Notes:
First, thank you to all the readers here who conintue to leave comments on this story. I apprechate every one of them and I love hearing what you think about the story. Please continue to comment and if you haven't yet go ahead and try. As questions. Make suggestions. Rant. Comment what you like and I promise you that I will respond :)
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Okay, without here is the long awaited Chapter 12! I am sorry it took me so long but it is a whopping 9,000+ words. I thought about breaking it up into 2 chapters but I liked the way it flowed too much. I hope you enjoy it!
Chapter 12: The Darkness
"What do you mean by calling it a 'monster'?" asked Rogers looking from Maria to the mutation then back to Maria.
"I don't know what it is so I call it my monster," said Maria a shakiness evident in her voice as she stared at the mutation. "I don't what is happening but I woke up six days ago and it was there."
"Symptoms?" asked Stark pulling out his phone and making the action of walking towards her only to be stopped by Natasha with a firm grip to his arm.
"What the hell Romanoff?" grumbled Stark trying to shaking off her grip.
Natasha glared at him but spoke quickly when she noticed Stark was going to walk towards Maria again.
"One of the symptoms is violence. Maria described as an overwhelming urge to rip someone's throat out."
Stark reeled at her words as he looked at Maria with wide eyes.
"Really?"
Maria looked away from everyone securitizing gazes, shame evident on her face but she did nod her head.
"I can't describe it. It is unsettling. I have never enjoyed taking a life but have always done what is necessary. But this feeling…when I was in my office my hand kept itching towards my gun and the thought of killing…it made "it" happy."
The silence in the room was defining as the men stared at Maria with wide eyes. Maria could see that her words created a very unsettling atmosphere.
"That is why we wanted Thor and Roger's here," said Natasha nodding to the two men.
"They are the only people that could get control of her if she became unstable. Maria admitted to me on the way here that it is getting worse…the urges."
Thor and Steve tensed at her words as they eyes Maria as if she were a ticking time bomb.
Maria glared at them at their looks.
"I am good, right now. Just keep a distance, it seems to get worse when I get closer to people, especially enhanced beings. "It's almost like it recognizes it is at a disadvantage and it wants to defend itself…"
"So you believe it is alive…whatever it is?" asked Coulson stepping forward but not too close.
Maria shrugged. "I don't know. The best way I can describe it is as multiple personality disorder. One second I feel like myself and the next second another personality…the monster…it is fighting to take control."
Stark was typing on his tablet logging all of Maria's comments as he circled her from a distance assessing her. He seemed to do this for a couple minutes before he stopped and his eyes shot wide. He looked from Natasha to Maria and then back to Natasha.
"You two rode the elevator together," said Stark pointing at them. "Do you have the urges around Romanoff?"
Instead of answering Stark's question Natasha stepped forward and entered Maria's personal space. Ignoring the men's questioning glances Natasha stepped up to Maria and smiled ignoring the narrowing eyes of Maria. Natasha smiled as she slowly reached up letting Maria's eyes follow her hand before it moved past her head to come to a rest on the back of Maria's head. As soon as Natasha's hand came in contact with Maria's head she felt Maria flinch beneath her touch.
Natasha didn't pull away though, instead she slowly began to work fingertip through Maria's hair. It was instantaneous, Maria's eyes instantly fell shut and her body relaxed at the feeling of Natasha's touch.
The men watched this for a few moments unsure of what was happening before Natasha stepped back. It took a couple seconds but Maria eyes shot open at the lack of Natasha's touch.
"Well that is interesting," said Stark taking a tentative step forward but still keeping a good distance between himself and Maria. He watched as Maria brought her gaze from Natasha then to him hearing his comment. Stark eyes went wide as Maria's blue eyes turned on him.
"Your eyes go back to normal at Romanoff's touch?" he asked pulling out his phone and doing a quick scan of Maria's body.
"Yes," said Natasha moving to stand next to him. "But it doesn't last long."
Stark brought his eyes from his phone and sure enough her eyes were back to black.
"Very interesting," mumbled Stark as he looked away from Maria and walked over to his desk uploading the new data into Maria's file.
Everyone watched Stark type on his computer for a few minutes before turning to the group.
"Okay so I have Jarvis running facial recognition on the video's in the file. With any luck we might be able to find out who did this to you. I don't think we should run any tests on you until we really know what we are dealing with. I am hoping Jarvis will be able identify the medical staff in this video and we could perhaps pay them a little visit. Until then I think we should all start coming through this file…"
"I have that file engraved into my brain…nothing is there," interrupted Maria.
