Naya's POV
I stayed in my trailer until it was near 7 o'clock. I had no idea what to do, I really wanted to make Cass feel better and take her mind off of the terrible things she's been going through but she's probably pissed at me and wouldn't want to see me anyways. I decided to head home and see what happens tomorrow. As I opened the door to leave, I found Lea standing in front of me, ready to knock.
"Lea? What are you doing here?"
"I err I came to check on you after getting requested to do so and hum, would you like to come with Chris, Cass and I to execute your distracting Cassandra plan?"
"Of course! But what do you mean after getting requested to do so?"
"Well after you left, we got out and kinda stumbled on Cass standing there alone so we asked her what happened and she just asked me to check up on you, she was worried about you."
"She was what? She was worried about me?"
"Naya...no matter how much you hurt her, she will always love you and care about you, you will always be her hero so yes, she was worried about you. Anyways, I told her about your planned and uhh, surprisingly, she actually accepted."
I was speechless. She was once again forgiving me? How? What? Why? How could someone be so forgiving? I don't know, all I know was that I needed her, and I'm pretty sure she needed me. So I nodded and followed. While we were headed to my car, Lea explained to me that she had already sent Chris and Cassandra to the restaurant and had told them we'd meet them there so that's where we were heading right now. They had decided an Italian restaurant and I was psyched, I love italian food. I had a feeling tonight was going to be a great night.
When we got to the restaurant, the waiter led us right away to the table were Chris and Cass were seated. Chris stood up and hugged us both before sitting back down. Cassandra stood up next and hugged Lea and before I knew it she was standing in front of me. I hadn't noticed I had dropped my gaze to the floor before I saw her feet stop before mine and she greeted me with a small hug that made me crave for more. I blushed at the thought and sat down, my seat happened to be right next to her.
We ordered and started chatting about nothing and everything, it felt like a little family and it was definitely one of the best nights ever, Cassandra and I were pretty civil to each other and Lea spent most of the conversation eyeing us up which was pretty weird. Our meals got here and we had all ordered pasta, miam. We got into our foodie mood and silence took over the table. A few minutes later, I looked up to see Cassandra staring at her plate with tears in her eyes. Tears? What happened in the previous minutes to make her tear up? I was about to ask her what was going but got cut off by her.
"Hey um sorry guys, I just need to use the bathroom for a second, I'll be right back, excuse me."
And she ran off to the bathroom, leaving us confused and looking at each other quizzically. I was standing up to go check up on her but Lea was faster than me, she put her hand on my arm and gave me a small smile, letting me know that she will check up on her. I sat back down and sunk into my chair, confused and sad. We were so happy, what made her break down again? I craved for another hug, to feel her skin against mine, to hold her close and promise her that it will all get better but I couldn't...she didn't want me to. I didn't know how long I would be able to stand this torture, seeing her but not be able to touch her. Especially knowing that soon she'll be leaving..
MIGHT BE TRIGGERING FOR SOME PEOPLE SO PLEASE, IF YOU'RE NOT FEELING WELL DON'T READ, I DON'T WANT YOU TO RELAPSE BECAUSE OF ME.
Cassandra's POV
After Lea asked me to join them for supper, I was kinda happy, they actually cared about me. It made me feel loved for this tiny bit of time and I accepted. We got to Chris' car before Lea told us she needed to go get Naya and they'd join us there.
Well hello there butterflies, yes Naya will be coming to the restaurant with us. Nervousness erupted, especially when Lea told me it was actually Naya's idea to make me feel bette. What would she do something like that? I mean yeah it's super nice and sweet but why would she something like that for me? I'm just confused, I have no idea what to think. She hates me or what? She despised me ever since I got on the set and suddenly, from a day to the other she changed? People don't change.
Chris and I were seated right as we got to the restaurant, we asked for an isolated table, not wanting to get mobbed or bothered, I needed this time with my friends..and sorta idol. This was kinda freaking me out, I had no idea why she would propose something so sweet, my head isn't getting wrapped around it. I was still in my questioning phase until I saw Chris' arm waving in front of my face.
"Yeah sorry bud, I was uuhh..."
"Zoned out?" he chuckled.
"Yeah hehe." I nervously muttered.
"It's all good, so are you sad to be leaving in 2 weeks?"
