So now that a lot of readers have acknowledged the fact that since this isn't canon, I can do whatever I want, TIEM 4 WAKCY HIJINX LAWL!1ONELOLIO!1

But first, the big news. I outlasted Ask Rachel Alucard! That vampire's ease of sliding into boredom was her undoing! In fact, you could even say . . .

I killed the Wabbit.

AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! I AM THE BEST DAMNED BLOGGER THIS SIDE OF KAGUTSUCHI!

"Hardly, Grimalken. You started later than the Vampire. And even if you do run longer than her, that does not mean you are superior to her in any way, shape, or form."

Shut up, Hakumen. (Presses button)

"GAAAAAAAAAGH!"

Remember, I hold the controls for the shock collar, not you. But enough of the blogging news, I need to help you all out with your lives. Today's advice: before you sign a contract, read every line to make sure the contract is worth signing. Don't be like Hakumen here and end up under my thumb. And now let's get to my most popular feature, when I respond to fans! Let's get started:

"Dear Morally Ambiguous Catgirl of SCIENCE!

It's me C.R.V Reyes, the guy who asked you about the Freudian purpose of the Rocket arm and your lolipop flavor."

Even though your profile says your handle is Lyric Rome, I'll believe it.

"After some of my wanderings (and creating an account and starting a Fanfic), I've returned to ask for some sagely advice, and answers to sate my curiosity.

1) I know that you have some of the guys hanging out at your place. I'm wondering what do they do for their leisure. I can picture squirrel girl reading yaoi lemons of bishies, Hakumen, being the guy with a stick up his ass, practicing his speech of how he is the white void and all that. So, any insight on what you guys do on your free time?"

You're absolutely right on what Makoto does on her free time. I mean, aside from playing video games and watching giant robot cartoons. I guess it's all a part of her double agent act, she's a hardcore method actress like that. But I'm sure her enjoyment of yaoi Gundam fanfics is no act. Tager, when not training for combat, will solve insanely difficult mathematical equations, as well as research various philosophies. Hakumen, meanwhile, spends his time, in his own words, "Preparing my mind and body for the inevitable confrontation that will come." In other words, he swings his sword around and screams like a wild hog in heat. Moving onwards,

"2) There's this guy, a complete and utter lolicon who me and other pals say that said lolicon could be related to Pedobear and might probably end up in prison. Any ideas on how to force him out of his complex?"

You could always threaten his life if he continues, but something like that is something you're born with, as in you can't really force it out of them. If what you're most concerned about is him getting incarcerated, the best thing to do is to simply have him not do anything illegal. You can be the most depraved pedophile in the world, but if you avoid doing anything unlawful, you can get away with it. Tell him that.

"and

3) If your idea doesn't work on curing Pedobear's cousin, can you help me direct him to the goth loli's blog for good measure?"

What directions? It's hosted on the same site as mine. Just go to FFdotnet, go under the section marked, "Blaz Blue", and click on the blog entitled, "Ask Rachel Alucard." It's just like my blog, how hard can it be! Of course, good luck trying to get through to her, now that she's "retired." By the way, how much you wanna bet her "retirement" isn't going to be permanent?

But why would you want to direct him to . . . . oooooooooh, I get it! You wanna show him how uptight Rachel is! Yeah, that will shatter any fantasies he may've had about her! Good thinking! Wait, there's more.

"Postscript. If I were to write a lemon about the prissy loli vampire, would you give me advice on how to piss her off further?"

Wait . . . write a lemon about a loli . . . are you projecting? Cuz now, it sounds to me this "cousin" of yours is just a version of you embody-ing an undesirable social trait. I know what you're getting at; Rachel hates sexual objectification, so writing a lemon about her is bound to get her flustered, but, the fact that she's a loli, and your previous comments just sounds too coincidental.

"Uh, Koko, isn't projection one of Freud's theories? I thought you didn't like his work?"

I said most of his theories were bunk, not all of them. Many of his theories on psychological defense still hold water, including the concept of projection. I mean, just look at this guy! He's obviously a lolicon in denial! As for advice on actually writing a lemon? Uh, this is sexually related, so . . . go ask your mother. Oh wait, there's still more,

"Post-postscript. On further thought, if I were to ask for advice on how to get Rachel and other people of Blazblue very pissed off, would you help?

- And yes, I am one of your fans, with the good and bad that may come of it."

Oh yes, fans encompass both good and bad traits, believe me. As for pissing off Blaz Blue characters, well, that's easy.

Ragna: Say, "Release Code 666: Blaz Blue (half-beat) activate!" (Oh yeah, I know stage directions.)

Tao: Steal her meal.

Rachel: Act like the exact opposite of a 19th century noble from Europe.

Valkenhayn: Insult Rachel.

Noel: Mention how small her tits are.

Tsubaki: Remind her that Jin is not by her side.

Makoto: Talk shit about Gundam Unicorn.

Arakune: Say in a suggestive tone, "I stole your precioussssss."

Jin: First of all, don't mention Ragna. That look of psychosis he gets technically doesn't qualify as anger. Instead, do one of two things. One, say that magenta-haired women look like shit. Two, say that ice-based powers suck, and that the other elements are way awesomer. This also works on Hakumen, just instead of ice powers, make fun of his inability to dash on the ground.

Nu-13: Say, "Ragna's dead. He will never be able to reciprocate your feelings for him. Your life is now meaningless."

Lambda-11: Uh . . . I don't think she can get angry, not after what I did to her.

Terumi: Ignore him. No, seriously, if he talks to you, and you ignore him, it puts him in a rage.

Platinum: Look up her skirt.

Mu-12: Mention how small her tits are.

With these useful tips, even you can be a professional troll in the Blaz Blue universe!

Sorry, no Hall of Shame today. I really only wrote this to respond to the ZOMG blogging news concerning you-know-who. Maybe next time, I'll find someone worth lampooning. Until then, I've got some more victory gloating to do.