TALES FROM THE CITADEL

IT'S JUST A DREAM

DISCLAIMER: CASTLE AND THE CHRACTERS IN THAT SHOW ARE THE INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY OF ANDREW MARLOWE AND ABC.

Author's note: Another one shot AU set in seasons 3-4. This one is a major departure for me as I usually don't like angst and I'm a definite Caskett shipper. I wanted to see if I could do it successfully. WARNING: Angst, tragedy, character death.

He was a soldier. He'd always been a soldier although he'd never told Kate, Esposito, Ryan or Lanie. Captain Montgomery knew but had promised to keep it quiet. Richard Castle famous mystery writer and police consultant. AKA Lieutenant Colonel Richard Rogers United States Army Reserve. Airborne Infantry, combat veteran. He loved Kate Beckett like he'd never loved any woman, not even Kyra. He was a romantic at heart but also a realist.

Kate had figuratively kicked him in the teeth twice. One with Tom Demming and again with Josh Davidson. He still had hope but after nearly dying in the freezer and watching her walk off with Josh, he lost that hope. He loved her enough to want her to be happy, even if it wasn't with him. He knew that Josh hated him and he didn't want to put any strain on Kate's relationship.

He decided to walk away. He needed to get away. Away from her, away from New York where so many things reminded him of her. He didn't know if it was fate or luck when the very next day he received a letter from the Department of the Army. There was a shortage of field grade officers in his specialty and the army was issuing a voluntary recall of officers for service in the Middle East. He jumped at the offer. Both Martha and Alexis tried to talk him out of it but he was adamant. Alexis was almost an adult now and if anything happened to him she and Martha were fixed for life.

Kate Beckett had a few days off after the freezer/bomb incident. Josh had a few days off to spend with her. She was happy or so she thought. She expected to see Castle bringing her coffee on the Monday she returned to work but no coffee, no Castle. At noon, she called him but got his voice mail. She left a message for him to call. He didn't but did send her a text. Sorry, but I've been tied up in a personal matter. Probably will be for a while. That Friday her carefully constructed world came crashing down around her. Friday morning Josh called her to tell her that he was sorry but he couldn't stay as planned. Doctors without borders had called and said that he was vitally needed in Africa and that he was going. It was a year- long commitment. When he got back, maybe that they could pick up again.

Kate's temper exploded. "You sorry bastard. Not even man enough to tell me in person but you had to break up with me over the phone! Don't even think of ever contacting me again. Don't write, don't call, don't anything. You'll find the clothes you left at my place in the dumpster!"

She went to see Montgomery. "Captain, may I have a couple of hours of personal time?"

"Sure, Detective but be back right after lunch." She went to her apartment, threw Josh's clothes out and had the locks changed. She had lunch at Remy's then went back to the precinct. She's been at her desk about two hours when Captain Montgomery called for attention.

"Attention people I have a letter I need to read to you." To all my friends and colleagues at the 12th Precinct, I want to thank you for all the courtesy that you have shown me and how much you have taught me. I will never forget you and always keep you fondly in my memories. But it is time for me to move on. We all know that I'm not a real cop and it is time that I got out of your way, before someone gets hurt because of me. You all still have all the privileges you had at the Old Haunt. I wish you well and hereby resign as a police consultant. Richard E. Castle.

The double blow, delivered in one day was too much for Kate. Losing Josh hurt but losing Castle was devastating. She felt like she'd been sucker punched. She collapsed over her desk, letting out a long wail of no, no, no, no, no. Esposito immediately called Lanie Parish. "Chica, you better get up here right now, Kate needs you."

Montgomery said; "When Dr. Parish gets here have her take Detective Beckett home. Esposito, Ryan I want you to go to Castle's loft and find out what the hell is going on." When they got near the loft they saw an army officer getting into the back of a taxi. They could only see him from the back.

"Hey, that guy looked a lot like Castle." Ryan exclaimed.

"You been smoking funny tobacco bro? That guys an army officer and Castle isn't."

Martha Rogers answered the door. "If you've come to see Richard, I'm sorry he's not here. I have been instructed not to tell any of you where he has gone and I don't know when he will return. I am sorry, you just missed him. He left not more than five minutes ago." Martha closed the door. Esposito looked at Ryan. "Oh shit, that officer was Castle."

When they reported back to the captain he said; "Yes I knew that Castle was an officer but I was forbidden by the mayor to tell anyone and you still can't say anything to Beckett or Dr. Parish.

In Kate's apartment, she was curled up on her couch, the tears flowing almost without stopping. Lanie was patting her back, trying to comfort her. "Oh honey, it will be alright, you'll see."

"Lanie, it won't ever be alright if I don't see Castle again. I love him and I was too scared to admit it. I pushed him away, once too often and now I've lost him." That night Lanie and Kate got completely wasted. Drunker than either one had ever been.

The next day, Saturday, Kate went to the cemetery to visit her mother's grave. Talking to her made her feel so much better. She made that a weekly ritual.

Over the next year Kate slipped back into her pre-Castle persona, in fact a little worse. She didn't date at all. She only went out with Lanie and the boys for drinks at the Old Haunt. She was still excellent at her job because that was all she had. The only thing that kept her from going completely down the rabbit hole was the hope of seeing Castle again.

One Saturday, a bright sunny, lovely day Kate sat beside her mother's and father's graves, pouring her heart out. Jim Beckett had passed away three months ago, from a heart attack. She looked up as a funeral procession passed. It stopped a little way away by a freshly dug grave. She noted that six army officer's in dress blues carried the casket to the graveside, the casket covered in an American flag. Intrigued, she forgot her own grief and wandered a little closer. She'd never seen a military funeral before. The gravesite was in a lightly wooded area and to her shock she saw a rank of police officers standing near the grave. The shadow under the trees prevented her from seeing their faces. What was going on here? She hadn't heard of any police officers dying lately. Then a piper from the Emerald Society stepped forward and played To a Fallen Chief and Amazing Grace. An army chaplain took the podium and began to speak. She couldn't her him over the buzzing in her ears. The cold dread rising in her stomach became a fist clenching her heart when a uniformed police officer took the podium. It was Javier Esposito. She couldn't hear what he was saying either.

The tears started flowing as the mournful notes of taps sounded and her knees nearly buckled as the three volleys crashed out. The flag was removed from the coffin and folded. Kate's heart broke completely as the slender woman in black was presented with the flag. The woman raised her veil to kiss the flag. The grief ravaged face of Martha Rogers was revealed.

The faces of all the mourners turned as one at the wail of pure unadulterated grief coming from the young woman as she collapsed to the ground.

That night Kate sat with Lanie still sobbing hours later. "What did I do to make them hate me so? I wasn't told anything. I wasn't even allowed to say goodbye."

It was too many shocks. Everyone she loved taken from her. Kate Beckett didn't arrive to work Monday morning nor did she answer her phone, not even a recording. Lanie, Esposito and Ryan went to her apartment at noon. The front door wasn't even locked. The found her lying on top of her bed, wearing a white negligee like a bride might. Her copy of Heat Wave clutched to her chest. On her nightstand stood a half empty bottle of sleeping pills and an empty whisky bottle.

Please review.

Swordwriter