A/N: Sorry it has taken me so long to upload the next chapter but I've been so busy! I currently have the work schedule from hell and it doesn't look set to improve for a couple more weeks so bear with me as I plough my way through piles upon piles of marking and students reports.
Many thanks for the all the reviews last chapter, they made my day! Keep them up, they really do give us writers a boost and I really could do with encouraging feedback at this moment in time.
There maybe some errors and I wanted this chapter to be longer and better but I figured if I don't upload it tonight, it'll probably be another week!
Enjoy!
Chapter 12.
James paced. Juliet sipped her lemonade, her eyes flitting between him and Daniel, who sat on their couch trying to explain his latest time travel theory.
Was it possible? Did she dare hope? And that was the thing. To allow hope in ... could she? Did she want to chance the bitter disappointment again?
James didn't look impressed but no surprises there.
Of course it didn't take much to win over Miles and Jin, any chance to get back to Sun. Juliet knew Miles had wanted to get off this island for years as well. James was on his own in this one and she really didn't blame him. She knew why he didn't want to go back? Knew he was afraid of his past catching up with him but there was no future for them here either.
His eyes met with hers. Sooner or later he had to see that. And today the bubble was about to burst, this world; this place in time that he'd cocooned himself in was going to end. James didn't like change. He seldom talked about his past and to go back to it ... what if Frank Duckett's murder is linked to him? What if he went to prison? What would she do? But that wouldn't happen, would it? Could it?
She saw the doubt, the fear in his eyes. All the baggage from his past that he'd managed to attempt to forget in this place. Going back meant facing it.
He tore his gaze away from hers and fixed it on Daniel.
"So you're saying," he began, "that if you turn that donkey wheel so many degrees it'll move us through time all the way to 2007?"
Daniel nodded, "give or take a few years."
James was scowling again.
"What if it don't work? What if we go skipping through time again until blood starts pissing out of our noses and we all die."
Good question, Juliet mused and looked at Daniel.
"If I turn it the exact right amount that won't happen," Daniel reassured.
"And you know this exact amount?" she asked.
Daniel looked at her and nodded.
"I've been studying it at Ann Arbor for the last several years, trying to find ways we can get back to our proper time, where we belong, in time," he stressed.
"Yeah well Einstein you didn't even know what year it is so forgive me if I don't sound so trustin' with your so called time travel theories."
"You forget time when you're in that place," Daniel admitted, a frown denting his forehead, "I didn't realise how many years had passed."
James still didn't look pleased or convinced and she had the sinking feeling that in the end it would come down to her. She would be the deciding factor in what would happen next.
"Juliet's pregnant," James stated, pointing at her, "what if us moving through time hurts the baby?"
"It won't, least not the one time," Daniel returned.
James ran a hand through his hair, glared at Daniel. Juliet could see that stubborn tilt of his chin. He wasn't the sort of person to be convinced easily.
"You see Jim, nothing to stress about Juliet will be fine ..." Miles began.
James turned to him suddenly. "In case ya forget Enos but women on the island in 2007 die!"
"Not if I take the medicine," Juliet spoke up, all eyes now resting on her, "I know where it's kept, in the station, the one we took Claire too."
Silence fell. James shook his head. She'd forgotten that she had been an 'Other' once, their enemy, so to speak. Those days when James used to glare at her, those days he distrusted her. Those days when he'd be an ass and those days, now in the past, was going to be their future, again. She swallowed, met James' intense gaze.
"We can't stay here James," she spoke, swallowed again.
She was scared too. He must have seen that, because he nodded, looking somewhat defeated.
"Where you go I go," he murmured.
They hashed it out for a couple of hours, coming up with half baked plans.
There was no way to get to the wheel for starters said James the well was filled in.
Then we blow a hole in the wall Miles suggested. James could get the layout of the building; he was head of security after all. He had access to explosives but he still needed a reason for them he had pointed out. Miles shrugged, gave him a knowing look you just don't tell anyone. By the time anyone got suspicious it would be over.
James had to acknowledge Miles was right. They were pretty slack with keeping track of what went in and out of the armoury, having got complacent in the last few years. Nothing much had happened on the island for a while, no problems or run ins with the hostiles. All was fine and dandy.
