A/N: I apologize for the lack of update. I am in finance and the beginning of the year is hectic to say the least. Also, had an unfortunate, tragic death in my immediate family so please understand if my sadness bleeds into my writing.

You can tell them that
I've been through hell and back
When the heat is on
I fire back
In this cold world
Where your lighters at
Just burn it down
Fire back

-Hell & Back (Kid Ink)

Darkness billows so profoundly it seems to suck in the corners of reality until everything begins to fold in upon itself. Silence reigns in the black, the absolute stillness louder than any scream. Eternity is endless, opening into a claustrophobic nothing that condenses and coils, spilling and filling the void that stretches into itself infinitely. Nothing exists, nothing watches, nothing listens, nothing intervenes.

Where did I go?...was Emma's first thought as her mind staggered towards consciousness. She could hear people around her, their voices muffled by the buzzing in her head. She clung to the darkness not wanting to leave it behind while the voices pulled her towards the sounds around. Emma felt a sense of loss as she was wrenched back into reality, her link to the infinitesimal void muted and shadowed by the vibrancy of the world around her.

"No," Emma whispered causing the arguments around her to die down in stunned silence.

"Emma!" Snow said frantically, her hands grabbing Emma's and clinging. Emma opened her eyes to see Snow and David looming over her while her head was cradled firmly in Regina's lap. "We thought we'd lost you."

Emma pushed away from the people around her as she struggled to a sitting position. Her shirt clung to her and she was surprised at how thick and heavy her blood felt. She peeled the shirt away from her and it made a wet suctioning noise. She winced and nearly passed out as dizziness overtook her and was thankful for the hands behind her steadying her.

"I'm fine," Emma said, her voice monotone and unfeeling even to her own ears. "Please, I just want to get up."

"I think you should lie still for-" Snow began but Emma vehemently interrupted her.

"I want to stand. NOW." Snow rocked back in surprise but she and David quickly grabbed Emma's arms and helped her to her feet. Emma was thankful for her father's arms around her and she nearly toppled back over.

"I've got you," he murmured against her hair. She was surprised to see the shine of tears in his eyes. She turned her head and her eyes fell upon Regina who was still kneeling where Emma's outline was carefully marked in her own blood. Regina looked up into Emma's eyes and Emma was taken aback at the sadness and hurt she saw in the mayor's eyes.

"You fought so hard against coming back," Regina said shakily, her unshed tears sounding in her voice. Emma could see the brunette fighting for control of her emotions and watched as the mayor lost. Emma knew Regina would never forgive her for being the cause of her losing control where others could see. "You wanted to die," she whispered brokenly as tears slipped down her cheeks.

"Regina! How dare you say that? Haven't you influenced Emma enough?!" Snow asked angrily, her eyes filled with hatred.

"I tried so hard but you fought my magic. I almost couldn't save you- do you know that would have destroyed Henry? It would have destroyed me," Regina's tears were streaking through the blood on her cheeks, her words and breaths beginning to come in heaving sobs as she leaned over with her arms wrapped tightly around her stomach. "You chose to leave me."

Emma looked at the faces of the people around her and watched as they carefully avoided her eyes. She could feel the weight of their unspoken questions.

"I was prepared to die, yes," Emma said tiredly, her voice breathier than she would have liked.

"No!" Regina lunged to her feet, her hands fisted at her sides as she faced Emma. "You fucking CHOSE to die!"

"How dare you!" Snow said, the sound of her hand slapping Regina spilling into the shocked street. Regina turned to look at Snow, rage and sadness warring on her features. Henry chose that moment to step forward and slip his hand into Regina's.

"Mom?" he asked quietly and she immediately looked down into his upturned face. "Can I come home with you?" Emma watched the scene unfold, willing herself to feel something, to find a way to answer the questions.

"Henry?" Emma said, her eyes seeking out his. She was surprised at the anger she saw reflected in his beautiful hazel eyes.

"You had the shoes, Emma. You only had to think it and you would have healed yourself. Mom's right, you wanted to leave us. You decided that you didn't need your courage to face anything else, you didn't need someone talking it over with you, and what you decided was heartless." He turned and tugged on Regina's hand pulling her away with him. Neither looked over their shoulders as they walked away and Emma finally got her wish- she began to feel the emptiness of their leaving.

Emma was in a daze as David and Snow took her home. She vaguely remembered Granny cautioning her parents that she needed a lot of red meat, cooked as rare as she could stand it to help her replenish the iron in her blood. Leroy and his crew had brought round the town's firetruck and were washing the sidewalk; Emma watched her blood pool then slide into the gutters in rivers of crimson and streams of pink.

"Emma? You have to eat and drink. Your body has experienced a trauma and you need to help it heal." As Snow set a plate of food in front of her, Emma touched her stomach and chest. She could feel the scar tissue under her now clean shirt. Snow had stripped her when they got home and gently bathed her- all of which Emma had accepted silently.