"Yes well, a fresh pair of eyes can't hurt. We have nothing better to do until Jarvis can finish his scan anyways," said Stark reaching into his desk and pulling out a stack of Stark Industries tablets before carrying them over to a large table and setting them on it.
Stark took a seat at the table and pushed his tablet a few times before bringing the file up to a holographic picture in the middle of the table. He taped the file a few more times and then looked up at the people in the room.
"Well are you going to help or am I the only one going to the work around here?"
One hour later
"I need a back story. I know there is more to what is going on right now than is in these files," sighed Stark pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. Even with the help of Jarvis he couldn't figure out what this mutation was. He and the rest of the members of the Avengers Initiative were sitting around the table, each person individually going through the files looking for anything that could possible even hint to what was going on. They had been at it for an hour now with no luck.
"General Ross destroyed everything. This is all there is. I have been searching for this information for almost 2 years and this is everything I could find. Even Fury checked, this is everything there is," said Coulson looking up from his tablet before turning towards Maria who farthest from everyone at the end of the table. Coulson frowned as she noticed Maria wasn't looking at the files instead staring off into space.
He cleared his throat getting her attention before speaking again. "The video's on here. These are new. I did not get these nor did Fury. Where did they come from?"
Coulson shifted in his seat nervously as he watched Maria's eyes turn darker, he didn't think that was even possible but he quickly found it was as she leveled him with a glance.
"They were in my personals when you found me. I don't remember how I got them." Maria paused as she turned away from the group to stare out the window again. "So I kept them…I never watched them…but I knew I eventually I would need them, for what exactly I didn't know."
Coulson leaned back in his chair and stared at Maria for a few seconds before staring back down at his tablet. Everyone found out rather quickly that they needed to silence the video's on their Stark issued tablets if they were going to get any work done. The screams that echoed from every video made everyone in the flinch and quickly silence the video.
Coulson stared down at his tablet for a few seconds before bringing his eyes back up to Maria. He took a steadying breath, preparing himself to ask a question that he promised he would never ask her.
"Maria I have never asked this and you know I never would if it wasn't absolutely vital but I believe we have now reached that point," said Coulson pausing slightly gathering the courage he needed to ask what the needed to know.
"We need to know what happened. In order to understand what is going on we need you to tell us what happened to you at the black site."
Maria looked away from Phil as soon as he started his speech. She knew what he was going to ask as soon as he started. Staring out into the darkness of the night she stiffened as he finally posed his question. She didn't have to stare around the table to see that everyone was staring at her with hesitant glances. She would have too in their shoes. It didn't take a rocket scientist to see, even from the small information in front of them that Phil was asking her to jump back into her nightmare.
She must have been sitting in silence for some time because she heard Phil speak again.
"Maria…"
"Everything I remember is in pieces," she interrupted him but still refused to turn her chair. If she was going to tell them what she remembered then she sure as hell wasn't going to watch their reactions to her words. "I was delirious most of the time. The pain…it was unimaginable. I don't think I was capable of a coherent thought for the first 2 months I was there, all I remember is the pain."
Maria closed her eyes and for the first time in a very long time she tried to remember what had happened to her.
"I remember a white walls and bright lights. It was cold and the smell was distinct. I remember when I hurt Phil after a flash back and went with him to the hospital. As soon as I walked in the smell of anesthetics made me vomit instantly. I can't be around that smell without vomiting and remembering…"
Maria stomach lurched at just the memory of the smell and she gripped her chair tightly the sound of the metal creaking under her powerful grip was heard by everyone. It took a few moments but Maria was able to steady herself as she took a few deep breaths before continuing. She removed her grip form the chair and ignored imprint of her fingers on the metal.
"I remember bits and pieces of my team. They kept calling out for me…and their screams…and then…" Maria paused blinking back tears as fought to control her emotions, "and then one day I didn't hear their screams anymore. They were gone."
Maria reached up and ran her fingers through her hair in frustration and when she spoke again there was a growl to her voice.
"I remember waking up and Ross standing over me. He was smiling. I remember him telling me that my mission had gone wrong and that my team died in an explosion, I was the only survivor…"
Maria paused as she struggled to remember the words she fought so hard to erase form her mind.
"He told me I that I was exposed to high levels of gamma radiation and it had made me stronger."