You all need to be together when I turn the wheel Daniel suggested whatever you want to take with you, put in a bag and make sure you have hold of it in your hand.
And that then meant they had to be in the Orchid, Daniel couldn't do it on his own. James knew the Orchid was still intact in 2007, and unused, well that was 2004 actually but still they would be safe enough there. They didn't want to run into the 'Other's'. If they stayed at the barracks there was a possibility that could happen. The Orchid was the place to be but how to evacuate the station?
Miles had the idea that once they blew a hole in the wall that should pretty much do it.
They continued to plot and plan and James felt like his head was gonna spin right off at some stage. He was sure he was stuck in some damn Doctor Who episode, wished they had a Tardis to get off this rock. That would have been much easier.
They managed to get a plan happening, it wasn't fool proof, but well this was the island, nothing ever was here.
It would do. James wasn't happy. He wanted 100% guarantees, not maybes but he was over ruled. They were all part of this crazy plan. The 'Back to the Future' project was happening whether he liked it or not.
James stood in the bedroom doorway and watched Juliet reading her book, Miles, Jin and Daniel having left an hour ago. Mary was fast asleep. He'd spent the last ten minutes watching her. He did that sometimes, needing the reassurance that she was real. Was he real? This, the here, now was it real? Sometimes he'd wake up, startled, heart beating erratically not knowing where he was and then he'd hear Juliet sigh and say his name. His eyes would fix on her sleeping form and then he'd remember everything. Her, him, married, in love, they had a daughter. It was alright. It was going to be alright. He wasn't alone anymore. He'd wrap his arms around her, reassured by her warmth. She was his. It was real, they were real.
But now, he was secretly terrified. And he didn't want to leave this place. For the first time in his life he was somebody, not the murdering no good conman he was back then, not the sad, lonely angry boy who grew up into a man, a bad man just like the one responsible for the death of his mother. Him, becoming everything he hated.
He could forget here, could pretend otherwise but once they went back ... what was he there? He was nothing, revengeful, hated, a criminal. And she would get to see all of that, everything he despised about himself.
She was beautiful. He wasn't.
"Spit it out James?" she asked, turning the page of her book, briefly glancing his way.
Wasn't it half obvious? She read him like a damn book, always had.
"You know I won't be able to get a job," he spoke.
Her book lowered to the doona, her gaze now firmly fixed on him and he felt awkward. Never did like anyone seeing his insincerities. Had always been really good at hiding them behind that jeering, sarcastic, difficult mask he wore so well for a very long time. Even with her seeing through him, speaking about his real fears was still hard.
"In case you forgot but I do have a criminal record," he continued, lowering his eyes.
He felt he had to point this out to her again because they were about to return to it, if all went according to plan.
"You'll find something," she returned.
He gave a humourless laugh.
"Maybe a garbage truck driver," he muttered, crossing the floor to the bed and plonking himself down onto the mattress, rolling on to his back and staring up at the ceiling, hating feeling so damn fucking vulnerable.
"What am I Juliet?" he murmured.
She leant over him and touching his chin she turned his head so he had no option but to look at her. Of course she adored him, here and now and he can see this in her eyes but still ...
"I'm nothing back there," he continued, "and our kids are gonna have this dead beat father, and sure they don't ask questions when their little but what about when they get older?"
There he'd said it now.
He saw the sympathy in her eyes.
"You treat them right and they'll adore you and the past won't matter."
A stray curl fell across his face. He caught it with his hand, twirling it around his finger.
"It'll be okay," she breathed.
He wanted to believe her so badly. But he wasn't convinced. What if he lost her ... fuck but that was just the unthinkable. He didn't want to go there. She meant far too much to him. She had given him life, shared hers with him when no one else had ever done. Not that he'd let anyone get too close. The anger, the rage, the pain stopping him but that was the past and this, her and Mary, his future right. So what if he did lose them. He couldn't go through that pain again and even the thought of experiencing that pain again terrified him more than anything else.
"I can't lose you," he whispered, swallowing the lump in his throat.