"Totally, I feel so blessed to be part of your team guys, I met some amazing people and I'm gonna miss you guys so much. I never thought I'd get along so well with all of you since you all knew each other for years and I was the newbie so I was pretty sure I'd feel like an outcast but you guys made me feel more loved than I've ever felt in my entire life to be honest. You make me feel special and I'm gonna miss this so much when I leave, I'm gonna miss you guys, your smiles, your joy, ugh. I'm sorry I'm getting super emotional right now."
"Awwww but babee, you are special! We love you so much and we'll miss you but you better visit! And we obviously will see each other super often because well let's face it, you can't live without our awesomeness." He chuckled and winked at me.
I turned around when the waiter came, only to see Naya looking absolutely stunning and my adorable Lea. Chris stood up to hug them and it was then my turn. I practically jumped on Lea and hugged her super tightly and then went over to Naya who was now looking at the floor. She looked so cute, I just wanted to give her a huge bear hug and never let go but I couldn't so I just stood on the tip of my toes to reach her, gave her a brief hug and went back to sit. Funny, she took a seat right next to me. We started a conversation all together and weirdly, Lea kept throwing me and Naya glaces. It felt so good being able to talk normally to Naya but that made me so confused, I didn't know what to think anymore.
After we did our order and got the food, everyone became quiet and started eating. I barely ate a few pieces before feeling nauseous. I kept replaying memories in my head. Memories of my grandpa. He was the best cook I had ever met, and he used to always make my favorite meal when I'd visit them: Lasagna. He made it perfectly, the way I liked it, with loads of cheese. He would sit beside me and we'd make a bet, if I ate more than one piece, he would give me 10 bucks and he lost every time. I felt my eyes becoming teary and I felt sick, the food needed to get out. I excused myself from the table and ran into the bathroom stall. I barely reached the seat before starting to cry hysterically. I needed to purge. I couldn't keep it in anymore.
Yeah I know, I never mentioned that as a problem because it's not, I only purge when I'm feeling extremely low and today, I was near my lowest. And the voices were at their highest. They kept telling me to do it, it's not like anyone would care and they were right. I just had to wait a bit because knowing Lea, she's probably freaking out and heading over here. I walked out of the stall and slid on my knees, near the wall. I definitely didn't want her to know about this so I struggled to keep it in. At least until she leaves. And I was right, here she is. Standing at the door frame. As soon as she saw me, she ran towards me and held me against her. My head snuggled in her neck. She was holding my shaking and sobbing body like her life depended on it.
"Baby what's wrong? Why are you crying? Please sweetie, tell me, I can't stand seeing you like this." She rocked me back and forth, telling me it's gonna be okay until I answered her questions.
"I remembered my grandpa.."
"What triggered that?"
"The pasta..he was an amazing chef, he would make lasagne every time I went over because it's my favorite meal and he always made it with a lot of cheese, the way I liked it. He would also bet that he'd give me 10 bucks if I ate more than one piece and I always won. It's never gonna be the same again, I can't go visit my grandma anymore, I can't get into her house, it's too painful, I can't eat pasta, it's too nostalgic...It hurts so much." I was whimpering in Lea's chest but I didn't care, I felt the care and affection she had for me and it made me feel stable for once. I knew she was a friend that will never leave my side no matter what.
"Lea..can you please just give me a few minutes alone? I just need some time and I'll join you back okay?"
"Sure babe, I'll leave you." She kissed my temple and left.
When I made sure the door closed after she left, I went back to the stall, lowered to my knees and shot two fingers down my throat, once, twice. The gagging voices I was making were killing me and my throat was burning but I had to keep going, I needed the release. I finished, flushed and got out of the stall only to find Naya standing at the door, with her eyes wide opened and pain drawn on her face. Fuck, had she been there the entire time?!
"Cass what-wh-what..were you doing?"
"Nothing.."I looked down and muttered, damn it she had seen me, what the hell could I do now?!
"Don't lie to me, what the fuck were you doing in the toilet Cassandra?" She was almost yelling at me, with anger and pain twisting her face. Why the fuck was she angry at me? With that, I snapped.
