"The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it." – Flannery O'Connor
The truth hurts. It's never easy to tell the truth, and it's even harder to tell the truth to someone you love. You don't want them to hurt as much as you're hurting inside, so it may seem easier to keep it inside. The last thing you want is for your loved ones to share the fear you're feeling.
However, keeping your feelings bottled up inside isn't any easier. Denying what happened isn't going to change the fact that it happened. All denial does is prolong the other person's ignorance to the situation, and if that person truly knows and loves you, they know something is wrong. So, in essence, it's better to just tell the truth.
You fear everything will be different once they know. You fear they won't be able to look at you the same. The truth is fearful. John 8:32 reads, "And then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." Unfortunately, reality isn't that simple. In fact, the truth often does just the opposite. It doesn't really set you free. Instead, the truth opens up a can of worms that will imprison you. It's easier to lie, because then you don't have to explain the details.
The easiest route isn't always the best.
Her heart pounded furiously against her chest from the unexpected sight of her husband. It had years since her body reacted like this from the sight of Derek. She was reminded of the first time she saw Derek at the hospital and learned that she was her attending. The blood gushed rapidly through her veins and tingling sensations lingered through her body.
His blue eyes were fixated on her. She sensed sadness, confusion, and wonder in his eyes.
"Meredith, what's going on?" Derek finally asked. He looked up at the detectives and scoffed, "What did my wife do now?"
Meredith didn't doubt that Derek knew the detectives. .He was pretty well acquainted with most of the members of the Seattle PD. He'd saved some of their lives, he'd told Meredith before, plus he'd spent some time in the Seattle jail due to his reckless driving. Meredith would never forget the time she left him in jail on the night of Cristina and Owen's wedding. He'd reeked of pee the next morning.
"C-Cristina?" a man's voice stammered. Meredith then noticed Owen standing next to Derek. His crystal blue eyes gazed in awe at Cristina. "What are you doing here?"
Cristina didn't say anything. She placed her arm gently on Meredith's shoulder and whispered into her friend's ear, "Let's go now."
Meredith shook her head and turned to her husband. Her heart continued to race. "Where's Zola?" Meredith demanded again, with frustration in her voice. All she wanted was to see her little girl. She wanted to make sure she was safe. It had nearly twenty-four hours since she had held her daughter in her arms.
"She's in the daycare, Meredith," Derek told Meredith and added, "Where else would she be? Meredith, what the hell is going on here? Y-You're a mess. Did you spend the night in the hospital?"
Meredith rolled her eyes and moved past Derek, heading toward the daycare. All she wanted was to see Zola. Derek raced after her.
"Meredith, talk to me!" Derek cried, following after her. "Tell me what's going on. Why is Cristina suddenly here? Why are you being accompanied by police detectives? Talk to me, Meredith."
"Why should I?" Meredith spat, not looking back. "Why should I tell you anything? You're the one who accused me of cheating on you and didn't give me the time of day to explain. You took Zola and wouldn't answer your phone. I don't even know where the hell my daughter slept last time. Derek, why should I talk to you? And then, when you see Cristina and me with the detectives, you immediately assumed that I did something, because the first words out of your damn mouth were 'What did my wife do now?' Seriously, Derek, why should I tell you a damn thing?"
"I'm sorry," Derek said softly. "You're right. I overreacted yesterday and jumped to the worst possible conclusion. I should have let you explain, but after all that happened Addison and Mark…can you blame me for thinking the worst? After I left you, I talked to Callie, and she suggested Zola and I spend the night at her place to give me time to think. I didn't want to say something I was going to regret later. That's where Zola and I were last night. I tried to call you this morning, but your phone was off."
Tears were streaming down Meredith's face. She turned around and looked into her husband's sad eyes. "Derek," she mouthed. "I would never cheat on you. Please believe me when I tell you that."
"I believe you," Derek said softly. He wrapped his arms around his wife and whispered into her ear again, "I believe you."
Meredith buried her face in her husband's chest and the fumes of his Polo cologne – her favorite – lingered up her nose. She inhaled through her nose, savoring the moment.
"I need to see my daughter," she said.
"You also need a shower," Derek noted. She lifted an armpit and wrinkled her nose as she inhaled a whiff of her disturbing body odor. "Meredith, when are you going to tell me what really happened? If you weren't cheating on me, why did Alex find your phone in an on-call room? Why were you being escorted by police detectives? More importantly, why did Cristina feel the need to rush back to Seattle?" His eyes were full of sincerity and worry. "Really, Mer, you can tell me anything. I'm your husband, and I love you." He lifted his thumb and wiped a tear from her cheek.
"I'm scared," she whispered hoarsely.
"Whatever it is, I'm here for you. We'll get through it together. You don't need to be scared alone." She looked beyond Derek and saw Owen, Cristina, and the detectives walking toward her. She couldn't help but notice the solemn expression on Owen's face as he looked at Meredith. She knew then that Cristina had told him.
"Meredith, I'm so s-sorry," Owen stuttered as he seemed to be looking for the right words to say to her. "It's imperative that you talk to the police now, because if this happened to you then who's to say it won't happen to someone else? I can't run the risk that this person is running loose in my hospital. It jeopardizes the safety of this hospital for all the employees and patients."
Derek frowned and Meredith noticed the deep confusion that swept over her face. "What's he talking about, Meredith?" Derek asked. "The safety of this hospital? Meredith, did someone hurt you?"
"Oh, Jeez, Mer, you still haven't told him?" Cristina scowled, rolling her eyes. "Tell him, for God's sake."