She blinked and he saw the well of emotions in her eyes.
"You won't."
Juliet lay on her side watching him sleep. She liked these moments, when she could watch him unobserved. The lines on his face now smoothed out in sleep, no need for pretences, no need to be on guard. He always looked much younger this way, and so peaceful.
But who was she really trying to kid, she was afraid more than she let on, wanting to reassure him. No point in the both of them stressing and it just better be okay. She had to believe that. But secretly she worried, which is why she was lying here unable to sleep.
Her eyes rested on the clock, five am. She sighed, shut her eyes, her hip ached. She needed to roll over to her other side but that meant she wouldn't be able to watch him sleep. She rolled over anyway, god that was starting to become an effort. She was too old for this, being pregnant at 40.
Damn there just was no such thing as being comfortable like this. Sighing, disgruntled Juliet sat up.
James stirred. "What'cha doing?" he mumbled in his pillow.
"I can't sleep."
Then she had a horrible thought, what if they ended up in 2004? Their younger selves running around on the island and having to avoid them, not to mention she would be 40 when she ought to be 34, in fact even if they managed to get it right and land in 2007 she would still be a couple of years older than she should. Shit. It was bad enough being 40. She didn't want to be 40 and she most certainly didn't want to be 40 in 2007 when she ought to have been 37.
James' eyes opened, he frowned and managed to pull himself up into a sitting position, leaning back against the head board alongside her.
"So what's keeping ya awake?" he asked.
"I'm 40," she stated.
He glanced at her.
"I guess that's what that big party bash was about six months ago," he quipped.
"But in 2007 I'm supposed to be 37."
He gave her a blank look of disbelief, as if to say that's it? Here we are about to do something totally stupid and blow holes in walls in an attempt to get back to 2007 and your thinking about your age?
"It's just a couple of years Juliet," his voice trailing away, shaking his head.
Years upon years, meant nothing to him but for her ... it was everything. How old would Julian be? How old Rachel and her? What if Daniel got the year wrong?
"I don't want to be 40," she moaned, "and isn't it all just downhill from here on out," she added with a wave of her hand.
"You look great for 40."
"No I look like a beached whale."
A hint of amusement flickered in his eyes, he shook his head.
"And you think you can walk all the way to the old beach camp?"
That had been part of the plan. After they left the Orchid, walk to the beach camp to see if it was there and try to get some idea of what year they were in.
She frowned. "Isn't this were you are supposed to contradict me and say I don't look like a beached whale at all."
"But then I'd be lying," he grinned.
She punched him in the arm.
"Ouch," he grimaced rubbing his arm, "violent woman and don't expect me to give ya a piggy back ride either."
His face suddenly got serious, worried.
"What if the smoke thing turns up? How ya gonna run? And how am I gonna run with Mary in my arms."
His eyes met hers, he shook his head, pursued his lips. "Fuck. Too many things can go wrong, and no one is thinking about any of that."
"I guess we hide," she suggested, such thoughts not crossing her mind till now, suddenly remembering her last encounter with smoky. Kate and her running through the jungle hand cuffed, pouring with rain, her shoulder dislocated and that thing chasing them. It had been terrifying.
Her eyes met with his. She saw the look on his face, a mixture of worry and dread. Wrapping his fingers around hers he brought her hand up to his chest.
"Can always change our minds Blondie ..."
"No," she got out, her voice hoarse. "We have to do this."
Four hours, Miles mused as he walked to the canteen. And it was back to good old 2007 and home. He started whistling to himself, couldn't wait to get off this rock and put all of this behind him. He spied his mother sweeping the front porch in passing, just like she always did this time every morning. He waved at her. "Hey Mrs Chang."
She smiled back. "Hello big Miles."
He felt the silly grin on his face. "How's little Miles?"
"A handful."
His grin widened. "You spoil him too much," he stated, "he'll grow up to be a brat."
"No he won't," he replied with a dismissive wave.
"Believe me ..." he sighed quietly and continued on, his steps haltering.
He stopped and slowly turned to look at her, his mother. Today would be the last time he saw her. She was so young, healthy, sweet not the bitter woman he knew in the future and she was dead. He was alone, had always been alone except here.