"Fuck off Rivera! You're fucking confusing me so stick a single attitude, you either hate me or you freaking don't so make up your bloody mind. Or you know what? Don't bother, go back to fucking hating me because it suits you better than that crappy fake care you seem to have when you see me this fucked up. You don't give a shit about me, so go give that affection you pretend to have for me to someone you actually do care about."
And with that, I stormed out, leaving behind me a shocked Naya, with her mouth agape.
I felt like such a bitch. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I can't stay here.
I went back to the table to apologize to my friends and leave. I had to go home.
"Guys, I'm sorry something came up and I really can't stay, thank you so much for everything, it meant the world but I really have to go, I love you guys." I hugged them and went to find a cab.
Getting home was a torture, there was traffic everywhere and I felt sick all over again. I got home around 30 minutes later, took a quick shower, changed into my comfy sweatpants and a large hoodie and plopped myself on the sofa, ready to watch tv and fall asleep there. I was so comfortable and sleepy.
Until I heard the bell ring.
Naya's POV
Ouch. Wow..that kinda hurt...a lot.
How is it that she's always able to hurt my feelings? Me? Who usually is the one to hurt someone's feelings not the other way around. I guess she has me wrapped around her finger without even knowing it, how ironic.
I went back to the table to find that Cassandra had already left. And obviously, Lea had to ask.
"What did you do to her?"
"What do you mean what did I do to her? Nothing?!"
"She was fine when I left her and then you went in, plouf, she got out and left. Obviously something happened."
"I uh..I sorta went in and found her pu-purging..and we got into an argument."
"You found her doing what?"
"She was puking her guts out Michele, she was puking her fucking guts out by sticking two bloody fingers in her mouth, do you need a graphic demonstration too?!"
"I get it Rivera, calm your horses! I just don't understand why..and why are you so affected?"
And obviously, Chris had to butt in.
"Yeah why do you seem so affected? I never once saw you even talking to her before tonight. And after what Lea told me earlier after you left the dance studio, I don't understand why you're like this."
"Okay, I'm gonna tell you something that, if you peep a word of it to anyone, I will ends you. Get it? And let's go to the car, I'm bored here."
They both nodded, clearly scared. We walked to the car, heading back to the studio to get a few things.
"I know that this might uh..sound pretty weird but I eum..I sorta developped feelings for Cassandra. I think I really like her. Like more than friends like each other. That type of euh like."
They both starred at me with wide eyes, their jaws hanging opened. Lea was the first to close her mouth, in order to talk. Duh.
"What? You like Cassandra? Then why have you been a bitch to her all this time?! Why did you make her freaking live miserable for all these weeks? Why did you keep bringing her down day after day?"
"Because she's homophobic. I know, it's a ridiculous reason but it frustrated me. A lot. And then when I noticed how sweet she was I wanted to change but she didn't really let me do that, she started ignoring me and shit so I euh yeah."
Lea scoffed. "Yeah homophobic, my ass."
"What did you say Lea?"
"I said where did you get that information from?"
"I heard her say it."
"What the hell? When?"
"Remember the first day she got here and she met everyone? Yeah..that day..I went to meet her when she was in the room, having a meeting with Ryan and the crew and I heard her freak out about playing my on-screen lesbian girlfriend."
Chris was sitting there, listening to both our sides like he was watching a movie, not bothering to say a word. And here comes Lea with her reply.
"Naya..she can't be homophobic, you must've heard wrong or something."
"Why are you saying that? Why the hell can't your precious friend be homophobic eh? Why can't I have heard right? And you know what? How about I text Ryan and ask him to prepare the video of her interview in the visioning room? We'll see the conversation then. I'm pretty sure he's still at the studio anyways."
"She can't be homophobic because she's..she's in love with you Naya. She's head over heels in love with you and it's killing her."
I couldn't talk, I couldn't make up a sentence in my brain because all that's twirling there is those 8 words.
She's head over heels in love with you.
What? Since when? How? What did I miss? How did I miss this? How was I so oblivious?
"Since when?"
"A while..She told me before Chris' party actually. She was so scared to tell me, thinking that I'd hate her for it. Girl, she's ready to do anything for you. She would give up her entire world if it meant being able to just talk to you. She's a keeper sweetie."
"Woah. How? When? What? Is that why you've been so distant lately?"
