. Ridiculous. He, at the very least, could've been a girl. But, of course, he wouldn't even give me that. It was in the blue of the moment, but I felt the anger bubbling up inside of me fast. Who did he think he was? He acted like he was the moon's heir. And, at that rate, I wouldn't have been surprised if he told me he actually was. Just looking at him, standing there with that sick, hopeful expression on his face, made me want to hurt him.

So I did. Hard. I was violent, yes. I wasn't thinking, yes. I'm pretty sure I heard a crack as I swung my clenched fist into his face. It was brutal, but I was already too far in to drag myself back up. It spelled out to him, clearly, how I felt.

So what was there to lose?

That was what was running through my mind as I lay here on my bed, feeling sick. What was there to lose? One simple question. One question and three hours of agony. Three hours of agonizing over one simple question.

Yuki, I thought. She hates it when I become like this.

Or at least, she used to hate it. Yuki was dead now. In her place is a vampire that doesn't care.

Doesn't care, just like I didn't care for her enough when she was still here with me. I'll never be over her.

Regret washed over me, making it hard to swallow. I should've known. I should've known. All the pieces were there in front of me, scattered on the table. I just didn't care enough to finish the puzzle. And now the pieces were lost and what was left of the picture was a few scraps of old memories. I'll never hear her pretty laugh or get to feel her playful punches ever again. I'll never be able to smell her blood as it rushes through the veins in her neck.

I sat up at that thought. How could I think something like that? How could I disrespect her in that way? I tried to swallow but choked on myself. I was a wreck. And I was becoming more and more of a vampire.

Water, I thought. Thirsty.

As I shakily reached for the glass of water on my bedstand, I noticed a few dried smears of blood on my knuckles.


My leg dangled as I sat on the tree.

It was annoying me to phenomenal levels, but I couldn't bring myself to care. All I could care about was how stupid I was.

In my old life I was the best student in my school. The brilliant, dashing shepherd's son from Burgess. But it doesn't matter now. Grades don't matter now. What they said about classes being useless really was true.

I was an idiot. And it hurt as hell.

My nose was fixed. Of course it was. I could heal myself if my arm was cut off if I had the strength to. But what I couldn't fix were my emotions. The pain. The old scars that were being ripped open again the more I thought about it.

Sometimes, while I was lost in thought, I would stop and quietly laugh at myself. It feels weird, thinking like this. I haven't been this melodramatic since what, ten years ago? And that was only because Jamie had the flu. But then I'd remember everything that happened this past couple of weeks and wince and go back to thinking about how immortal I was. Immortal and alone.

Stop it, Jack. You're hurting yourself. You have a family. You have friends.

Friends that will end up in a grave in the next blink of an eye. Jamie was twenty and it felt like they had just met three days ago.

Stop it. Stop it.

I shook my head. I couldn't. The terrible thoughts, the regret- it's not just being rejected that hurt me. It was being rejected for three hundred long years that did. It was blinding myself with lies and then having the truth slam right back into me that did. I've been alone for so long, why should I believe that anything has changed?

Stop. Stop thinking this way.

I rammed my staff into the branch beside me, snapping it in half. Sharp splinters of wood flew around me, but I didn't care. Causing more hurt wouldn't make a difference.

"Hey." I knew that voice too well. I didn't need to look up.

"Jamie," I mumbled.

I could feel his eyes on me, taking in my bowed head, my slouched form, the broken ice across the lake I had make in my anger.

He sighed and sat down on the snow under my tree, pulling his knees up to my chest. He didn't bother speaking. He knew me too well.

The wind carried wordless conversations between us, pushing back and forth until we were too exhausted to think anymore. I leaned my head back against the tree, flicking all the lights off in my brain until I fell into a dreamless sleep with Jamie by my side.


By Cinna. Sorry it's so late. I finished it last week but I forgot to upload it. xD