He shook his head to clear it. Time for moving on, no living in the past anymore, his past, bizarre living in it as an adult.
He spied Jin walking across the compound from the security building and fell in step with him.
"You got the explosives?" he asked in a quiet voice.
"All set," Jin returned.
They walked in silence for a moment.
"Soon you'll get to see Sun," Miles spoke, breaking the silence.
Jin had been unusually quiet, kind of odd.
"I don't get my hopes up until we are back there."
Miles understood that but he trusted Daniel, they guy was a bit crazy and weird but he was clever. He knew what he was doing, he hoped.
"I can't picture her face clearly now," Jin spoke, softly, "it used to be so clear, but now ... now it is blurred."
"It's been six years man and no photo, you have to expect that."
Jin's face seemed tired somehow, and sad. Why would Jin be sad?
"I thought that you out everyone would have been the most excited."
Jin looked around. "I'll miss this place."
"Hey Jin," Mitchell said in passing, "fishing expedition still on for Friday."
Jin nodded, "For now yes."
"Good man, looking forward to it."
Silence followed, their footsteps crunching on the footpath.
"It's funny how you act when knowing you never see these people again," Jin murmured.
Ugh packing, what to take, lots of jars of baby food, clothes for Mary, boots, a change of clothes for her. There was only so much she could really take. The photos had to go in the bag, she wasn't leaving them behind. Juliet went back into the kitchen for the hundredth time. Maybe she should grab a few more tins of food. Why did she feel so anxious? She couldn't think straight, what if they were not doing the right thing? Shit, shit. She went back into the living room, looking at Mary glued to the TV set, pacifier in her mouth. She really was getting to old for that thing.
What about Mary? Would she be okay, what if they went to the future but she didn't? Even though Daniel reassured her if she had hold of Mary it would be okay but could she believe him? Mary was born in 1978. In 2007 she wouldn't even have a birth certificate.
Juliet fell back on the couch, dazed, worried as hell, burying her face in her hands.
Should they be doing this? But they didn't belong here and even if Mary was born in 1978 she was still part of her and James, which meant she would stay with them when Daniel turned that wheel. It would be alright. She was worrying for nothing.
Removing her hands from her face she looked around the room, taking in the yellow curtains, paintings on the walls, their things, belongings, they had so many memories here.
God she still remembered her first day, first impressions always leaving the most lasting memories. She could still remember thinking shit what had she done. Funny how there really were some things you never forgot. Of course then she had naively believed that they would honour their word and let her go when her six month contract was up.
Oh fool her!
She remembered that day too. Shocked, too horrified to even cry, that came later.
The first three years had been hell but the last six ... surprisingly sweet and amazing. Who would have thought she would find love on the island from hell, the same said island that caused her so much grief and pain. Who would have thought she would be a mother.
Her hand rested on her belly. It still amazed her, this, making a human being but being pregnant sucked. She couldn't wait for it to be over, was counting down the weeks, ten to go.
It was taking forever!
Funny but she was going to miss this place in a strange sort of way. Memories, good, bad, whatever, but she had spent nine years of her life here. It counted for something. And soon it would be over.
James stepped into the living room, a strange expression on his face. She took in his appearance, flannelette shirt, jeans and his shaggy hair brushing the collar of his shirt.
He looked good, still, damn but he was easy on the eye. Not that she would tell him so. His head was already big enough.
"Ya ready?"
She nodded no, not really but it had to be done.
He reached out a hand to her, she took it and god she really was secretly terrified. Without warning, she reached up and put her arms around him, hiding her face against his neck. It had to be okay. He smoothed her hair down and pressed his lips to the side of her head. They stood there like that, not saying anything to each other for a moment.
"Don't ever let go, no matter happens, just hold onto me," he whispered in her hair, breaking the silence.
She pulled back a fraction to look at him, her hands rested on either side of his face. She looked straight into his stormy worried eyes.
"Don't worry James. I'm never letting you go."
A/N: Sorry to end it there! I really did want it longer and better and I have it all mapped out in my head. I'll try and get another chapter up as soon as I can, work load permitting.
Thanks for the support.
