AN: I have drunken neighbors that sing at all hours. I hate them. Happy Christmas.

Jasmine Scarthing-I never said I'd let her live happily. Scarecrow? Hello, sweetheart.

SwordStitcher-Muppets? What on earth is a...never mind. Singing death-row vegetables, indeed. I'm sure Ivy's thrilled by the idea.

Voodoo-Mutant-Child-WE DON'T. MENTION. THE CHILDHOOD. He doesn't need to know about this.


"The twelfth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me…singing Christmas carols…"


T'was the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

Well…not exactly. It was, technically, already Christmas-two AM, to be exact. And several creatures were stirring. Mostly mice, plus one human. Jonathan Crane had come downstairs for a little snack. It was entirely Scarecrow's fault-the straw man had been musing on the scones downstairs for the past hour.

He was settled into his armchair with his snack and his notebook now, trying to see what had made the last batch of toxin explode. Then he heard the unmistakable sound of Christmas carols.

What idiot would be up at this hour? Scratch that-what idiot would be roaming around Gotham at this hour? That was equable to having a neon sign that said, 'mug/rape/kidnap/murder me!' Well, he was always in need of subjects, and since these morons were out unattended…

He set his notes aside and crept to the window. Where was the cause of the racket? He knew he'd heard carolling…ah. Not exactly.

The noisemakers were drunk. Damn. Drunk people were never cooperative without the aid of toxin, and that was all the way in the lab. Too much work for this hour of the morning. Besides, Kitty would never forgive him if he brought drunk, annoying people into the house and woke her up.

He returned to his chair, scowling and wishing for a violent blizzard to appear out of nowhere. That would teach them to wander around singing at two in the morning.

The singing grew closer and he finally gave up on his notes. He was going back upstairs to try and sleep.

"Love, what are you doing…?"

"Sorry. Go back to sleep."

"Is that singing?"

"Ye-es…"

She rolled over, grumbling something about 'kill 'em all'. Tempting as it was, group murders tended to attract attention. Besides, he was tired and much more comfortable under the covers. They'd shut up eventually. They'd better, unless they wanted to deal with the Scarecrow.

The singing did not stop and he finally got back up and shuffled down to the lab. A few minutes later, he'd tossed a couple of Fear Capsules™ out into the path of the carollers. A few minutes after that, 'Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas' was interrupted with shrieks of terror. Much better.

"Happy Christmas, love."

Whatever.

"Happy Christmas."

THE END

AN: Starting Wednesday, January 4th, 2014...the sequel to All Those Things You Fear will begin serialization on FF. Whee.