"For about a month nurses and doctors kept taking blood and running tests on my strength and endurance. Ross was always there watching them and he kept telling me that they were trying to understand what happened to me but I knew something was wrong. Ross…" she hissed his name. "I knew the bastard was up to something."
"One day when the doctors and nurses were taking blood and I told him I wanted to go home. I needed to see my team's families. I needed to see my father."
Maria scoffed the memory remembering how naïve she was to think that Ross would just let her go that easily.
"He told me I could never go home. My team's families were told they were killed in combat and so was my father. Ross made it known that I wasn't going anywhere. I tried to leave on my own but they strapped me to the bed after that. They had to bring in a titanium bed because I kept breaking the bars off the other beds trying to get out."
Maria finally turned to see everyone listening her every word. She made eye contact with everyone before speaking again.
"Then one day everything changed. He let me out of my straps and a tactical team escorted me to a room. There was a file on the table and it was a mission op. It showed a home in Afghanistan where Ross believed a high ranking Taliban member lived with his family. He wanted me to kill them all. There were seven of them. The man, his wife and 5 children,"
Maria paused and a dark smile formed on her lips as she remembered this particular memory.
"Of course, I told him to go fuck himself."
Maria sighed, the smile leaving her lips as soon as she remembered what happened after that.
"Naturally he wasn't happy. So I was beaten and tortured every day until I agreed to do his bidding."
Maria leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes refusing to see the reactions on their faces at this part she remembered.
"I don't remember the exact details. They beat me a lot. I remember one time one of the men got a little overzealous and broke my jaw. Ross was pissed about that. I wasn't supposed to have any permanent damage."
Maria shivered at the thought of the next form of torture.
"I remember the sound of the electrical current starting up before touching my body. I blacked out a lot when they electrocuted me but there was always had a doctor on staff making sure that they didn't completely fry my brain."
"I didn't budge though," Maria smiled at the memory. "Ross was getting frustrated and it just fueled me further to never give in."
Maria knew she had to tell them the next part. She didn't want to but it had to be said. They needed to know how much a monster he really was.
"Ross knew I was a proud woman. He wanted to break me not only physically but mentally as well so naturally he granted the men permission to use me as they wanted..."
The table creaked and Maria looked over to see every man in the room had a death grip on the table at her newest revelation. Thor's and Roger's parts of the table were starting to crack from the pressure of their grips. Maria couldn't bring herself to look at Natasha. She knew that if she did she wouldn't be able to continue.
"I don't remember a lot of that particular form of torture, which I am grateful for. I believe they did succeed in breaking me to that extent. I remember smells. Sometimes I remember pain. I only remember a couple faces. Ross being one of them…"
"It went on for days I think but I still refused him. Then one day it all stopped," Maria paused at this, "and of course I took it as victory. When Ross and his men came in and got me I wanted to tell them they would not break me. That they wouldn't win but I remember my vocal cords were raw, no doubt from the screaming, so I did the next best thing, I spit in his face."
Maria smirked.
"That made me happy."
Maria shook her head as if she trying to get her mind back on track.
"I remember thinking I had finally one upped him but he simply just wiped away the spit and then smiled."
She shivered at the memory.
"That is when I knew that whatever was next was going be horrible."
"The security team dragged me down a hallway. Ross was talking to me. He was smiling telling me that he came across some intel from Iran about a new form of torture. He seemed excited about it. He smiled when he told me that he was going to break me and he wouldn't even put a hand on me."
Maria closed her eye at the memory and she felt herself shake.
"I remember Ross stopped outside this large door. They stripped me and put me in white pants and a white shirt before throwing me into a room and shutting the door. I remember the silence more than anything. You would think after weeks of hearing nothing but my own screams I would welcome the silence but no," said Maria shaking her head, "this was different. There was nothing. No sound at all. And the room itself it was completely white…blindingly white. I couldn't tell the difference between the walls the floor, and the ceiling."
Natasha, Barton and Phil all stiffened at her words. Maria knew that they were beginning to understand what Ross's new form of torture was.
Steve noticed the noticeable shift in the three Agents as they stared at Maria with wide unbelieving eyes.
"What is it?" asked Steve.
There was a silence around the room before Barton finally spoke.