"Yeah..but she's been pushing me to act normal towards you. She got angry at me for being cold to you at the party, because she said that you might be mean with her but she sees how you are with every else, you're the sweetest an caring person she had ever met."
I had tears falling, I was the reason she was so broken. Ryan texted me back to tell me it was ready. We silently went into the room and pressed play as we sat on the chairs.
It started to play, we fast forward it until the part where she stood up abruptly.
*Tape
"So you're gonna be playing Santana's new girlfriend."
Cassandra stood up abruptly.
"What? Nonon, I got the script and there was nothing written about me being Santana's new girlfriend!"
"Yes we know, we sent you less than half of the original script and we left all the girlfriend part outside of it."
"What b-but why?"
"We were afraid you would decide not to do the acting and bail on us and we really wanted you here so we didn't really have a choice."
"But I can't do it, I can't play Santana's new love interest, I can't play Santana Lopez's lesbian girlfriend!"
I stoped the tape and told Chris & Lea that this was the part I heard before leaving. That this was the part that made me believe she was homophobic and I couldn't wait to hear the rest, to make peace with my heart and feelings.
They all stared at her with shocked eyes but Ryan was the first to speak.
"And why can't you be her on-screen girlfriend?"
"Because look at me! Look at her previous girlfriends! She started with Heather Morris, she was blonde, has amazing blue eyes, she was thin and gorgeous and had so much talent, then there was Demi Lovato, probably the most perfect human being on earth after Naya, she was flawless, had a killer voice, looked sexy as hell and well, she was Demi Lovato. You can't end Naya with...me."
She told them, with tears in her eyes and pointing at herself. Pointing at her gorgeous body. My baby was so insecure. My baby thought she wasn't good enough to play my on-screen girlfriend. My baby thought I was flawless. My heart was doing backflips during her entire speech.
"I don't deserve to be Santana's last girlfriend, the public's gonna be infuriated if you put me, you can find plenty of gorgeous, thin and flawless girls out there, I can't do it...Naya's just so perfect, she deserves better. She deserves someone who can at least match her up with something whether it's talent, beauty or courage. I got nothing, I'm really sorry I wasted your time but Naya deserves perfection and that's not me. I'm truly sorry I wasted your time but I think the best way to end it with Naya would be Demi, they fit perfectly together."
By now she had tears falling down my face, not daring to look at anyone. she turned around and started walking towards the door before Ryan stopped her.
"Look Cassandra, I know what you're thinking but we chose you for a reason, we think you'd be perfect for it and the thought of you not being enough for it just proves that we chose an amazing person to join our family, we can't ask for better. Hey look at me, stay. Stay for a bit, we'll try it, and if after a while you don't feel comfortable then you can quit. Deal?" He asked her gently.
"Deal."
"But you have nothing to be afraid of, you underestimate yourself way too much sweetheart, give yourself a break." Damn right she didn't.
"Thank you Ryan, I appreciate it."
*End of tape.
By now I was crying my eyes out, not knowing how I was able to be this mean to her..how could I have jumped that fast into conclusion? I can't believe she feels this way about me. I can't believe she sees herself that way. I needed to change that, I needed to make her see herself in my eyes.
I left without saying goodbye or looking anywhere, I went straight to my car and drived to Cassandra's place, remembering where it was from the night I spent after getting drunk. My mind was spinning. All those signs I was too blind to see. All these times she'd look at me with adoring eyes and I shook it off as adoration for her idol but it was so much more than that.
I got to her place and rang the bell. I couldn't wait to see her, to hold her, to kiss her. I couldn't wait to apologize, to tell her my feelings. I was a hyper ball.
A few seconds later, the lock jiggled and the door opened, revealing Cassandra with no makeup on, looking gorgeous with her messy bun, baggy sweatpants and big hoodie. She looked at me surprised, not expecting to see me.
"Naya, what a-"
Before she could finish her question, I lunged forward, pushed her against the door and smashed my lips to her.
Fireworks.
Explosions.
My heart.
Her heart.
One.
_
Wouhouuuu just wrote my longest chapter ever! I hope you enjoy it guys because I loved writing it because well, THE KISS FINALLY YAY.
So umm yeahh, don't forget to review, it always gives me motivation to write and update sooner, and thank you to all those who have been doing it! I love you guys a lot.
So yeahh, enjoooy! xo
-L