"Regina's right," Emma said tiredly. "I gave up." Snow and David looked at her and then David quickly looked away but not before Emma saw the tremors in his cheek. "I thought, I could just let go and save us all future pain. I thought that I didn't really exist here in this life and that I was just so tired of everything that I could let go and things might be hurtful for awhile but-"

"Might be hurtful?" Snow asked incredulously causing Emma's eyes to lift to hers. "Might? What world do you live in, Emma, that you don't see how much people love you? Might be hurtful? If you had died it would have destroyed us. Why didn't you come talk to us? Why did you hide this away where no one could see it?"

"Why didn't we see it," David said quietly, his voice thick with emotion.

"Listen, I didn't want to... let go. I felt Regina's reaching for me and I reached back. And I can tell you right now, this conversation is over. We've all made decisions that for a moment felt right but were completely selfish. I'm not going to allow mine to be paraded in front of me at will."

As Emma ate, the table lapsed into silence. David slowly stood and walked to his room, his shoulders slouched under the weight of the afternoon. Snow continued to sit with her and finally Emma asked her what was on her mind.

"The violence, Emma," Snow began.

"We were at war," Emma said, wiping her mouth with a napkin. "When Dew... when I was stabbed, I knew it was us or them and I chose us. I sent a message that we aren't to be fucked with."

"Regina said fucking," Snow said unexpectedly and Emma looked at her in surprise. Snow shrugged. "I've just never, as long as I've known her, heard her curse like that. Sure, she's told me to go to hell once or twice, but she's never been crude."

"I'm not following," Emma said as she tried to bring her mind around the turn in the conversation.

"I was just making an observation. When you feel up to it, you know you need to go see Henry and talk things through."

"Honestly I didn't even think to use the shoes to heal myself," Emma said earnestly, her eyes imploring Snow's.

"I believe you," Snow said softly, "and that's what worries me."

Emma found herself standing in front of Regina's door later that night. She could just make out the soft glow of Regina's lamp. As she lifted her arm to knock, her eyebrows raised in surprise at the tug of the new scar tissue stretched across her stomach. Regina opened the door just as Emma lifted the hem of her shirt to look at her stomach. She quickly dropped it, her face turning pink.

"Ms. Swan," Regina said her voice tired.

"Regina, can we talk?"

"I just spent the evening holding our son while he cried." Emma winced and looked away. Regina lay her head against the door, her eyes closing as she hid her own emotions from Emma's view. "I don't really feel like talking at the moment."

"Please, I... please let me try," Emma said quietly. After long moments Regina stepped back and held the door open. She turned her head to avoid eye contact as Emma stepped into the foyer.

"OK, first of all, it didn't even occur to me to heal myself. Really, I'm not that logical at the best of times much less... you know, stabbed and fighting." She was surprised when Regina chuckled behind her.

"I did say almost that exact same thing earlier tonight to Henry," Regina said with a smile. She led Emma towards the study where Emma was grateful to sit down. When Regina handed her a glass of water Emma started to protest. "Water is what you need, Ms. Swan, and I won't argue the point with you." Emma grumbled but after dealing with the mayor as long as she had she knew the tone well.

"Fine, drink your fancy wine and give me h2o. I happen to actually like water."

"I have never seen you drink water in all the time I've known you," Regina said, one eyebrow raised.

"I drink it all the time! It's one of the main ingredients of cocoa." Emma smirked as Regina's jaw dropped. She was feeling more relaxed as the other woman began to smile. However, the moment didn't last long.

"Why?" Regina asked quietly, fiddling with her wine glass and avoiding Emma's eyes.

"Because." Regina looked up, a small smile curling the corner of her mouth.

"You'll need to do better than that, Ms. Swan."

"It's hard to just forget twenty eight years of thoughts and feelings. But I did come back. And you, you're a big part of that," Emma cleared her throat and drank her water, carefully avoiding looking at Regina. "I did come back," Emma emphasized quietly, hoping the significance of her words conveyed everything she couldn't and wouldn't say.

"Come to bed," Regina said, but at Emma's smile, she held up an admonishing finger. "To sleep. That's the best thing for you." Her eyes raked over Emma as though truly looking at her for the first time since Emma had arrived. Emma watched as she fell apart and was helpless to stop it. "You lost a lot of blood," Regina was crying as she said the word blood. Emma watched in guilty horror as Regina's knees buckled and she sobbed as she slid to the floor. Emma hurried over and wrapped her arms around the mayor. "You died, Emma, and I almost couldn't reach you to bring you back."

"Shh, darling, I'm right here. I couldn't leave you, you're my heart. Please, Regina, don't cry." Emma soothed the brunette as she stroked her hair and arms. She was surprised to feel a pair of small arms wrap around her and quickly open her arms to embrace Henry. She let herself feel her family crying in her arms, feel the extent of the emotions that played through them and shot through her. "I'm sorry. I finally have a family," Emma whispered, "and I wouldn't give that up for the world."