"It's called "white torture." It got on SHIELD's radar in 2004 after an Amnesty International report showed documented evidence of "white to torture" on Amir Abbas Fakhravar in Iran." Barton paused as he gathered his rapidly escalating temper at the thought of Hill having to endure this form of torture. "A person is thrown into a room that is completely white. They are clothed in white and everything they get is white, even their food which is white itself and comes on a white plate. They are forced to keep silent. It is sensory deprivation and isolation. It is a form of psychological torture. Essentially when people are exposed to the white room for extended periods of time they start losing their personal identity, hallucinate and eventually go mad."
The silence in the room was defining and Maria had to stop herself from visibly flinching at Barton's very accurate description of White Torture.
Maria found her voice even though she wished didn't. "I don't remember a lot of the white room. The first few days there I thought it was nice, it was quiet and there was no pain but then after a week I remember wishing someone would beat me. I needed to see someone. I needed to hear something…anything even it was the sound of my own screams…"
Maria voice trailed off as she fought the memories of the white room and the feeling of helplessness. "I think I was in there for thirteen days before I started going crazy. After day thirteen everything is a blur. I couldn't tell you if my memories I have of the white room or anything after that are real or if it was a figment of imagination."
"I was literally lost my mind."
Maria went silent for a few seconds before nodding to Coulson.
"I was not mentally stable after that. The last memory I have of the black site was on day thirteen in the white room and then waking up in an apartment in New York with Phil sitting in a chair watching over me. Phil told me he eventually found me in a mental health ward. I don't know how long I was at the black site after the white room and I don't know how long I was on the streets before being placed in a mental health facility."
Coulson grimaced slightly as the memory of finding a deranged Maria Hill shackled to the bed at the mental health facility in San Antonio. He looked around to see everyone including Maria looking at him silently letting him know that it was his turn to take a stroll down memory lane.
"After the military informed me of my brother's death and the mystery around it I took it upon myself to do my own digging. Even with SHIELD's intel and resources it took me six months to find the black site. By the time I got there it was completely abandoned. The building itself looked like a war zone. Bullet holes, explosions, and dried blood on the walls…it was unsettling. All the files and computers at the site were fried but I was able to find this…" Coulson paused as typed on his tablet to bring up a single document as he brought it up on a large screen for everyone to see.
"It is a report sent from General Ross to an unknown account. I tried to find out where it went to but the account had a very large firewall and encryptions attached to it. Not even SHIELD's best technicians could break through it. The report says that the "female test subject 152 had escaped from the black site and that Ross had his people searching every city looking for her."
Coulson looked away from the report and back up to everyone.
"I knew that my brother and his team were at this black site and I also knew that the only female on his team was his Captain." Coulson paused in his story to smile slightly.
"Whenever Matt was home he always made it known how much he respected his Captain and he frequently went on tirades about how the team had to hide their Captain's gender in order to protect the team. Matt…" Coulson's voice broke a little and he made sure to avoid Maria's gaze when he spoke knowing that what he was about to say would affect Maria greatly, "he always said that Maria Hill made broken look beautiful and strong look invincible. She walked with the Universe on her shoulders and made it look like a pair of wings. She was the true Black Angel…"
The sound a chair being pushed back from the table interrupted him and they all watched as Maria stood up from the table and walked to the bathroom. The door slammed behind her with enough force to echo throughout the room.
"Did you really need to say that?" hissed Natasha giving Coulson a glare.
Being on the receiving end of the Black Widow's glare made most men wither but not Coulson, he squared his shoulders at the woman and nodded at her question before speaking with a steady tone.
"Yes I did. I don't know what is going on within her right now but I do know whatever it is scaring her. I have heard stories, I have read her file, I have seen her in action, I have even seen her even at her lowest moments and she has never broke. There are many words to describe Maria Hill but weak is not one of them and I refuse to stand by and watch this thing beat her." Coulson spat the words flinging his hand to the holographic image of the mutation that still floated in the middle of the table.
"I refuse to stand by idly and watch the courageous, strong and proud woman that I have come to respect turn into the monster Ross and his team of scientists clearly want her to be. I don't care what the science says or whatever this thing is. I will not sit by quietly and watch this thing beat her. She has never let anything beat her in her entire life and I am certainly not going to let her start now."
Everyone was so enthralled in Coulson's speech that they didn't hear the bathroom door open nor did they notice Maria walk into the room and hear the last part of Coulson's speech.
"You have always had way too much faith in me," said Maria crossing her arms but refusing to make eye contact with him. There was no sense in trying to convince herself that Phil's words didn't affect her. The man had too much faith in her, he always had.