She struggled to make eye contact with Derek. She didn't know why this was so hard for her to tell him. As Alex had told her, Derek loved her. If anyone would understand, it was him. Part of her didn't want her to look at her differently. She saw the way that Owen was looking at her now that he knew. She remembered how Cristina and Alex had looked at her last night. Now, she saw the hurt in Derek's eyes. Her not telling him was hurting him. But he had hurt her yesterday when he accused her of cheating on him. He had hurt her when he'd taken Zola to Callie's without telling him where she was. He had no idea how frightened she actually had been. She thought they were in danger. Derek didn't even know that he and Zola could be in harm's way. He didn't know that Zola was being stalked. He didn't know that this horrible, awful man had been texting her pictures of her daughter to her cell phone. And now she had destroyed the evidence by crushing her phone. Derek knew none of that.
Derek reached out and took her right hand. The warmth from his skin radiated against her cold hand. "You can tell me anything, Meredith. I'm not going to run again. Ever. I promise," Derek said warmly. He blue eyes glistened as they gazed into Meredith's.
"Okay," she took in a deep breath. "Derek, yesterday morning…I was attacked."
"By someone in the hospital?" Derek's jaw dropped. "You mean, you didn't just fall down the stairs? Someone in this hospital pushed you?"
Meredith glanced at Cristina, who shook her head. "Tell him everything," Cristina insisted.
"What does she mean by that?" Derek looked at Cristina and then back at Meredith. "What does she mean by tell me everything?"
Meredith inhaled through her nose and whispered, "I was raped in an on-call room."
She saw Derek's face freeze. There was the look, her heart dropped as Derek's sad eyes looked into hers. "Mer," he whispered. He took her in his arms and gently ran his hands through her knotted hair. She felt safe and secure in his arms, and despite the way he now looked at her, she was glad that he knew the truth, although she knew he would have a lot of questions.
"We really should take this down to the precinct so we can get a full statement," said Detective Sorenson.
Meredith nodded, though she wasn't prepared to relive everything that had happened. She clenched onto Derek's hand.
"I'm coming too," Derek said. He looked over at Cristina, who smiled.
"Are you going to be okay, Mer?" Cristina asked and Meredith nodded. "Okay, because I think Owen and I have some catching up to do."
"I'm sure you do," Meredith smiled. "One more thing before we go." She turned to Derek. "I need to see Zo."
"Of course," Derek insisted, and he held his wife's hand as they walked toward the daycare. The detectives followed after. Meredith found her heart beating faster as she stood in the same place that the photos of her daughter had been taken. She found herself looking around. Derek noticed her eyes wandering as he asked, "Are you looking for someone?"
"Him," Meredith whispered.
"Don't worry, Mer. You're safe now. He can't hurt you now," Derek said soothingly, but Meredith knew he wouldn't be saying that if he knew the full truth; the truth Meredith wasn't prepared to tell him. She didn't know how to tell him that this man had threatened her. He had threatened her daughter's life. He had taken pictures of their daughter from the very spot they were standing now. Of course, Meredith knew she had to tell the police, but she wondered if he was watching now. What if he was? What if he knew that she was accompanied by the police? If so, Zola was in danger. She had to protect Zola.
She saw her little girl through the window playing with Sofia. A sudden burst of happiness filled Meredith's body as she looked at the little girl for the first time in twenty-four hours. "Zo," Meredith whispered softly, wanting to go in and give her daughter a big hug.
"Go ahead," Derek said with a weak smile on his face, nudging his wife to enter the daycare as he stood outside the window.
"Mama!" Zola cooed when she saw her mother. She dropped the block she was playing with and ran toward her mother. Meredith wrapped her arms around her daughter and picked her up, planting a big kiss on her forehead. "Miss you!"
"I missed you too, baby," Meredith told her daughter, stroking her back and hugged her tighter.
"Smelly!" Zola giggled; Meredith knew her daughter was pointing out that she needed a shower. She set Zola down so she wouldn't have to endure her body odor. "Where be you?"
Meredith didn't know how to explain to her daughter that her father hadn't told her where he'd taken her. "Mommy had to work all night," Meredith lied to the toddler. She looked into her daughter's cute brown eyes and admired the little girl's dimples. It was so hard to lie to that face, but how do you tell a toddler that her mother's been violated and threatened by a very bad man? How do you tell a toddler that her life could be in danger? You don't. Zola had to feel safe. Meredith didn't want to worry her little girl. "I'll be home tonight, and we'll have a tea party, okay, sweetie?"
"Yay! Tea pawty!" Zola giggled.
"Of course, Mommy's going to take a shower first," Meredith smiled and laughed lightly. Zola giggled and Meredith gave her another quick hug. "Mama has to go to work."
"Okay," Zola said. "Daddy!" She pointed over at the window, where Derek could be seen peeking through the window.
"Daddy has to get to work too," Meredith told the toddler. "Now, you go play with Sofia. Okay, baby girl?" Meredith patted the toddler's head; Zola nodded and went back to playing with her friend. Meredith sighed, just happy to see that her daughter was safe.
Outside, she found Derek standing with the two police detectives.
"You ready?" Derek asked.
"As ready as I'll ever be," Meredith sighed, and then looked intently at Derek, "but there's one more thing I need to tell you before we go." She peeked through the window at her happy daughter, gleefully playing with her friend.
A/N: Yay, Derek finally knows. Though the drama isn't over yet. This chapter is dedicated to Bia Benson, because without her, there's no way this chapter would have been finished today.
