Joey's thoughts

Pain. That's what he felt. Continues pain.

His body burned with it, his soul rotted in it. There was no sense of time for him anymore, just when they were here and when they weren't. When the pain was being inflicted and when he sat in his own suffering. He didn't think much anymore, many times he forgot to eat, often forgetting to drink as well. He still screamed. He had tried not to, but he was broken. He would scream until his throat was horse, refusing to make a sound and till, it to, was in pain.

He didn't recognise or remember the names of the people who caused him pain; he sometimes forgot his own name. The name by which he would have been called by his friends. Another life time ago it seemed.

His friend's names began to fade in his mind and it felt like he was betraying them, causing an even deeper pain in his heart. He would repeat them, to desperately try to remember; to hold on to what he knew had existed. One name he would not forget, repeating it till it became everything, till the name became sacred. Serenity... He felt like he was tainting it by saying it, inflicting it with his filth. Serenity. Serenity. Serenity…

They would beat him, cut him, break him, and after that, they would use him. The beatings left him in pain but their use of him for pleasure made him feel dirty. His soul was being infected by the filth of his body, and slowly dying in tear stained agony.

In times, when he remembered to drink and when he rarely ate, his mind would clear. He would try to reinforce his determination. Remind himself that someone would rescue him. Then they would come back, and he would be in pain.

but, the thing was… he liked it. He liked the pain; he craved the burning of his body, the salty tears that would spill from his eyes and the sounds that would be wrenched from his throat. He liked it. It meant he was alive. He needed to know he was alive… for Serenity. That sacred name.

He had convinced himself that she needed him, needed him so much that she would surly die if he did. That her sacred being would be tarnished if he ceased being. For that reason, he needed to know he was alive, needed the pain to remind him. In the times it would numb, he would worry. Worry that he was dying, that he wouldn't make it. That's all he wanted, all he knew that he needed, was to be alive. Living. To feel the pain and know that he was breathing. He craved the suffering.

Serenity. Serenity. Serenity. I'm alive, I'm alive. I feel…I feel. I can't feel! It's numb! I'm numb! I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm…I'm…Am I alive? What's life? Serenity, I'm alive, aren't I?

The door to the cell burst open revelling three figures standing at its entrance.

Ah, they'll tell me, I'll see if I'm alive. Serenity.

The first man stepped forward into the cell; he was followed by the other two.

They'll tell me. I'll feel it. I hope I'm alive. Serenity.

A slow smile spread over Hyou's face as he curled his fist.

That's new…Hope. I hope? Hope is nice, I like it, I feel it. Do you hope Serenity? I think you do.

He drew his fist back.

Am I alive? Does hope mean you're alive? I need to feel. Why don't I feel? Serenity.

The sound of flesh hitting flesh echoed around the cell, the laughter of the men joined it. Joey's flesh burned.

Pain! Pain! Burning pain.

I'm alive.