Coulson jumped slightly in his chair at her words as he turned in his chair to see Maria staring outside the window again. He sighed and stood up walking towards her stopping only 5 feet from her.
"Look at me."
Maria didn't budge.
"Look at me Maria," there was a sternness to his voice that he knew would catch her by surprise and sure enough, it did as her black eyes finally stared up at his.
"We all carry things inside of us Maria. I know you have your demons and I know now that you have this darkness in you. But so do all of us, maybe not to this extent but we all have our demons. Look around."
Coulson paused to as he turned to the people in the room.
"There is a darkness in all of us. We have all done things we are not proud of. We have done bad things in our life and we can't take them back, they are a part of who we are. And I am just speaking for me, but I am sure everyone in this room feels the same way, but those bad things… sometimes they seem like the only thing I am."
Coulson paused in his speech making sure to look Maria dead in the eyes so that what he was about to say next would not be fall on deaf ears.
"When I look at you I don't see Ross's monster. Instead I still see Captain Hill, the young soldier who still believed in fighting for what is right. I still see the warrior and leader of the Black Angels, who served to make the world a better place. You never accepted defeat. You never quit and you never, even in death, left a fellow comrade behind."
Coulson paused and stepped closer and he watched Maria's eyes shoot wide at his actions. Coulson watched her shake her head back and forth the closer he came to her. Coulson continued moving though until he was just a foot away from her. He was so close he could see the muscle in her jaw flexing and her eyes, her incredibly black eyes stared at him as if he were her next meal.
Coulson could see out of the corner of his eye Thor and Steve stepping closer, not that it mattered, if Maria wanted to rip his throat out she could in the blink of an eye. Coulson took a steady breath as he ignored the way Maria's fists shook at her side as she stared at him.
"I have to believe that you can beat this," he spoke to her softly. "I have to believe that no matter what you have done or what has happened to you that, there is still good in you. So I have to believe you can beat this, that despite everything, you will get through this. Because if I don't believe the strongest person I have ever known can't defeat her monster, how can I believe that I will beat mine?"
Maria's eyes shot wide at Coulson's words as she stared at the man before. His words hit her right in the heart but the 'monster' just to rip his out. Her fists were clenched so tightly she was certain her nails were cutting into her palms. For a few seconds they just stared at each other, a silent battle before finally Maria moved back and everyone in the room took a sigh of a relief.
Maria took 3 steps back from Coulson her breathing coming out heavily as she glared at Coulson.
"That was stupid," she hissed out at him.
Coulson gave her a small smile, "I knew you wouldn't hurt me."
Maria continued to glare at Coulson before her eyes softened slightly at the man in front of her.
"Yah well, the clicking in your jaw says otherwise."
Coulson smiled at her comment and just for fun he opened and then closed his mouth the noticeable click in his jaw making him smile even bigger.
"Sir, I have completed the facial recognition and I have been able to successfully match the medical staff in the video."
Jarvis's voice echoed throughout the room and Stark moved jumped from his chair to walk to his computer. Typing at the screen for a few minutes before pausing and sighing, "they really aren't making this easy."
"What is it?" asked Steve stepping forward.
Stark pulled back from the computer to give Steve access to the large monitor.
Steve assessed the faces in front of him. Jarvis had positively identified 6 medical staff in the video which would have been a good thing if it weren't for the fact that all but one had the big red words 'DECEASED' next to their name."
"They are all dead except one!" exclaimed Rogers not believing what he was seeing.
"Yup," said Stark as he started to read the doctors, "Dr. Günther Krieger, Human Clinical Genetics. Dr. Ivar Erceg, Biochemical Genetic. Dr. Carmen Batteux, Clinical Cytogentics and…
"Dr. Isaak Tretyakov, Molecular Gentic Pathology," interrupted Natasha her voice shaky her back to everyone, her shoulders tense, "and Dr. Anthony Doyle, Medical Biochemical Genetics."
Stark turned from the computer to stare at Natasha and then back to the computer to confirm the names.
"Yes, wait how did you know that?"
Natasha took in a shaky breath before turning to face everyone her face void of any emotion.
"Because I killed them."
Notes:
Okay, what do you think? I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Did you like the tie in from Thor: The Dark World and the Avengers? Every comment is appreciated and I will love to read what you guys think. Thank you for you continued support in writing this story!
